You've Kept Me Waiting
by Mandi1
Summary: Seeing the future is one thing. Knowing how to get there is another. Alice knows that Jasper is the key to something better. If only she can get - and keep - him in her life. Alice and Jasper's story. Reposted by request.
1. I Might Call Him a Thing Divine

The kit-cat clock on the wall ticked the seconds away with the even waves of its tail, my nerves being shot a little bit more with each audible _click_. I tried to drown out the sound by loudly drumming my fingernails on the countertop, further distracting myself by sneaking glances out the front windows of the diner. It was raining, the same as yesterday, and yesterday he hadn't shown. I was a little upset that I couldn't pinpoint exactly when he would arrive; I only had the vision of the rain splattering the street behind him to guide me.

He looked very handsome in my mind's eye, but I had yet to meet a vampire who wasn't. He was quite tall, but then again, most people were when compared with my four-feet-ten-inch stature. Yet even if he were the most gruesome-looking thing to ever walk the planet, I would still sit here, anxiously awaiting the arrival of the man who may be the key to something different, something better. I still couldn't see everything that awaited me with his arrival, but I saw enough to know that we would help each other find what we were each searching for…whatever that might be.

What if he changed his mind? The thought rushed through me like wind through a fence. I felt my breath stop cold in my lungs and the smells of the diner – the greasy food, the dirty mop water, the warm, fresh blood of the patrons – ceased to be known. I didn't know what he was looking for, or even what I was seeking, to tell the truth, but I was sure we needed each other to figure out where to go next on our so-called quests. Were we supposed to take the same journey? Would he impart some sort of vital information and be off on his way? Would his arrival trigger some new vision that would give me any kind of information? I needed this man, that much was clear, needed him to give me the answers to all the problems I was forever seeking to resolve. If he didn't show…but I shook my head, assuring myself that he _would_ come and hoping that I would get another vision of his imminent arrival.

The bells above the door jingled as someone entered the diner, bringing a cold breeze in with them only a few degrees warmer than my skin. Was it him? My head whipped towards the entrance with unnatural quickness that I hoped no one had noticed. No one had, and I turned my head back to my lukewarm cup of untouched coffee after glancing at the elderly couple who had just entered.

I focused my gaze on the chipped green cup with _Pop's_ emblazoned on the side, still filled to the brim with murky brown liquid. The waitress, a rotund, middle-aged woman with a few gray hairs sprouting out of her badly-dyed brown locks, noticed the cup shortly after I did. She leaned across the counter, brandishing a steaming pot of coffee and poured out a fresh cup, whisking the old one away.

"There, now, doesn't that smell good?" the waitress asked cheerily. I smiled, hesitantly in my nervous apprehension, and reminded myself to keep up with the human charade of breathing. The scent of the coffee, freshly ground and slightly burnt, filled my nostrils before being overpowered by the stronger smell of the waitress. She was awash with the odors of oranges, her husband's cologne, and spoiled milk. It was not the best scent I had ever met with, but it was enough to set my throat afire and my muscles tightening. _He'd better get here soon_, I thought. Hunting was an immediate requirement if I was to continue living among the mortals of Philadelphia.

I had only been in Philadelphia a week since October 14th. I had been seeing this man for a while now and was continually trying to pinpoint where he was forever wandering. It wasn't until I saw him trudging through the rain past Independence Hall that I realized he was in Philadelphia. I quickly left the abandoned house in Savannah I was living in and drove to Pennsylvania, stopping at the Philadelphia Racetrack to earn enough money to foot the bills. Of course, I got a little too excited and won race after race, losing only when I stopped to allow the vision of the blond man entering the diner play through my mind.

I left the track with enough money to book a suite at the Philadelphia Crown Hotel, stopping just long enough to drop my meager belongings on the enormous bed and head over to Pop's Diner on Oregon Avenue. I only left when the rain stopped or the day broke, knowing very well that he wouldn't be arriving amid the glaring brightness of the sun, and to make myself less suspicious; it was odd enough spending my evenings and much of my nights in a diner, staying there the entire 24 hours of the day would just attract unnecessary attention.

So here I sat, fussing with the skirt of my favorite red dress, pretending to sip at my warm cup of coffee whenever the waitress glanced my way. If I could hear her thoughts, I'm sure she'd be wondering why I was still sitting here after three days of waiting. Hearing thoughts was quite beyond my realm of expertise, but I had my own unnatural gift, and it chose to take over at that moment. My muscles tensed and my eyes glazed over as the vision seeped into my brain.

_The blond man from Alice's visions stood amid a group of people just as pale as he was. A family of beautiful blonde vampires: a tall, strikingly handsome man, a smaller, softer-looking woman, and a statuesque young woman of intense beauty. They were in the foyer of a beautifully-decorated home, standing close together but still looking as if they were missing some of their number._

"_Welcome, Jasper," the man said, his voice resonating through the hall, making him sound even more handsome, cultured, and wise than he already seemed._

_The man from her visions, Jasper as she knew him to now be called, reached out a hand to shake the one offered to him. "Thank you, Carlisle," he said softly, and his own voice, a rich bass timbre, thrilled Alice to her very core with its heavy, melodic tones slightly tinged with a Southern twang. She stopped breathing as his hand slid casually into hers, as if it were old hat, and began massaging the pad where her thumb joined her palm._

"_Rosalie, won't you show Alice and Jasper around the house?" the smaller woman suggested, beaming down at Alice with kind golden eyes, eyes Alice had never before seen on any vampire – save herself. The goddess, Rosalie, nodded, her own tawny eyes staring curiously at the two. Carlisle encouraged them with a wave of his hand and a twinkle in his topaz eyes_.

My hand had tightened around the coffee cup's handle as I came to, breaking it neatly off in my palm. I meekly turned the cup so the waitress wouldn't notice, but it was too late. She rushed over, bringing another wave of her orange-y scent with her as she did so.

"Don't you worry, dear, these things break all the time," she tutted and gave me yet another new cup of coffee.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, handing her the previous cup's handle and trying hard to control the excess flow of venom in my mouth by once again holding my breath. The waitress smiled, revealing a row of straight nicotine-stained teeth, and bustled off.

I was left alone with my thoughts, but I no longer felt alone. Every vampire I had ever met had all had the same blood-stained ruby eyes that came with feasting upon the mass of humans around us. I thought I had been the only one to choose animals over men, giving my eyes a honeyed hue that no one – up until now – had shared. I wondered if this man I was about to meet…_Jasper_…would have the same fair coloring.

Jasper. The name rolled around in my head, dripping onto my tongue until I was forced to whisper it aloud, quiet enough so the humans couldn't hear but loud enough so that it meant something to me. That hand in mine, those eyes on my own…if this vision was a sure thing (and the permanence of the images assured me it was), then there had to be something more, something _much _more, to this Jasper of mine. I straightened up on the stool I sat on, anxiously stirring my coffee as butterflies flitted around my stomach, my mind so distracted that the tempting scent of the humans around me was just a mere memory.

The homeless woman sitting next to me who badly needed a washing stood up to leave, leaving my view of the front window almost entirely clear. If that young man skipping school sitting at the far end of the counter would just move…

There was no need. The door's swift opening jingled the bells hanging from the frame, letting the diner know of another entrance. My head turned to the door out of habit, and I half-expected it to _not_ be him, to be instead another young couple or a mother with her little daughter or maybe a group of old men ready for their afternoon caffeine jolt.

He stood just in the doorway, his dark eyes scanning the people happily going about their business, oblivious to the fact that two bloodthirsty monsters were standing in their midst. He was as tall as I imagined and even handsomer with the rain plastering his blond hair to his face and shoulders and making his thin button-down shirt hug his body, showing his muscles in sharp relief.

I hopped off the stool before he could take another step. He stopped as his eyes met mine, taking in my pale skin and graceful step as I came ever closer to him, knowing exactly what I was. I felt the strangest sensation of trepidation wash over me, strange because it wasn't _my_ own fear, but his. It was odd, this feeling of his feelings. I tried to smile and make him feel more at ease, and it seemed to work. The fear was swept away in a moment, and I felt a surge of emotions come to replace it: nervousness, happiness, complacency, and the most comforting sense of belonging, something I had never felt before in all my life. I reached his side and looked up – _goodness, he's awfully tall_ – and grinned.

"You've kept me waiting a long time."


	2. Indiscretion Sometimes Serves Us Well

"You've kept me waiting a long time."

I watched as he attempted a slight smile, unsure of what to say or what to make of the whole situation. Surely walking into a random diner to find another one of your strange breed waiting for you must be nerve-wracking.

Jasper dipped his head in apology. Had he a hat, I swear he would have tipped it.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," he said quietly, and I smiled at his voice, the same deep, dulcet tones I remembered hearing in my mind dripping over me like honey. That delicious little twang was there too, hidden just under the surface, as if he had left a home in the South long ago. Had he? I wanted to know more, to rush into a barrage of questions, to pick his brain until I knew just why he was here and what he was looking for. My heart longed to understand him while my brain ordered me to slow down and try to not further scare him away. Yet the look of fear that had been on Jasper's face moments before was entirely gone, and he was gazing down at me with hope, calm, and just a bit of confusion in his dark eyes, eyes slightly tinged with a burgundy hue.

My hand shot up to the side of his face. His eyes focused on mine.

"You're thirsty," I murmured, allowing my hand to drop from the smooth, perfect marble that was his skin, only slightly embarrassed that I had touched him so readily. It was quite obvious that he was, with the way his muscles tensed and his breathing stopped in an effort to lessen the temptation.

This was shocking; I had no idea Jasper drank from humans. My own beginnings were so unclear that I cannot remember having ever tasted anything but animals. A circumstantial choice turned into a personal one when I found that I couldn't stomach drinking from the innocent, despite my nonexistent memory of ever being human myself.

I had to get him away from these people, away from the city before he snapped. I held out my hand, and he took it without stopping to think. I grabbed my purse and threw a dollar onto the counter to cover my bottomless-cup-of-coffee bill then walked out the door into the rain, pulling Jasper behind me.

He didn't say a single word, merely followed me down to the end of the block where my beauty of a Buick Eight was parked, the soft top folded up to protect it from the rain. I opened my door and sat down, gesturing for Jasper to get in. He ran a hand over the glossy baby-blue paint job before sliding onto the seat next to me and slamming the door behind him.

He obviously hadn't been in many cars; his eyes swept over the dashboard, examining all the knobs and buttons, while his hands absent-mindedly stroked the leather interior, appreciating its buttery-soft texture like a newborn testing out his senses. I backed out of the space and began driving towards the hotel, still slightly unsure what I would be doing once I go there.

"I…"

Jasper's voice broke through the hum of the engine, soft and rich. I looked over at him, keeping my hands on the wheel.

"I don't even know your name," he said embarrassedly.

I smiled and returned my eyes to the road. "Alice," I offered. I saw him out of the corner of my eye mouthing my name, testing it out.

"Alice," he said aloud, and the word sounded like it had never sounded before. I wished I had a heartbeat for a moment, just so I could hear it stop. He went on. "I'm not sure what to say."

"Just say what you feel, Jasper," I suggested as I turned onto Broad Street. It was the first time I had said his name to him, and it obviously shocked him that I knew it.

Jasper paused a moment, contemplating what to ask first. "How did you find me here?"

"I saw you," I replied simply.

"You saw me?" He turned in the seat to face me.

I hesitated. _Might as well tell him earlier than later_, I thought before continuing. "I guess you could call them _visions_. They aren't always stable, though."

He nodded slightly, settling back into his seat. "So you're one of the lucky few with a gift."

"I suppose I am," I confessed. "Have you met many that have something like that?"

"Nothing like yours, but other gifts, yes," he answered.

"Like what?" I was intrigued.

"Like physical control. Or the ability to sense others of our kind," he said.

"And you?" I guessed. A vampire who associated with such a talented group _had_ to be talented himself.

Jasper smiled sheepishly, and I knew my assumption to be true. "I work with moods." I raised an eyebrow quizzically, and he went on. "I can feel what people are feeling and alter their emotions."

I was less confused and more intrigued, but I felt an immediate sense of calm and happiness wash over me, senses I now knew to be caused by Jasper's gift. So _that_ was why I had felt his fear in the diner. I smiled at the display of his talents and turned the car onto another street.

"So now I know how you found me," Jasper said, the words quickly rolling off his tongue now that we were better acquainted. "But why? Why me?"

I laughed a little. "You know, I'm not rightly sure. I was hoping you could tell me." He looked confused, so I continued. "I was living in Georgia when I first started getting visions of you. You were walking in the rain…you looked upset, and something told me that I needed to find you."

"And you did," he said with a smile.

I smiled too. "I've been sitting in that diner for three days, waiting for you."

Jasper stared at me with shocked eyes, and I laughed. "But why?" he asked. "What was so intriguing about me that you sat among all those humans for days just waiting?"

"I…"

How on earth was I supposed to explain this to him? That I had seen a future with us joining a strange, unknown family, a future that included us holding hands in a fairly intimate way? I bit my lip and paused.

"Why are you so nervous?" Jasper asked, staring at me. His face was furrowed with a mirrored image of my own anxiety. "Is something wrong?"

I had forgotten about Jasper's 'talent' and tried to calm myself down for his sake.

"I'm sorry. Don't worry about it." I tried to seem breezy as I pulled into the front circle of the Crown Hotel. A valet came running and I stepped out of the car, handing him the keys and walking into the hotel with Jasper in tow.

We were both quiet as we entered the elevator, taking it all the way to the top floor where my suite was located. I pulled the key out of my purse and unlocked the door to 1202, ushering Jasper inside. He seemed to be intrigued by the beauty of the new space, just as he had been with the car, but he tried to hide it well. I went to draw the curtains open, letting the gray, rainy day pour into the room while Jasper sat on the sofa, tapping his foot anxiously.

I turned around to face him, resting my back against the cool windowpane. Jasper's ruby gaze met my topaz, and his eyes narrowed. I could see the worry written on his face as plain as if I had his gift to inform me.

"What is it you aren't telling me?" he asked softly. "Why did you have to find me? Are you one of the Volturi? Am I finished, is that it?"

I furrowed my brow. "Volturi?" I repeated the foreign word. Jasper seemed to relax at my genuine confusion.

"Never mind, I'm just jumping to conclusions." He sighed and stood, joining me near the window, staring out at the city below us while I stared at him. He seemed more at ease now, strange enough for a man who was joining an unfamiliar girl in her hotel room but maybe not so strange for the only two vampires in Philadelphia.

"I had a vision," I confessed. His eyes flickered over to me, and I continued. "I'm supposed to find another group of our kind. And apparently you're supposed to be there too, to help me find them."

I conveniently left out the rest. Might as well save the scaring-him-off bit for another day.

Jasper sat quietly, taking in this new information. I wished I could feel his emotions like he could feel mine, even though his face said them plain as day. He was intrigued, bewildered, and still a little confused. I reached over to pat his hand, but a sudden shock of electricity ran through my body when we touched. I wrenched my hand away, never having felt any sort of reaction like that before. Jasper's eyes told the same story as he stared bewilderedly at his own palm.

"So," he said in a brighter tone, trying to lighten the mood as he sent a wave of clarity over the both of us, "what are we supposed to do now?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm not sure…wait for another vision?" It seemed to be the only way I could figure out where we were headed next.

"About how long will that take?" Jasper asked.

"It depends," I replied. "They seem to come just when a decision is being made."

"Then perhaps we ought to make some sort of decision to spur it along?" he suggested. It seemed like a good plan to me, and I tried to think of what we could do to jumpstart my sight.

"Perhaps if we went on a hunt, that would clear my head," I proposed carefully, trying to gauge his reaction. Did he think I met humans? Surely my eyes told him otherwise. But no, the moment I had mentioned the hunt, his mind was elsewhere, thinking about the many people that teemed in the city below our window.

"Yes, a hunt," he agreed hungrily, his senses suddenly keyed up. I could smell our combined venom in the air and knew I needed to drink just as much as he did. Perhaps if I got him out of the city, showed him how _I _got by, there wouldn't be any trouble.

"Let me get changed, and we'll go." I opened a drawer and pulled out some clothes, heading into the bathroom. Hunting in a dress wouldn't do, and I wasn't about to ruin my favorite outfit with dirt and blood. I pulled on a blue loose-fitting sweater and a pair of black capris. There was an abandoned park deemed unsafe just outside the city limits that was swarming with bears and whitetail deer. I had hunted there before, and I sorely needed it now; the circles under my eyes were turning a deep purple, and my eyes would be completely black in a few more days.

"Ready?" I asked, emerging from the bathroom and running a hand through my short black hair, smoothing it down against my scalp.

Jasper was up in a shot, ready and willing. "Where are we going?"

I bit my lip, hesitant. I would wait to tell him about my choice in game.


	3. Set Your Heart at Rest

Jasper and I waited quietly for the elevator, stepping in and nodding to the elevator operator, a young man with unkempt hair and a bored expression on his face. As the doors shut, I felt my muscles tense up and my face go slack as my mind began working ahead of itself.

_Alice stepped out of the elevator onto the ground floor lobby, a rather empty space. She turned around to speak to Jasper and stopped dead in her tracks._

_There, standing in the elevator, was Jasper, his mouth firmly attached to the now-still neck of the elevator operator._

I shook myself as we neared the ground floor. Jasper was taking minute steps towards the young man, his venom almost audibly dripping off of his teeth. My hand shot out like lightning, grabbing his forearm in a strong grip that would surely have crushed a human skull. Jasper whipped back to face me, hunger and fury playing out on his face plain as day. Had I not been so worried of what would happen in the next few moments, I would have laughed at his resemblance to a small child denied a special treat.

Saying nothing, I tugged him out of the elevator quicker than I should have. The woman standing behind the front desk stared as we passed, in awe of our speed. I slowed down once we had gotten outside to the valet, who sprang to attention and ran to get the car.

"Did you see something?" Jasper asked worriedly. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, no doubt sending him waves of worry. I waited until the Buick pulled up to the curb and we got in to tell him.

"Well?" he prompted.

_Should I tell him now?_ I tapped my fingernails against the wheel as I pulled away from the hotel. If I told him what we were going to hunt, he might very well leave me now, and something in my heart told me I couldn't go on without him.

"You were going to bite that man in the elevator," I confessed quietly. His face remained still and questioning, as if he didn't see a problem with what he had done.

"Do you have a problem with innocents, Alice?" asked Jasper, a smile toying with the corners of his mouth. I nodded seriously. I had made the decision long ago to stop destroying the lives of humans, and I wasn't about to start again now because of a strange man I had had a vision of. Drinking from humans just couldn't happen any more, not with this mysterious coven with their light-colored eyes being so opposed to it. Somehow I had to explain that. But how?

"No need to get so defensive." Jasper's voice, cool and soft, broke into my thoughts. "You're about ready to break off that steering wheel."

He reached across the car to loosen my grasp on the wheel but hastily drew back when that same spurt of electricity ran through us both when we touched.

"Sorry," I apologized. "I just…I stopped drinking from humans quite a long time ago."

Jasper nodded wordlessly, waiting for me to go on.

"I can't recall being human…I think maybe that's why I feel bad when I take them, because we're so separate."

"You're above them, you mean."

"No, no!" I interjected. "Not above. Perhaps not equal, exactly, just…different. I don't feel like I have the right to decide when they die."

"I can't understand." Jasper shook his head.

"We aren't gods, Jasper," I said quietly. "We were human once, just as they are now. And even if I can't remember it, I can imagine how it would feel to have my life cut short."

"But your life _was_ cut short," he insisted. "The one who made you destroyed your humanity."

"But he…or she…didn't let me die," I said. "There was a reason for that, just like there's a reason for everything in this world. And I can't find a reason good enough to go on taking human life."

The subject was such a touchy one with me that I was letting my emotions get carried away. My words were hardly making sense anymore. Jasper realized this, and I immediately felt at peace.

"Thank you," I murmured. Jasper laughed lowly and I turned to glare at him. If he was going to make fun of my choices, perhaps I should forget about him now rather than later. It would be harder later, much harder, if he continued to be so intriguing. But no, he wasn't making fun, just smiling politely.

"Being defensive again?" Jasper said, his burgundy eyes focusing on me. "Alice…if you don't want to have humans, I'm not going to force you."

I relaxed slightly in the seat.

"And if you don't want me to have them either…well, I'll try."

My foot pressed harder on the gas in an involuntary action and the car shot forward.

"You're more shocked than an inmate waiting for the governor," he said with a small laugh. I stared ahead, embarrassed, and slowed the car down.

"I am," I confessed. "Why would you do that?"

Jasper hesitated, sighed, and then said simply, "For you."

Once again, I was taken aback by Jasper's words. They seemed to echo over and over in my head, a chorus of bass-toned voices. _For you. For you. For you._ But what was so special about me, a girl he had only just met? Who was I to be trusted in his eyes? Without my having to say a word, Jasper understood my confusion and began clarifying.

"For the past few years," he began, "I've been roaming the country with some others, just trying to get by. My lifestyle before then…let's just say it was unsavory, especially compared with yours."

I nodded, willing him to continue as I turned onto the side street that would lead us to the park. We would talk more about this 'lifestyle' later.

"While I was with these other vampires, my life began to grow more tiresome. I became depressed about having been such a monster for so long. I began to lose interest in the hunt. I would wait as long as I possibly could before drinking and then tear into my next meal like it was my last. I…I haven't had anything in about twelve days this time, you might find me difficult to manage."

"I'm sure you'll be fine," I assured him.

He went on. "I tend to get so thirsty that I have problems controlling myself. I left the others a few months ago, they didn't feel as I did. I wanted to find a place, an abandoned town or something, that could help me get over this reliance, this…urge to kill. I was tired of being a monster. I thought that if I could find a coven or even one other person who felt this way, I could do something right for once."

I looked towards him. Jasper gave me a sweet half-smile, his burgundy eyes locked on mine.

"I was led to you, Alice."

My lungs stopped short. I had known this man for less than a day, far less, and he was already making me act more like a giddy human schoolgirl than I had ever acted before. But didn't I feel the same way? I had known from the moment I first saw him in my mind, as I sat on the porch of my tiny beachfront house in Savannah, that he was special and important and that I had to find him. Even now, after he had confessed that he too felt other powers were behind our meeting, I still couldn't understand exactly why we were supposed to be together. All that I knew was that we were.

"I'm not feeling anything," Jasper said worriedly as I parked the car on the side of an abandoned road. "You're numb…is this good or bad?"

I gave my own half-smile and ran my hands through my hair nervously. "Good. It's…good. Numb is good."

_Good night, I sound like a blabbering idiot._

"Is it?" Jasper was smiling again. I had to remind myself to breathe.

"Yes," I replied, getting out of the car. "Because I feel the same way."

Jasper got out as well and came to stand by my side, running his flawless white hand over the flawless blue paintjob of the car as he spoke. "It seems we have fate on our side, then. You with your visions and me with my…my heart, I suppose it would be?"

"Heart and mind," I mused. "What a perfect combination."

We chuckled together then, a melody of laughter, before turning to face the woods. A sign hammered into the ground just on the border read

**BEWARE**

**DECLARED UNSAFE ENVIRONMENT BY THE STATE OF PENNSYLVANIA**

**ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK**

and scrawled underneath that in the messy handwriting of a teenage boy was

PETE WAS HERE '46 GREASER 4 LIFE

and underneath _that_ was a feminine grouping of initials carved into the wood of the sign that read

MA + JW

with a little heart around it. I said a silent prayer for M.A. and J.W., hoping that they had made it out of these "unsafe" woods in one piece and were somewhere, happy and together.

"So," I said, turning to Jasper. "Are you ready for a good, old-fashioned animal hunt?"

He nodded. "It'll be different, but I think I can do it. My father used to take me…"

But he trailed off, unwilling to talk about his other life. I tried to quickly change the subject.

"Bears are a lot like humans when it comes to taste," I babbled, trying desperately to get that distant look off of his handsome face. "The deer are easier to catch, but what's the fun in that?"

He had to smile at that, and I smiled too.

I took a deep breath of fresh air, catching the scent of a duo of squirrels that had just recently been across our path. I glanced at Jasper. "Do you trust me?"

"Trust you?" Jasper repeated. "I think the question is, do you trust _me_ to be able to do this?"

I furrowed my brow, scanning my mind.

_Alice and Jasper returned to the Buick, smiling contentedly, as if a great need had just been satisfied, Alice's eyes glowing pale amber and Jasper's a pure red that, if you looked very closely, seemed to have a yellowish tint to it._

I smiled. "I don't need trust, Jasper, I _know_."


	4. Good Beauties Be the Happy Cause

Jasper and I hunted for a good long while, finally getting back to the Buick sometime shortly before sunrise. I knew we'd have to hurry to make it to the hotel in time and thanked the heavens that the streets would be near empty and I could speed back. A bunch of people had cars in Philadelphia, but many of the people outside of the city were still stuck in that metal-saving rut, even after the war's end. I pressed the pedal all the way to the floor, knowing that if I did so we would be just fine. In spite of my vision, Jasper kept sneaking nervous glances out the back window to the east.

"We're going to be fine," I assured him, quickly zooming around a bread truck going about 20 miles an hour.

Jasper nodded. "I trust you, I just don't like the sun."

"Don't we all feel the same way?" I asked, raising one jet eyebrow quizzically.

"It's different in the south," he explained. "There is _no_ possibility of going out in the daytime, the sun's always out and there're no woods to hide in. If you _did_ go out in the sun…if you were spotted by a mortal…there was no question of survival. You had to kill."

I said nothing, only came to a screeching halt at a red light. Jasper observed my face carefully.

"You're numb again," he murmured.

"I'm sorry," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. I felt more numb with Jasper than I had ever recalled feeling before. Strangely, it wasn't a bad feeling, this numbness. He said so many shocking things, this handsome blond man, that he just took my breath away.

"No need to apologize. You ought to know the truth, if we're in this together." He turned to look out the back, expecting the sun.

"You know, Jasper," I began, trying to return from my state of numbness, "if we're in this together…there can be no more humans."

"I knew you were going to say something like that." He sighed a little. "But you know that I'm willing to try."

I smiled at his eagerness, especially if it was for me.

"Besides, this coven I'm…_we're_…searching for is filled with animal hunters," I explained.

"Vegetarians?" Jasper said laughingly. "So _that's_ why you're so adamant I change, isn't it?"

I laughed at the humored expression on his face. "Partly."

We had arrived at the hotel with a few minutes to spare. I got out of the car and handed the keys to the attendant, turning around to see if we were in any danger as he peeled off. Far away at the horizon, the sky was just beginning to pink, a sight I hadn't seen in quite a long while; the last time had been an accident after I had gotten caught up in the hunt and headed home too late. Luckily, my cabin had been rather deserted and no one had seen me but the sun.

I heard Jasper at my side sigh at the beauty of it.

"It's been so long since I've seen it," he breathed, his voice barely higher than a whisper. I couldn't say anything, especially after his hand brushed against mine, setting off that spark again. He felt it too and stepped away slightly, allowing me to clear my head.

"We should go inside," I murmured, turning my back to the sun and heading in the door. We trudged up to our room, both of us pondering when we would see the sun again. I closed the curtains and sat down on the hard little sofa while Jasper lay down on the bed and closed his eyes.

If it were possible for a vampire to be tired, Jasper looked so. I took this opportunity of his drowsy ignorance to get a closer look at him. He was very handsome, exceedingly so. His jaw was strong and square, giving him a masculine look, counterbalanced by the beautiful, near-feminine air his Grecian nose gave him. His large eyes intrigued me in both their color and their expression; had I his gift, I would hardly need it, his gaze was so expressive. Skin the color of milk and hair the color of honey; he seemed almost seraphic when his eyes were closed.

"You're peaceful," Jasper murmured, his eyes still shut. I smiled.

"And happy," he added. I tried to scowl, to see if he could read that as well, but he shook his head. "You can't fake emotion, Alice, not truly."

"Show me what you can do," I requested. He cracked one eye open and stared at me. To determine if I was worthy of seeing such power? To decide what to do first? I waited anxiously as he closed his eyes again, my anxiety building and building until it was an all-consuming panic attack.

Then, just as soon as it as started, it stopped, replaced with a feeling of unconquerable joy.

A flash of hatred.

A sudden pang of sadness.

My own feelings of shock almost masked the next charge of emotions, a wave of intense lust that filled me from head to toe. Jasper laughed, and the peacefulness I had begun with returned.

"You're horrible," I said, playfully scowling.

"And you're a tease," he shot back and opened one red eye to give me a joking wink.

It grew to be one of his favorite things to do, to send me some sort of inappropriate feeling and watch my reaction before he was so doubled up with laughter that it rebounded back to me, both of us ending up in hysterics on the floor.

We had decided to stay in Philadelphia until I had gotten a better idea of where the mysterious Carlisle and his family were located. Jasper still wasn't fond of going out among a lot of people, so most of our time was spent in the hotel room, talking about endless and various subjects.

We were curious about each other, to the point of almost being like children. Question and answer sessions lasted long into the night and the next day (our record being four days long). Only a few subjects were carefully avoided; Jasper shied away from anything having to do with his change (I assumed to keep from bringing up the painful fact that I knew nothing of my own) and I didn't bring up the subject of our meals, knowing very well that he had a tough time keeping from attacking each morning when the maid came to bring fresh towels and sheets (we had denied all other services, just to stay on the safe side).

"So, tell me about this coven of yours," Jasper prompted me one morning after we had returned from our second hunt together. I had been sitting curled up at the top of the bed, my notepad of information about the family written out before me while Jasper was tossing a ball to himself, running back and forth across the room to see if he could catch his own toss. He had only missed once.

"I don't know much about them," I said hesitantly, "but I don't think they're a coven, per se, more of a family."

"A family?" he repeated, running like lightning towards the dresser and catching the ball deftly.

"There's an obvious leader…Carlisle," I began. "He's handsome and tall and wise…I think he's quite old, though he looks about 25. There's a woman around his age, I didn't get her name, but she was soft-spoken and kind. I think she was Carlisle's wife, they both had rings on."

"His wife?" Jasper gave me an incredulous look. "I've never heard of any of our kind getting married."

"Well, they were, so I'm sure it can be done," I insisted, relying on the brief vision I had had of them over two weeks ago.

Jasper shrugged his shoulders. "Go on, then."

"Let me think…." I quickly scanned my memory. "There was another woman, younger, around my age. She was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

"You're overreacting," he scoffed funnily. "I'm sure I've seen better."

"You've been around more vampires, though, haven't you?" I bantered back. He gave no response. "Anyway, she _was_ lovely, and the other woman called her Rosalie."

"And were there any others?" Jasper asked. I began to answer.

_Carlisle and the unnamed woman were sitting on a plush, red velvet upholstered settee, both reading enormously thick books. Across from them sat a handsome young man with coppery hair and the same yellowish eyes as Carlisle, his wife, and Rosalie, who was strangely absent._

"_Edward?" Carlisle's cultured voice broke the silence. The godlike boy looked up from his newspaper. "Esme and I were thinking you should return to school after Christmas. We can't have them thinking you're ill much longer."_

"_I refuse to be put through the menial distractions that school likes to call lessons," Edward murmured casually. "Measles takes a while to get over, and that easily explains the pallor."_

"_Edward, dear," the woman, Esme, said as she reached across to touch his knee in a motherly sort of way, "please, they'll be getting suspicious soon. We can't leave again so quickly, especially with the wedding coming soon. Think of Rosalie and Emmett."_

_Edward huffed a small sigh and lifted his newspaper, speaking softly from behind it. "Then we'd best get to work at finding a new school."_

"_Of course," Esme replied as she happily took Carlisle's hand. "How about we enroll you in-"_

"Alice? _Alice?_"

Jasper was shaking my shoulders, drawing me out of my trance-like state. Disappointment flooded through my body; I had been so close to finding where they were!

Jasper realized my frustration. "What is it? Did you see anything? Do you know where they are?" I shook my head, still a little angry that his movements had caused me to surface so quickly. He realized that too. "I'm sorry, it was my fault, wasn't it?"

"A little," I admitted testily.

"But you _did_ see something?" he asked. I nodded. He leaned forward and took my hand, ignoring the spark that still flickered when we touched. "Please, Alice, forgive me. I'm sorry. You know that you want to forgive me."

And he was smiling that smile and his thumb was rubbing the pad of my hand just like he had in my vision of him and I couldn't stand it much longer. Perhaps it was best not to try anything like this just yet. My focus had to be on finding that family. I withdrew my hand from his, putting it gracefully in my lap before speaking.

"You won't be lonely," I began. "There's a boy close to your age living with them, Edward. He's a…_vegetarian_ too. And it seems as though Rosalie is getting married to someone named Emmett."

"And is he one of us?" asked Jasper.

"I couldn't see him, but I would assume so," I said.

"I suppose marriage _is_ an option, then," he said, an impish smile cropping up on his face that made my lungs stop again.

I tried very hard not to feel anything but friendship for Jasper, knowing that any step further than that would just distract me from my goal of finding Carlisle and his family. Besides, such a man of the world like Jasper would never be able to settle for a simple girl like me, a tiny, odd thing who had no past and knew all the terrors of the future. Still, living in such close quarters with such a literally breathtaking man was difficult, and I began to search for an opportunity to get out and clear my head.

The opportunity came a few weeks later on one overcast morning when the weatherman predicted a full day-and-a-half of rain. We had hunted about eight days before, and Jasper and I were given the rare chance to venture safely out among the people of the city.

"So, what should we do?" he asked me as he once again practiced his catching skills by running back and forth across the room. I sat quietly in thought, knowing the idea would come to me if I waited long enough.

_Bright lights, spinning wheels, the crash of waves of the shore_.

I sat bolt upright. Jasper stared anxiously.

"You know," I said coyly, "Atlantic City is only an hour away."

Jasper cocked a blond eyebrow. "With the way you drive? I'd say thirty minutes."

I scowled and socked his bicep playfully. Had my hand not been made out of the same marble as his arm, I would surely have broken several fingers.

"Well, are you going to come or not?" I asked. Jasper leaned back, placing his chin in his hand as if truly contemplating the thought before nodded excitedly. I squealed with glee and stood to thumb through the wardrobe.

Jasper shook his head, bewildered, as I pulled a blue tea-length, cap-sleeved dress out of the closet. "Are you really going to spiff up just to go to a casino?"

"Honestly, Jasper, you can't join a high-stakes table without looking halfway decent," I chided. "Haven't you ever played poker before?"

"Of course, in the army, we…." Jasper trailed off, looking upset with himself as he often did when talking about his past. I could hardly bear to watch his face and took that opportunity to ask him to pack my things while I ducked into the bathroom to change into my dress, running a brush through my hair for good measure, emerging only after giving Jasper a few good minutes to settle down.

I could feel his still-red eyes sweeping over me as I slipped on my black kitten-heeled shoes, his gaze nearly piercing through me once I stopped to look back at him. I had never seen such a look on his face, intense and strong, and its unfamiliarity made me look away, embarrassed and unsure of what such a look meant. I had heard whispers of vampires who needlessly slaughtered others of their kind…was this how they looked before taking their brother's life, heated and fierce?

Jasper came out of whatever semi-cannibalistic trance he had been in and stood up next to me, making me realize for the millionth time just how tall he was.

"W-we should go check out of the room," I suggested. "You'll like Atlantic City." It wasn't so densely packed with delicious-smelling humans.

Jasper nodded. "Shall we?" He turned and offered me his arm. I took it lightly, hoping that such a gentle touch wouldn't incur our usual shocking effect. It did; the tingles that raced up and down my arm, spreading through my body, didn't lessen a bit. Strangely, neither Jasper nor I made any move to separate. The strange feelings we had when touching was not much compared to the pain I felt when we were apart.


	5. Lay the Odds o' the Weaker Side

I stopped at the front desk to pay our bill while Jasper went to the valet to have them bring the car around. There was an elderly man standing at the counter getting some change, and upon his moving I stepped forward. A young woman just a few years above my physical age was there, smiling expectantly and emitting such an exquisite aroma that I was very glad Jasper was outside.

"Can I help you, miss?" the woman asked, her breath wafting towards me, smelling of honeysuckle.

"Yes, I'd like to check out of 1202, please," I replied. The woman nodded and her scent hit me again. I held my breath until she had pulled up my bill and asked for my signature. I signed it wordlessly, handing her the thick wad of cash I still had left over from the racetrack. She gave me my change, and I thanked her quickly, turning towards the fresh air outside. Jasper was already there, leaning against the side of the car, looking devastatingly beautiful next to the open trunk. I placed my suitcase in and slammed it shut, making sure everything I owned in the world was in the back of that beautiful blue car.

The sky was heavily overcast with no chance of the sun peering out. Rain threatened in the west, but it was at least a half hour away, and we would definitely be in Atlantic City by that time. I jovially tied a snowy scarf that matched my skin around my head and Jasper helped me push the soft top of the Buick down before getting in.

"Do you think we're safe?" Jasper asked me under his breath as he put on a pair of precautionary sunglasses to hide his reddened eyes.

"Don't worry," I insisted, knowing for sure we'd arrive in Atlantic City before sun or rain could touch us. I drove quickly away from the hotel and bid Philadelphia farewell with a wave of my hand, which made him laugh. We were nomads now, Jasper and I, and our first stop was the Jersey Shore. Whether or not this would become a home remained to be seen.

Once we were on the road, Jasper leaned forward and began fiddling with the knobs on the radio, stopping it at a station where Frank Sinatra was crooning "Almost Like Being in Love," one of my favorite songs. I bobbed my head along with the music, singing along when I knew the words. It soon ended and was replaced with Ella Fitzgerald's "Tea Leaves," a slower tune, one you couldn't sing along to without sounding pretentious. I remained silent and concentrated on driving just slightly above 90 miles per hour.

"Your singing," Jasper said quietly, "it's nice."

I glanced at him to find him looking at me with the same stare he had had while watching me in the hotel room, an intense, consuming stare. Once again, it literally my breath away, and I hurried to look back to the road.

"Thank you," I murmured, willing myself to breath. With that first intake of air, I caught a scent in the air such as I had never smelled before. It was a heavy, musky, masculine smell…not quite human, but just as delicious, only in a different way. It was Jasper, I realized, and held my breath once more.

"Will you stop being so guarded?" he requested pleadingly. "I can hardly feel you underneath all this numbness and shock. What do you have to be shocked about?"

"You."

The word tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop myself, and I tried to cover up my blunder.

"You…you remember your human life."

I hated to pain him by bringing it up, but I could think of nothing else to say. His face was still for a moment before becoming awash with emotion.

"I don't like to think about it much…it makes all the horrible things I did to humans seem that much worse."

I sighed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up."

"No…no. You ought to know. Everything. You have that right." He took a deep breath. "I was born in Texas in 1843."

I watched him look over at me for a reaction, but my face, like my mind, remained numbingly, shockingly tense in anticipation. Jasper went on.

"I enjoyed being human, what I remember of it. I spent much of my time out of doors, roping and riding. My favorite food was my mother's rhubarb pie. I had a little sister, Cathy. My father…it was him who took me on my first hunt, but we had rifles instead of venom." He stopped here to smile wryly. "He taught me how to shoot so well that at sixteen I lied about my age and joined the Confederate Army. I shone as a military man, and they quickly promoted me to Major."

"Major Jasper…." I trailed off, realizing then that I did not know his last name.

"Whitlock," he added, as if he could read my mind. "Major Jasper Whitlock. Shortly after I got that promotion is when I died."

I was barely aware of how fast I was going until Jasper pointed it out. I slowed down, and he continued.

"I met three women just outside of the city on our last night there. They were astonishingly beautiful. Two of them, Nettie and Lucy, let the third, Maria, change me that very night, right there, in the dust on the side of the road."

I was astounded that he remembered how he became immortal, especially considering my extreme lack of memory on the subject.

"Maria had changed me to serve as a member of her…_army_," Jasper said, selecting his words carefully. "She revered me beyond all the others because of my gift. She abused it…abused me, I should say. But I didn't see it like that, I only saw that she chose me above all the others for her special assignments. I soon sat at her right hand, coming before Nettie and Lucy. The other newborns could care less, but those two, women who had once been like sisters to Maria, soon hated me with a passion."

I listened in horror as he continued, telling the story of his bloodthirsty past, of how he dutifully served his maker Maria and how she rewarded him with opportunity to fight, to drink from anyone, to change any human he pleased. I listened to him tell of the battles between vampires, of how they overcame other covens and even mutinous members of their own army, of Nettie and Lucy's destruction, of how his devotion to Maria began to wane with time, and how he managed to leave the side of his creator without a single look back.

"Peter, Charlotte, and I traveled the country, living in abandoned warehouses and rundown homes, steadily moving north to get away from the sun," he said, looking up into the sky where that bright orb would have been, had it not been for the multitude of grayish clouds overhead. "And as we moved, I began to get the feelings of guilt that have plagued me for the last three years. Being away from the Southland for the first time of my life made me miss my humanity so…and I think that's when I began to change. My ideas about our meals became more complex. Drinking alone, I could feel the pain of my victims so much more. I chose only to drink from those who I felt could be spared…the sick, the elderly, thieves and cheats, anyone whose emotions gave them away. Peter and Charlotte began to think I was going crazy, and I left them too. That's when I came to Philadelphia."

I stared straight ahead at the road, my mind both calm and wild at the same time. I had heard so many things that it seemed too much to take in at once, yet I was still dying to know more.

"You have questions," Jasper noted.

"Of course I do," I answered, "wouldn't anyone?"

"Don't sit there like a bump on a log, ask them," he urged.

I took a deep breath and asked, "Why did you spare Maria?"

"Sometimes I wonder why I did," Jasper said wryly. "She was controlling and gave orders and didn't care who suffered, as long as she was gaining. But…she was my creator. All the eighty or so years I was with her, she never sacrificed me or caused me any sort of pain-"

"Because she wanted to keep you around for your gift," I pointed out.

He nodded slowly, contemplatively. "Yes, and I came to realize that. But I still couldn't raise a hand to kill my maker. You forget that I'm a military man, I couldn't allow a mutiny. I had seen what had happened to Nettie and Lucy…we all turned on them so quickly, they never stood a chance against Maria's army. I didn't want my life to end before I got a chance to redeem myself, and I absolutely did not want it to end at the hands of a bunch of vicious newborns. And so I let her live, leaving without saying goodbye."

"What do you think she's doing now?"

"Probably the same things she was doing before, just with a new second-in-command," he replied. "I'm sure she wonders where I am, wishes she could have me back, if only for my gift, but she's likely far too focused on her army to come find me."

Another question bubbled against my lips, and I hesitated, wondering whether or not to ask such a thing. _Maria and Jasper…could they have…?_

"You're driving me crazy, Alice," Jasper hissed, clenching and unclenching his hands tensely.

I wouldn't ask it. Not yet, at least. Instead, I reached over and took his hand in mine, my spine tingling fiercely. And, as if it were an old habit, his thumb massaged tiny circles into my palm. I began to let my mind travel, wondering if Jasper would ever be devoted to me as he had been to Maria. Would his hand-holding ever mean anything more? _Did_ it mean something more?

Jasper was giving me a funny stare, and I realized my emotions were running away with me. I put my hand back on the wheel, slowing down the excessive speed of the car as we pulled into the heart of Atlantic City.

"Where should we stay?" Jasper asked, staring at the wide, colorful expanse that was the Jersey Shore skyline.

I shrugged. "Pick one."

His eyes scanned the horizon for a moment before he pointed to one of the largest hotels on the beach, an enormous tan-and-gold structure.

"The Traymore?" I nodded my agreement. "Good choice."

"Have you stayed there before?" he asked.

"Once, about ten years ago…I have a penchant for gambling," I confessed.

"Could've fooled me," he teased with a wicked grin.

I pulled up to the Traymore in a matter of minutes, deftly tossing the keys to the valet as a bellhop removed my one bag from the trunk.

"Do we even have the money for this place?" Jasper asked, staring at the fine upholstery and gilded ceilings of the lobby.

"I think I'll need to use your services to get us a suite," I confessed, "but we'll be just fine once we get to the casino." He nodded, and followed me to the front desk.

"May I help you, madam?" A debonair man with a pencil-thin moustache greeted us in a slightly haughty tone.

"Yes, we need a room," I said sweetly as I glanced at his name tag. "If you please, Mr. Ludwig."

"Do you have a reservation?" Mr. Ludwig asked. His tone told us all we needed to know: he was sure we did not have one, nor could we afford one if we did.

"No, we've only just come into town," I replied, placing my handbag on the counter.

"Madam, I'm afraid that we may not have an available room within your price range," the man insisted. I opened my bag wide, pretending to rifle through it so that he could see my heavy money clip inside.

Jasper moved slightly next to me, leaning against the desk and sending a wave of feeling – was it accommodation? – over us all. That, combined with the sight of my money clip, seemed to change his mind, and he opened up his reservation book.

"What name, please?" he asked jovially.

"Whitlock," I offered, using the first name that popped into my head.

"Phillip." Mr. Ludwig snapped his fingers, and the bellhop who had taken our bags rushed forward. "Please take Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock up to the Montgomery Suite."

He handed the boy a thin, golden key on a string while Jasper and I both stared, shaken by his marital assumption.

"Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock, welcome to the Traymore," Mr. Ludwig said, his tone much more friendly now. "We've credited $5000 to your room for the gambling facilities, but please let us know if you require more."

"Thank you." I smiled my most charming smile and took Jasper's hand, pulling him along towards the elevator Phillip had waiting for us. We both said nothing as we rode up to the 20th floor, keeping the silence as we entered out palatial suite, waiting until Phillip had gotten his tip and left us.

The room…_rooms_, I should say…were so beautiful that we still were struck dumb. A beautiful blue-and-silver sitting room connected to the golden bedroom which led to both the large bathroom and private beachfront balcony. I opened the French doors, stepping onto the balcony and peering out to the stormy-looking sea.

"It's going to rain soon," I commented, looking up at the gray sky as Jasper came to join me.

"Hmm," he murmured in agreement, his scent wafting towards me again, musky and delicious. I turned to look at him, his eyes distant and a smile playing at his lips.

"What is it?" I asked confusedly.

Jasper grinned. "When he said Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock, my heart just about started all over again."

I smiled as well, strangely pleased that he felt so. With the way he was making me feel…could it be possible I was doing the same thing to him?

I tried to shake the idea from my head, worried he would feel my emotions and perhaps misconstrue them.

Worried he wasn't actually feeling that way about me after all.

Worried that he felt that way about Maria.

Worried that if I let myself feel too much of this, I would lose my focus of finding Carlisle, Esme, and the others.

But what if I was wrong? What if we _were_ destined to be together? We had been holding hands in my vision of us meeting the family, wasn't that proof? No, he held my hand now quite often and it didn't mean anything. I realized then that I wished it _did_ mean something.

"Well, should we go downstairs to earn our keep?"

Jasper's voice broke into my mind like a sudden burst of music.

"What?" I said, confused.

"Gambling, Alice, what else?" He furrowed his brow, confused himself at my confusion.

"Oh, yes. Of course." I nodded, taking the arm he offered and going back inside.

The casino was rather deserted, which wasn't at all unusual for a rainy Thursday afternoon. I began my winning streak at the slots, pulling a losing one every so often just to look somewhat normal. Jasper watched with wide eyes as I filled my purse with nickels, collecting a few hundred dollars easily.

"How in the…" he murmured, glancing into my silver-filled bag.

"Pull that one." I pointed to a waiting machine and handed him a coin. Wordlessly, Jasper walked to the row of slots, stopping at the one I had shown him. He put the coin in and pulled the handle. It spun wildly, a blur of color and a tinkle of bells, coming up with three straight sevens. Jasper let out a whooping cry, turning towards me with such a smile on his face that he resembled a little boy.

"I want to do it again, on my own," he said excitedly, high from his first win.

I scanned the room, playing out various scenarios in my head; there were a couple machines that would pay out on the next spin, most of which were far across the room. Only two or so were near us, and the chances of him winning were very slim.

A thought ran across my head, and I impulsively ran along with it.

"All right," I replied, pressing a nickel into his palm. "_But_, if you lose…I get to ask you one more question."

Now was the time to ask it. Now, when he was beautiful and young and carefree, when the question, horrible as it was, would roll off his back. And even if the answer was like I suspected, it might not bother me as much because he was beautiful and young and carefree.

"And _when_ I win," Jasper countered, "I'm taking you out tonight."

I rolled my eyes. "Go on, then."

His coin in hand, Jasper turned to face the machines. He walked to a machine, one I knew was going to lose, and I felt the anticipation and nervousness build up in me. After a still moment, he turned back again.

"What is it?" I asked.

He grinned that grin again. "You need to close your eyes. No peeking. If you're watching and know what's going to happen, I can feel your nerves."

Once again, I rolled my eyes, but then shut them tight. I stood still, listening for some sort of inclination that he had finished his go. The waiting was the worst of all, I realized, the calm before the storm, the anticipation before the blow. I wished that he would hurry up and finish so I could find the answer to my question one way or another.

Nervously, I cracked open one eye. Jasper was standing just where he had been, staring at me and not the machines. His heavy scent was floating towards me in eddies and he wore that same intense stare I had seen twice before on his face…only this time, there was the strangest tinge of sadness in it.

"I told you no peeking," he said, his voice barely a whisper. I shut my eyes again, clapping my hands over them for good measure. It was just a moment before-

"I won!"

My eyes shot open, shocked to see a small payout in Jasper's hand, a product of his having spun three cherries.

I felt a small drop of disappointment in my stomach as I realized how much I wanted to find the answer to my question. I couldn't ask it out of the blue, and this had been the perfect opportunity.

"Why so upset?" Jasper gave me a confused look. "I won, Alice, and I'm taking us out. Dancing, perhaps?"

I tilted my head to the side and tried to smile a little. It wasn't that hard, the look on his face was so endearing that it made my stomach flutter, a feeling that only grew when, in his excitement, Jasper pulled me in a close hug, kissing the top of my head.

I would have thought Jasper's kiss would give off that same spark of electricity his touch still did, but it had quite the opposite reaction. Instead of a cold shock, his kiss melted over my body, filling me with a feeling almost like warmth. Jasper seemed to feel it too, pulling me even closer against his stone body for a moment. I savored the feeling until he let me go.

"Whatever it is that's making you so sad…forget it, all right? We're in Atlantic City, _Mrs. Whitlock_, and you've got the lucky touch," he teased, his eyes twinkling reddish-black.

I smiled softly. "Thanks, Jazz."

He cocked an eyebrow and grinned. "Jazz?" I said nothing, only took his hand and pulled him through the casino


	6. To What Base Uses May We Return

There was a hush over the high-stakes room as the occupants within focused on their games. I stopped at a small desk to change a pile of $100 bills into chips then took a seat at the poker table. The three men already seated there threw me glancing looks, taking in my small stature and pretty dress as a sign of my feminine weakness. I felt Jasper step closer behind me, placing a protective hand on my shoulder as he felt their chauvinistic thoughts.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Whitlock," the dealer greeted, having obviously been told that we would be playing – and that we would have lots of money. The gentlemen at the table seemed to acknowledge this and straightened in their chairs, ready to see if I was a true adversary. I knew I was; I had already seen my enormous pile of winnings. Jasper's hand loosened but didn't move.

The cards flew like fury. Bets were high, higher than I had seen in a long while. Considering I hadn't been to Atlantic City since before the war, that wasn't much of a surprise. It was as if these men were eager to prove that, despite the famine and death the battles had brought, their fortunes remained constant. One by one, the men were knocked out of position and their chips became mine. It was down to one burly-looking bald man wearing a cheaply-tailored suit and me, our cards clenched tightly in our fists. I had four kings, knowing very well it would beat his jack-high flush and that I would soon be $185,860 dollars richer. It was an exorbitant amount of money, and Jasper could feel my excitement. Money meant nice things, money meant shopping and food and a safe place to stay. With no one at my side to help me out, I had learned long ago to place my faith in my money.

I laid down my cards. The bald man's upper lip curled angrily as he shoved his chips towards me. I smiled my most charming smile.

"Another round, gentlemen?"

By the time we went upstairs to dress for the night, I had over a quarter of a million dollars in my credit account at the hotel. I had lost a few games here and there to not give anything away, but I had more than made up for my losing.

"So, what do I wear?" Jasper asked after I had begun to get ready, running a brush through my hair. He had used his natural charisma to get us an invite into the Majestic, an upscale, on-the-list-only dance hall, and I had hinted we would have to dress nicely. I opened the closet to find the clothes I had asked for cleaned and sent up, and pulled them out, laying them side-by-side on the bed.

"Don't tell me I have to wear _that_," Jasper said jokingly, pointed to my pale pink satin gown.

I laughed. "Very funny, but no." I picked up the elegant, fresh-pressed tuxedo I had asked the concierge to find for me. "This is for you. I hope it fits."

Jasper took it gently, giving it a hard stare before smiling at me. "Well, go on then," he said, "we don't want to be late."

I took the dress into the bathroom, locking the door and slipping off the blue one I already wore. I leaned forward to remove the smooth pink concoction from its hanger and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

I had never really stopped to look at myself before this moment. I never looked any different, what was the point? But now, standing in this bathroom in New Jersey dressed only in plain white cotton undergarments, I realized how different I was. In all my twenty-odd years of consciousness, I had never wrinkled or sagged or grown. Pale white skin stretched tightly over my bones. I was still only four-foot-ten. My breasts, not too big but still bigger than most girls of my height, were pert and firm. I put my hands on them, wondering if Maria looked like me. Her name and place of origin must have given her exotic looks. She probably had the same black hair as I did, but hers was probably thick and flowing, much different than the choppy cut I had always had. She was likely taller, curvier too, with the hourglass figure most men revered today. I was slim, only pushing out at my bustline and going straight down from there. I had heard men call me pretty before, beautiful even, but when compared with this perfect unseen woman of Jasper's past, I began to doubt those words.

"You look fine." Jasper's voice echoed into the bathroom.

"You can't read minds, Jazz," I reminded him, calling out through the still-shut door. "How on earth could you know what I was thinking?"

"You were doubtful," he called back. "And there's only one thing women are doubtful of in front of a mirror."

I rolled my eyes and quickly slipped into the pink gown. I pinched my cheeks, having read in a magazine that that would cause a natural blush and hoping it would do the same to me before realizing it wouldn't change a thing without blood in my veins – my own blood. I straightened my shoulders and left the bathroom.

Jasper was standing near the window in his black trousers, shirtless, holding out the cummerbund as if he had no idea what to do with it. I realized he didn't and stepped forward to help him, trying not to stare at his taut arms and rippling abdominals. As I came closer, I began to spot the tiny imperfections running up and down his body, marks I hadn't seen under the long-sleeved shirts October had forced him to wear. I reached out my hand to touch one of the tiny scars. He flinched under my fingers, and I drew back.

"Jasper, what happened?" I whispered. The scars, little half-moon marks, were sporadically placed across his chest and arms, focused most across his biceps and shoulders.

"Battle scars," he said simply, and I understood. These were the marks of other vampires, of wounds made while fighting that had healed over time. I wished I could take him in my arms and heal him somehow. But, funnily enough, I admired those scars. They made him imperfect, broken, but no less beautiful. The unblemished Jasper was jarringly flawless, the perfect mate for the perfect Maria. This Jasper…_my_ Jasper…was almost normal. Almost attainable. Perhaps after we found Carlisle and the others…

"So, can you help me?"

His deep bass tones brought me back down to earth. I took a deep breath and plucked the cummerbund from his hands.

"Go ahead and put on the shirt," I ordered. He turned, pulled it on, and I immediately regretted having him do so. Once the shirt was on and buttoned, he was immaculate and untouchable once more.

"Please, Alice, just relax," he urged. "What's bothering you so much?"

I shook my head. "Nothing, don't worry about it. Arms up." He obediently listened and raised his arms. I slipped the cummerbund around his waist, fastening it in the back before asking, "Do you know how to tie a bow tie?" He shook his head, and I picked the flimsy black cloth off of the bed, turning up his collar and wrapping it around his neck. I leaned close to his body, breathing in his heady smell as I tied. Our close positions would have made it very easy for –

Once again, I forced my mind to move away from such thoughts. I finished tying the bow tie and stepped back to inspect my handiwork. The suit fit him perfectly, making him every inch the dashing, debonair Southern gentleman. He was handsome, but strangely so. He wasn't Jasper, or even Jazz. This was Jasper Whitlock in all his glory, the 105-year-old immortal, fierce fighter, and companion of the infamous Maria. It almost hurt to look at him, and I had to turn my head. Jasper reached out and grabbed my arm, forcing me to look up at him.

"Will you talk to me about it tonight? Whatever it is that's making you so troubled?" he asked earnestly. "Please, Alice, if I'm paining you at all, I want to know." I sighed and nodded, trying to smile reassuringly. He smiled too, brushing a stray lock of hair off my forehead so he could lean forward and kiss me there. The same warmth from before flooded my body, and his cold hand on my cheek made me shiver in response.

That kiss stayed foremost in my mind all through the night. It was how I got through driving to the Majestic, entering the beautiful club, and finding a table with Jasper without turning and running away. As innocent as a kiss on the forehead could be, it still gave me a fragment of courage, enough to get me through the night.

The dance hall _was _beautiful. It was decorated in deep shades of red with accents of gold and black. The colors made me laugh a little: the same shades of his eyes, my eyes, and the color we sometimes shared. Small tables were clustered in the shadows of the room, and a few people were sitting there, dining on hors d'oeuvres and sipping at glasses of champagne. Most of the hall's population was on the dance floor, moving to the sound coming from the jazz quartet on the stage.

"Would you like to dance, Alice?" Jasper asked, his eyes focused and serious. I paused, and then placed my small hand in his offered one. He tugged me to my feet and onto the floor, pulling me close to his body. Neither of us knew the steps, but we danced as well as we could, our natural vampiric grace coming in handy. We jived, jitterbugged, lindy-hopped, all dances we halfway knew, all requiring nothing more than a quick step and a steady beat. The band changed tempo as a few more couples approached the floor. The first soft, slow tune of the night was playing, and we swayed in time to the music, close together.

I felt safe there, nestled against his chest, the top of my head just coming to his shoulder, though I wasn't sure if this feeling was of its own accord or of Jasper's. Nonetheless, I enjoyed the moment. His scent enveloping me, drawing me in. His chin resting atop my head. My hands on his shoulders and his on the small of my back, tracing the same circles there as he had on my palm.

"Will you tell me now?" His lips brushed against the crown of my head, making me feel as if my cold flesh would melt off, right onto the floor.

Keeping my cheek pressed to his collarbone, I took a deep breath, then looked up into his red-black eyes, gauging for a reaction. "Maria…was she…were you…lovers?"

Jasper blanched, and I knew I had found my answer. Strangely enough, my curiosity wasn't satiated and I longed to hear more, to know if he had loved this strange foreign woman that I had never met but already despised.

"It was never love, Alice," he said so softly that his voice was hardly a whisper, "it was hunger and power…I was devoted to her service, and what she asked me to do, I did."

He stopped speaking for a moment, looking down at me with anguish.

"If I could take it all back, I would. Every second of every day I spent with Maria pains me now." His eyes grew even more tortured as he went on. "Obviously, it pains you too, which I would never, ever want, Alice."

I cleared my throat. "It was a long time ago, right?"

"Absolutely, forever ago," Jasper spit out quickly, and I could hear the longing for forgiveness in his voice.

But what did I have to forgive him for? It was in the past, and there was no way I could change that, nothing I could do now but move on. Move on from his confession…the idea was difficult to swallow, but it could be done. Move on from him? Never, not when our futures were so clandestinely intertwined.

He pulled me closer, as if holding me tighter could bring forgiveness. I held tighter too, wondering if I could ever have Jasper like Maria did.

I knew, now more than ever, that I loved Jasper, my Jazz, with every fiber of my being. Being near him was both pleasure and pain. I had never been happier, or more distraught. What could be worse than being in love and not knowing how the other person felt? Certainly I had a place in his heart, that much was obvious, but was that the place of love or of kinship? Was I a sister or was I more?

Suddenly, Jasper was turning around to face someone behind him. It was the burly bald man from my winning poker game, standing attentively, an odd smile on his face.

"May I cut in?" he asked politely, his tone betraying nothing. As the music ended, Jasper gave him a cold once over then looked at me. No strange vision springing into my head, I nodded, and he stepped back. The man bowed slightly and stepped forward to take my hand. The song was slightly faster but still slow enough to require touching. His hand found its way around my waist and I hesitated before placing mine on his shoulder. He was much shorter than Jasper, much wider, and much uglier. I noticed then that his face resembled an over-large raisin and had to restrain myself from laughing loudly. I must have smiled because he was soon smiling too, a wide-gapped, tricky smile, as if he were hiding something.

"That was quite a talent you displayed today, Mrs. Whitlock," he said in a rather slimy tone.

"You know my name," I said, surprised his raisin-brain could remember it.

"The whole of the Traymore is talking about you, my dear," he said. "You do know how to play your cards, don't you?"

"Just a gift, I suppose," I replied charmingly. "I'm afraid I haven't learned your name, Mr.…?"

"It's of no importance," said the man. "I only wanted to know your secrets."

My breath stopped in my throat as I realized how this situation had turned. "I…I'm afraid I don't have any secrets. It just happens naturally."

His eyes narrowed and the hand at my waist tightened threateningly.

"You _will_ tell me, then, how it is you've been cheating," he hissed. "I'm sure the manager of the Traymore would _love_ to hear how he's being tricked out of money."

I knew I was in trouble. There was no way I could fight back without drawing attention to myself. A lady in a dance hall didn't exactly get into brawls.

"I assure you, sir, I – "

"Cut the bullshit, little lady, I _know_ that you – "

But a pale, white hand appeared on his shoulder, tightening until the man cried out slightly. He turned around, his bald pate shining in the low light of the hall, to come face-to-face with all of Jasper's six feet and three inches of hulking, immortal intensity.

"I'll ask you not to use such words in front of a lady, sir," Jasper said, his words making me shiver in both their Southern gallantry and threatening, severe nature.

The bald man held up his hands. "I'm sure you've got the wrong idea."

Jasper gave a sarcastic, accusing laugh in response. "And _I'm_ sure you don't want this to come to blows. Come along, Alice."

He took my hand in his, nearly causing me pain, his grip was so strong. We hurried out of the club and into the car. I drove back to the hotel much faster than I should in such a crowded city, but the look on his face was enough to speed up a half-dead tortoise. We were silent for most of the ride until it grew to be too much for Jasper.

"How can you be so calm about this, Alice?" he asked incredulously, his face still etched with anger aimed at the bald man in the club.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know…maybe it's because I haven't had any visions of him? Surely if he were really awful, I would be able to see something."

"That man…you can't have those sorts of feelings and be a good person." Jasper growled under his breath, a terrifying sound. I had heard such noises before from other vampires, but to hear it from Jasper – kind, shy, southern-gentleman Jazz – was entirely frightening.

"What sort of feelings?" I asked, furrowing my brow.

His hand tightened on the armrest of the car as he remembered. "Anger. Hunger. Hatred…he went back and forth between being lustful and murderous."

A shiver went down my spine as I realized just how dangerous a situation I had been in. I drove around the city for a few extra minutes, waiting until Jasper looked a little less angry. A few minutes later, we pulled up to the hotel, getting out of the car and letting the valet in before stepped into the elevator.

"Twenty, please," Jasper said to the operator. He nodded silently and we flew upwards, stopping at our floor and stepping out. We walked silently down the hall, hearing the second elevator open and shut behind us yet not turning at the sound. Jasper was still angry and my body was moving on its own, my mind busy with a vision.

_Jasper had Alice in a tight embrace, his lips trailing up and down her neck before settling firmly on her mouth. Alice's hands raked through his long blond hair, teasing his mouth with her own. The heat between them was fierce, almost warm enough to finally raise the temperature of their cool skin. Jasper's hand ran down her back, drifting lower and lower…_

I came to with a start, not breathing, standing stock-still in the middle of the hallway. A kiss? And what a kiss it was. Could my mind playing tricks on me? No, that wasn't possible…but when, then? When would this happen? I wondered if I should tell Jasper, and then –

I halted mid-turn, catching a delicious scent in the air.

Blood. It wasn't very pure, but it was very fresh, just spilled. Was someone being murdered in one of the rooms? How scandalous. I finished my turn towards Jasper behind me.

"Jazz, I –"

I stopped abruptly when I realized where the blood was coming from. There Jasper stood, a few paces behind me in the middle of the hallway, his mouth firmly latched onto the dying bald man's neck.


	7. A Loving and Fair Reply

In a moment, the man was dead, and his limp body was supported only by Jasper's grip on his shoulder. Like the man, I found that I too couldn't move. And as I was frozen stock-still, all my senses seemed to heighten. The smell…and taste…of the blood was dissipating from the air as the warm liquid slid down Jasper's throat. I could hear everything around us, from the clatter of room services dishes to the squeal of mattress springs to the soft snores of the sleeping patrons. Colors were sharper and the dimensions around me seemed to be changing. Things slid in and out of focus until the only thing I could truly see was Jasper's face, satisfied and horrific, a dichotomy of expression in one look.

Another sound suddenly reached my ears: the quickly-approaching elevator. We had mere moments to leave the hallway. I grabbed Jasper's hand and tugged him towards our room, moving like lightening. I threw the door to our suite open and we ran in with the corpse in hand.

_Oh God…_

"What do we do, Jazz?" I hissed. "_What do we do?_"

Jasper stayed silent. Towing the body under his arm, he crossed the room and opened the balcony doors. I watched as he stepped outside, heaved the body back over his shoulder, and threw it out over the balcony all the way into the nighttime sea. The corpse was nothing but a bobbing reminder that would soon sink into the moonlit water. I sucked in a haggard breath as Jasper turned around, his eyes fierce, thirsty, troubled, and blood-red once more.

"We say nothing," he said in reply to my panicked question. We stood facing each other on opposite sides of the room, him still near the open balcony and me standing close to the door that led to the hallway, pressed against the heavy oak with the knob jutting into the small of my back. I watched as Jasper's tongue slipped out to flick one last drop of red from the corner of his mouth, and I shuddered. He was positively frightening, standing there in the moonlight, a small spot of red on the collar of his tuxedo as the only lingering reminder of his act. I was shocked and scared and unsure of anything I had thought before, and Jasper knew that.

"I…I'm sorry." His voice cut through the stillness like a knife. I glanced upwards into his eyes. The hunger had dissipated, leaving only a look of disgust and dread in its wake.

I opened my mouth to speak but found that no words would come. I folded my arms across my chest, hugging tightly and wishing I could fold myself away. Part of me didn't even want to look at Jasper, let alone be in the same room with him. This was not my Jazz…this was someone cold and unfamiliar. Perhaps I had been wrong. Perhaps all these visions had just been wishful thinking. Perhaps he was really Maria's second-in-command through and through. I wanted to turn and run, if only to quell the pain that was started to come in from all sides.

I knew I couldn't. I couldn't abandon him, not now, not when I knew he needed me. The love I had burning in my soul wouldn't let me, even when that love seemed to be overcome by the shock I was feeling now.

"You must think me a monster."

All the shock…horror…sadness I had been feeling flew out the window when I heard Jasper's voice, plaintive and painful, cracking in the middle of his sentence. As unnerved as I was by his actions, he was obviously that much more unnerved by his own. I left the comfort of the door and stepped closer to his side, my dead heart wrenching for him.

"No, Jasper," I assured him, "not a monster."

Now that I could see just how much he regretted what he had done, I felt terrible for having thought so badly of him. I knew why he did this; he had felt that man's emotions. He had known what he was thinking of doing. He had been trying to protect me. I came to stand next to him.

Jasper was across the room in a flash, his hands up defensively.

"_Don't come near me_," he hissed. I was startled; I had expected him to feel bad, but nothing like this.

"Jazz, really-"

"I'm a killer, Alice! Again!"

His voice had risen to a shout loud enough to startle both our next door neighbors, who promptly began banging on the walls, asking us, in so many words, to keep it down. I shrank back from the sheer volume of his booming bass, never having heard anything like it before.

I tried to contradict his cutting words. "Jasper, you knew what he was feeling, you were only trying to protect-"

"Protect you? By _murdering_ a man? I can't…I just…."

Jasper slid down the wall, slumping onto the floor and curling into himself.

"I didn't want to be that kind of man with you," he whispered. "I thought I had given that…that _life_ up. And now I'm no better than a common criminal. No better than that man was, with his horrible…murderous…."

I could see his fists clench from my place across the room, could hear his knuckles crack so loud they made me jump.

Jasper looked up at me, regretful and longing. "I'm not Maria's soldier anymore, Alice, and I wanted you to see that. I wanted to be different."

"You _are_ different," I insisted, stepping slowly towards him, just below a human's pace. "You stopped that man from doing heaven knows what…and do you think that if he had gotten away with his plans that he would be feeling this kind of regret?"

I had reached a place in the room where only two feet of space separated us. He didn't move, only tensed up, as if he anticipated being touched and couldn't stand the thought.

"I…_we_ could have stopped him some other way," Jasper murmured. "I just…_snapped_."

He buried his face in his hands, and I knelt at his side, unsure of what to say. I'm not sure if I could have restrained myself if it were some woman out to hurt Jasper. I admired him for wanting to protect me. I rather liked to think that it was some romantic, possessive feeling that had overcome him. But how could I praise his actions without condoning his killing?

"You don't have to say it." Jasper said bitterly into his hands. "I can feel you…torn. Unsure. Forgiving and relentless all at the same time."

"If you _can_ feel me, then you know I don't think you're a monster," I insisted. Jasper raised his head to look at me, awed. I was taken aback by the devoted look in his red eyes and even more by what he said.

"What did I do right to find you, Alice?"

Had I blood, I'm sure I would have blushed at the velvety tone of wonder his beautiful, musical voice carried. Even in his self-loathing he was handsome, and I hurried to guard myself before Jasper could feel my emotions. I lowered my eyes and focused on my breathing instead.

Unfortunately, my lungs seemed to forget how to work when Jasper put his hand against my cheek, drawing my face up towards his.

I could have lived my entire life over again in the moment if took for our lips to meet. Everything I had ever done before flashed, silly and inconsistent, in my mind. My life had been building up to this moment, I was sure. Jasper's hand was icy-cold against my equally frigid skin, pulling me closer. My eyes caught his, and we shared a burning look before our lids both closed.

Our first kiss was like our first meeting: quiet, shy, destined and knowing all in one. His lips were soft and gentle, like two plump satiny ribbons brushing delicately against my mouth, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. The fire I had seen in his eyes today…while arguing, while drinking, while staring at me just moments ago…was nothing compared to the heat that coursed through my body now, starting at my lips and traveling throughout my body.

His hand was resting on my cheek, his kisses as light as a feather – the gentleness of it all was driving me crazy. I had wanted Jasper for so long that for us to both be holding back like this was maddening. I longed for more, and Jasper, feeling this, complied. His tongue began tracing the contours of my lips, his tantalizing taste entering my mouth as I opened it.

If I could die, I would have wanted it to be right then. I was already in heaven anyways. Any thought of that bald-headed corpse, of blood, of gambling or New Jersey itself left my mind as I ran my small hands through his silky hair. Jasper's lips left mine for a moment, and I let out an upsetting little moan, missing his touch in the milliseconds it was away.

I felt Jasper chuckle heavily against my throat. His lips skimmed up and down my skin, sucking gently around the hollow at the base of my neck before traveling back up to brush my chin. His head in my hands, I turned his face upwards to kiss his beautiful mouth, smiling as I took a turn moving towards his throat. His jaw, always clean-shaven despite having never touched a razor, was hard and strong, almost cutting, very different from the smooth ivory of his sloping neck. As I kissed the bump of his Adam's apple, Jasper gave a complacent little sigh, and I flinched back slightly, my lips halting for a moment at the unfamiliar sound. It was then that the thought came to me: Jasper was the first man I had ever been this close to.

No doubt missing my attentions, Jasper lifted my chin with his hand and gave me a curious look. "What is it?" he asked, stroking the side of my cheek with his long, elegant fingers.

I dropped my eyes to the floor, embarrassedly confessing, "You're my first kiss."

I watched as he took in this information, smiling all the while. I was pleased and still slightly embarrassed that he found it so amusing. I most certainly was not his first, and I frowned a little as the thought of him and Maria ran through my mind yet again. Jasper leaned forward and kissed the corner of my frown, making my face tinge with warmth for a brief second.

"You're doing well for a beginner," he murmured against my mouth. I would have laughed, but my mind was elsewhere, still thinking about the dark-haired beauty of his past. Jasper felt my distraction and leaned to sit back against the wall, knowing our moment of passion was over until my questions had been answered. For the time being, he settled for holding my hand instead, still tracing those calm little circles.

I was still kneeling across from him, my right hand in his left. I listened to our low breathing, my own lungs taking in his heavy, musky scent that seemed to have intensified with our kiss. I stared at his perfect mouth, wondering how something that had taken a man's life just a few minutes before could possibly be giving me such life now. Averting my eyes yet again, I took a deep breath, finding courage in the masculine smell that was Jasper.

"Was Maria your first kiss?" I asked, quiet but brave, staring at our entwined hands instead of looking at his face.

Jasper laughed low in his throat. "Why are you so interested in knowing about that monster?"

I shrugged slightly, biting my lip. _Because I want to be what she once was_, I thought, unable to say it aloud. Jasper, feeling my hesitation, went on anyways.

"No, she wasn't," he replied. "That was Anna Mae Burton…I was twelve, and she was the prettiest girl at the church social."

I couldn't help but laugh, and Jasper brought my hand up to his mouth, gently kissing my fingertips.

"Alice," he murmured against my fingers, "can I ask you something?"

I nodded, and he went on.

"Can you never mention that woman again?"

"I…yes. Of course," I replied, taken aback. He sighed and dropped my hand. I immediately missed his touch.

"I'm sorry, I just…you see what she did to me." He tossed his blond head in the direction of the still-open balcony doors through with his victim had been thrown. His face grew dark and bitter for a moment. "I can never erase what I did with her, but I can try to forget, if only by not mentioning her name." His hand grew tighter around mine as he grew more impassioned in his hatred of the fearsome Maria. "It's as if she took a part of my soul by making me such a monster. My entire life, something has been missing, without my even knowing it."

He paused, and I felt the mood lift in the room as he grew happier.

"And then I met you, Alice, and it's as if I was whole again. It was like stepping into the sun without fear, meeting you."

I didn't know what to say. Every wish I had had for myself and Jasper seemed to be coming true. What was there to say?

"Numb again?" Jasper teased. I narrowed my eyes, feigning anger, and he rolled his. "As if you could ever be angry with me."

I smiled and leaned forward to kiss him, placing my hand on his chest, just below where the stain of red dotted his shirt. I fingered the edge of his collar gently.

"We'll have to leave, and quickly. Before the sun rises," I said, nodding my head towards the stain at my fingertips.

Jasper hung his head. "You know that I didn't mean to –"

"_I know_," I interrupted, putting my hand on the side of his face. He placed his own hand over it, and I marveled at its largeness when compared to my own small palm. As tall as he was, as fierce as he could be, my Jazz could never be a monster. He had only been protecting me. I had to keep telling myself that or risk letting my feelings of love be violated with ones of doubt.

"I am so sorry, Alice," he apologized yet again. "I only did it because of you. If he tried to hurt you…"

I laughed a little, if only to ease his pain. "If he _had_ tried, he would have faced two hard-as-stone vampires and would have met a similar fate, if not through the same means."

"Then…you forgive me?"

"For protecting me? Yes." I nodded. "But for drinking from him…Jazz, you must promise me it won't happen again."

He sighed heavily, staring out the doors to the sea. Was that where his last human sacrifice remained?

"For you, I promise," he vowed, squeezing my hand before jumping to his feet, walking swiftly towards the balcony, and shutting the doors, leaving us plunged in the darkness that our eyes could easily pierce through.

"Well, where should we run to next?" Jasper asked, throwing open the closet doors to begin packing my meager amount of clothing. I stood to help him, folding the clothes he placed on the bed and slipping them into my suitcase.

"I'm not sure," I replied. "I still haven't pinpointed where Carlisle and the rest of his family are."

"Well," Jasper said slowly, "how do you feel about Boston?"

I scanned my thoughts.

_A tall brownstone home. Five pale, beautiful people…vampires…gathered in a fire-lit room, red eyes reflecting the flickering flames._

I bit my lip. "Are you sure that's what's best, Jazz?"

Jasper smiled at the endearment. It seemed to have a different connotation now that we were different people. "I think that's the only place where we might be able to find any clues as to where Carlisle is. I have a contact there that might be able to help us."

I was still unsure until Jasper sent a feeling of peace over me. I narrowed my eyes and sighed. "Fine, we'll go to Boston, but only on one condition."

"What's that?" Jasper crooked one blond eyebrow.

"As soon as we get there, I get to take you _shopping_."


	8. Call You Me Fair

We left the hotel in the dead of night, stopping only long enough to collect our winnings ($342,650 total) from the cash-out window and to pay our bill with the skittish-looking night clerk. The valet brought around the Buick, and we took off into the night, safe until the sunrise.

This ride seemed to be different from all the others before it. Every other time, our journeys had been filled with mindless chatter, mostly to keep my eyes (and mind) off of him and on the road. Now with our bond intensified beyond anything before, we didn't need words to speak. A sideways glance, a shared smile, my hand seeking his…all those actions said the things we couldn't form words around. _I need you. I am here. I want you._ Or, in my case, _I desperately, selflessly, unconditionally love you_. I wondered if he knew, could perhaps deduce from my feelings. Part of me longed to tell him, and the rest wanted to keep it secret for just a little longer, deathly afraid of rejection.

We stopped near a snowy wood so that I could take the opportunity to hunt, finding a small family of deer. I took two promptly, greedily, with Jasper having one as well, to supplement the human blood that lingered in his body. The hunt was over quickly, what with both of us wanting to reach Boston before sun-up, and we began our trek to the car, leaving the drained carcasses on the snow-covered forest floor.

No longer thirsty, the smell of the blood from the denizens of the forest combined with the smell of my Jasper spurred me on, sending me into a sudden state of…I suppose the word would be euphoria. I felt entirely at peace; nothing could go wrong now, I was sure, not with Jasper by my side. I broke into a graceful sprint, hurrying through the forest. Jasper picked up the pace I set, following me through the trees until he finally caught up and grabbed me around the waist, pulling me down to the undergrowth.

It was like a strange, familiar dance as we tumbled to the ground, Jasper's hands gripping my upper arms as we rolled over each other again and again, finally stopping close to the edge of the forest. Rather than helping me up, Jasper pulled me close, his lips tickling my jaw and his breath heady with the scent of fresh blood.

"We need to go, Jazz," I insisted, giggling as he nuzzled his way into my neck, shaking his head.

"We're less than an hour away from the city," he replied against my skin, "and the sun won't be up for three."

I was more than content to stay here in the dirt of the forest, lying pressed against Jasper's stony body…but my stomach flip-flopped with nervousness as his hands skimmed down my back, toying with the edge of the cotton blouse I was wearing. I pulled away and rose to my feet, ashamed at myself for doing so even as I did it. Hadn't I just recently been the girl pining for such a man? Hadn't I wanted this? Why on earth was I frightened?

_Maria_.

That name resonated in my head, making me more scared than anything. If Jasper had been devoted to one person for that long yet was able to leave her so easily, who was to say he wouldn't leave me too? He hadn't even said anything _remotely _related to 'love' yet. I sighed and began walking through the snow, out of the forest.

Jasper wordlessly stood and followed me to the car, walking around to the driver's side to open my door in a gentlemanly fashion. I slipped in, starting the engine as he shut his own door, stopping my hand from changing the gears by placing his own over it.

"Please," he murmured, his voice as soft as his kisses, "I can't stand it when you're like this. Nervous and unsure…it's not you, Alice. Weren't you the one who knew, even before you saw me, that we were supposed to meet?"

I smiled, just a little, and glanced at him. There was a smudge of dirt just under his left eye, a souvenir from our tumble through the woods, and I blessed it for its imperfection.

"I'm not going to hurt you, you know," Jasper whispered as he tucked a stray lock of choppy hair behind my ear. "You only have to tell me what you want and I'll do it. Anything, Alice, anything is yours if you only say the word."

_Your heart_.

But I couldn't say it. I leaned forward instead, kissing the smudge on his face, and then turned to change gears, silently beginning the last leg of our journey.

We moved swiftly through the night, the Buick going much faster than the speed limit intended and going even faster when his hand slid over to rest on my knee and my foot pressed hard against the gas pedal. Jasper laughed lowly at my reaction, but kept his hand there nonetheless.

I slowed down as we passed over the Charles River, unsure of what street to take next.

"How do you know where they are, these contacts of yours?" I asked and glanced down at the map Jasper had thought to procure from the desk clerk in Atlantic City.

"I…I'm not sure. I haven't seen them in six months…all I know is they're in Boston." Jasper grinned boyishly, as if he had been waiting to tell me something he knew would get him in trouble. If I wasn't so much in love with him, I would surely have been mad. Instead, I just rolled my eyes before sliding into a vision.

_The beauty that was the Buick Eight pulled down a street lined with tall brownstones. A glimpse of the street sign read "Newbury" in six-inch-high white lettering that gleamed in the last rays of starlight. The car stopped in front of number 17, and Alice and Jasper stepped onto the sidewalk, holding hands as they walked up to the front door._

"_Alice!_"

Jasper's hands were on the steering wheel as he clumsily steered the Buick back towards our lane. I snapped out of my reverie and gripped the wheel myself, straightening the car.

"I'm sorry, I just…did we hit anything?" I asked, nervous for the answer.

"No, you only swerved," he replied, and I began to breathe again. "But did you see something?"

"Number 17 Newbury Street," I droned, remembering the number almost subconsciously. Jasper smiled and reached for the map, pointing out our new destination to me. I flew down the empty streets of the city, turning from Massachusetts Avenue onto Newbury, keeping my eyes peeled for the building from my vision. The street was lined with beautiful homes and shops, mostly exquisite, expensive boutiques I knew I would frequent very soon.

"There."

Jasper pointed towards the brownstone with a gleaming gold '17' next to the door. I eased the Buick into a parallel parking space and turned off the engine.

"Are you ready?" I asked, looking over at Jasper, who sat clenching his hands, a habit I had noticed he only did when under stress.

"I think I'm more worried about you than me," he admitted, taking my hand in his. I furrowed my brow, confused. "Peter and Charlotte didn't understand when I left. They'll have an even harder time understanding why the both of us have chosen this life."

"You don't think you'll be tempted being near these…non-vegetarians?" I asked.

Jasper shook his head. "I made a promise to you, Alice. And I don't intend on breaking it any time soon."

I squeezed his hand reassuringly and opened the door, stepping out onto the sidewalk and facing number 17. Jasper came to stand by my side and placed his left hand in mine. I wondered at how easily our hands fit together; one large and strong, the other small and seemingly dainty, but both matching the other like perfect puzzle pieces. Tracing his comforting little circles, Jasper led me up the stairs and loudly rapped on the door with his free hand.

It took a moment for anyone to answer, and we both fidgeted nervously until the door was opened a crack. A female head crowned with curly red hair and eyes to match poked out. She was pale, gaunt, and hardly more than 15. The girl stared over the two of us, realized that we three were all of the same species, and opened the door a little wider.

"Yes?" she said expectantly.

"I'm looking for Peter? Or Charlotte?" Jasper asked. "Do they live here?"

"Ye-es…" The girl narrowed her red eyes. "Who are you?"

"If you could tell them Jasper is here, I'm sure-"

"Jasper!"

The door flew open to reveal a beautiful young woman with chocolate-colored hair and red eyes, smiling widely at the both of us – or moreso at Jasper in particular.

"Jasper, is it really you?" she asked happily, moving in front of the girl.

"I told you I'd come visit, Charlotte," Jasper said wryly, smiling just so at the corner of his mouth. The woman, Charlotte, leaned forward to give him a brief hug before stopping to look me over as well. The red-headed girl, still standing just behind Charlotte, did the same.

"Now, who is this?" Charlotte asked curiously, her tone sounding very much like the mothers in films where the son brings his girlfriend over.

Jasper let go of my hand but wrapped his arm around my waist instead. "This is Alice," he said simply, as if Charlotte could know all she needed to know from those three words. Funnily enough, Charlotte seemed to understand, giving Jasper a knowing smile as she ushered him into the house.

"It's nice to meet you, Alice," Charlotte said.

"And you," I replied, trying to ignore her piercing gaze as she tried to understand my amber eyes. "You have a lovely home."

My compliment seemed to jar her from her musings about my irises. "Thank you," she said graciously, then gestured to the red-headed girl still just over her shoulder. "Jasper, Alice, this is Bridget. Bridget, this is Jasper, an old friend of ours, and Alice."

Bridget nodded silently, her eyes also focused on mine with a curious stare. But, unlike Charlotte, she was rather blunt.

"What's wrong with your eyes?"

Charlotte stifled a snorted laugh. "I'm sorry, Alice, you must forgive her."

"It's nothing," I replied somewhat awkwardly.

"Newborn?" Jasper guessed aloud, and Charlotte nodded.

"She and two others are passing through," she explained. "Come, I'll introduce you to them."

We walked down a shadowy hallway, stopping at a half-open door where soft voices were whispering out towards us. Charlotte tapped lightly on the doorframe before walking in, the three of us – Jasper, myself, and Bridget – following her into the firelit room where three men sat conversing.

Two of the men sat on a couch wearing what looked to be the ragged, stained remains of military uniforms, seemingly from the Great War. They were both rather good-looking, one more so than the other. The handsomer one stood quickly, looking rather stoic, and the other, a taller man with an intricate handlebar moustache, followed suit.

Sitting across from them had been a robust young man with a thick brown beard. He too rose to his feet, and all eyes of the room left the two of us as he did, the men and women paying some sort of eyeballed homage to this strange coven's supposed leader. For a moment, the curious, stern look on his face that had been there when we came in remained, until it was broken by a wide smile.

"Jasper!" The man crossed the room in two long strides, grasping Jasper's hand in a firm shake. Jasper let go of me to clasp both of his hands around the man's, his face beaming.

"You seem to be doing well, Peter," Jasper said, nodding around to the richly-decorated room. "When I left you didn't have anything…how did this come about?"

Peter gave a thick, dark laugh, which Charlotte behind him joined in on. "This isn't my home, not at all. We're only staying here before we get on our feet."

Charlotte stepped forward to wrap her arm through Peter's. "We only came to Boston about a month ago, and the keys to this place were on the first human we met."

Her eyes glittered with a burgundy-blackish hue, and I grew intrigued and disgusted all at once. I knew the thrill of the hunt just as much as she did, but this seemed immoral. They stole from their victims? This palatial abode, which had looked so beautiful at first, now seemed cheap and showy, as if the people within were trying much too hard.

"Please, let me introduce you," Peter offered. "We already have three guests here, passing through on their way to New York City…I see you've already met Charlotte and Bridget. This is Andreas and Grayer."

Andreas, the handsome one, leaned forward to shake Jasper's hand, and Grayer did the same.

"Gentlemen, ladies, this is my dear friend Jasper," Peter introduced. "We knew each other from Maria's coven in Texas, the one I told you about."

Jasper bristled at the name, and I put my hand in his. He squeezed it gratefully.

"And…I'm sorry, I don't believe I caught your name," Peter said to me.

"Alice," I said, not sure whether to befriend this man. Jasper certainly seemed to like him, felt as if he had a debt towards him, but I didn't like this man causing him pain by mentioning that woman.

"Alice and I met in Philadelphia a little over two months ago," Jasper explained.

"Oh, of course," Peter responded knowingly, taking in the sight of our clasped hands.

"I suppose we could put them in the guest room, Peter?" asked Charlotte.

Peter nodded. "Of course, of course. The guest room next to ours will do fine. Jasper looks like he needs a good scrub, anyways."

Jasper laughed at the jibe, shaking his friend's hand again. "Thank you, the both of you."

"Come, this way." Charlotte nodded us out of the room, Bridget trotting at her heels like an obedient housedog. We followed them back through the hallway and up a heavily-carpeted staircase, past a few doors and stopping at the third one on the left.

"This is the best room," Bridget said matter-of-factly as Charlotte opened the door.

"Then it's really not necessary," Jasper replied. "We don't require much."

"Jasper, I insist," Charlotte said, turning to face him, her expression drawn and serious. "Do you think we would have gotten out of Texas if you hadn't helped us? He likes to think of it now as just a crazy time in his life, but I remember. And I remember what you did for us."

She reached up to pat his cheek. "We owe you so much, Major, this is the least we can do." She opened the door all the way before turning to head back down the hall with Bridget just behind.

We walked into the room, Jasper first. It was simply but sumptuously decorated, with a large bed and matching mirrored armoire and a door leading to the bathroom just to the side.

I smiled as the door shut behind us, turning to face Jasper as he sat on the edge of the bed. "They call you Major?"

Jasper smiled too, and I marveled at the way the corners of his eyes crinkled up when he did so. "Their pet name for me." His smiled faded away. "_She_ used to call me that, too."

I crossed the room to place my hands on his knees, kissing his forehead. He wrapped his long arms around my waist to pull me closer, breathing against my neck in a way that made my knees tremble. I rested my cheek against the top of his head, tracing my fingers across the contours of his face as he lightly kissed my collarbone. Fearing I would soon collapse from the way his touch was making me feel, I pulled away, and Jasper grunted, just a little.

I laughed at his noise, running my thumb over the smudge that still remained on his cheekbone. "Peter was right, you do need a scrub."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "Peter's full of- excuse me."

He dipped his head in apology. His gentlemanly pause made me laugh again, and I kissed his forehead once more.

"Go on, I won't have you looking grimy when we go shopping," I ordered, stepping away.

Jasper sighed. "Fine…but I don't have anything to change into."

My eyes glimmered. "Well, then, we'll have to buy you some new things today, won't we?"

Jasper laughed and kissed me, his lips lingering on mine with gentle caresses, moving here and there before I drew back. He darted back for one more light kiss and went to the washroom, shutting the door behind him.

Alone in the room, I slipped off my shoes and stopped to listen to all the sounds around me. I could faintly hear Peter's voice volleying back and forth with Andreas and Grayer, Charlotte and Bridget occasionally interjecting. The city outside the heavily-curtained window was starting to wake, with doors opening, horns beeping, and people going about their morning activities. The closest sound was that of the shower beginning to run, and that sound seemed to spark a vision in my mind.

_Water trickled down Jasper's white back, descending into rounded buttocks and smooth, sculpted thighs, finally pooling around his feet_.

The vision was no more than a flash in my mind's eye, yet I was incredibly flustered. I had never before seen a man like that outside of science books and occasional scandalous pictures in gossip magazines. And for my first real glimpse of a man to be Jasper…my soul began yearning in the strangest way. It was as if I longed to see more, to know more…and I had read enough frivolous novels to know what sort of thing these feelings led to.

I left the room quickly, not trusting myself to stay in there, alone, with him. I shut the door loudly so Jasper would know I had left and headed down the stairs, neatly sidestepping Grayer as he headed up them.

"Excuse me, ma'am," he apologized in a clipped Queen's English accent, giving me a once-over. "Alice, isn't it?"

"Yes, and you're Grayer," I replied. He smiled, the tips of his handlebar moustache going upwards.

"Are you enjoying Boston?" he asked genially.

I shrugged. "I've hardly seen it, I'm afraid."

"Then you and the Major must go out tonight," he insisted. "The carriage rides in the garden are very nice, I highly recommend them."

"Thank you, you're very kind to think of us," I replied. "I take it you're a military man too?"

"Noticed the uniform, have you?" Grayer smiled. "Yes, I served in the first war…that's where Andreas found me."

I nodded silently, wishing I too knew the story of my origins.

"I was sent to gather you and your friend," he said, startling me out of my reverie. "Peter had some things he wanted to ask the both of you."

"I think he's in the shower, but I can tell him you were looking for him," I offered.

"That would be lovely, thank you." He bowed politely in an old-fashioned manner and left the stairs, heading back to the great room. I padded back up to our door, throwing it open and stopping dead in my tracks.

There Jasper stood in all his inhuman glory, water dripping down his naked form, his only adornment a towel casually slung around his neck. My eyes raked over his breathtaking body, taking in his handsome face, his muscular chest, and the thatch of golden hair between his legs, his most intimate part, before I came to my senses and quickly turned around, sputtering for air as I rushed out of the room.

Once in the hallway, I found I couldn't move. I stood, as frozen and cold as my skin, just in front of the door, embarrassed at what I had just done…and enticed by what I had seen.

My stillness was broken by a sudden burst of hearty laughter from inside the door.

"Alice…please…come back," Jasper managed to call out between guffaws. Taking minute, tentative steps, I eased open the door, peeking in quickly before entering. Jasper stood right where he had been before, at the foot of the bed, but the towel was now around his waist, hiding what I had seen before.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, averting my eyes. Even with the towel slung low around his hips, he was still sexy and beguiling.

"The look on your face," he said, chuckling. I looked up and had to grin at his humored expression. He hadn't looked this pleased in a long while. The situation seemed so silly when he dismissed it like this, as just a funny joke or some comical story you'd read about in a lad's magazine.

"It was an accident, I just-"

"I know, Alice, I know. Come here." Jasper reached towards me, drawing me into a one armed hug with his other hand still clutched around the towel. My hands were pressed against his cold, wet chest, my ear just above where his heart was, and I pretended, just for a moment, that I could hear a phantom beat.

"Peter wanted to talk to you downstairs," I murmured onto his sternum.

Jasper's hand ran over my head and down my back, coming to rest on my hip. "Peter can wait."


	9. This Man Hath Bewitched the Bosom

Jasper held me tight, skimming his fingertips up and down my side. It would have been rather ticklish, if I hadn't been so keyed up from his movements and from the fact that he was still clad in nothing but a towel. We stayed pressed like that for a few minutes, not speaking, not moving, just holding tight to each other as if the world was slowly collapsing around us and we were all that was left.

That's why it took every ounce of willpower I had to detach myself from those beautiful arms.

"You should get dressed. Peter wanted to see you," I mumbled as I stepped towards the door, throwing him a glance before opening it.

"Oh, yes…tell him I'll be down in a minute," he answered, turning about and fumbling with his towel. I walked through the door and shut it, giving him his privacy, and nearly ran into someone standing just outside the door.

"Peter's waiting."

Bridget was firmly planted in the hallway, looking as if she had been there the entire time I had been in the room.

"Is he coming too?" Bridget jerked her head towards the door behind me.

"Shortly," I answered and stepped past the girl, headed for the stairs. For some reason, Bridget unnerved me. Perhaps it was her shadowy nature or her newborn status. Perhaps it was that incredibly hungry look in her eyes. I wasn't sure exactly, but I knew that I didn't feel comfortable around her. I could feel her following me down the first floor hallway and into the great room, matching me step for step. Four pairs of eyes flickered over to me as I entered.

"Alice!" Charlotte crossed the room, taking my hand warmly – as warmly as a vampire could be. I smiled lightly; despite the human victims and the stealing, I was beginning to like Charlotte very much. She led me to a delicately upholstered wingback armchair, and I sat facing Andreas and Grayer on the same couch they had been perched on earlier.

"How are you enjoying our humble abode?" Peter asked from where he stood next to the fireplace.

I had to bite my tongue to refrain from telling him exactly how I felt about how he had acquired his so-called 'abode,' and instead said, "It's very beautiful. Our room is too much."

Peter chuckled. "Nothing is too much for the Major and his mate."

I ducked my head, staring smilingly at my folded hands. _His mate?_

"I suppose Jasper has told you about our time together in the coven?" Peter asked, coming to sit in the matching winged chair next to me.

"Briefly," I replied, thankful that Jasper hadn't come down yet. If he was to hear Peter speak of Maria's coven with such a lighthearted tone in his voice…I didn't want to think how he would take it. His temper had already proven itself, and I didn't need to see it again.

"It seems that our Major is still feeling a bit let down with the world…am I correct?" Peter cocked one eyebrow and I tried very hard not to glare at my host.

"Peter, really," Charlotte warned, coming to stand behind his chair. He casually raised a hand to dismiss her comment.

"I don't think he remembers it as a coven," I answered, "more of a bloodthirsty army."

All the men in the room began to laugh heartily. After a few moments, Peter raised a hand and the laughter died down. He leaned forward, his hand on his knee, and stared me straight in my yellowing eyes.

"You must remember, Alice, that Charlotte and I left too." His tone was as if he was explaining something to a small child, and I bristled. "We soon saw Maria for who she truly was, an abuser of those around her. We didn't want to end up like the dead newborns we replaced each week. But even so, that doesn't mean we didn't learn valuable lessons while we were with her."

This time, my eyes did narrow. "What sort of lessons?"

His eyes narrowed as well, the flames of the fire making them even redder. "How to fight. To take over those underneath you. To decide who is strong, who is weak. Who should live or die. That is where I dissented, with being told to destroy others I felt could serve a purpose. I could not kill my own kind, my own strong, immortal people."

I stared deep into his cold eyes, marking the crazed look within them. How delusional he must be! _Jasper told me how awful things were_, I wanted to say. _He told me how you and Charlotte both left in fear and came back for him._ Peter went on.

"Surely you know that Maria made both Jasper and I. Who are we to renounce our creator? I left to seek my own fortune in the outside world, and look what I have found!"

He gestured to the open room around him, and I bit my tongue, hard, to keep from saying anything. If Jasper hadn't been relying on him as a safe haven, I would surely have told him what I thought. But for Jasper's sake, I would keep my words silent.

"I am my own man, little Alice," he said proudly. "I decide who is strong and who is weak. _I_ decide who dies. I-"

There was a thunderous noise as the door to the great room slammed open against the wall, making a large hole in the plaster where the knob rammed through. Jasper stood in the frame, looking particularly venomous, his eyes focused on Peter.

"Charlotte" he murmured, his voice low and furious, "perhaps you'd like to show Alice around."

Charlotte stepped around the chair, reaching for my hand.

"Come, Alice," she said, her voice stressed with unspoken urgency, "I think you'd enjoy the library."

I made no motion to move, wanting to be there in case Jasper needed me, and her hand instead closed around my elbow, drawing me to my feet. I looked across the room to Jasper, who gave an almost imperceptible nod though his eyes never left Peter. I began to follow Charlotte as she crossed the room, gathering Bridget along the way. Jasper stepped out from the doorframe, giving us space to move through. I paused just long enough to take his hand as we moved through, and he quickly brought it to his mouth, running his lips across my knuckles before letting go and shutting the door behind me.

"What is he going to do?" Bridget asked, full of curiosity.

"Nothing," Charlotte said hastily. "It'll be fine. Don't worry about it."

And as we walked towards the library, my mind erupted in a glimpse of the future.

_Alice and Jasper lay together on the enormous bed of the guest room, surrounded by a sea of shopping bags and parcels, their hands tightly clasped as the night skylights twinkled in through the open curtains_.

I was able to breathe, just a little. Things would be all right; we were still in the house, we were still together. And all those bags! I grew excited at the thought.

"Yes, it'll be fine," I offered, and Charlotte raised her eyebrows at the knowing in my voice. She said nothing and opened the door to the library, ushering us inside.

The library was enormous, just as tall as the great room and almost as wide around. It was lined with heavy, richly-bound books and decorated with stiff leather upholstered furniture. There were two immense, carved mahogany desks with large ledgers lying open on them. Whoever had lived here before had obviously been a very rich, very scholarly kind of man. I ran my hand over the nearest row of books, feeling the hard backs ripple against my fingers, before sitting down on one of the green leather couches. The voices from the other room were growing in volume, and we could hear echoes of their words through the thick walls.

"You don't think they'll kill each other, will they?" asked Bridget excitedly. I cursed the newborn twit and her appreciation for anything violent, even though I knew he would be fine.

"Don't think such things about your own kind, Bridget," Charlotte said quietly, shutting the door and wringing her hands.

I rather liked Charlotte. She seemed far less intrigued with the power that came with our species, much different than her mate, and, although her red eyes betrayed her fondness for humans, she didn't seem to be as maniacal about taking them as Peter was. She almost made it seem as if what they did was normal, human-like activity.

Bridget, on the other hand, was an entirely different story. She sat next to me and promptly blurted out, "Why are your eyes yellow?"

"Bridget!" Charlotte chastised, though I could tell from the way she leaned forward in her seat that she longed to know too. I squared my shoulders.

"No, it's fine," I said, shaking my head. "She'll only keep asking until I tell."

"Go on, then." Charlotte was indeed intrigued.

I hesitated and took a deep breath, wondering if they would begin treating me differently once they found out.

"My eyes are this color because I don't drink from humans," I began. "I tried to, long ago, but I couldn't take it after a time…I only hunt animals."

Charlotte and Bridget were both looking at me with glassy, glazed eyes as if they could hardly believe it. Bridget's jaw kept dropping lower and lower, and it was almost to the floor when Charlotte shook herself out of her stupor.

"I assume it had something to do with your diet," she admitted, "but no humans? Not ever?"

I shook my head. "Not ever."

"How horrible," Bridget muttered.

"To each her own, I suppose," Charlotte said, leaning across the low table that separated us and taking my hand. "I hope you can forgive us our reactions."

I nodded, pleased that they – or at least Charlotte – hadn't reacted in the manner I had been halfway expecting.

We sat in that library for a few hours, listening to the voices in the other room rise and fall. Charlotte began fashioning roses out of paper, an art she said she had learned as a human, and was trying to teach the craft to a distracted Bridget, who looked as if she'd like nothing more than to rush out to the throngs of victims outside, despite the sliver of sunlight coming in through the bottom of the curtains. I had spent a good deal of my time reading the titles of the shelved books; most were about business or science or history, but, after using the ladder, I found a small section near the top with a few more frivolous reads. I was about a quarter of the way through _Rebecca_ when the door opened and Jasper came striding through the room, headed towards me. He knelt at my feet, reaching up to touch my cheek.

"Are you all right?" he asked. I nodded into his hand. "If he had touched you…hurt you…."

"But he didn't," I interjected, quite aware that Charlotte and Bridget were both watching our exchange.

He hung his head and dropped his hand. "I shouldn't have left you alone."

I laughed lightly. "Don't be silly, I was alone for a long time before I met you."

"Yes, but you _did_ meet me," he replied. "You don't have a reason to be alone now."

I was thrilled to my very core by his words, and my feelings were rebounding onto him, I could tell. I paused before asking, "Is everything all right with you and Peter?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Charlotte lean forward to hear.

"Yes," he answered. "We've come to a…_understanding_. Charlotte knows of the differences we've had, this is something I knew we'd have to deal with sooner or later."

"I'm just glad you didn't come to blows like last time," Charlotte spoke up.

"Major very nearly did."

Peter was standing in the doorway, Grayer and Andreas just behind him. They stepped into the library slowly, as if checking to see whether their entrance was welcomed by Jasper, who stood and crossed to offer his hand. Peter took it gratefully before turning to me.

"Miss Alice, I would like to apologize to you," he said softly. "I lost my temper, and I shouldn't have. If you would forgive me, I'd like to give you this."

He pulled a long, thin box out from his coat pocket and held it out to me. I rose from the couch and took it, murmuring a thank you.

"So we are forgiven?" he asked.

I saw Jasper nod his agreement, and I nodded, too. "Yes, forgiven."

"Then go ahead and open it," Peter prodded, watching me expectantly. I lifted the clasp and flipped open the box to reveal a strand of exquisite pearls, just long enough to fit around my wrist. I gasped and felt everyone cluster around me to watch as I removed the bracelet from the box, stroking the milky pearls.

"How lovely," Charlotte breathed over my shoulder.

Peter smiled widely. "Andreas found these last night on a little old lady in the park." Andreas, standing just behind him, gave a little bow. My fingers closed around one of the pearls, crumbling it to dust.

"Thank you, Andreas…Peter," I mumbled, holding the bracelet tight in my hand so no one would see that it was missing a pearl. "It's a beautiful gift."

"Perhaps you'd like to go out and buy some earrings to match? You could always get your packages sent here," Charlotte suggested. "The weather forecast says there's a storm coming, and if you wanted to see the city, you'll be able to go soon."

"That sounds like a good idea," Jasper said. "We'll just go upstairs to get ready."

He took my hand and pulled me out of the library, neither of us saying a word until we were in our room. Jasper remained silent and tense, perching on the edge of the bed with tightly clenched hands.

"Are you sure all these differences are worked out?" I asked, coming to sit next to him and placing my hand on his. He relaxed, just the tiniest bit.

"It's a truce," he answered. "He's agreed to not talk about the coven, and I've agreed to not object to his actions."

"You mean his victims," I suggested.

Jasper nodded. "Only he doesn't see them as such. None of them do…and what's worse is that all their talk is making me very, _very_ thirsty."

I squeezed his hand. "You promised you'd try, Jazz. You mustn't."

"I know," he replied. "And I won't, for you. But that doesn't mean it's not hard."

"You'll do fine, I'm sure of it." I titled my face up to kiss his jaw, the closest bit I could reach, and he smiled at my struggle before standing up and pulling me to my feet.

"Didn't I make a promise to you about shopping?" he asked with a mischievous twinkle in his ruby eyes. I felt my lungs stop working and fairly shimmied with excitement, making him laugh. I was a blur of motion as I grabbed my handbag, slipping on my shoes and coat, a rather threadbare velveteen, and handed Jasper his well-worn black duster. I happily noted that we'd have to buy new ones today. The coats weren't necessary, of course, but we couldn't go into the city during a storm without them or we would risk being noticed by the humans.

The coats turned out to be a good guard against the elements outside. When Charlotte had said there was a storm, she hadn't been talking about rain. The sky outside was filled with graying clouds, yes, but the air was swirling with thick, white snowflakes that slowly piled over everything. I had never before seen snow, not unless you counted in picture postcards and photographs, and it seemed that Jasper had never seen it either. We stood on the stoop of Peter and Charlotte's home, reaching our white hands out to touch the matching white flakes, marveling at how, despite all the things I had heard, they didn't melt on our cold skin.

"So this is what they mean by 'white Christmas,'" Jasper mused as we began to stroll down the sidewalk at a leisurely, human pace.

"Is it Christmastime already?" I asked. Keeping up with dates had never been my strong suit, and time – human time – seemed to pass so quickly to us immortals.

"I think it's pretty close," he answered. "Maybe three, four more days. I've been meaning to keep track."

My mind immediately set to work; did vampires celebrate Christmas? It seemed such a mortal holiday. Did Jasper expect a gift? And if so, what on earth was appropriate to get the man you wanted to spend your eternity with? My mind began to race.

"Calm down, Alice!" Jasper urged, rubbing his soothing little circles on my hand and using his gift to soothe me as well. I smiled shakily as we crossed the road, coming upon the first beautiful row of shops Newbury Street offered us.

The day was a whirlwind of excitement, at least on my part; Jasper seemed to just go along with whatever I wanted, which I could hardly object to. The first shop we entered was a ladies' boutique, filled to the brim with dresses and blouses and adorable hats. I stopped just long enough to buy some blouses and skirts, a brown suede day suit with a beret to match, a black cloche hat with purple ribbons at the band, and a beautiful claret-colored tea-length gabardine coat with mink trim at the neck and cuffs. Jasper stared wide-eyed at my pile of things as they were laid upon the countertop.

"Well, that was quite an excursion, wasn't it?" he commented as I handed over a large wad of money to the clerk.

I raised my eyebrows. "Do you really think that we're done?"

"I…." Jasper faltered as he came to the realization that I was only just beginning. The packages were ordered to be sent to Number 17, and we were off.

We paused in the furrier to pick up a mink muff and pelerine to match my new coat before moving on. Our next stop was a rather expensive-looking shop that seemed to cater to Boston's elite female population. The gentleman behind the counter gave us a quick once over, taking in our shabby coats and somewhat ragged appearance and dismissing us as loiterers. I could feel Jasper tense at my side, angry at the man's judgment, and a sudden feeling of accommodation swept over us. The man's tense face slackened, and he snapped his fingers for a clerk, sending a young woman our way. She was quite tall and thin with a spicy and delicate scent that might prove to be troublesome for both Jasper and myself.

"May I help you?" she asked, smiling widely. Jasper held up his hands in surrender and pointed to me. I could tell he was trying very hard not to breathe.

"Yes, I'd like to see what you have in the way of stockings and gloves," I said in my most cultured voice, wanting to play the part, and to make Jasper laugh as well. It worked, and he guffawed behind his hand, attempting to not take in too much of the clerk's scent.

We were ushered into two chairs clustered near a mirror, and someone placed a tray of sweets near our elbows which we pretended to pick on. The girl, whose nametag read "Melissa," soon brought out an array of accessories: the stockings and gloves I had asked for, as well as shoes, belts, handbags, and hats. I settled for two pairs of half-elbow-length kid gloves (cream and black) and three pairs of nude silk stockings, a beautiful rarity since the end of the war. Upon Melissa's insistence, I threw in a pair of black patent leather opera pumps and a delicate blue Shantung silk kimono straight from Japan. I felt slightly bad about buying a Japanese import so shortly after the war, but assured myself that the humans' fights were below my concern and I could buy from whom I pleased.

On our way towards the front of the store to pay for my purchases, I spotted Jasper pausing to stroke the fabric of a gown and stopped myself to admire its beauty. It was buttery yellow raw China silk, long-sleeved and cut to the knee; in short, it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

"Do you like it?"

Melissa had come up from behind, causing us both to tense up at her sudden scent.

"It's gorgeous," I breathed, reaching out to touch the hem.

Her eyes grew excited, and I was sure she would be getting a large commission if we bought it. She confirmed this idea with her next sentence: "Would you like to try it on?"

"Yes," Jasper said quickly, and Melissa began to remove it from the mannequin.

I was taken aback by Jasper's sudden response and then realized that he could feel the longing in my heart for this pretty gown. But then surely he could feel my longing for him too? I bit my lip and said nothing as Melissa placed the beautiful dress in my arms and gestured towards a small dressing area separated by a curtain.

"You can wait here, sir," Melissa suggested, drawing up a cushioned chair opposite the dressing room. "Let me know if you need any assistance."

"Thank you," I said for the both of us as Jasper sat in the chair and I backed into the curtained area, slipping off my skirt and blouse and pulling on the butter-colored gown.

I marveled at how well it fit my form, tapering in at the waist, covering my arms, and showing just enough at the bust line to still be decent. For a long time I had doubted my beauty; my small stature made me seem more pixy-like than glamorous, and the other female vampires I had known or seen…Charlotte and the mysterious Rosalie and Esme…were all gorgeous women who, I felt, far outshone me. This dress was a different story; I finally felt up to par with these breathtaking beauties.

"I'm glad you like it, but do you think I could see it?" Jasper asked from behind the curtain. I smiled, took a deep breath, and pushed the drapery aside, stepping outside. I heard his sudden intake of breath and saw him move to sit bolt-upright in his chair.

"I knew you'd look good in it," he said softly, "that's why I had her get it down for you."

I laughed, unsure of whether to take him at his word.

"No, really," he insisted. "Don't be so disbelieving."

I smiled at his sincerity and held out the edges of the gown so he could see it better. "I take it you like it, then?"

"You are very lucky I'm a gentleman," Jasper murmured, his hands clutching the arms of the chair he sat frozen in, his eyes locked on mine. I was thankful I couldn't blush, for I'd surely have been as red as a tomato.

For the first time since I became aware of my own feelings for him, I knew, right in that moment, that Jasper felt something for me. I couldn't be sure it was love, not with the doubts I still had about him and Maria, but I knew that he cared about me. He cared that I was happy and felt beautiful and was wanted. He was the first person I had ever met to care so much, and I blessed him for that.

"I suppose I ought to go change," I whispered, tugging my gaze away from his.

"Yes…I suppose." Jasper leaned back in his seat, and I returned to the dressing room to change back into my simple blouse and skirt ensemble, wishing they were something else so that I could catch Jasper's eye like that again.

I carried the yellow dress to the front desk where the rest of my purchases were waiting. While the manager was ringing my things up, Jasper took my hand, pulling me close so that my back was pressed against my chest.

"I want to apologize for what I said when you came out," he whispered, leaning down so his lips were almost brushing my ear. "It was…uncouth, and I shouldn't have said something like that to a lady."

I whipped around and caught a glimpse of his embarrassed-looking face. He looked so much like a troubled schoolboy that I almost fell to pieces with laughter. His sorrowful, apologetic look soon gave way to a crooked smile, and he kissed my forehead fondly.

We paid quickly and were on the street in a flash, walking hand-in-hand in the snow. Newbury Street had nearly emptied of people because of the weather, and we paused every so often to look in a window or duck into a shop. After a storefront display informed us that Christmas was only three days away, we quickly purchased some presents for our hosts and their guests: a new dress for the rather bedraggled-looking Bridget, jackets to replace Andreas and Grayer's military uniforms, and a black silk tie for Peter.

The men's store where we found the tie and jackets brought forth a treasure trove of clothes for Jasper, and I strode about the store, pulling down oxford shirts, slacks, denim jeans, suspenders, and ties. Jasper moaned and groaned as I forced him to try on endless pairs of loafers and dress shoes but settled down once I agreed to let him buy a soft brown leather bomber jacket with cream wool lining.

"Now" I said expectantly as he admired his jacket in the mirror, "let's get you fitted for a suit."

Jasper's eyebrows flew up nearly to his hairline. "A suit?"

"You ruined that tuxedo, remember?" I said, waving at a clerk across the room.

"Yes, but-"

"No buts," I interrupted. "And if you're good, I'll even let you have that fedora you were eying."

"I'm not a child who can be bribed with a lollipop, Alice," he said teasingly, snaking a hand around my waist to pull me close.

I struggled out of his grasp, waggling a finger in his face. "No, no, no. You stay here and be tailored like a good boy while I go look for a Christmas present for you."

"You don't have to get me anything," Jasper murmured. "You're already getting me so much here."

I shook my head. "I _want_ to get you something, Jazz," I insisted.

"And you want something in return, correct?" he teased.

"I never said that…" I trailed off, hinting at quite the opposite. The clerk had finally approached us, and I gave him explicit instructions to have Jasper measured for two broadcloth suits, one navy, one black, and to throw in a few dress shirts as well. Jasper gave me one last pleading look, and I left.

I stopped in the jewelry store to pick up a fancy pearl hair comb for Charlotte and a set of gold-set opal cufflinks for Jasper's new suit. It was in the back display of the store that Jasper's present was found: a beautiful golden pocket-watch that showed the time and date on its face. I remembered Jasper's earlier words, that he had been meaning to find out the date of Christmas, and knew that this was the solution. And besides that, the pocket-watch was handsome, practical, and didn't scream 'I want to spend the rest of my days at your side.' I was still taking this second by second, not wanting to scare him off for fear of being shunted aside like Maria. Perhaps the watch would show him that.

I had both the pocket-watch and the comb wrapped in pretty boxes and sent them on to Number 17 before heading down the road back towards the men's shop. Before I got there, another storefront caught my eye, this one specifically for ladies. Two delicate mannequins in the front were advertised as modeling the latest fashions from Paris and Milan, and I grew intrigued and a little shocked when I saw that those fashions were not fancy gowns but silky little negligees. I took a step back, staring at the bits of satin and lace the mannequins wore and wondering if I would ever have the courage to wear something like that for Jasper. If I did, maybe he would eye me again like he had when I had been wearing the yellow gown.

I have no idea what came over me. I swanned into the store, thumbed quickly through the racks in the hopes I might not be found in such an embarrassing situation, and plucked something not-too-risqué from the selection, a long, red, lacy nightgown with a rather low-cut top and a rather high-cut slit at the side, complete with a red sheer peignoir. It would be too long, that was sure, but I knew I wouldn't find anything quite my size in that store; how many four-foot-eleven females went out to buy negligees? I bought it quickly, making sure this parcel was taped and tied shut so that it couldn't embarrassingly discovered by someone at the house.

I returned to the men's store to find Jasper standing on the tailor's stand wearing his new fedora and a makeshift suit held together by numerous pins with an upset, an exasperated expression on his face. He threw me a beseeching glance as if requesting to be taken away from this hellish tailor's stand. But no, his eyes weren't beseeching anymore...they were thirsty.

"I have to go, Alice," he hissed, his voice fast and low enough for only me to hear, "I can't stand this many people."

I looked around at the ten or so people whose scents easily wafted towards me in a cacophony of odor. What was somewhat difficult for me to get through was no doubt a nightmare for him. I leaned forward and tapped the clerk doing the tailoring on his shoulder.

"Yes, madam?" he said cheerily. He smelled of something sweet, like honey, and I could see why this was such torture for Jasper.

"Have you got it from here?" I asked. "I'm afraid we have an appointment to get to."

"Yes, madam, I believe that you and your husband are free to go," he answered. "Be careful taking off that jacket now, sir."

I said nothing about the 'husband' comment the tailor made, being so used to the assumption these days. I helped Jasper out of the suit, knowing he would rip it to shreds had he been left to do it himself. We stopped at the cashier and paid, Jasper clenching his hands rapidly until we were outside again where the snow cleaned away any scent from the air. We walked along in silence for a while, both of us trying to clear ourselves of the potentially dangerous places we had both been in.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, staring at the snow as it crunched under my feet. Jasper glanced sideways at me and stopped. We had reached Number 17.

"For what?" he asked.

"For putting you in that…situation. Now_ I_ get to apologize for leaving _you_ alone."

He cracked half a smile at that. "And like you said, I've been alone for a while now. It's not such a big fuss."

My small hand slipped into his large one. "Jazz…you don't have a reason to be alone now."

Jasper stopped and pulled me to him, putting his hands on the side of my face as he kissed me, slowly, gently, just like the snow that was swirling around us.

"So, what did you get me for Christmas?" he murmured, his lips brushing against mine as he asked.

I stepped back and shook my head. "I'll never tell."

"Then we'll have to force it out of you, won't we?" he countered, his eyes mischievous. I laughed, darting to the stoop and into the brownstone house, Jasper quick at my heels. I could hear him chasing me up the stairs and into the room, around the many parcels that lay on the floor, running at me as fast as lightning. I sidestepped his every move, dodging this way and that until he tackled me, throwing me back on the bed and pinning my hands down with his.

"Not fair!" I half-shouted, half-laughed. Jasper laughed too, placing each of his knees on the sides of my hips and leaning down. He buried his face in my neck, teasing my collarbone with his lips as I writhed under his hold, my laughter dying at my lips. He let go of my wrists and I raked my hands down his back, reaching under his shirt to feel his smooth, cold skin against my hands.

"Alice…" he whispered against my jaw, kissing until our lips met. I ran my fingers down his spine, ending when my hand brushed against the top of his trousers. His kisses grew in ferocity, his tongue sliding against mine, and I moaned into his mouth in anticipation of what was to come.

It never came.

Jasper jumped up from on top of me, leaving me lying alone on the bed as he turned to face the wall, one hand clenching itself around his golden hair.

"Jazz…" I whispered, sitting up and stretching out a hand to graze his arm. He stepped away, still not facing me.

"Forgive me, I was being too forward," he spat quickly. "I shouldn't have…taken advantage of you."

"Jasper, you-"

"I'm going to take a shower."

He hurried to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. I heard the water start immediately, and I laid back down on the bed, feeling more confused and alone than I had in my entire life.


	10. I Know Thou Wilt Say Aye

Jasper didn't expect to see me still lying on the bed when he came out of the shower. I sat up as he pulled on his shirt, watching him button it silently.

"You could wear one of your new Oxfords," I murmured, drawing my knees up to my chest.

He shook his head, water droplets shaking down from his hair. "No, this is fine. I'll wear one tomorrow." I nodded, still not sure he would. Tomorrow wasn't always such a constant when the tomorrows stretched out in an endless line before us.

I longed to reach for him, to bring him close to me like we had been before. Jasper sighed and sat on the bed, not in my arms but still close enough to ease my want. He reached for my hand, and I was surprised at my reaction; where I had usually just been breathless and still, I was now burning with such a deep-seated passion that I was sure Jasper was sending waves of heat my way. He was making me want things I had never thought of before, at least not outside the realm of trashy novels and romance films. Still, with the way Jasper was acting, leaving so quickly, it was almost as if he wanted nothing to do with me after our brief encounters. Perhaps I reminded him of Maria? Perhaps he would become one of those love-and-leave men like he had been with her? I hardly cared, so long as the 'love' part was there. As a vampire, I had never been with a man in that way…and I was almost taken aback that I wanted to so badly.

"So that's how you're feeling, hmm?"

I looked up, surprised at his half-smile. "But I thought you were giving me-"

"No, that's all you," he replied and his smile faded a little. "That isn't to say I don't have these same…feelings. I do, I just…."

He paused, calming his nerves and making me feel settled as well before going on.

"I can't act on them, not yet. I feel as though I've been letting myself become almost too familiar with you. I'm going back to being the hungry beast I once was, and I don't want to be that ever again. You make me thirsty, Alice, and it's not for blood." He looked down and bit his lip. "I shouldn't have said that. It's not gentlemanly."

"Jasper," I murmured, chancing a glance into his eyes, "sometimes I don't want you to be a gentleman."

His eyes blazed for a moment into mine before he looked away. "You are making it very hard for me to be honorable, Alice."

I sighed. If that's the way he wanted it to be…then I could wait. For him. But still, I had to laugh. "Isn't it usually the girl who makes these sorts of requests?"

He smiled, and my heart melted. "Yes, but I won't have you being thought of as a scarlet woman by our hosts because of my desires." He leaned forward to kiss me, quickly, so that nothing should happen as a result.

"You desire me?" I asked, raising my eyebrows in surprise. So he _didn't_ think of me as another Maria?

Jasper laughed loudly. "Alice, are you blind? You're the most captivating woman I've ever met, human or vampire." He stopped to bring my hand to his lips, murmuring against them, "Of course I desire you."

And it's times like this that I know I can wait for him.

It became a group decision to stay through until the first night of the New Year, when we would all leave under cover of darkness. Peter and Charlotte were headed to Canada, Andreas, Grayer, and Bridget to New York, and Jasper and I to heaven knows where. Still living off the dregs of our last hunt, Jasper and I spent most of our time inside of the Newbury Street brownstone, talking about everything and nothing with the other vampires. We sat around the fire during the day, trading stories, and Jasper told about our strange meeting in Philadelphia and adventures in Atlantic City…most of them. Peter told of how he and Charlotte had come through New England to be in Boston. One night, we learned the unfamiliar story of Andreas "birth" a very long time ago in the Côte-d'Armor and of his finding Grayer wasting away in the battlefields of France.

"He was bleeding terribly," Andreas explained, "hit by a shell or something. I had been working for the medics then, where I took it upon myself to, shall I say, put the soldiers out of their misery."

His eyes flared red, and I took Jasper's hand as the story went on.

"When I found him so near death, so pale and delicate and human, I knew I had to change him." Andreas paused, and he and Grayer shared a look that blazed almost as much as the fire.

"And then they came here and found me," Bridget spoke up proudly from her chair next to mine.

Grayer broke his fiery stare with Andreas, chuckling lightly. "Yes, we came to America about ten years after I was changed and ran around the States for a while. We found Bridget a year ago in Washington."

I nodded along with the story of their creations, knowing Jasper would refrain from telling his and that I was unfortunately forced to.

In the meantime, I was put to the task of helping Charlotte put up the Christmas decorations she found in the basement. She put the radio on a cheery station while we trimmed an enormous tree Andreas had nicked from a lot (along with the moneybox he found there), and I tried to smile and not think of whom these heirloom ornaments had belonged to before Peter and Charlotte had gotten their hands on them.

While I was hanging hand-knitted stockings on the mantle late on Christmas Eve for Charlotte to fill, Jasper busied himself in the library, pouring through endless stacks of books. That was where I found him, hunched over a map of the United States.

"Have you decided where we're headed?" I asked, coming up behind him to wrap my arms around his neck and rest my chin on his shoulder.

He dipped his head to kiss my arm. "Not yet. I know we'll be somewhere in the north."

"Why is that?"

"Carlisle and his brood won't be going too near the southern sunlight. And Peter's been hinting at something in the northwest."

"Do you really think I'll be able to survive up there?" I asked with a joking smile. "It's all abandoned wilderness with not an upscale boutique in sight."

"Yes, that's true, but think of all those wild animals…just delicious." He licked the corner of his mouth. "And you'll be with me."

"That's the best part of all," I said and kissed the top of his head. I pulled myself onto the edge of the desk, dangling my legs over the side so that they were a good foot from the floor, and picked up a book from Jasper's stack. I pretended to read the words but was really staring absent-mindedly at a picture of a beautiful dappled pony I found within the pages.

"Do you like horses?" Jasper asked, looking up from his map at me.

I nodded. "To look at, at least. I'd probably be tempted. Too-big animals have too much blood." Jasper laughed heartily but suddenly stopped when I glazed over, a vision slipping into my mind.

_Jasper rode up in a blur of dust and hooves on an enormous bay roan-colored mare, jumping off in front of a small ranch-style home. The sun shone brightly, but he stepped without fear, sparkling brilliantly in the abandoned area. Alice ran to the door to greet him, her face ecstatic as she opened her mouth to speak_.

As I was shaken back to reality, I realized that whatever it was going to come out of my mouth had been very exciting. Life-changing, even, and I grew slightly disappointed that I hadn't heard it.

"What did you see?" Jasper asked. My visions were growing to be almost commonplace with him.

"You were on a horse," I explained, "at a ranch or something like it. I think that's where we're going."

"A horse?" he repeated, and I nodded.

"I guess I'm going to have to learn to curb my appetite even more," I said with a grin, happy to be going anywhere, even a sunshiny abandoned ranch, as long as Jasper was going too.

My mind flashed with another vision, a quick one of Bridget coming to get us from the library for Charlotte's gift-giving.

"We should go," I said to Jasper, hopping down from the desk to the floor. "Charlotte wants us in the great room for the stockings."

"Time for your gift, then," he said in a teasingly secretive tone.

"I'm looking forward to it," I replied brightly, and Jasper stopped in his tracks.

"You know," he murmured, shocked, and I dipped my head. Of course I knew, I had seen the beautiful ruby pendent before he had even purchased it. I had also seen glimpses of what I would get from the others, but the blank white envelopes befuddled me.

"Oh, Jazz." I put my hand to his cheek, trying to ease away the disappointed look in his eyes. For somebody so in tune with people's emotions, Jasper was very easily read. I hoped he felt the comfort I was trying to send his way.

"I wanted it to be a surprise," he said quietly.

I smiled. "Did you really think you could sneak something that nice around me? You're much too sweet to keep such a secret anyways."

I stood on tiptoe to kiss him just as Bridget entered the library.

"Charlotte says everything's ready," she announced, her red eyes sparkling with anticipation. I wondered if she thought perhaps a fresh human was waiting for her in her Christmas stocking, which, upon our arrival in the great room, seemed quite full but not of humans.

"Good, you're here." Charlotte came bustling over from the glittering monstrosity that was our Christmas tree. "Now we can start."

I sat in the wingback chair Jasper pulled out for me, still wondering a little why Charlotte was so insistent on celebrating this mortal holiday…and then I remembered that presents were involved and smiled. Even though I couldn't remember having ever celebrated this day and even though I usually liked the giving more than the receiving, I was still looking forward to the gifts. I had been so confused by my vision of my presents that I was dying to understand.

"Well, let's go ahead and start this human charade," Peter said, kissing his mate's temple. Once we were all seated, Charlotte began removing the stockings from the mantle, handing them to their respective owners. Mine was rather light, filled with only the two thin paper envelopes. I tried not to feel let-down at my small collection despite having seen it in my vision and carefully opened the first envelope.

"Well, do you like it?" Andreas asked, watching me with careful eyes. I peered at the slip of paper in my hand, unsure of what it meant as various words popped out at me from the page: **market, share, exchange**.

"I…I'm not sure," I confessed. "What is it?"

Andreas grinned. "It's called a stock. You are now a shareholder in the Newmont gold mine in Carlin, Nevada."

I had heard those terms, stock and shareholder, before, and vaguely knew what they meant: money.

"You can buy more at the stock exchange. The game with stocks is to know when to sell," Andreas went on. "You want to sell them when they're worth the most. After Jasper told us of your talent in Atlantic City, we figured you'd do very well in the stock market."

Jasper could feel me growing more excited and put a calming hand on my knee.

"Thank you," I said once settled. "It's a very thoughtful gift."

"As is yours," Grayer replied, shrugging on his new jacket.

"Oh, Alice, Jasper, this is too much," Charlotte was cooing as she unwrapped her pearl-studded hair comb from its tissue paper.

"Not when compared to this," Jasper replied, waving an envelope similar to my unopened one in the air. I furrowed my brow and opened up my own envelope, taking out the piece of paper and scanning it quickly.

_Josephine Bernadette Robinson O'Brien_

_Born February 3, 1928 in Savannah, Georgia, to_

_Josephine Marie Boudreaux Robinson (1911 – 1928)_

_And_

_Timothy Charles Robinson (1902 – 1947)_

_Married October 12, 1948 to_

_Hector William O'Brien_

The list went on, giving every bit of information about this Josephine O'Brien, including her blood type, what school she had gone to, and much more. I stared at this second piece of paper, even more confused then when I had opened the first one. What on earth was I doing with this strange woman's life written down in my hands?

"It's an identity, Alice," Jasper explained as the others continued their unwrapping. "It's who we can pretend to be wherever we end up going."

I nodded, halfway understanding. "So we won't be Jasper and Alice anymore?"

Jasper took my hand. "You will always be my Alice. We just have to use these names to get land and live a normal life. People like to check backgrounds, and these names have a background."

"Are they…." I found my throat becoming very parched as I tried to ask my question in an exceedingly low voice. "They're not…Peter didn't take these from…."

"Peter and I know an expert in forgery," Jasper assured me. "These are completely made up."

I nodded, relieved.

"There's another part coming in a few days," Peter announced. "I'm still waiting to hear from someone."

My eyes met Jasper's, and I wished he could read my thoughts. _If the first part of our gift is forged identities, I hardly want to know what the second one will be_.

"Don't worry." Jasper leaned forward to kiss my temple. "I'm sure it's fine."

But I said nothing, only sat back in my chair, done with my gifts, and watched the others clean up the remnants of wrapping paper and ribbons. Jasper was the only one with a gift left, mine. He tugged at the purple ribbon I had wrapped around the box, sliding off the lid to reveal the handsome gold pocket-watch resting on a bed of cotton. He lifted the watch from the cotton, letting it glimmer in the firelight.

"Alice, you shouldn't have," he murmured, flipping it over in his hand. I smiled as he read the inscription aloud. "'J- For the rest of time. -A'"

"I was going to put J.W., but I wasn't sure what to put after mine," I said, happy that he was so happy with his gift and trying not to wonder where mine was.

"This is perfect," he said and leaned over to kiss my temple before pulling a small box from the pocket of his slacks. "Do you want your gift now or later?"

I hesitated for a half-second before blurting out, "Now." Jasper smiled.

"Come with me," he insisted, holding out his hand. I took it and followed him out of the room, down the hallway, and back to the library. This book-filled room was Jasper's little haven and one of the few places we could count on being alone without being tempted to get carried away with our feelings. We stood near the grandfather clock, hearing its great big ticks sound in time with the tiny metallic ones coming from Jasper's new pocket-watch.

"Well, you already know what it is, but…here." Jasper held out the plain little white box, and I took it, opening the top deftly.

It was better than even I had seen. The ruby pendant was a glittering heart quite bigger than my thumbnail, the same color as my Jasper's eyes the moment of our first kiss in Atlantic City. It was surrounded by tiny white diamonds, paler than my skin and shining brightly, all of it strung onto a thin silver chain. Jasper reached for the necklace and I stepped closer as he clasped it around me.

"It's more beautiful that I imagined," I murmured, touching the ruby that now rested against my sternum. As beautiful as it was, a tinge of worry ran through me as I wondered just how he could have paid for something so valuable. I bit my lip and spoke up. "How did you…?"

Jasper's eyes crinkled as he smiled. "You're not the only one with money in the bank, Alice."

Of course, that didn't make it any more clear, and I grew more confused.

"I've had some money growing in an account for the past three years," he explained. "It isn't a lot…and it was mostly given to me by Peter and Charlotte, so I'm not sure it was well come by, but it's something to live on. And if it allows me to get you nice things, then I'm not going to argue."

I nodded and fingered the delicate chain. "And it _is _very nice."

"You like it, I'm glad," he said, smiling as he sat down on the edge of one of the desks and drawing me close with his arm around my waist so that our faces were level.

"It's almost as if I'm wearing your heart, still as it is," I teased lightly, stroking the side of his cheek with my fingertips. The corner of his mouth went up in a half-smile but his eyes grew serious. My hand grew still on his face.

Jasper hesitated, as if a great weight was pressing against his chest and the next words out of his mouth would determine whether it was lifted or pressed even harder. He took a deep breath, stared at me with focused burgundy eyes, and spoke.

"Alice, I gave you this because…you have already captured my heart. It may be still, but it _is_ there. And it belongs to you entirely."

I think about two full minutes passed before I breathed – the two clocks chiming midnight in unison assured me of that. _It's Christmas_, was the first thought that ran through my head. _It's Christmas in Boston and I am here with the man whose heart is mine and mine his_.

"Did I scare you off then?" Jasper joked as if he knew surely it was the opposite.

"As if you could ever get rid of me," I murmured before pressing my lips to his. I was ecstatic to know that in this kiss were all the feelings I had been keeping bottled inside newly reciprocated. We held tightly to each other after separating, our foreheads pressed together as if being apart would cause the end of both of our worlds.

"I…" I began to speak but bit my tongue, unable to say the words my heart was screaming. Wasn't this the next step, saying it aloud? I faltered, still unable to do it for fear of rejection.

But Jasper's eyes were sparkling like my ruby, happy and knowing as he spoke for the both of us.

"I love you too."


	11. Stir Up the Athenian Youth to Merriments

The morning of New Year's Eve dawned dim and overcast, something everyone in the house was excited about. Jasper and I took the opportunity to get outside and head to an enormous forest in New Hampshire where there was a rampant population of moose. I parked the Buick in the visitor's center, and Jasper began blazing a trail into the woods with me close behind.

"They're staying away from the edge," I murmured, mostly to myself. "We'll have to go deeper into the trees if we're going to find them."

Jasper nodded and quickened his pace. "Can you see anything?"

I scanned my mind. _Jasper's jaws were locked around the neck of an enormous moose_. "No, nothing that's recognizable. Just trees."

"You're getting better at forcing these visions," he remarked as we stepped silently. It was true. My visions were still coming sporadically, but if I focused hard enough, I could will what I wanted to see. It was tought to keep from passing out afterwards, though.

"I've been trying to focus on the family," I replied. 'The family' is what we had taken to calling Carlisle and the rest, their surname still unknown.

"And have you seen anything?"

"Wouldn't I have told you if I had?"

Jasper smiled. I hadn't truly seen anything. To tell the truth, I was focusing my mind so much on _their_ future that I was missing things nearby. I hadn't seen Bridget attack that policeman nor seen Grayer nearly get caught stealing a man's wallet in the park. Hearing them tell of the troubles they had was the first time I had ever felt shock. I had spent the past few days concentrating more on Jasper and myself, but the only thing I had seen was a long car ride in the dead of night that was obviously from our upcoming trip to an as-of-yet undisclosed location.

A sudden rumble in the undergrowth caught my ear and my head snapped to the left to find what was making the sound. An enormous moose, too far away for the human eye but just in sight in my own, was stepping across the forest floor with her mate. I could smell the pheromones dripping off both of them and almost felt bad for breaking such a natural bond. Still, a meal was a meal.

Both of us took off like a shot towards the moose. Our footfalls were quiet but not enough; the moose started running, and it turned into a chase. I sped through the copse, dodging trees and catching a wave of the moose's scent every few seconds that made my mouth water with venom. This thrill of the hunt sent a burst of energy through me and I ran even faster, leaping over fallen trunks, grinning at Jasper as I passed him easily. My prey, the female, was only a few feet ahead now. I crouched for a split second before flying through the air, landing on the giant animal's back and sinking my razor teeth into its back.

Nothing will ever compare to the feeling of fresh blood running down my throat. There is absolutely nothing like it.

The moose was the biggest animal I had ever caught, and I was quite proud. Still, its largeness was a challenge, and it was a struggle to drain the beast. Nevertheless, I finished, knowing that the immense amount of blood would satisfy me for at least a week and a half. Jasper had taken down the male a few yards away. I sat up and watched him, his mouth locked tight on the underside of its neck. It was another struggle to keep from attacking him right there on the forest floor next to the two still, quiet animals. Something about watching him as he drank, seeing him doing something so base and animalistic, set off a spark in me, and I felt a now-familiar ache grow in the pit of my stomach.

Jasper looked up from his meal and smiled with red-stained teeth. "I thought we were trying to abstain from feelings like those."

I smirked. "Then why don't you calm me down?"

He did, and I sighed. As troublesome and in-the-way as these feelings of ours were, the temptation _was_ exciting, especially when I knew that his own temptation had to boil over at some point. I would get what I wanted. I just didn't know when.

Lots of people were headed into the city for the New Year's festivities, and our normal driving route would have been extremely trafficked during our seven o'clock commute if I hadn't taken a second to control my visions and found an alternate way back to Newbury Street. We had hardly parked the car when the front door burst open and Peter appeared on the stoop, looking anxious and excited.

"Been waiting for us?" Jasper asked as we walked up the front steps.

"I've got that second part of your Christmas present," Peter replied cryptically, his eyebrows wiggling. I took Jasper's hand; even after being here for well over a week, I still didn't entirely trust Peter. We followed him over the threshold and through the house, ending up in the library where an enormously thick stack of paperwork sat on the normally clean desk Jasper had claimed as his.

"What's all this?" I asked as Peter handed the stack to Jasper.

"That, my dear _Mr. and Mrs. O'Brien_, is your destiny," Peter said with a wide smile. I peeked over Jasper's arm at the papers, the topmost of which was a deed to a home.

"Ten Sleep, Wyoming," I read aloud that was where the car trip of my vision was leading to…but all the way to Wyoming? How terribly far.

"Am I right in assuming that you've already read up on this town, Major?" asked Peter. Jasper nodded silently, still pouring over the documents, and Peter stepped towards the door. "Then I'll leave you two to talk."

He had almost left the room when he stopped and turned around. My mind came to with a spark, pictures of a party in the great room flickering through, with at least five extra guests added to our normal number and a fireworks display outside the windows making the room glow purple, blue, and gold.

"I'm supposed to let you know-"

I held up a hand to stop Peter. "Is Charlotte throwing a party?"

Peter chortled. "That gift of yours is truly a great one, Miss Alice." He gave a little bow from the waist and departed. I leaned against Jasper's desk to watch him read silently, my mind growing cloudy as I pondered just how well I would fare in a tiny little town called Ten Sleep.

"You're not too pleased," Jasper murmured, his eyes still locked on the papers.

I shrugged. "It's far away. We'll never see anyone, Charlotte or any of the others."

"Charlotte and Peter are rather nomadic," he replied. "They won't even be staying in Montréal very long, we won't see them if we stay here anyways."

He put down the papers on his desk.

"Besides, Andreas has been hearing rumblings from the neighbors. They're starting to get suspicious."

I raised a jet eyebrow. "You mean he hasn't killed them all yet?"

"Andreas doesn't know our ways, Alice, you can't get _too_ mad at him," he said touchily and sighed. "I used to be very much like him."

I moved to wrap my arms about his waist. "I'm sorry, I didn't think of it like that."

Jasper leaned down to rest his chin on my head. "I know. It's just a touchy subject, you know that."

"Is it getting very hard to be around them?" I asked. As of late, Jasper had been retreating to the library more and more, unable to sit around the others while they spoke endlessly about their day's victims. I felt the same and often joined him there; I was almost finished with the complete works of Charles Dickens because of this.

"I can smell the blood on them," he muttered against the crown of my head. "It's a struggle just to stay in this house, let alone go outside where the humans are. But I made a promise to you."

I tilted my head up to look at him, and he stared back down at me with calm, truthful burgundy eyes, eyes that were slowly - slowly! - gaining a yellowish tint.

"I love you," I murmured, touching the side of his face softly. "Do I tell you that enough?"

Jasper smiled. "No, never enough."

I smiled too and kissed him gently, staying pressed close to him so that my lips brushed against his when I spoke. "Tell me more about this Wyoming."

"Ten Sleep," he corrected.

"Ten Sleep, whatever." I moved my lips to his jawline, kissing softly as he spoke.

"It's on the side of the Big Horn Mountains," he went on. "It's overcast 221 days a year, but there are only about 100 people in the town, so we won't be seen much anyways."

"Mmmhmm," I murmured as I moved down his neck.

"We have a ranch on the outskirts of town, all ready for us, with a small field of barley out back that we can harvest and sell so we look somewhat human."

I pulled open the top two buttons of his shirt, moving to kiss the exposed hollow where his neck and collarbone met. His breath slowed so that he had just enough air to speak.

"The sheriff sold us the house and a…a horse for me." He was beginning to sputter, and I smiled as we both continued. "He thinks we're newlyweds, and – Christ, Alice!"

Jasper grabbed the sides of my face, angling it upwards so that he could kiss my mouth as I curled my hands around his half-open shirt front. His tongue traced the top of my lip, and I gladly let him enter. Our tongues danced together, our lips playing the beat, and that feeling in the pit of my stomach that never seemed to go away around him only blazed up in response. We stayed like that, pressed tightly together for a few minutes before I stopped, somewhat proud of myself for being the one to do so but still upset that I had to force the action.

"You should go get changed for this party," Jasper murmured, his breathing heavy once more against my ear. I nodded and wrenched myself out of his grasp, feeling the ghost of his touch as I left the library and went to our room. He was driving me crazy, that man. If he didn't act soon, I surely would. I shook my head to clear my mind, wishing for Jasper's calming effect, and tried to think of the party instead.

I had never been to a real party before. Was it like all the films made it seem out to be? Would there be music and dancing and low lights? My vision had made it seem so, and the sounds of a jazz record drifting up through the floorboards confirmed that. But didn't the parties in films have food and people getting steadily drunker as the night went on? Surely this party wouldn't have that. Vampires had no need for such unnecessary human things.

But vampires _did_ have to look nice. I fished my yellow gown, still unworn, from the bags we had already packed for tomorrow night's departure, taking out Jasper's suit as well. I slid out of my day dress and stepped into the circle of yellow silk, pulling it on with ease.

"Let me help you."

Charlotte was standing in the half-opened doorway, the slinky red concoction she wore giving her chocolate hair auburn tints and making her legs go on for miles. She stepped into the room and reached out to zip up my dress.

"Thank you," I replied, smoothing out the silk with the palms of my hands.

"You look simply lovely," she remarked as I turned about.

I smiled modestly. "And you, you're ravishing. I'm surprised Peter is able to think at all around you."

Charlotte's glowing face faltered for a brief moment before she pulled it back up again. I narrowed my eyes; something was troubling her.

"I hear that you and Major are going to Wyoming," she said brightly, trying to cover up whatever it was that had troubled her.

"Yes," I replied, "we're playing at being newlyweds, apparently."

Again, Charlotte's lively expression dropped. This time, though, she could not manage to bring her smile back.

"Charlotte," I said softly, reaching out to touch her arm, "won't you tell me what's bothering you?"

Charlotte sighed and sat on the bed. "It's nothing, it's…it's rather silly."

I sat next to her, waiting. She went on.

"You and Jasper get to at least pretend you're married," she said softly. "Peter refuses to even consider it…he says it's too human."

I sat back, shocked. For someone who relied so much on destroying human lives, it was hard to believe that she would want so much to be like them. Jasper had been so shocked to hear that Carlisle and Esme were married that I assumed this sort of relationship obviously didn't happen with our kind.

"I've only been changed for five years or so," Charlotte confessed. "I remember so much about…before. That doesn't mean I want to be a human anymore, of course, I just…."

"You want that connection with Peter," I offered, and she nodded.

"Listen to me, pouring my heart out when I should be getting ready for the party," Charlotte muttered, rising quickly from the bed.

"Charlotte, you don't have to-"

"No, really, I-"

We both stopped short when Jasper poked his head in the door. "Am I interrupting?"

Charlotte plastered her fake smile on again. "Not at all. I was just leaving. Thank you, Alice…for listening."

I nodded, silently letting her know I would listen again if she needed me as she left the room.

"What was that all about?" Jasper asked warily, reaching for his suit and unbuttoning his shirt.

I averted my eyes. A shirtless Jasper was far too much of a temptation. "Nothing, just some girl-talk." I heard him chuckle in response.

"You really are going to miss her, aren't you?" he asked, and I could hear his fingers sliding his buttons through the holes, a sign that I could turn back around. The doorbell downstairs rang, and Charlotte's voice echoed up to us, falsely cheery.

"She's the first real…well, _friend_ I've ever had," I replied. "And now we'll be on an abandoned ranch in the middle of nowhere."

"Alice," Jasper said, coming to stand before me as he pulled on his jacket, "I promise you we won't be abandoned. You'll have friends…even if it's just me and a horse."

I laughed, and he took my hand.

"You make that dress look lovely," he murmured, stroking his circles onto the back of my hand.

"Funny," I said, rolling my eyes. He laughed too.

"Let's go to this party, shall we?" He pulled me to my feet. "Peter said something about some extra guests."

"Let's hope Andreas and Grayer haven't created more newborns, then," I said in jesting reply as we left the room.

We were halfway down the stairs when a luxurious smell met my nose – Jasper's too, by the rapt look on his face, his eyes half-closed as he breathed the scent in deeply. It was an incredible mixture…warm sand, a sea breeze, and something exotically spicy, like cumin or fennel. Jasper stepped quickly down the stairs and I followed, eager to know what it was that had us so tempted, forgetting any thought of how much trouble such a temptation could bring.

Gentle voices were flowing down the hall from the party in the great room and we walked ever closer. Jasper pushed the door open and stopped, frozen just over the threshold. I stopped too, my foot frozen in mid-step as I realized that the scent was stronger in this room because of the presence of six tanned, healthy, blood-filled humans.

My senses sprang to life, my nose taking in every hint of their pheromones, my eyes watching as an older woman stopped to smooth back a single strand of her gray hair with a wrinkled hand, and my tongue swirling in the venom that was pouring like a river in my mouth as I watched the blood easily pulse through her spidery blue veins.

"Major, Alice, you've come down!" Peter crossed the room excitedly, rubbing his hands together.

"Peter," Jasper spat tersely. "What the hell is going on here?"

"Quite a spread, hmm?" Peter's eyes glowed pitch black. He was hungry, hungry and ready for one of these poor souls that waited unknowingly for their death.

"What do you think you're doing?" I spoke up. All the anger of the past few weeks was finally boiling over in me. All the pain he had caused me, caused Jasper, was taking its toll. "You're going to take them all, right here, in this house that doesn't belong to you?"

Peter smirked casually. "That's precisely the point, little Alice. Charlotte!"

Charlotte looked up from across the room and hurried to her mate's side, a curvaceous blonde following her, taking Bridget's common place. I narrowed my eyes and stopped breathing, unable to handle the bouquet of the humans around me.

"Look what Peter's brought us," Charlotte announced, gesturing around her. Obviously, the evening's sadness she had confessed in my room was gone as soon as her mate had given her the gift of a human sacrfice. It made me sick to know how much she longed for such a human bond with him but was still pleased as punch when he helped her destroyed such bonds.

"We brought a friend for you too, Major," Charlotte said pleasingly, nodding to the blonde at her side. "This is Nicole."

The girl extended a tanned hand to Jasper. I watched, my breath still plugged up in my lungs, as he met her hand with his, bowing low to kiss her smooth skin, taking a deep breath of her wrist as he did so.

"You are quite the beauty, Miss Nicole," Jasper said in a low, suave voice. I froze in shock and pain as I felt him turn on his charm. Was this how he had gotten victims before? I wanted to cry out, to wrench his hand away from hers, to attack the girl and taste her blood on my tongue – not for want of it myself or even to stop Jasper from tasting it. No, I wanted to stop him from holding her hand and having that look in his eyes. That look was _mine_. That hand was _mine_. Jasper was _mine_.

"Thank you, Major…?" The girl tittered lightly – the blood pooling in her cheeks was to die for.

"Whitlock," I answered coldly for him. Nicole's blue-green eyes flickered over to my topaz ones, taking in my small stature and well-cut features. Apparently, I was something of a threat, and she paused in her amorous agenda.

My voice seemed to have broken the spell, and Jasper's wave of oozing charm faded back slightly. His hand sought mine for protection, rubbing those little circles harder than ever. I glanced into his face and nearly cried out. His eyes had lost their debonair sheen and were instead filled with dread and worry. He knew exactly what he was capable of doing to this girl, and, worse, he knew he would do it if we didn't leave quickly. My mind knew it too; it filled with a picture of him sucking the life out of Nicole, her pristine hair spotted red with her own blood.

I tugged sharply on Jasper's hand, pulling him out of the great room without a word. I heard the awkward laughter of the others behind me as the door shut. I didn't care about staying anymore. I didn't want to see Peter or Charlotte, not after they had caused Jasper this much pain.

We would leave. We would leave tonight and never see them again.


	12. Ill Met By Moonlight

The streets were almost entirely empty. There were still two hours to go until midnight, and everyone who would have normally been crowding the roads was inside with their families or at a party. Or being ruthlessly killed.

I hadn't wanted to look, to see them, to know their faces, but my mind wouldn't let me forget. The moon seemed to reflect the six faces, one by one…the older woman…a handsome young married couple…a teenaged boy barely out of adolescence…a ravishing middle-aged man…and Nicole, the beauty Jasper had almost…

"Stop, please."

Jasper's voice was cutting in the darkness.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. _All those people…_

"You have no need to be sorry, Alice," Jasper muttered bitterly. "_You_ did nothing wrong."

I couldn't let him keep feeling this way, blaming himself like that so much. The Buick rolled to a stop as I pulled to the side of the road. We sat silently in the quietude of the night, listening to the crickets chirping loudly, neither of us speaking. My hand unfurled in the middle of the seat and waited for his to meet it. His palm hovered over it for a moment as if he wasn't certain that he could touch me. I raised my hand and grabbed his; I had enough certainty for the both of us.

"I'm a monster, Alice," he whispered, his hand as cold and still as his face. "How can you possibly want to be near me? You saw what I was going to do to that girl."

I shook my head. "Jazz, I will always, _always _want to be near you. Don't ever forget that."

He winced, almost in pain, and I felt that same pain course through me, though I was sure it wasn't because of his gift.

"And do you think it wasn't a struggle for me either?" I added. "Blood smells the same to the both of us, I've just been abstaining longer is all…being in such close quarters with all those humans was difficult for me too."

Despite my confession, he still looked upset, and I went on.

"Especially when you started charming that woman…I could hardly stand to watch you and her together, her holding your hand and you smiling that smile, _my_ smile, and I…like I said, it was hard holding back."

I glanced across the seat at him. His face had relaxed from the tortured grimace it had been in since we left Boston.

"I'm sorry I made you feel that way," he apologized. "I didn't think…I don't know what came over me, I just…that's how I used to be. That's how I used to –"

"I know," I interrupted. "That's why we're going away to forget. We'll start over. Ten Sleep, Wyoming, remember?"

I squeezed his hand lightly before letting go to start the Buick again, pulling back onto the moonlit road and driving towards the west.

We traveled quickly for the next two hours, one of us continually fiddling with the radio as the stations came in and out of range. The moon had risen to its highest point in the sky when "Auld Lang Syne" began playing, heralding the arrival of the New Year. To the right side of the car, a shimmering fireworks display started, lighting up the northern sky.

"Pull over," Jasper said, his first words since we had started back on the road. "Let's watch."

I was so pleased that he was speaking that I would have done anything he wanted at the moment. I nodded, drove onto the dusty shoulder of the highway, and parked the car, following Jasper's move to get out. I watched anxiously as he slid to sit on the hood.

"If you scratch my car, Jazz, so help you…" I murmured worriedly. Jasper smiled, just the tiniest bit, and held out a hand. I took it and slid onto the car next to him, careful not to touch the paint with my nails or shoes, though I'd be fine if I had to retouch it if it only made Jasper smile again.

"You really love this car," he commented lightly as a large red burst appeared on the horizon. "How long have you had it?"

I stared straight ahead at the fireworks, embarrassed. "About five months."

Jasper laughed lightly and I smiled in response, happy that his spirits were lifting. "You'd think someone so devoted to their automobile would actually have had it for a good while."

I faked a scowl, hitting his shoulder with a touch that would have sent a human flying but only made Jasper flinch and laugh again. I smiled and relaxed into the crook of his arm, feeling as if I couldn't stomach being anywhere other than sitting on the hood of the Buick with him.

My mind wandered to the thought of Peter, Charlotte, and the rest of the others…were they drinking from their human victims right now? Had they even been able to wait until midnight? Had the humans seen 1949?

"Please, Alice, forget it," Jasper whispered in my ear. "Leave it behind, just like you said. I can't handle it if you won't."

I nodded and said, "I can handle it. I just need to get my mind off of everything."

"Relax," he ordered. "Enjoy the fireworks. It's 1949, and we're starting the year together."

I smiled. "You know, the humans have a tradition where the first person they kiss at midnight is the person they spend the year with."

He cocked a blond eyebrow. "Is that a proposition, Alice?"

"Maybe," I answered saucily, leaning forward to close the distance between our mouths. Jasper's hand tightened on my arm and he pulled me into him so that my hands were pressed against his firm chest. I stroked the collar of the suit he still wore, loosening his tie.

"We should stop," he whispered against my mouth.

"Mmm…we _should_," I said, making no move to do so. Jasper laughed lowly and pulled away. I groaned in response, and he laughed at that too.

"If we keep driving at this rate, we'll get to Ten Sleep around two or so," he said, sliding off the car.

"We can make a stop in Erie for gas," I replied as I hopped to the ground and opened the driver's side door.

We did stop in Erie, as well as Chicago and a little town called Albert Lea in Minnesota. Jasper sat tensely each time as the fresh-smelling attendant pumped the car full of gasoline, one hand tight in my own and the other clenching and unclenching furiously. And each time I cracked the window just a bit to hand the man his money, pulling away without waiting for the change.

"Are you all right?" I asked as we left the lot of our final stop in Gillette. Jasper nodded.

"It's going to take more time than I thought to get used to their scents," he murmured.

"You will," I assured him. "Besides, we're only an hour away from Ten Sleep. It's so quiet there, you won't catch sight of anyone for a week, just you wait and see."

Jasper smiled, silently thanking me for setting his mind at ease, and I felt his emotion envelope me without either of us having to say anything. I thanked the stars for granting me this amazing man with his wondrous gift; I would never complain if only I could live out my eternity constantly feeling this love of his without even having to ask it.

We drove between the Big Horn Mountains an hour later and Ten Sleep lay spread out before us, small and peaceful. It was the tiniest town I had ever seen, just a few buildings and homes making up the main square with a couple farmsteads and ranches peppering the surrounding area, everything covered with a blanket of white.

"We'll need to stop at the Sheriff's house to get the keys," Jasper informed me as we crossed the city line. The sky was as overcast as Peter had said it would be, and the town was exceedingly quiet, awaiting the snow that threatened to come again soon. I peered out the window as we drove, taking in the ramshackle buildings and small, white-washed houses. It seemed altogether desolate in its clean but broken-down status, and I once again wondered just how I would be able to survive in Ten Sleep. I sighed heavily and Jasper reached out to rub my knee, keeping his hand there soothingly as we drove.

"It won't be so bad, you'll see," he assured me. "Besides, you've got me."

I smiled. "That's all I need."

The Sheriff lived in one of the bigger houses in Ten Sleep, a two-story shotgun affair on Main Street right next to the Jail House, which I thought to be awfully convenient. I parked the Buick in the road, waiting until Jasper had come around and opened my door for me to head up to the Sheriff's front door, walking without fear in the shade the clouds provided.

"Wait," I said suddenly, pulling a pair of sunglasses from my purse. It wouldn't do to have Jasper showing off his reddish eyes in such a small town. We didn't need any talk before we even got settled.

Jasper slipped the glasses on, looking strange wearing such dark spectacles in such overcast conditions. "I've got something for you too," he said, reaching into his pocket. "Give me your hand."

I put my right palm on his. He shook his head, and I switched hands, seeing in my mind what he was about to do. Even though I knew these were just to keep anyone from asking odd questions, I smiled at the little gold band that encircled my ring finger.

"It's nothing special, but a small farmer can't be expected to buy his wife diamonds," Jasper confessed as we approached the door.

"It's beautiful," I replied fondly. Our eyes met and we shared a smile before both taking a deep breath. It was time to meet our first human in Ten Sleep. Jasper knocked loudly on the door, the deed clenched in his hand, and the door opened to reveal a small boy with sandy-colored hair of about eight years.

"Yes?" the boy asked expectantly, grinning to show a gap-toothed mouth that made me smile as well.

"Tommy, who are you talking to?" A woman's voice echoed up to the door before either of us could say anything.

"Mama, there's strangers at the door!" Tommy called back. A moment later, Tommy was joined by a round, blonde woman, no more than thirty, balancing a baby on her hip while struggling to free another littler boy from her skirt. The woman glanced quickly at the two of us before her eyes froze, no doubt astounded by our pale skin, beautiful features, and Jasper's unnecessary sunglasses. I felt awkward under her stare, as if I were even more unnatural than my inhuman status made me.

"Can I help you?" the woman managed to blurt out after Jasper cleared his throat noticeably.

"We're looking for Sheriff Walsh," he said, holding out the deed.

The woman's eyes flickered down to the paper. "Oh, you're Mr. and Mrs. O'Brien, aren't you?" She shifted the baby higher up on her hip. "We thought you weren't coming until tomorrow."

"There was a change of plans," I offered, and Jasper nodded in agreement.

"Either way, it's nice to meet you. I'm the Sheriff's wife, Marlene. I'd shake your hand, but…" Marlene nodded down to the fidgety four-year-old boy still tugging on her skirts and now gripping her fingers.

"It's nice to meet you, Marlene," Jasper replied. "I'm Hector, and this is my wife, Josephine."

I smiled widely at the introduction, astounded that the false names rolled so easily off of Jasper's tongue…and that he had called me his wife.

"Well, aren't you just a handsome couple," Marlene said brightly. "Newlyweds?"

"Yes," I replied happily, slipping my hand in his and stroking the gold ring he wore there.

"The best of luck to you," she said with a smile. "Joel'll be happy to meet you."

"Is he around?" asked Jasper.

Marlene shook her head. "Joel's already down at the house getting that new stable of yours all set up before the storm hits. He has the key with him if you wanted to head down there."

"I think we'll do just that," he replied.

"Will you be needing directions?" Marlene placed the baby at her feet, ready to step into the road to point out the way.

"No, thank you," I answered. As soon as we made the decision to go, the roads we needed to take fell into my head easily.

"It was lovely to meet you, Mrs. Walsh," Jasper said, nodding his head politely. Marlene smiled, altogether charmed, and waved us on our way as we got back into the Buick and took off.

"She seemed very kind," I remarked, heading down the main stretch of road. "And what a handful."

"I tried to calm them down a little, just for her," Jasper confessed. "She felt tired."

I patted his hand. "You're a caring soul, Jazz."

"Just doing what I can," he answered, smiling shyly. "Acting better now to make up for what I've done in the past."

I shook my head. "Your past isn't important. You don't even have to be Jasper anymore, we can just be Hector and Josephine if you want." I would do anything to make him feel right with who he was, even if it meant giving myself up.

"So self-sacrificial," Jasper murmured, tracing his circles on my hand. "No, I prefer Alice to Josephine, or even Josie."

I smiled. "Good, because I don't think I could give up my Jazz."

He laughed loudly, joyfully, his happiness echoing through the small car and his feelings settling into me, making me laugh too.

I turned the Buick down a winding road, and the ranch house from my vision appeared before us. It was a one-story building that sprawled out across the grounds, a small stable a few yards behind it, and a large dead field of grain behind _that_ with an unspoken promise of a rich barley crop come next fall. The Sheriff's beat-up black car with lights hooked to the top was parked in the gravel of the front yard, and I pulled the Buick into the space next to it.

We were just shutting the doors of the car when Sheriff Walsh, a tall, slightly rotund man with the same sandy hair as his Tommy, stepped out of the stable, his smell of cedar and pipe tobacco mingling with a distinctly sweaty scent.

"Mr. and Mrs. O'Brien?" Sheriff Walsh called out, wiping his dirty hand on his dirty trousers before holding it out.

"You must be Sheriff Walsh," Jasper said, shaking his hand. The Sheriff nodded.

"How d'ye do, Mrs. O'Brien?" Sheriff Walsh bent towards me in acknowledgement.

"Very well, thank you," I replied charmingly.

"It's nice to meet you two," the Sheriff said excitedly. "The whole town's been buzzing…newlyweds buying a farm before they've even seen it, it's never been done. The old cats in town been saying you must be shady characters to have done such a thing, and Ernie Graham's looking to buy it from you when you fail, he says."

"Do they really think we're going to fail?" I asked, half-smiling because I knew we wouldn't.

"Naw, Ernie just wants you to so he can expand his farm," he replied. "But Ernie's crazy, thinking that. I can tell you two are going to do just fine here. How about I show you inside?"

Jasper nodded. "That would be nice."

We stepped away from the cars and moved towards the house, Sheriff Walsh stopping just outside the front door, a grin spread wide underneath his bushy moustache.

"Well, isn't there some sort of tradition you two ought to be performing?" he asked cheekily. I narrowed my eyes and stared at the door, trying to remember what human tradition he was talking about. My mind scanned anything he might be talking about, finally settling on a picture of myself in Jasper's arms as he stepped into the house.

"Crossing the threshold," I whispered to him, low enough so that the Sheriff couldn't hear, not sure if Jasper remembered such human activities. "You have to carry the bride into the house."

Confused but still compliant, Jasper smiled awkwardly and scooped me up, crossing the threshold with me in his arms. We kissed softly, not daring to go any further in front of the Sheriff for fear of being unable to stop, before he put me back onto the floor.

We were standing in a small living area, furnished sparsely with a couch, armchair, and television. To the right was the kitchen, an open, airy room with all the necessities for cooking, a room I knew I would never have to use. Two doors branched off from the living room, and I opened one curiously to reveal a small study, a desk and chair pushed against the book-lined walls.

_At least Peter knew what Jasper would want most of all_, I thought to myself, watching as Jasper stepped into the study and ran his long fingers over the spines of the books.

"Here you are, Mrs. O'Brien."

I turned around. Sheriff Walsh was standing in the doorway, our five suitcases laid out neatly at his feet.

"Sheriff, you didn't have to do that," I said. I easily could have brought all those in at the same time, whereas the Sheriff looked rather winded from carrying them inside in two trips to and from the car.

"I've got to make a good impression on you," he replied genially. "'Sides, the wife said I needed to help you two relax, being newlyweds and new to the town and all."

"Yes, we spoke with Mrs. Walsh," I said. "She seems lovely."

"She is that, indeed," he answered with a proud smile. "Now, let me help you get these suitcases moved into the bedroom."

I took the two lighter ones and put up a fake struggle as we walked through the second doorway off the living room. The bedroom was a simple room, dominated by the large, quilt-covered bed and oak armoir-and-dresser set. A door in that room presumably led to the bath area. I slung the two suitcases onto the bed, opening the dresser drawers and beginning to unpack as Sheriff Walsh brought in the last bag.

"Well, Mrs. O'Brien, it looks like I'm going to take my leave. I'll be bringing that horse by sometime next week," he said kindly. "It's been very nice meeting you."

"And you, Sheriff. Thank you for your help," I replied, taking the gentle hand he offered. He smiled the same smile as his son, his teeth gapped just the same way, before going out to the living room to say goodbye to Jasper. I turned to the suitcases, continuing my work of unpacking. I would finish this task and then change out of my yellow gown. There was no way I was getting it dirtied if the nearest cleaners was over one hundred miles away.

"Going so soon?" I heard Jasper say, and I angled myself as I unpacked so I could inconspicuously watch their parting.

"I promised my boys I'd take them sledding before the storm," the Sheriff replied. "But it looks like you'll be all settled. The phone's already hooked up if you need anything, and you can reach the town through the operator. I'm sure city folk like yourself know how to use the phone."

I smirked as I folded Jasper's slacks and put them away. Any problems we had down here would certainly not require us calling any operator; problems seemed to be taken care of easily when you had our speed and strength.

Sheriff Walsh's voice had dropped to a throaty level, and I pricked my ears to hear him easily.

"I had the wife come up and air out those bed linens so you and the new missus'd be comfortable tonight," Sheriff Walsh, thinking my presence in the bedroom meant I couldn't hear or see him, winked emphatically at Jasper, who merely smiled shyly.

I gripped the suitcase I was closing hard enough to warp the handle into a mangled mess, knowing full well what that wink meant. Was the Sheriff's assumption right? Would tonight be the "wedding night"? An image of Jasper and me on this same bed, locked in a tight– but clothed – embrace appeared in my head. I glanced up from the ruined suitcase, and my eyes locked with Jasper's in a passionate and much too brief gaze.

I was finishing up the second-to-last suitcase when Jasper closed the door behind the Sheriff and came to help unpack. As I hung up a row of blouses, I heard Jasper laugh lightly behind me and I turned around.

My eyes quickly shot to the ground, mortified, when I saw what Jasper found so funny; the silky red nightgown I had bought on a whim in Boston dangled from his forefingers, billowing into a shiny pool of filmy fabric on the quilted bedcover.

"What is this?" he asked, obviously humored.

I bit the corner of my lip. "I don't know, I needed a nightgown is all."

I could have slapped myself for saying something so stupid. Of course he would be able to tell I was lying, how idiotic I was. And he could feel my embarrassment, which was likely even worse.

"It's…interesting," he murmured, folding it carefully and placing it in one of the dresser drawers. I sighed. _Interesting_? There was absolutely no hope that tonight would be the night if he only thought of my lingerie as interesting.

"You can go back to your study, go look at all those books. I can take care of the unpacking," I murmured somewhat dejectedly, no longer caring if he felt my emotions. He ought to know when I was upset anyways, and this was easier than telling him outright.

Jasper gave me a funny look. "All right, then."

I sighed softly to myself as he left the bedroom. Just when things were getting promising, just when I had thought we would have that perfect physical bond soon, maybe even tonight, he had to go and dismiss my attempts to be sexy as "interesting." I felt childish and small and even slightly rejected…perhaps if I was a tall, alluring beauty, like Charlotte or Rosalie, he would feel that spark for me like I felt for him. If I were human, if I was Nicole, would I set off that growl in the pit of his stomach that he was setting off in mine?

"Alice, don't ever wish you were something you're not."

Jasper had entered the room again behind me. I stayed where I was, staring at the half-empty suitcase lying on the bed.

"You obviously know how I feel, Jazz," I murmured, unable to look him in the eye as I confessed. "I need you…I want you. What can I possibly do to make you feel the same way?"

I heard him sigh in a tortured sort of way. "Just be nothing but your own self. My Alice. That's all that I need."

I felt a marble-strong arm slide around my waist and pull me back against that same marble-strong body. Jasper's lips ran feather-light over the skin at the nape of my neck, brushing back and forth as I reached up to caress his own neck, running my hands through his silky golden hair.

Jasper paused for a minute in his movements, breathing coolly against me, and I trembled. The trembling grew worse as I felt his smooth fingertips tease my earlobe, stroking down the side of my neck downwards, where he began to toy with the zipper of my yellow dress. He picked it up and let it fall from his fingers to hear the metal-on-metal clink as it settled, waiting a brief second before picking it up again and slowly, hesitantly, sliding it halfway down my back. I would have normally shivered from the January air meeting my own cool skin, but Jasper's body was there to block out the wind. I shivered anyway.

"Now?" I whispered in a near-silent volume.

"If you wish it," he replied, his voice soft and thrilling. I shivered again. Of course I wished it; my mind was running rampant with images of us together, closer than ever before. If I had known that this was all it took, a simple question of asking how I could make this action happen, I would have done it all long ago.

"Please, Jazz," I pleaded, begging him to continue, my back still pressed to his front. Stopping now would be pure torture…and it wouldn't be past Jasper to feel some twinge of honor that would make him halt these amorous movements.

But no, his fingers continued his descent down the zipper of my dress, pulling it all the way to the end. His hands gently tugged the sleeves down my arms and the dress became a pool of silky butter at my feet that I kicked aside, no longer caring about cleaners near or far as I turned around to face him.

Jasper's face was drawn up in a mixture of passion, impatience, and something almost like torture. I stood on tiptoe to crush my lips to his, savoring the new feeling of his shirt pressed against my bare stomach. I had never been so unclothed in front of a man before, and I was still wearing my undergarments, stockings, and a slip. I felt so exposed and so free, all at the same time. I trailed my hands upwards to begin unbuttoning his shirt, doing it so rapidly that I skipped two buttons and ripped one off entirely, making Jasper laugh against my mouth, that laugh turning into a heavy guttural sound as I raked my hands across his now-bare chest.

The snow from outside gleamed into the room in a pale haze of white, making us look paler than usual and causing the scars that peppered Jasper's body to stand out in sharp relief. I tilted my head down to kiss the little half-moons, stroking them softly with my lips as Jasper's hand ran up my thigh, pulling my slip off with one smooth motion. His hand lingered at my hip, running softly up and down the side before he reached around to cup my buttocks, drawing me even tighter against his body, closer that we had ever been, more than I ever thought we could be. I felt his bulge against my stomach, growing inside his trousers, and shivered again. We fell back onto the bed and I pulled him against me, pushing my hips forward onto the tenting of his trousers. He groaned loudly. I smiled as I kissed his neck, pleased that I was pleasing him so.

It was torture, pure torture, moving so slowly. Jasper felt my impatience and sat up on the bed, moving out of the grasp of my hands and lips so that he could roll down my stockings, his hands lingering teasingly on my thighs, making me tremble. His cool fingers ran up my sides and around to my back, pausing just where my brassiere was hooked.

He stopped to stare straight into my eyes, an unspoken exchange being shared between us in what might have been a brief moment but felt like a thousand years.

_This is it, you know._

_I know. There's no going back._

_I don't want to go back. Are you ready?_

_Yes. And you?_

_Forever ready._

His hand slipped easily, as if he had unhooked a million of these before, and I sat up slightly so that he could remove the flimsy cotton-and-whalebone from my body. I had never been particular about my breasts; they were always just there, a little bigger than most girls of my stature, but you would have thought they were the best things known to man the way Jasper stared. I ducked my head, slightly embarrassed at the astounded look in his eyes.

"No, Alice, no," his whispered to me, kissing just under my chin so that he could raise my head back up. "Never be embarrassed. Not with how beautiful you are."

He kissed my chin again, his mouth following a path down my neck and over the slopes of my chest, settling at the peak of my right nipple. I gasped, a quick intake of breath, never having felt anything before like that, and Jasper laughed against my breast as his hand went to work on the left. If the circles he traced on my hand calmed me down, the ones he traced there did just the opposite. I writhed against the bed, knocking the still-open suitcase to the ground nosily.

Jasper's lips moved up towards mine again, and we held each other close, savoring the feeling of skin-on-skin. His arms still wrapped around me, I trailed my hands down his chest towards his trousers, unbuttoning them quickly. Jasper moved back to push them down, and I watched with baited breath as he removed his underwear as well. His manhood, something I had only accidentally glimpsed before, sprung towards me, firm and thick, and I reached out a hand to stroke him.

"Oh, God…Alice," Jasper moaned into my neck, moving so that he was on his back and I was on top of him. I grinned wickedly, feeling powerful that I could cause him to have such a reaction. I placed my knees on either side of his hips, running my small hand up and down his shaft as he bucked against my palm. His own hands began to linger at my underwear, pressing against me, his long, spindly fingers working wonders through the thin cotton. I was choking for air; what was often just a convenience was now a necessity. If I didn't breath, I would explode, I was sure of it, and Jasper's hands seemed to be cutting off my oxygen supply.

His fingers stopped their stroking and halted me in mine, pulling my hand up towards his cheek and pressing my cold fingers to his cold skin. I leaned down to kiss him, a kiss fueled with a burning passion that, like my lungs, was about to explode. In one swift movement, Jasper grasped my waist and flipped us over so that I was pressed against the mattress. His fingers hooked around my undergarment, pulling it down my legs so that we were now both entirely naked, pressed tight against each other and fighting to control the urge to abandon all traces of humanity we had attempted to keep alive.

The ache in my stomach had turned into a full-blown fire that had spread throughout my body, focused in the one small center of heat I had between my legs. Jasper leaned down to kiss me again, his lips soft and torturous as he nudged my legs wide apart with his knee.

I gasped as I felt him rub hard against my entrance, making me shake with pleasure. My hands found his, lacing our fingers together tightly. I didn't realize I had been holding my breath until he plunged forward, breaking a painful barrier inside of me with his hard member. Jasper kissed me, hard, ferociously, breathing into my mouth as I struggled for air. It definitely wasn't the most painful thing I had ever endured, but it certainly wasn't pleasant. He ran in and out, half-pain and half-pleasure, the pleasure increasing bit by bit as he began rocking into a rhythm. We held ever tighter to each other, marking the moments by our thrusts and moans.

I felt like someone entirely different. I couldn't be Alice...Alice never had these sorts of feelings. She never had this sort of passion. Yet I still was she, and the incredible feelings coursing through my body told me that this _was_ real, that I was really here, feeling my Jasper, my love, inside of me, closer than I had ever been to anyone anywhere. I pressed my mouth against his neck, moaning loudly as he began thumbing his familiar circles against my breast again, driving me to the brink.

Soon, he rammed in, harder and faster than before, and I thrust my hips forward to meet him. Waves of pleasure…mine or his, I wasn't quite sure…ran over me, leaving me trembling and weak. Jasper felt the same way, stiffly shaking in my arms as he came. I held tight to him, and our lips traveled over the slopes of our bodies until they found one another, pressing tightly in a all-consuming kiss. He pulled me against his chest, both of us feeling tired for the first time in a good long while.

"Jasper..." I murmured heavily against him. It could have been the last word I ever spoke and I would have gladly spent my eternity in silence for how he could make me feel.


	13. What a Piece of Work is a Man

Jasper and I spent the next few days in that bed, our couplings ranging from slow and gentle to hurried and animalistic, each time better than the last. I almost – almost! – wished I had been with another man, just so I could know whether it was Jasper's empathic skill or his own self that was making me feel this way. Whichever it was, I knew that he had to be the better than any other man I might have had, despite my little experience.

As good as our loving was, it was the moments after that I savored. We lay close together, our cold bodies almost warm from the activity, reveling in that certain special post-coitus glow that I had always read about but never felt. We talked about everything and nothing, telling stories and sharing secrets as the sun set and rose without our heeding it much.

"Now aren't you glad you gave in to temptation?" I teased on the morning of our third day. We were still voluntarily bedridden, Jasper propped up on his left side while I laid stomach-down on the bed, my head turned towards his beautiful face.

Jasper laughed and kissed my shoulder. "Very. Are you glad we waited?"

"We couldn't have had three days to ourselves in Boston, I suppose," I replied, "so I'm happy we're here…though I'd be happy anywhere with you."

"You are an incredibly soft romantic, my love," he murmured with a smile, running his long fingers up and down my bare back; it was a deliciously sensual feeling.

"It's pillow talk, Jazz, it's supposed to be sweet," I said, arching my back as his fingertips swirled around the dimples above my rear.

"Sweet, of course," he agreed, rolling his eyes, making me laugh.

We laid like that, staring at each other silently, for a few minutes, silently reveling in the moments as they rapidly passed. I took the time to appraise Jasper's face, marking his strong, sharply-cut jaw, his straight lips, his Grecian nose, and his wide, noble brow. His golden eyebrows quirked above burgundy eyes when I reached out to stroke his snowy cheek.

"Don't be so astounded, whatever it is," he murmured, kissing the inside of my wrist.

"How can I not be astounded, looking at you?" I said with a grin. He rolled his eyes again.

"I could say the same thing," he replied.

We settled back into our silence, this time his eyes raking over my face. The astonishment that Jasper must have felt emanating from me was seen clearly in his eyes as he watched me, and I bit my lip, still a little embarrassed that he thought of me as so breathtaking.

"Do you think we'll be happy here?" I asked, breaking the stillness with my words.

"In the bed?" Jasper raised one brow. "I'm sure of it. We'll have to leave once in a while, though, or they'll start to talk."

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "You know what I mean. Will we be happy _here_, in Ten Sleep?"

"Do we have a reason to be unhappy?" he asked. I shrugged my shoulders, and he went on. "I have a feeling you won't be settled until you've found this coven of yours."

"It's not a-"

"I know, it's not a coven," Jasper cut me off with a smirk. "But I think you're searching for this family to find a place where you're truly happy. A place where you belong."

I knew he was right. I spent a great deal of my day waiting for visions of Carlisle…at least the days that weren't spent in bed with Jasper. They were my immediate focus…but I still felt badly that I couldn't feel entirely settled with just Jasper. He was my lover, my world, my everything, but something drew me to this family, something I couldn't explain. Did he even feel the same way? I had no idea.

"Jazz, do you think you'll belong with them too?" I asked. If he wasn't sure he would fit in…then perhaps it wasn't even worth it. I would absolutely refuse to leave him behind.

Jasper shrugged. "They seem so…_humanistic_. I worry that my previous tendencies won't be looked on kindly. But even if I don't fit in, it doesn't matter."

"It doesn't?" I cocked my head to one side, confused.

"No, I'll stay anyway, even if they hate me."

"They won't _hate_ you."

"They might. You aren't too fond of Peter for the choices he's made."

"That's a different story!"

Jasper held up a hand in defense. "Either way, I would stay. For you."

I felt that recognizable breathtaking wave of adoration that came whenever Jasper said something utterly selfless, and I still wasn't sure whether it was him or me that was feeling that adoration.

"Jazz," I murmured, "I'm not about to have you join a family where you'll only be unhappy. If it pains you, we won't stay."

He laughed. "Do I have to say it again, Alice? I won't be unhappy if I'm with you. You're all the family I need."

And there he went, taking my breath away again.

I placed my hand at the nape of his neck, pulling him towards me. We kissed, softly and sweetly, knowing that in this kiss was all the self-sacrifice and hardship and pain we were willing to endure for each other. I pulled away after a few moments, still keeping my forehead pressed to his.

"So we're a family now," I said softly.

"I suppose so," Jasper replied, his tone just as quiet. "The O'Briens, your typical married farming couple living in Ten Sleep."

I smiled and rolled onto my back with the sheets pulled up to my chin. "It's nice to finally have a last name."

Jasper leaned to sit up in the bed, his back resting against the headboard. "So you really don't remember anything before you were changed?"

I shook my head. "I can't even remember waking up. I just…came to be. I don't know where I'm from or who changed me or even how old I really am."

I hated the fact that I couldn't recall my human life, or even the beginnings of my vampiric one. I was exceedingly jealous of those who could, yet still longed to know more about theirs lives as members of that strange breed I had to have once been.

"Tell me about your family. Your _real_ family," I requested.

Jasper folded his hands behind his head. "Do you really want to know? It's not going to make you feel bad or something?"

I bit my lip, unsure if it actually would. "Won't you be able to tell if it does?"

He took this into account and nodded. "I can only remember a few random events that have stayed with me through the years," he insisted before beginning, weaving stories of his mother and father and younger sister, all of which I listened to voraciously.

"My mother only took a switch to me once, when I was nine," he said fondly. "I told Cathy that Santa Claus wasn't real. She cried and cried, and Mama had me go pick a new branch from the pecan tree out back. I remember my father giving me a lecture about how I was four years older than Cathy and I shouldn't be crying. 'You've got to learn to be a man, Jasper,' he told me…his lectures are what I remember most about him."

"Nothing else?" I asked.

He cracked a smile. "There _is_ one other memory."

"Well, go on, then," I prompted, eager to hear what gave him so much pause.

"It's rather embarrassing," Jasper began. "When I was fifteen, my father caught me in our outhouse…how shall I put this…_pleasuring_ myself."

I stayed silently shocked for only a moment before bursting into a fit of laughter.

"It's not _that_ funny!" Jasper insisted.

"Oh, but it is," I replied through my giggles. "I can hardly imagine always-a-gentleman Jasper caught with his pants down."

He sighed. "Imagine it. My father's face when he opened that door…that's something I'll never forget."

"I thought you said this story didn't involve your father giving you a lecture," I pointed out.

"He didn't," he said in reply. "He told me to finish up and then said he was glad I was finally proving myself to be a man."

My eyes went wide. "He actually said that?"

Jasper nodded. "My father was one of your typical strong, super-masculine types. My mother tried to instill a sense of chivalry in me, and he hated that. It was because of her teachings that I grew up the gentleman you think I am."

"I don't _think_ you're a gentleman, Jasper, I _know_," I insisted.

"A gentleman doesn't do what I was doing in that outhouse," Jasper said. He took a deep breath and smiled lightly, embarrassed. "A gentleman doesn't do what I did in Peter's guest bathroom."

I was once again shocked and told myself that, sooner or later, I had to get used to the idea that I caused the same reaction in Jasper that he was constantly causing in me.

"Don't be so surprised," he murmured, leaning in to kiss my shoulder. "You are _very_ sexually frustrating, Alice, especially when a man's trying to retain some sense of honor."

I laughed lightly and fingered a lock of his honey hair. "I thought we had agreed that that sort of honor was just getting in the way."

"I suppose so," he replied, his lips still brushing against my bare skin.

"So that's why you insisted on all those showers," I thought aloud. He nodded and pulled away slightly, embarrassed once again.

"Perhaps it's best that we gave in to temptation," he mused. "That way, I won't have to continue doing what my mother called 'that grave sin.'"

"Grave sin…if I cause these reactions now, then who caused them back then?" I asked coyly.

Jasper grinned. "Her name was Susan…I remember a lot about her. We went to school together."

I nestled against his shoulder, smiling at the lilting Southern accent that came into his voice as he spoke.

"Sue was what Mama called 'white trash' but would have just said 'destitute' in company," he explained. "Her family couldn't afford much, and that meant that her dresses were always just a little too short and tight for decency…and thus my infatuation."

"And did you and she ever…?" I asked, almost taken aback at my own forwardness. Asking this sort of question about the infamous Maria was always a trial, but asking it about Susan, the human girl of long-ago, didn't seem to be so hard. Perhaps it was because she wasn't a breathtaking immortal encroaching on my territory.

Jasper shook his head, his jaw brushing against my crown. "She married soon after the outhouse incident. She was fifteen."

He paused and took a breath.

"She died nine months later giving birth to her son."

I felt him grow still and tense underneath the hand I rested upon his chest.

"Cathy died the same way, in childbirth," he said in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Jasper, you don't have to-"

"I have…_had_ a niece," he went on, his tone growing more jaded by the minute, and I looked up to find his eyes glazed and hard. "Ursula. She fell off her horse just before her twelfth birthday, and the Whitlock line ended…if you don't count my being here as a continuation."

He looked so angry and desolate at his confession that my heart wrenched for him. I moved so that I was hovering above him, my legs on either side of his and our faces level.

"I won't have you getting angry over the past, Jazz," I said, placing my palm on the side of his strong jaw. "There are things you can't change…and if I had known you'd get so upset, I wouldn't have brought it up."

Jasper sighed. "Here I was, thinking you'd be the one to get worked up."

"I've got nothing to get worked up about," I reminded him. "I can't remember it at all."

"I'm sorry."

"That I can't remember?"

He shook his head. "That you had to see me get so upset."

I kissed him gently, running my fingertips over his mouth after we had parted. "It wasn't so bad, seeing you like that," I confessed. "It makes you seem more normal and less of the god I take you to be."

He chuckled against my hand. "A god? Really, Alice…."

"Yes, really," I insisted, running my hand down his cheek, his neck, his chest, and onto the rock-hard muscles of his abdominals. "With those perfect lips and chiseled features, that body, those muscles, and –"

My hand stopped to wrap itself around his member, growing hard against my touch. I was surprised at myself for being so forward, but if I could take his mind away for just a moment, I would. Besides, having such power over this god-like man was thrilling to me. Jasper growled low in his throat as I worked him quickly, his breath coming in quick little ragged gasps. While my hands were busy on him, I felt his hand graze down my backside and slip in between my legs. I let out a fluttery little moan as his fingers swept through my curls, still surprised at how _good_ he could make me feel despite his having done this the night before.

We worked in tandem, our hands matching pace, our moans seeming to erupt at the same time. Jasper's touch was smooth yet quick, stroking inside my sensitive folds with such a rapid pace that I clutched the sheets in need with my one free hand, his caresses bringing me closer and closer to my peak.

I wondered for a brief second if it had been Maria who had skilled him so well…and banished the thought from my mind as he leaned forward to kiss me, drawing me to the edge where breathing became difficult and I couldn't remember exactly who I was. I managed to keep my head up long enough to finish him before falling back against the sheets, still disoriented but quite pleased.

"If I'm a god," I heard Jasper murmur at my side, haggard and out of breath, "then you, Alice, are most certainly a goddess."

I smiled at the ceiling as his hand curled into mine, feeling pleased with the world and entirely content to spend the rest of my days under a small quilt in the middle of Ten Sleep.


	14. The First My Thought The Other My Desire

We emerged from our chrysalis after a full week that I had jokingly dubbed our 'honeymoon.' Jasper's first act was to go outside to feed the horse that had arrived that morning (a task I was not entirely comfortable doing). I pulled on my kimono and peered out the window to watch him.

The animal was a large white-and-red-colored beast, and I chewed on the inside of my cheek to ignore the venom that flowed onto my tongue. Jasper had some sort of halter around its mouth and was tentatively leading it around the stable, the mare obviously unsure of whether to follow or bolt. After taking a few skittish steps, she stopped entirely.

I could see Jasper halt his breathing so that he could get closer to her, reaching out to stroke her long nose with a gentle hand. He leaned in to whisper something soothing, so low that even I couldn't hear, and the horse calmed, even nudging his hand with her muzzle. They finished their round about the stable, disappearing for a few moments before Jasper emerged from the stable doors alone. I hurried to open the back door for him, and he kicked his bare feet against the jamb, knocking off the snow before coming in.

"Perhaps you ought to start wearing shoes in the snow," I suggested. "I think Hector O'Brien wouldn't enjoy frostbitten toes. A coat might look good too."

Jasper laughed. "Whatever you say, dear."

I grinned at our playing husband-and-wife and looked out again to the shut-up stable.

"I don't see how you can get so close to it," I said. The scent of the horse still lingered on the flannel shirt he wore, making my throat flame up a little in thirst.

"Not breathing helps," he explained. "And I spent a good deal of my human life around horses. I have a respect for them…and I think the empathy thing might work on them too."

"Now that's cheating!" I exclaimed with a laugh. Jasper smiled cheekily and kissed my forehead. I tilted my head up towards his.

_An older woman stepped onto the front porch, her arms laden with a wicker basket, and knocked sharply on the front door, her green car parked in the snow-covered drive._

"You aren't very tempting when you freeze up like that," Jasper teased as I came back to the present. I narrowed my eyes, pushing him away with a laughing shove.

"We need to get dressed, someone's coming," I said and left the little mudroom the back door connected to with Jasper at my heels.

"An important someone? Do I need to put on something nice?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I couldn't tell who she was, I've never seen her before."

"Human or vampire?"

"Why on earth would a vampire bother coming to Ten Sleep?"

"_We_ did."

I laughed lightly as I opened the doors of our armoire, pulling out a fresh shirt for Jasper and a simple blue dress for me, long-sleeved to cover up as much of my pale arms as possible. I hung my kimono in the armoire, amused at how easy it was now to be so exposed in front of Jasper when it was such torture just a few weeks ago. I moved to ask him if he would zip my dress, and felt his hands slide the metal toggle up without my having to say a word.

"You know," I said with a smile, "it's almost scary how attuned we are."

Chuckling under his breath, Jasper finished zipping and bent to kiss the joint where my neck and shoulder met just as a loud knock sounded from the front door.

"I'll get it," I offered, a little upset that I had to pull away from his touch. "I already know who it is, anyways."

Jasper followed me to the front door, lingering against the wall so he could see but not be seen. I straightened out my skirt and patted down my choppy hair before opening the door.

A plump woman in her late fifties stood on our doorstep, a worn fox fur around her neck and the wicker basket from my vision pressed against her generous bosom.

"Mrs. O'Brien?" she inquired. Her voice was small and squeaky, as if she had never really grown as old as her wrinkled and rounded-out figure made her seem. Even though her breath had a musty tinge to it, my mouth swirled with as much venom as I had had when looking at the horse.

"Yes," I replied, slipping into my role of Josephine. The woman brightened at my positive response. "May I help you?"

"I'm Mrs. Doctor Cohen," she announced, and I tried hard not to laugh at her self-important air. I heard Jasper stifling his own laughter from the doorway of the study as we both thought the same thing. _Honestly, who refers to themselves as Mrs. Doctor?_

"Lovely to meet you, Mrs. Doctor Cohen," I answered, feeling as if I were a schoolgirl repeating her lessons the way I was forced to repeat her name.

"Is your husband out and about?" she asked, craning her neck to peer into the house.

"No, no, he's here," I replied. "J-"

Jasper held up a frantic hand, cutting me off. I stopped abruptly, remembering who I was and who we were supposed to be instead. Jasper filled me with a calm, confident feeling, and I called out for him again.

"Hector, we have guests!"

Jasper, a half-smile adorning his handsome face, came to stand next to me at the door.

"Mr. O'Brien, I'm Mrs. Doctor Cohen." The Mrs. Doctor held out a hand.

"How do you do?" Jasper said. I felt him grow rigid and tense as he took her fleshy hand, dropping it quickly as her smell reached his nostrils.

"Very well, thank you," she replied with a simpering smile. "I just wanted to introduce myself to you two. The doctor and I live about five miles down to road towards town."

"That makes us neighbors, then," I commented, unsure of whether this was a good or bad thing.

"Yes it does. And I brought you this." Mrs. Doctor Cohen held out the basket for us to see; it was packed with jars of jam, smoked meats, and fresh loaves of bread…all things we would let sit untouched in the larder.

Mrs. Doctor cleared her throat and smiled expectantly, waiting for our pleased reactions, I was sure.

"How kind," I said in what I hoped was an appreciative tone, taking the basket.

"We'll be sure to put this to good use," Jasper added.

"I just wanted to be the first to welcome you to Ten Sleep," Mrs. Doctor Cohen said proudly as a noisy black car came rumbling up the road, stopping in our drive, and we all turned to see who emerged from it. A female figure stepped out into the snow, Marlene Walsh, her baby balanced on her hip and an enormous hamper dangling from her free hand.

"Why, Mrs. Doctor Cohen, fancy seeing you here," Marlene called out, stepping onto the front porch where the three of us were gathered. The Mrs. Doctor's eyes narrowed testily.

"Mrs. Walsh," she said with a nod so quick it was almost rude. She turned back to us in the doorway. "I must be taking my leave now, Mr. and Mrs. O'Brien."

"Very nice to have met you, Mrs. Cohen," Jasper replied, purposefully leaving out the 'Doctor' part of her title. She opened her mouth as if to correct him and shut it, thinking better.

"And you. Mrs. O'Brien, I hope you'll come to tea soon," she said to me.

"Thank you, I'll do my best," I answered. Any invitation involving food would have to be denied until I learned how to fake my way through a meal, something I had never done before. Mrs. Doctor Cohen nodded at Marlene Walsh once more before descending the porch steps, getting into her car, and driving off.

"Well, that was interesting," Jasper mused, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

"She seemed…earnest," I put forth. Marlene laughed lightly, a merry sound that caused her sweet breath to waft towards us, making the hairs on the back of my neck rise to attention.

"I'll leave you two ladies alone," Jasper murmured tensely, squeezing my hand. I knew he was unable to handle her enticing scent and tried to send a reassuring vibe towards him as he retreated into the house.

"Please, won't you come in?" I asked. Marlene nodded and followed me into the house, standing just over the threshold where she wasn't too imposing.

"Don't let that old biddy bother you, Mrs. O'Brien," Marlene said sweetly once we were inside. "My mother told me she's insisted on being called that since her wedding day. She thinks she's better just 'cause she married the doctor at seventeen. It's a pity her only son is a drunkard."

I wanted to laugh at her gossipy tone...but had to hold my breath so I could stop seeing this woman as a meal. She was much too kind to even think such thoughts, and I desperately wanted a true female friend after Charlotte had turned out to be so different than I had initially thought. And if this friend had to be a human, then so be it. Ten Sleep was slim pickings anyways.

"She's always trying to one-up the Ladies Committee after they didn't elect her for treasurer," Marlene went on as I stilled my lungs.

"The Ladies Committee?" I repeated breathlessly. Marlene lifted the hamper she was still holding, and I took it from her to lighten her load.

"It's just a group of women from town who get together for various activities," she explained. "Taking food to the sick, knitting circles and quilting bees, welcoming new neighbors with hampers – though that doesn't happen very often. You're pretty unique, you and Mr. O'Brien."

I smiled. "Please, call me…call me Josephine."

She smiled as well. "Then I'm Marlene. Now, isn't that much more homey than those formal titles? Mrs. Doctor, bah."

I chuckled, sure that Marlene and I would get along swimmingly. Her bold, outspoken nature suited mine just right, and I hoped that she would make a much better friend than Charlotte had become.

"My, don't you have a pretty laugh," Marlene marveled, her eyes once again raking over my exquisite features. "What on earth are they feeding you in Boston? You and your husband are the handsomest couple I've ever seen, if you don't mind me saying. You're even prettier than Olivia de Havilland, and I've been to the pictures about six times, so I should know."

I laughed again at her rambling compliment.

"I suppose it's just good genes…and a healthy diet," I added cheekily, my eyes twinkling with unmentionable thoughts of the elk I had heard roamed the mountains.

"Well, I'm afraid we didn't put much food in there," Marlene tutted. "We knew _Mrs. Doctor_ Necie Cohen would get to it first, so it's mostly just practical things you'll be needing living here in Wyoming."

I glanced into the hamper, taking note of the knitted sweaters and socks, flashlights, candles, and various other items deemed necessary for a life in Ten Sleep, excited that I could actually use these items as opposed to the ones in Mrs. Doctor Cohen's basket. I reached in and pulled out a long string tied to a ring of keys.

"What is this?" I asked, holding the brass set up with a jingling noise.

"Those are for the post office," she explained. "You'll have to go to town at least once a month to get your mail; we don't have those fancy boxes like you must've had in the city."

I smiled at her small-town reverence for anything new and different.

"Phil Crawley's the postmaster, and he'll help you out when you visit the office. That's where my boys are right now, helping out Phil. I couldn't leave little Nan too far behind," Marlene said, nodding towards the baby on her hip, sounding more than a little worn out.

"It must be trying, handling all those children by yourself," I remarked.

Marlene sighed and smiled wanly. "Just a little. Luckily, Luke does anything Tommy wants to do, and Tommy's most happy out-of-doors, so that takes care of them…does increase the baths they need, though."

Nan began whimpering in her mother's arms, and Marlene jounced her up and down, trying to calm her.

"Is she all right?" I asked. I knew absolutely nothing about babies, and the strange sound this one was making sounded rather eerie to me.

"She just needs her pacifier is all," Marlene explained. She glanced back at her car quickly. "Josephine, do you think you could hold her while I go get it?"

She held out the baby, already assuming that I would have no problem handling a tiny human. I bit my lip and nodded, taking the baby from her arms, shocked at how light she was.

"Thanks, I'll be just a second." Marlene smiled gratefully and went through the door, crossing the snow-covered yard to her car.

I stood near the open door, silently holding the squirming baby to my chest. She was a chubby little thing with round, rippling legs and fat little hands that wrapped around my necklace. Trying my hardest to move slowly and gently, I untangled her fingers from the gold chain Jasper had given me, deathly afraid I would break her hand off in the process.

"That's not nice," I said to her before glancing out the open door. Marlene was leaning over the front seat of her car, still searching for the pacifier. Time seemed to be passing extraordinarily slow, and I heaved an impatient sigh. My lungs now open from this movement of breath, I caught my first wave of the infant's scent.

She was _delicious_.

This had to be the best thing I had smelled in a few years. The milky, powdery scent that most babies had was only enhanced with the natural human odors the tiny thing was emitting. My throat was scorching, furiously on fire, and I knew of only one way to put it out. If she would only stop squirming, I could...

I tried to force myself to stop breathing once I realized just what I was thinking. Drinking from a human was bad, and an infant was about a thousand times worse. If I _did_ drink from Nan, I'd have to take care of Marlene as well, and – no! I shook my head, sick to my stomach that I was even contemplating such a horrific thing.

I felt hungry, fierce, monstrous, and, most of all, panicked that I was feeling this way. I prayed that Jasper could sense this inside the house, wishing over and over that he would somehow get me out of this horrible situation before I did something I would hate myself for.

"Alice, what is it?"

I whipped around to see Jasper standing in the doorway to the study, looking curious and worried. My wide-eyed panic must have frightened him, and his expression darkened. My mind was awash with pictures of my face pressed to little Nan's chubby neck...the baby lying still and cold...Marlene sobbing over her dead body.

"Take her. I can't…" I trailed off and held out the delicious baby, not trusting myself for one more minute. Wordlessly, as if he knew that this was what I needed more than anything, and without stopping to think of his own temptations, he plucked Nan from my arms. I turned and ran into the bedroom, sitting quietly on the bed and listening as Marlene returned to the house.

"I'm afraid Josie's not feeling well," I heard Jasper apologize for me. "She said to tell you goodbye."

"Oh," Marlene answered, sounding slightly let down, and I felt even more terrible. "Let her know I hope she feels better soon. And give me a call if there's anything Joel or I can do."

Jasper gave a goodbye, and I heard the door shut softly. His footsteps were swift as he hurried back to the bedroom where I lay curled on the bed, hating myself and my thoughts and my thirst.

"Alice," he murmured as he stepped closer to the bed.

"I'm terrible," I whispered, staring at my monstrous hands.

Jasper knelt on the bed, covering my traitorous palms with his own and pulling me up. I crushed myself to him, hiding my face in his chest.

"How can I think that about an innocent child? A baby?" I cried against him. "I'm a monster, a monster. I'm a monster."

It was all I could seem to say. My brain kept repeating it, and my mouth spewed it out without stopping to think. It was true, I _was_ a monster. Weren't little children taught to fear people like me? I tried to bury my face deeper in Jasper's stony chest.

"Alice, listen to me." Jasper grasped my shoulders and pulled me back, putting his hands on either side of my face so that I was forced to look into his eyes. "We are what we are, and we cannot change that. But what you just did, realizing that what you felt was wrong and restraining yourself from taking that life…that took strength, and that is what makes you honorable and courageous and far from a monster. You are _not_ a monster, you are my Alice, and I love you. I'd love you even if you _did_ drink from a human…heaven knows I've done that enough for the both of us."

I wished for a moment I could cry just to physically ease the pain I was feeling in my deadened heart. Crying always seemed to help the humans. Jasper pulled me to him and kissed my forehead, keeping his lips pressed against me in a comforting gesture.

"I am proud that you resisted, Alice," he whispered against my hairline, running his lips along it. "I couldn't have done it. You're much stronger than I am."

"Hardly," I croaked out, shaking my head.

"But you are," he insisted. "I wish I could be more like you, my love."

"So you could thirst after your new friend's daughter?" I asked scathingly, still furious with myself. The anger I had boiling inside of me ebbed away with Jasper's gifted touch, replaced by a peaceful demeanor.

Jasper shook his head. "No, so that I could overcome such feelings. Do you not see how much I admire you for that? Empathic skill seems to fade when I'm drinking. I would have lost control in a second."

I sighed, relaxed because of those skills, and rested my head on his strong shoulder. I silently thanked whoever it was that was handling my fate for giving me my Jasper. Not only was this man here, comforting me, but he had handled that same wonderful-smelling child, had faced that same temptation, all for me. Once again, I realized just how much I needed him, how I would have to spend my life at his side, how I knew that I could not survive without him.

Jasper sighed softly against my neck.

"Alice, that neediness, that devotion…it's the same here. I cannot live without you. I _will not_ live without you."

I shuddered with the emotion of it all, and two trails of venom sprang from my eyes, running down my cheeks to stain the collar of Jasper's shirt.


	15. Dreamers Often Lie

Jasper thought it best if we stayed away from town for a while, claiming that I was ill whenever anyone came to call on the new neighbors. He stayed close by the first few days, calming me down when I needed it. I still felt badly about this bloodlust of mine, despite his insistence that this feeling was natural, being what we are. After a week or so, it grew easier to keep going, and my guilt began to ebb away. As long as I stayed away from the baby...even if that meant staying away from Marlene...I would be fine. I would rather give up a new friend than cause her such pain.

I spent a good deal of my house-bound time on our new telephone, buying and selling stocks halfway across the country thanks to the wonders of modern technology. On my twelfth day of playing the market, the young skittish broker I had been in contact with, a Mr. Eugene Grant, told me of the stir I was making in his office.

"A young, married woman in Wyoming picking stocks just before they skyrocket…why, Mrs. O'Brien, it's unheard of!" Mr. Grant exclaimed over the phone one morning. "The other brokers thought I was crazy for taking you on, but after the Grayson stock grew so fast, they're following all your moves, liability or no."

I laughed over the phone, trying to sound my most foolish and charming. "Mr. Grant, I just pick whichever one looks best to me."

"You're surely doing a good job of it, Mrs. O'Brien," Mr. Grant twittered.

"Then you go ahead and buy some of those shares in Mr. Medford's company." I had seen the windfall I would get from these stocks, as well as the new radio we would buy with said windfall.

"Medford, of course." I could hear Mr. Grant shuffling around the papers on his desk all the way in New York. "Yes, I could go ahead and buy your usual opening amount."

"Sounds lovely," I agreed. "I'll speak with you in a few days."

Mr. Grant called three days later when the Medford Company shares had become one of the top-priced stocks on the market. I thanked him and hurried to the study to thumb through the Sears Roebuck catalogue with Jasper.

After my third week of self-imposed isolation, I was feeling the beginnings of cabin fever. Our new radio wasn't due to arrive for another two weeks, we wouldn't need to hunt for another one, and I was ready to go mad if I couldn't find something to do, fast.

"Jasper, I'm bored," I complained, sauntering into the study where he was spending most of his time these days.

"Read a book," he mused, not taking his eyes away from his own thick tome. I rolled my eyes. My time away from hunting and the stock market had been spent brushing up on my French and German, and I had mastered rudimentary Japanese two days ago, not to mention the Incan Quipu knot writing and Darwinian Theory from last week. I had read enough books for right now, thank you.

"What is it you're reading that's so captivating?" I asked, perching on the edge of the desk. Jasper finally tore his eyes away from the book.

"This," he said, "is a supposed research journal on the American vampire."

I noted the laughing in his voice as I leaned closer to peer at the pages. A picture of an ugly, haggard, sharp-toothed beast stared at me, and I winced.

"My reaction exactly," Jasper said with a grin. "I was looking to see if there was any truth…that maybe there'd be some clue about Carlisle and his family that you couldn't envision, if's he's as old as you imagine."

"And?"

"And nothing. We'll just have to wait for your sight to kick in."

I sighed. "I'm trying to see it, I really am. I just can't seem to grab hold of them. It would help if they were more familiar, but I'd have to have a vision to make them so…and that makes it one never-ending cycle."

Jasper patted my knee reassuringly, letting his hand rest there. "You're bound to see something sooner or later."

"It's the waiting that's makes it hard," I replied.

"We waited," he reminded me.

"And that made it…but I shouldn't even say something so risqué," I said with a twinkle in my eyes.

"Oh, please do," Jasper encouraged, sliding his fingers from my knee and up my thigh, making me tremble.

But no, now wasn't the time. I shook my head and stilled his hand with my own. "Ah, I thought we agreed, none of that sort of thing until sundown. We're playing at being humans now, and we've got to at least try."

"I wonder how long that agreement's going to last, what with the sun rarely making an appearance in this town," he murmured against my jaw. I turned my head to kiss him, quickly, before pulling away.

"Any other time, Jazz," I insisted. "I want to get _out_ of this house, not lay about in it."

"We wouldn't have to be laying, Alice, I know quite a few-"

"Jasper!"

He dipped his head, still smiling a little. "I'm sorry, that was ungentlemanly of me. Let me think of something else for you to do."

He leaned back in his chair, his mind spinning over various thoughts I could see reflected in my own head, even the enticingly uncouth ones he tried to hold back and replace with more normal, everyday activities. I looked to the future as he made various decisions, dismissing his ideas as the outcomes played in my head. He finally settled on one last idea, and I shook my head furiously when I saw what he was going to do.

"No, I can't!" I protested. There was no way I'd do that. It was too dangerous.

"You don't have to _ride_ the horse," Jasper interjected. "You could just go feed her, if you want. She'll be getting hungry right about now."

I shot him an incredulous look. Animals were immediate victims, things I could drink from with out a guilty conscience. But…Jasper set so much store by that horse that I had to restrain myself sooner or later. I could hardly never go into my own stable; it would look too suspicious.

"Listen, I'll be right there with you hold your hand. You won't get carried away, I won't let you," he assured me. I knew he wouldn't; I could see him standing between me and the stable, still clutching my hand. And I knew_ I_ would be fine when I saw Jasper penning the stable shut. The horse would live to see another day.

I nodded, still a little reluctant. The look that spread across his face, the one that made him look like an excited little boy, made the thirst I was about to endure all worth it. Wordlessly, he picked me up from the desk and set me on the floor, pulling me behind him out of the study.

"If I'm building up this immunity to the humans," Jasper said, shrugging on his coat in the mudroom, "surely you can build one up for a measly horse."

I rolled my eyes as I slipped into my gabardine. "_Surely_."

Jasper stopped to kiss the top of my head. "I know you can see that you'll be fine," he said against my hair, and I nodded into him. "Then let's go."

He opened the door, pushing hard against the snow bank that would have blocked any human inhabitants from leaving that way. We stepped out into the cold, leaving a pair of footfalls in the white-blanketed floor as we approached the stables, hand-in-hand. The air in front of our faces was still, both of us holding our breath.

The door was shut, the wind was whipping by, and I could still smell the horse through it all, sweaty and nervous as it sensed me too. Still holding my hand, Jasper slid the door back, and the roan beast stared at me, hesitant.

"Not so bad," I heard him murmur beside me. "She's just shy is all."

I smiled slightly, unsure of which "she" he was talking about.

"Come on." He tugged on my hand, and we entered the darkened stables. Jasper left my side to grab a pitchfork that was leaning against the wall and he began moving hay from a generous pile near the door into her empty stall. The horse nuzzled his shoulder as if to urge him on.

"Don't be selfish," he chastised the beast. I held back a laugh at the sight of these two animals, one natural and one immortal, one prey and one predator, getting along like it was nothing to worry about. As if a sudden decision couldn't end the life of this beautiful creature with the snap of my jaws.

Yet as much as my heart was warning me that these things could happen, my head told me (with split-second visions) that I would be fine, that these things _wouldn't_ happen, and I moved closer. The horse backed up nervously, her haunches hitting the walls of the stable. Frightened, she reared, and I took a step back – her coming down upon me wouldn't have hurt my stone flesh one bit, but my proximity was making her entirely too skittish.

"No, don't back up," Jasper said, putting the pitchfork back against the wall. "Here, with me."

He took my hand and brought it up to the horse's face, running it tentatively down her muzzle. She stilled underneath my hand, her muscles taught and warm underneath her coat. I swallowed my breath again and told myself that I would be all right, that my mind had told me so. His hand remained on mine as I stroked her, moving away only when all three of us were sure that the horse wouldn't rear again. I ran my hand up and down her soft cheek, appreciating the way her warm muscles felt rippling under my fingers as I tried very hard not to think of the blood that pumped within her.

"Do you want to go for a ride?"

Jasper's question reverberated in my mind as I stared at him, shocked as his suggestion.

"You're doing fine, and she's taking to you much better than I thought," he continued. "All you have to do is keep holding your breath, I'll do all the work."

"Jazz, I'm not sure that's such a good idea," I said, shaking my head.

"You don't trust me to take care of you?" he asked. His face was once again like a child, but this one was rather disappointed.

"I trust you, I do," I insisted.

"Well?" Jasper shot me an expectant look. I scanned my future and sighed. If he was making such an effort to be around humans for me, surely I could be around my own temptation for him.

"Take it away, cowboy."

Jasper grinned his little-boy grin and reached to grab the horse's harness from its peg on the wall, slipping it on the horse with a few easy moments.

"Grab that bucket," he pointed to one resting just outside the stable doors, "while I saddle her up."

I stooped to pick up the water-filled bucket from outside, the thin layer of ice on top cracking as I moved it. I saw what I was supposed to do and poured the water into the stall trough, turning around to find Jasper finishing the last buckle of the saddle, a beautiful carved-leather creation.

"Ready to go?" he asked, taking the bucket from my hand and placing it on the ground.

"Ready as I'll ever be," I answered nervously.

It was Jasper's turn to sigh. "Alice, do you see anything terrible happening to you?"

I searched for a scene in my head that would relay any sort of horrific future that might befall us.

_Alice and Jasper on horseback…Alice and Jasper brushing the horse…Alice and Jasper kissing just outside the stables_.

I smiled. "No, nothing too terrible."

"Well, then, let's get started." Jasper led the horse out of the stable and into the snowy outdoors, hoisting himself onto the saddle before reaching his hand out to me. I took it gently, unready for his fierce grasp as he pulled me up to sit in front of him on the saddle. I peered over the side of the horse.

"We're so high!" I exclaimed. "Is this what you feel like all the time?"

Jasper laughed in his booming baritone, and the horse rippled underneath us in reaction.

"Hardly," he answered jovially, giving the horse a kick.

We took off, slowly at first, the horse stepping softly through the snow. It was a funny, jouncing sort of movement, feeling the horse move beneath me as I moved along with it. My hands tightened around the knob at the front of the saddle (what Jasper had called the "horn") as he gave the horse another nudge and the pace increased to a trot. One of Jasper's hands joined mine at the horn and the other wrapped around my waist, pulling me back towards him. I settled happily into the perfect groove of his chest where I fit like a puzzle piece, knowing that I could survive this ride, and many more, if I could forever ride like this with him.

We took a trotting tour of our few acres, keeping to the edge of the property line. After a while, I attempted to take short gasping breaths of air, letting my nose grow accustomed to the tantalizing smell of the animal beneath my legs. It was difficult and at one point I found myself leaning closer to the horse's neck before Jasper tightened his arm around my waist, pulling me up.

"_Alice_," he said warningly. I leaned back into him, as far from the beast as I could go.

"Sorry," I muttered. This was only a _little_ easier than I thought it would be, and that was because of the supportive man seated behind me, the strange, supportive man with immunity to his beloved horses.

"Let's head in, then," he suggested, making a large circle and kicking the horse into a chilling gallop, snow flying steadily behind us as we rushed back towards the stables. Once there, Jasper slid off the horse first then lifted me down to stand beside him.

"That wasn't so bad," he said brightly. "You only _almost_ slipped up once."

I growled playfully at his teasing tone.

"Now you know how I feel shaking the hand of that ridiculous Cohen woman," he added, and I laughed. He led the horse back into the stable, showing her to her trough and beginning to brush her snow-wet coat while I watched from the safety of the doorway.

"Does she have a name?" I asked.

"The horse?" I nodded. "No, not yet." Jasper's eyes crinkled as he smiled. "Do you want to name her?"

I tilted my head to one side, staring curiously at the tall, elegant animal as she drank.

"Maybe Spot…or Princess…or Little Alice," he suggested.

"Or Trouble," I countered. I knew that was her name as soon as the words bubbled up from my lips, a picture of the stables with her name carved above the door appearing in my mind's eye.

Jasper gave her flanks a final stroke with the brush. "Trouble it is, then."

He left the stall, latching the door shut before leading me out of the stables and into the snow outside, pausing to give me a small, sweet kiss.

"What was that for?" I asked, happy for any reason he might have given and hoping I could give him that reason again.

"You and your bravery," he explained. "First the baby and now the horse. You're getting better at this."

"I should say the same for you," I replied, standing on tiptoe to kiss him again. "If you can suffer through Mrs. Doctor Cohen, you can suffer through any human, I'd bet."

He laughed loudly, and the sound faded away from my ears as my mind slipped into the near future.

_Marlene, carrying what looked to be pieces of mail, knocked sharply on the door of the ranch house, waiting patiently until Jasper opened the door_.

Jasper was waiting patiently for me when I came back around.

"Well?" he prompted.

"Nothing too special," I replied. "Marlene's coming over. I'd give her ten minutes."

Jasper nodded thoughtfully as we walked back to the house. "Is she bringing the child?"

I shook my head. Marlene had been quite alone in my vision, save for those paper parcels.

"Good," he said as he opened the door and we stepped inside. "I didn't think she would."

"You didn't?" I raised a jet brow, taking off my coat and hanging it on the peg. "Since when have you been getting visions, Mr. Empath?"

I grinned, meaning it to be a tease, but faltered when I saw how flustered my comment made him.

"No, I mean…I just…" Jasper stammered.

"Just what?" I asked. My mind was a blur of pictures I couldn't quite make out as Jasper's indecisiveness took over. He was obviously debating whether or not to tell me something…but what? Jasper took my elbow and silently led me out of the mudroom and into the kitchen. A concrete vision finally settled in my brain, and I realized that whatever it was, it wasn't good.

"Whatever it is you're going to tell me, you're staying on the sofa from now on, I can see it," I told him.

"If I had known you were going to react _that_ way, I wouldn't have done it," Jasper muttered, hanging his head.

"What on earth did you do, Jazz?" I asked, half-wanting to reach out to comfort him, to stroke back his hair and kiss his cheek, and half-wanting to shake him until he confessed what he had done that would make me so upset as to banish him from our bed.

"I had to come up with an excuse for you staying here to get over the…_baby_ incident," Jasper began. "And I had to keep you away from that child as well...I made it clear to Mrs. Walsh that you didn't wish to see the baby for some time."

I swallowed nervously, only there was nothing to swallow and I nearly choked on my dry tongue. "How? How could you make _that_ clear?" Jasper dipped his head low, refusing to look me in the eye as he spoke.

"I told her you had a miscarriage."


	16. Nothing Can Come of Nothing

"I told her you had a miscarriage."

I was immediately shocked. Then angered. Then shocked again. Then calm and, underneath that, upset Jasper would try to use his skill on me _now_, of all times. I struggled against him until he stopped and the feeling disappeared.

"You _what_?" I exclaimed angrily. I couldn't believe it. How could he go and tell such a lie? Trouble would come of this, I was sure. I could see it now, the pitying looks Marlene would give upon her arrival playing in my mind like a film. I gritted my teeth, ready for the argument I could feel bubbling inside of me.

"When? When did you tell her?" I asked

"Almost two weeks ago," Jasper confessed, his head still bent low, his tone soft and regretful. His remorse almost pierced my heart. Almost.

"Why?"

"It seemed like a good solution."

_Good?_ I wanted to ask. _How can something so horrible be good?_ I began to pace the room, my mind flying in a thousand different directions, seeing how this false confession could and _would_ lead to a varying mass of situations, some able to be dealt with and most horrible beyond measure.

"Are you really very mad at me?" Jasper asked. It was his little-boy voice, nervous and upset that he had gotten into so much trouble, and I bit my lip. Was I really that mad at him? He was my Jasper, my love, how could I possibly be so furious? No, I wasn't mad at him. But what he had 'confessed' could start such a terrible chain of events that I was furious at his words.

"I'm mad that you said something so…so…" I faltered in my speech, unable to verbally grasp just what his excuse could do to us. I bit my tongue, searching for a way to put it before an angry tirade flowed from me like water.

"Do you know what people are going to say? They're going to pity me, pity us. And think of the timing! Only a month into our marriage and I'm _pregnant_? They'll think I'm some...some common woman! They'll think that's why I married you, because you knocked me up! As if we didn't have enough gossip as it is!"

Underneath my yelling, I was shocked at myself for fussing so. I didn't have a temper like this before meeting him; I didn't scream like a banshee at the drop of a hat. Perhaps being so passionate at one end of the spectrum led to a passionate rage at the other end. Or maybe I just needed to get this yelling out of my system. It had been quite a long time since I had gotten to properly scream at someone, not since our last night at Peter's.

"I didn't think of that," Jasper muttered once I was done.

"No, you didn't. You didn't think." Having finished with my outburst, I settled back into the angry silence I had begun with, staring at Jasper with piercing topaz eyes. His own burgundy ones stared right back at me, sorrowfully large, and this time it _did_ pierce my heart.

He hadn't meant for it to get so out of hand, I could see that written plainly on his face. His hands were clenching as always, showing the tension he was feeling. I began to feel badly for my reaction, seeing how it upset him so. "What should I do?" he asked forlornly.

Looking at his heartsick face, I felt worse every second, but the knowledge that Marlene was about to walk in here thinking I had had a miscarriage made my muscles set tensely. Just because he felt badly…just because _I_ felt badly…didn't mean that this situation was taken care of. And a little part of me, that wily, viciously feminine part, wanted to make him suffer just a little longer for his mistake.

I sighed in a heavy way, still slightly upset at his words. "I don't know, Jazz, I just need to be alone. To think."

"Alice, I-"

The apology I could feel tumbling from Jasper's lips was cut short when someone knocked at the door, someone I knew to be Marlene.

"Should I get that or do you want to?" Jasper asked meekly.

I bit the inside of my cheek, upset that one simple false confession would lead to so much trouble. "You get it. I should be lying down, apparently."

I tried very hard not to be scathing in my tone, and I'm not sure if I succeeded.

Jasper moved to leave the mudroom and stopped just before. "You've forgiven me, just a little. I can feel that much."

I stayed silent and watched him leave before hurrying to the bedroom at an inhuman speed, throwing on one of Jasper's shirts (the closest thing I had to a nightgown), and slipping in between the covers just as Marlene tapped softly on the half-shut door.

"Come in," I called out, trying to sound worn-out and weak.

Marlene stepped into the room, her arms empty of the parcels I had envisioned her with and her face carefully blank.

"Josephine?" she said warily. I sat up in the bed and smiled wanly; it wasn't hard to do so, with being upset at the situation and all.

"Are you feeling up to visitors?" she asked.

"If it's you, Marlene, I am," I answered. She smiled and sat at the edge of the bed near my feet.

"My, don't you look pale," Marlene observed, clucking her tongue and I tried not to laugh at the irony of her statement.

"So," I said softly, "Hector told you."

She nodded sadly. "Yes. How are you feeling?"

I tried to think of what I should say, how I should feel, and my brief silence seemed to be answer enough for Marlene.

"You poor thing," she murmured sympathetically. "I feel just awful for you."

Her human emotion was intoxicating as it made her eyes watery and her cheeks pink, and I held my breath.

"Does all of the Ladies Committee feel the same way?" I asked.

Marlene shook her head. "I haven't told anyone."

I wrinkled my brow, shocked and just a little confused that someone as gossipy as Marlene would keep such news quiet.

"I assumed it was a private family matter, and you'd tell if you felt like it," she explained simply.

"Not even Sheriff Walsh?"

"As much as he thinks, Joel doesn't need to know _everything_ about the people in this town." The corners of Marlene's mouth picked up in a timid smile, one which I returned, reminding myself to not let it grow too big. _I've just gone through a loss, after all, nothing should be too amusing_.

"Are you sure you're doing fine?" she asked again, taking my marble hand.

"Surprisingly, I'm fine…I didn't even know I was pregnant."

_That's for sure_.

Marlene patted my hand and stood. "There'll be other babies, I'm sure. You'll be a wonderful mother. For now, just take care of yourself."

I nodded. "Thank you for coming, Marlene."

She leaned down to press her rosy lips to my chilly forehead, and I stilled even more in an attempt to ignore the way her soft skin moved over her supple muscles.

"I'll come again," she announced. "And I'll tell that husband of yours to get you some more firewood, you're positively freezing."

I smiled at her kindness. "Goodbye, Marlene. Thanks again."

"Goodbye, Josephine," she replied and left the room.

I heard Jasper bid her farewell, the door shutting softly behind her. Jasper made no move to come into the bedroom, and I lay in the bed, thinking and not thinking all at once, numb and stagnant for a few minutes before my brain would take off like a shot.

I had never thought of the possibility of being able to have children. It had never been an option or a thought. Now, this idea crossing my mind, it broke my heart as I realized my loss. There would be no "other babies" like Marlene claimed. I would never hold my child to my breast. I wouldn't see him off to school or take him to the park or kiss him goodnight.

I tried to picture him, this small imaginary boy of mine, since my mind could obviously not give any clues about this impossible future. He would be small and lithe, with the same shock of ragged black hair as me. I imagined his cherubic face and was almost surprised to see that he was the spitting image of Jasper. The same straight nose, the same taut lips, all were his features set in my pale face. It made so much sense for my subconscious to place him there like that, and it made it all the more difficult to deal with the fact that Jasper and I could never have that boy. Our couplings would never lead to such a perfect gift. My heart longed for a family, and in that longing, my head gave me one.

_Carlisle and Edward were getting into a handsome black Rolls Royse, their faces drawn and tight. Carlisle started the car, revving the engine wildly before pulling out of the lot of a handsome old redbrick building._

"_I'm sorry," Edward muttered softly as they drove onto the main road._

_Carlisle said nothing, only tightened his hands on the wheel. Edward growled in the back of his throat as if in response to some unspoken word._

"_I didn't do anything to her, Carlisle, you'd think you could trust me. I'm not Emmett, slipping up every three years." He settled back into his seat angrily, his arms folded across his chest._

_Once again, Carlisle remained silent, and his silence said something to Edward._

"_Christ, I wasn't trying to kill her, I just need to hunt. I got distracted," he explained._

"_And followed her into the bathroom?" countered Carlisle._

"_She didn't tell anyone."_

"_She might."_

"_But I __**know**__ she __**won't**__."_

_Carlisle sighed. "Do I need to withdraw you from the school?"_

_Edward shook his head furiously. "No, I'm fine."_

"_Edward, if there's any chance you'll-"_

"_I won't."_

_They sat quietly at a stoplight for a few moments before Edward spoke._

"_Don't be ridiculous," he said in response to Carlisle's silent thoughts._

"_But Edward, look at what Emmett's done for Rosalie," Carlisle pointed out._

"_Yes, and Rosalie was meant for __**me**__, wasn't she?" Edward muttered. "If you were to bring someone into the family and she turned out to be as vain and self-absorbed at my dear sister-"_

"_**Edward**__."_

"_She __**is**__. And just because _you've_ found the love of your life doesn't mean I will. I'm perfectly fine going it alone_."

I stayed still for a few moments, replaying the scene over and over again. So they _did_ want to bring someone into the family…but would two someones be acceptable? I bit my lip; would Jasper even want to be one of those someones after I had behaved so badly?

_He was only trying to protect you_, that small logical voice inside me insisted. _So what if he bungled it a little? Marlene won't tell. He only wanted to keep you from doing something terrible. Forgive him before he decides you're not worth it._

_Not worth it?_ My emotional voice repeated the logical one frantically. I scrambled out of bed in a hurry to apologize, my potential unworthiness weighing on me like a stone.

Jasper lay on the sofa, one long-fingered hand thrown casually over his eyes as if he were asleep (though his still chest made him look dead rather than just snoozing). So my vision had been a little off, I realized. Feeling the flurry of emotions I was no doubt carrying, Jasper lifted his hand and cracked open one eye. I took a deep breath.

"Jazz, I shouldn't have-"

"It wasn't my place to-"

"You go ahead."

"Ladies first."

I couldn't help but smile at his Southern mannerly way, and he smiled too, making all the tension I had built up inside of me dissipate with one of his grins.

"So I am forgiven then?" Jasper asked, pulling himself up to a sitting position on the couch.

"Only if I am," I replied. "I was thoughtless and rude. You were protecting me, and I blew up. It's unacceptable."

"You had reason to," he objected. "It was stupid of me to say that without asking you first. We're supposed to be partners now, and I should have included you in deciding what to do."

"Jazz, _I _was in the wrong."

"Really, Alice, it was me."

I sighed. "Perhaps we should just agree to call it a truce and both be forgiven?"

Jasper smiled and reached for me. I vaulted lightly over the back of the sofa and settled into him. He reclined back, holding me tight, and I nestled in the groove of his chest that I fit in so perfectly, content to listen to his slow, steady breathing while his fingers skipped up and down my spine.

"We're lucky that Marlene hasn't said anything about this, not even the Sheriff," I murmured.

"Shouldn't that make you happier?" asked Jasper.

"It does," I insisted. "I'm happy she kept it to herself. What do you mean, happier?"

"You were sad."

I propped my chin up on Jasper's chest to watch him speak.

"I could feel you all the way through the wall," he continued. "Did I really trouble you so much by what I did?"

I shook my head against him. "It's silly."

"Your not telling me something that hurts you is silly."

"It wasn't you that hurt me."

"Marlene, then? Did she say something?"

I bit my lip, seeing that I would tell him sooner or later. _Might as well be now._

"She was just trying to make me feel better," I said, beginning with a disclaimer. "She said something about other children. And I realized…there won't be other children. There won't be any children."

Jasper stilled underneath me as the idea sunk into him. "Did you want children Alice?" he asked, his voice careful.

"Not before I met you," I confessed. He pressed his lips against the crown of my head.

"You can't let yourself mourn something that doesn't exist," he murmured. "You'll get your family, Alice, it'll just be different."

"I had a vision about then," I said quietly. "Carlisle and Edward. They were leaving a school, and Edward was having…_trouble_ with a human girl."

"A boy after my own heart," Jasper mused with a slight smile.

"And I think he had a gift too. He was able to hear Carlisle's thoughts," I added.

"Interesting," he replied. "And Carlisle?"

I shook my head. "I couldn't tell."

"Anything about where they might be?"

"No, nothing."

"It'll come in time. Try not to be so disappointed, I don't like knowing you feel that way. It makes me feel as if I'm the one disappointing you."

"Never," I insisted. Jasper began to breathe again and I rose and fell with his chest. His hands resumed their languid stroking as we lay there, savoring the last few rays of the sunset that managed to peek through the thick cloud cover.

"What was Marlene bringing?" I asked lazily, burrowing my head into his shoulder to breathe in his rich, masculine scent. His fingers paused on my hip when I brushed my mouth along his collarbone.

"The mail," he said simply. "Do that again."

I ignored his request and sat up, excited at the promise of what the mail could bring. Jasper laughed at my bright smile and leaned forward to kiss my cheek.

"You're like a kid in a candy store," he chuckled. "And don't get too excited; the radio didn't arrive."

My shoulders slumped visibly, and he laughed again.

"What's so funny?" I asked in a huffy way.

"You," he replied. "Your emotions are so visible that this empathy thing is almost useless. Without using any sort of gift, I can already tell you're ready to burst if you don't get that radio soon."

"And _with_ using it…?" I murmured suggestively, sending him my less-than-pure feelings. Jasper grinned.

"I get _those_ so often, my dear, that I've begun blocking them out."

I felt my jaw drop at his unsentimental comment.

"I'm joking, Alice!" he insisted lightly, reaching up to shut my gaping mouth. "I can understand your emotions so completely, I only assumed you could do the same to mine and would see it was a joke."

"No more assumptions out of you," I insisted.

"Never again," he promised.

"Then let's go open that mail," I said eagerly, hopping off the couch and pulling him behind me to the kitchen, where the letters and parcels I knew would be there lay waiting on the table. I reached for the first piece of mail, a letter addressed to _Mr. Hector O'Brien, Ten Sleep, Wyoming_. I handed it to Jasper who slit it open and read it quickly.

"Anything important?" I asked, peeking over his arm to see the paper.

"Ernie Graham wants to buy our land and is willing to bend to any offer," he said and stuffed the letter back into its envelope.

"Tell him we want a cool ten million," I answered with a laugh. Jasper grinned and shuffled through the stack of mail, dropping each one on the table with a thud.

"Bill…notice…newsletter…bill…oh, here's one for you." He handed me a brown-paper-wrapped rectangle which I quickly opened. A small note and a book lay inside.

_Alice_, the note read, _this is in the hopes that you and Jasper have forgiven us for our indiscretions and that we can remain friends. With affection, Charlotte_.

I wrinkled my brow at the book the note had been covering, unsure whether I had ever seen the characters that half of the title was written in.

"What is it?" Jasper towered over me, leaning close to look.

"A note from Charlotte. And a book I've never heard of." I held the tome aloft so he could see.

"_Kama Sutra_?" he read aloud, furrowing his brow. Obviously, he had never heard of it either.

"How strange of her to write me now," I pondered. I wasn't quite sure how to react now that I had seen how little my choices were valued by this supposed friend of mine.

"That makes me wonder what's in here," Jasper said, holding another envelope aloft.

"Why?" Nothing seemed different about the envelope, what could be so special? I tried looking at it closer.

"It's in Peter's handwriting," he pointed out. I stared at the spiky writing, noticing just what it said.

_Major Jasper Whitlock_

_C/O Hector and Josephine O'Brien_

_Ten Sleep, Wyoming_

"Oh," I said simply, watching his face muscles tense as he opened the envelope. His darkened eyes scanned the paper quickly, as if he were expecting it to contain some scathing, cutting remark and wanted to get it over with. Towards the end of the note, his eyes relaxed, and he tossed that letter onto the kitchen table with the rest of them.

"What did it say?" I asked, reaching out to pick up the paper from the table.

"Nothing," Jasper said and plucked it out from my hands.

"Jazz, really. Tell me," I urged him. He sighed, looking hesitant and uneasy.

_Jasper and Alice were kissing in the kitchen, Alice sitting on the edge of the table so that her face was level with his_.

"Whatever it is, it'll be fine," I said, putting my hand on the side of his face. He smiled slightly into my palm.

"It'll be fine," he repeated.

"Yes," I assured him. "Now tell me what the letter said."

"I didn't want you to get angry, because I asked Peter to do a favor for me," he began. "And not just a run-of-the-mill favor, but one I wasn't happy I even had to ask."

I raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to go on.

He swallowed nervously. "I asked him to write to Maria."

"Maria?" It was my turn to be nervous. "But why?"

"I wanted to know if she had heard of Carlisle's coven."

It was enough to make me stop breathing. The idea of Jasper being in any way connected to Maria once again was horrible, but that he would go to such lengths to find information about Carlisle was exhilarating.

"You would do that for me?" I murmured. He nodded slowly.

"It's what you want," he said. "And if I could use two people I don't like speaking with to potentially help you, then I would."

I was taken aback. "So you don't think I'm not worth it?"

"Not worth what?" He stared at me, confused.

"Everything!" I cried. "This boring town, the trouble I caused with the baby, our…_my_ argument, you having to resort to asking _Maria_ for help…everything."

"No, Alice," Jasper replied, shaking his head. "That we can overcome those things makes you all the _more_ worth it."


	17. This Fell Sergeant

And so we settled into life in Ten Sleep, the weeks going by like days. Time is a different sort of thing when you have eternity before you.

Maria hadn't heard anything about Carlisle, and I began my mind-search for them again. Jasper worried that I was taxing myself too much, that I would let something slip through the cracks, but I reminded him of how he had contacted not one but _two _estranged aquaintances to get information, and he stopped his worrying.

Our first Valentines Day together was an interesting affair. It began by having to explain such a human holiday to Jasper, showing him lacey cards and magazine pictures of roses and boxes of chocolates, and ended with him nearly setting the house on fire and destroying out bedroom curtains with the insane number of candles he thought to light. The night was made all the more eventful when we finally broke in the red nightgown that Jasper had once so casually deemed "interesting."

Our existence was every bit as quiet as I had expected. An exciting night on the town consisted of a social at the local church or a quilting bee with the Ladies Committee, both events Jasper and I reluctantly attended, holding our breaths the entire time.

Small town life took much getting used to. What would have been a grand shopping excursion for dresses or shoes in Boston became a day-long sojourn to find a new rifle or broom in town. As boring as it was at first, it was still shopping and I gladly examined each bristle of the broom as though it was a fine artifact. The general store owner, Mr. Windhurst, grew accustomed to my showing up on a bi-weekly basis (usually on the cloudiest of days) and he began gathering bags of feed and fertilizer to have waiting for me before I arrived. He claimed it was because I was new in town and he "wanted to be friendly," but I attributed his kindness to the fact that I had purchased a $75 tea set for Marlene's birthday and Jasper had placed an order for an outrageously expensive ladies' saddle that I didn't even want.

It was with these bags of feed and fertilizer that we began to till our land. Jasper poured through about a million of the books in the study, learning about soil and equipment, grains and harvesting, anything that would help us pretend to be farmers. I could easily see that, due to his tireless efforts, our land would be brimming with a plentiful crop.

We began tending the spring barley in late March, an arduous task that I liked to finish early in the morning so the speed we worked at wouldn't be noticed. Even Trouble was thrown off by our quickness and refused to be hitched to the plow or any other sort of machinery we had, leaving Jasper to pull much of the equipment himself.

"If that horse doesn't stop getting so spooked soon…" Jasper said warningly as we rested on the back porch one day, staring out at our promising fields.

"You like Trouble too much to do anything," I joked. "You probably love her more than you love me."

"What a joke. Do I not tell you I love you enough?" he asked fondly, a question we had taken to asking often, and I gave our traditional response.

"No, never enough." He smiled and kissed my left temple. Silence came over us for a few minutes, and I leaned into him, enjoying the feeling of his repetitive circle-tracing on my palm.

"We're running out of fertilizer." Jasper nudged the near-empty sack with his toe.

"Only you would ruin such a sweet moment with farming talk," I said with a laugh.

"I'd make it up to you, but I'm rather grubby," he answered, holding out his dirt-covered hands.

"They shower is just as good a place as any," I teased, placing my own grimy hand on his jean-clad thigh.

"Saucy today, Alice, aren't we?" Jasper raised one honeyed eyebrow. "I thought you had said we weren't doing these sorts of things before sundown? Trying to be like normal people, aren't we?"

I grinned. "It's only because that dirt is so tempting."

Our shower lasted a good long while with neither of us noticing when the water turned bitter cold. Ever the resourceful military man, Jasper lit up our as-of-yet-unused fireplace. We settled in front of it to dry off, Jasper on the floor with his back against the sofa while I lay curled against his chest.

"I can go pick up some supplies in town on Friday," I offered.

"Mmmm." He made a throaty noise, his hands running through my short, wet hair. "I was thinking-"

"Never a good idea."

He gave a sarcastic laugh. "No, really. I was going to say that you go into town by yourself far too much."

"I'm fine, Jazz," I insisted. "I can more than take care of myself."

"No, I mean you take too much responsibility," he clarified. "You tend the barley with me and clean the house and run errands…I'm not going to work you to the bone like that. I want to help."

I kissed the arm he had wrapped around me. "I really don't mind playing the housewife, but thank you."

"You're welcome."

"And if you want to start by mopping the mudroom, that would be lovely."

Jasper chuckled. "Yes, ma'am. I was _also_ thinking-"

"Once again, not good."

He poked my side with his index finger.

"Ow, sorry. Go on."

He took a deep breath and I turned around in his arms to find him looking slightly embarrassed. "You know I don't really like being around the humans too much, but I'm making an effort. For you."

"Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me. It's best for the both of us if I can live here without wanting to kill our neighbors." He paused for more breath. "And so I want to go into town more to…_strengthen_ myself. It's a little far for Trouble after working on the farm all day, and I know it would look more normal if I could drive there and-"

A vision of what Jasper was asking to do popped into my head.

"Jasper, are you asking me to teach you how to drive?"

His face broke into a relieved grin, as if he had been too embarrassed to ask and was just waiting for me to do it instead.

"Would you mind?" he asked sheepishly, still grinning.

"We'll have to take it slow," I cautioned. "I won't have you scratching my Buick."

Jasper laughed and kissed the top of my head. "You're an angel, Alice."

"I try," I replied cheekily, turning so that my back was pressed against him once more.

"You remember the day we met?" he asked softly as we watched the fire die down.

"Of course. I'd been waiting for that day for months."

"When we left that diner, when you drove to the hotel…that was my very first time in a car."

I whipped around to face him, shocked. "Really?"

He nodded. "Really really. You don't get the chance when you're as nomadic as I was."

I grinned, anticipating the challenge this would bring and seeing that, sooner or later, he would be zipping along the roads just like me. "Well, we'll have to give you that chance now, won't we?"

We began our lessons a few days later, Jasper in the driver's seat with me right next to him. My mind was working overtime, forever glancing into the future to be sure he didn't make a decision that would end up causing the Buick to be damaged (stopping his quick turning of the wheel and subsequent flipping of the car, for example). He learned rather quickly, considering any time not tending the barley was spent in the car. By June, he was taking weekly joyrides into town. By July, he was testing the boundaries of how fast a Buick Eight could go, and I bought him a pair of handsome Italian leather driving gloves to celebrate (gloves Marlene said the Ladies Committee had deemed "extravagant and unnecessary" but I called beautiful).

Jasper had taken to honking the horn wildly and pulling doughnuts in the dusty driveway whenever he came home, and I ran out to greet him one late July morning with a fresh vision having just played through my head. He parked the car easily and slid from the seat in a graceful, languid movement as I hurried to his side.

"We'll be having some guests," I warned him quickly. "Humans. You'll want the rifle with you."

"The rifle?" He furrowed his brow worriedly. "But why?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. To keep up this human façade? All I know is I saw two strange men staring at you on Trouble and you shot the rifle into the air."

Jasper nodded as he took all of this in. "I think Trouble and I are going to head out near the boundary, search for these guests. I might hunt a little." He leaned down to kiss my forehead. "And I'll take the rifle, just to appease you."

"Thank you," I said, wrapping my arms around his torso and pressing my face into his chest for another deep breath of his intoxicating scent.

"And I don't want you leaving the house," he ordered against the top of my head. "If we're 'keeping up this human façade,' like you say, then Mrs. O'Brien shouldn't leave when her husband isn't around."

I rolled my eyes. "I saw Marlene coming over, I'll be fine."

"Then stay inside until she comes, please," he said and tilted my chin up towards him, leaning down to peck my lips with his. "We're both settling into this life here, and I don't want to have to start all over again just because you decide to do something crazy."

"I could say the same for you," I teased and stood on tiptoe to kiss him again.

"We just need to act human, no matter what," he said seriously. "There are some who, if we are noticed by the humans, will try to destroy us."

"Some?" I repeated. "Who are these 'some'?"

He shook his head, and my nose rubbed against his. "Don't worry about them right now, we'll talk about that later. Go inside, I'll go get Trouble saddled up."

Feeling slightly snubbed by his reluctance to tell me anything, I went inside nevertheless, watching out the window as Jasper led the horse out of the stable. He glanced up into the heavily overcast sky before hopping into the saddle, raising a hand to me at the window, and taking off across our land. I sighed and closed the curtains to wait for his return or Marlene's arrival.

I had recently been working on honing my talent, and I had been getting better at judging timing because of that. Jasper would come home before Marlene arrived, though I wasn't sure if it would be sooner or later, or if these humans of my vision would be with either of them.

The humans, two strange men I had never seen before, flew to the front of my mind. I could see them clearly, one rather stout and the other tall and gangly, even taller than Jasper. They were both dressed in the worn, ragged clothes of travelers and were staring up at Jasper, who sat astride Trouble with the rifle we had bought from town lying across his knees. A shiver ran through me as I wondered just why he would need that rifle, and I shook my head to get rid of such thoughts. Marlene would surely want tea when she arrived, and I would have to search for the leaves in our threadbare pantry.

I spent the next hour and a half getting the rarely-used kitchen in order, sweeping and mopping the floor, wiping down countertops and cupboards, making it look like I used and cleaned it every day when in actuality I walked through it only to get to the mudroom and nothing more.

Just as I was tossing the used mop water out the backdoor, I heard a noise coming from the front of the house. After placing the bucket on the porch, I went to investigate, stopping short just before the wide-open front door as I noticed that our recently-purchased radio was currently being heaved into the back of a rusty red pick-up truck parked in the drive.

_We are being robbed_. My mind was a-flutter with the vision I hadn't seen. The two men were here, now, and they had already begun to rob our home. I had been so focused on the vision of them with Jasper that I hadn't had the chance to see this unlawful act. But I knew, thanks to my gift, that Jasper would come sooner or later, that I wouldn't be hurt, and I stepped onto the porch with only a slight tinge of fear. _Keep up this human façade_, my mind echoed, the little voice inside of me sounding an awful lot like Jasper.

The men were tying our new radio down to the bed of the truck, their foreheads underneath their cowboy hats glistening with sweat in the July sun. I steeled myself for the confrontation I could see coming and wished that I had thought to keep the rifle with me instead, just to scare them off. The stouter man knelt to secure a rope to the truck and the taller one turned around, catching sight of me for the first time.

"Well, well, Mike, look who we have here," he drawled, whistling through his teeth. The other man, Mike, rose to his feet, facing me as well.

"I'll be," Mike said with a leering grin. "Are you the lady of the house, missy?"

_Human façade, human façade_, I reminded myself.

"Yes."

I tried my best to keep my voice small and frightened. Any human woman in this situation would feel that way, wouldn't she? And Jasper was coming soon with the rifle. We would be fine. I worried that if I decided to fight, they would surely use the gleaming pistols that hung at their waists, and any gossip that got around about my not being able to die would cause quite a stir in town.

"All alone?" The tall man asked.

I said nothing, and their grins grew wider.

He continued with his questioning. "You got a gun in the house, missy?"

"Of course," I said quickly.

Mike laughed. "Y'hear that, Adam? _Of course_ she got a gun."

Adam chuckled in turn. "Well, ma'am, we'll have to ask you to keep that gun under wraps while we finish inside. You understand?" He gestured to the gun in his holster.

I stayed silent and they laughed once more. While Mike finished tying down the radio, Adam walked towards the house, even stopping to tip his hat to me as he passed in a sarcastic sort of manner. I stood stock-still and stared ahead, waiting anxiously for Jasper to arrive.

"It's a good thing you're cooperating," Mike said genially, walking towards me. "Last time someone resisted, they got a little lead present in the leg."

Thunder rumbled in the distance and he walked around to the passenger side door, one eye still on me as he reached inside to pull out a blue plastic tarp. I heard an angry cry come from inside the house followed by a splintering crash. Adam came stalking outside, his face furious and his gun in his hand as he stalked towards Mike and the truck.

"What the hell?! Where's the good stuff?" he thundered, facing me.

"I don't know what you mean," I replied coolly. He pointed his pistol right at me.

"Shut your trap, you know," he spat. "The silver, the money. Something that isn't a bunch of shitty books."

"There isn't any of that," I countered. "We only moved in seven months ago, we don't have many nice things. And the money stays at the bank."

"Lady, if I don't see something good soon…well, I don't know what I'm liable to do," Adam muttered. I could tell he wasn't 'liable to do' anything. His future showed nothing more than him running like a scared puppy; even the hand he held the pistol in was shaking. I thought for a moment of biting them both just to get it over with, and my mind flared with the vision of what would happen.

_Jasper and Alice were digging quickly through the Wyoming soil, finally reaching a depth low enough to toss in the two bodies_.

No, I couldn't bear to kill them, but I wouldn't allow them to take over my home like this. If only Jasper would hurry up and get back!

"I know you have something good in there, missy!" Adam shouted, cocking the gun with a click.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I repeated.

"C'mon, Adam, maybe she's telling the truth," Mike called out from where he stood next to the truck. "She's just a housewife, she prob'ly-"

"Shut _up_, Mike," Adam ordered, placing his free hand on the butt of his pistol. I closed my eyes, trying to focus through the adrenaline coursing through me so I might see my future.

A shot rang out in the air and I cringed, desperately not wanting to have to fake an injury. But no, there was no pain anywhere on my body, and I cracked one eye open, thanking the heavens above for what I saw. Jasper sat astride Trouble at the entrance to the yard, the shotgun raised in his hand, smoke slowly rising from the barrel. My mind was immediately at ease; I knew Jasper's presence would force these men to leave. They could bully me, but they were no match for his formidable strength.

"A problem here, gentlemen?" he asked, looking fierce and powerful from his place atop the horse.

"I think we'll be taking that radio and leaving you folks be," Adam replied, swinging his pistol-wielding arm between Jasper on horseback and me on the porch.

Jasper let another shot fly into the air. "Actually, I think you ought to put that radio back inside."

I saw what Adam planned to do a half-second before he did it, not enough time for me to stop him or even to cry out. As Jasper slid off of Trouble and landed on the ground, Adam took the opportunity of his movement to fire the pistol straight into his chest. His face shocked, Jasper fell to his knees before landing flat on his face, one hand twitching underneath his still body. I almost laughed at what a good actor he was…

Until a small stream of blood began pooling around his body.

The noise that screeched through my lips was like nothing I had ever heard before. I hardly realized it came from me, it sounded so unworldly. My wordless cry merged with the sound of screeching tires as the two men peeled away and I ran to Jasper's side at an inhuman speed.

Was he hurt? Or…or worse? Could a bullet even do such damage to a vampire? I knelt next to him, my breath coming in ragged gasps as I hesitated to put my hands on him, fearing the worst. I couldn't lose him, I couldn't. This man was my life, my everything. If he were to leave me…

_But you know this isn't possible!_ my inner voice was screaming, still sounding very much like Jasper. _He isn't dead, he can't be. And smell that blood…it's not his. He doesn't even have blood._

"Alice…" I heard him whisper, and his calling my name gave me the courage to place my hands on his side, flipping him to his back. One hand was clutched against his stomach, a blossom of blood underneath his palm no longer spreading. His face was still, his eyes closed, and I placed my hand onto his cheek, half-expecting him to be soft and warm in this human-like death I was seeing him experience.

Instead, his still-frozen face broke into a cheeky grin and he pulled his bloodstained hand away to reveal a small, dead squirrel.

"Good distraction, then?" he said weakly. "I was bringing you lunch, and I thought-"

My eyes narrowed, and I slapped him, hard, across the face.

"Don't you _ever_ scare me like that again!" I cried angrily, fighting against the waves of calm he was trying to force on me. "I thought you were _dead_! I couldn't stop them! I…I…"

The calm was too strong, and his gift overpowered me, leaving me silent but shaken. Jasper sat up, his shirtfront still stained with the squirrel's blood, and took my hand in his.

"I didn't mean to scare you so," he murmured, reaching up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "I thought you would be able to see what I was doing."

"I can't see straight when I think you're in danger," I murmured softly as his hand caressed my cheek. "You are all I think about, Jazz."

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his lips brushing against my forehead. "Never again, I promise."

I sighed, wincing at the blood that still covered him.

"I'll take it off," he offered, unbuttoning the shirt and balling it up in his hand.

"Throw it away, burn it," I said hastily. I had no desire to see a reminder of what I had just gone through. He nodded and stood, pulling me to my feet and leading me inside. I stood, staring at the empty space where our radio had once stood while he stoked up the fire, filling the room with heat made all the more intense by the sweltering July weather. Part of me was upset that they had done so much damage for such a small prize, and another part of me was just angry that I hadn't fought back to protect myself, my home, and my love.

"We can get a new radio," Jasper said as he tossed his shirt into the fire. I wrinkled my nose at the acrid smell it gave off.

"I know we can," I answered with a sigh. "I'm just wondering how long I can last pretending to be a human."

We tried to return back to normalcy with this new realization that living as humans was going to be a difficult task. I waited through each day, hoping that our life in Ten Sleep would be finished with a vision showing us where Carlisle and his brood were, knowing that I was suffering through this human existence only because of them.

And that vision came on an early September day as we brought the barley to market.


	18. Journey Bated and Brought Low

"You realize we're not going to sell much with this weather," Jasper said knowingly as we loaded the barley into the truck we had borrowed from Doctor Cohen for the day.

"Oh, Jazz, darling, you forget who you're talking to," I said with a grin. I had already seen our money box at the end of the day, full to the bursting with bills.

Jasper laughed. "Never let me doubt you, my love," he answered and held out a hand to help me into the car.

We drove to the market, an hour away in Lovell, in a caravan of cars driven by other farmers from all over northern Wyoming, Ernie Griffin among them. More cars would join us as the day progressed, customers eager to buy fresh produce and grain as well as the livestock, carved furniture, and hand-sewn quilts and blankets that rounded out the groceries.

Jasper parked the car in the small lot we had been assigned, and I set up the precautionary tenting to shade ourselves and our wares, having foreseen that the sun would break through the heavy clouds around two. He placed the barley for the customers to peruse at the edge of the tent and we stood behind, waiting for our shoppers.

Just as Jasper had foretold, the morning was quiet with only three purchases being made in the space of two hours, but once the local animals had been milked, fed, and tended to, the marketplace became a burgeoning throng of people despite the overcast sky. We lolled about under the tent, selling our wares and telling everyone about the things we had made from our barley, lying intensely all the while, knowing that instead of the bread and soup we spoke of we had nothing but horse feed.

Marlene and Sheriff Walsh came by around noon, Marlene handing her baby off to an eager farmer's daughter to play with as soon as she caught sight of us.

"How's it going, O'Brien?" the Sheriff called out as they approached our stand. "Sell much so far?"

"I doubt we'll have enough to last us 'till three," Jasper answered and I grinned. We wouldn't, of that I was sure.

"What clever thinking, that tent," Marlene marveled as she fingered the heavy blue canvas that covered us.

"The idea just came to us," I said cheekily.

"Doesn't look like you'll be needing it much in this weather," Sheriff Walsh noted, nodding his head up at the clouds.

"My Josie has such fair skin, I wouldn't want her to get burned even in such cloudy conditions," Jasper explained and placed his hand at my waist, providing ample support as I became rigid and still. I felt him lay me down on the ground as if I had fainted just before I fully succumbed to the vision encroaching on my mind.

_A ditzy-looking bottle blonde sat chewing absently on the end of her pencil, the enormous sign over her white desk announcing that she was the receptionist of the St. Cloud Hospital of St. Cloud, Minnesota. The woman giggled with delight and scribbled something into her crossword, looking up when three tall figures appeared before her desk._

"_How can I…" The receptionist's mouth dropped slightly when she was met with the beauty of Rosalie, Edward, and a tall, handsome, and as yet unseen young man standing before her. She swallowed noticeably and managed to stutter out her speech. "H-how can I help you?"_

"_We need to see Dr. Carlisle Cullen, if you please," Rosalie said in quiet, alluring tones._

"_Dr. Cullen, of course," the woman stammered. "And you would be?"_

"_We're his brother and sister," Rosalie explained, gesturing to Edward before placing her hand on the giant of a man's shoulder, "and this is my husband, Emmett."_

"_Of course, of course." The receptionist repeated her mantra. "Let me just get him for you."_

_She reached for the large microphone on her desk, pressing a button and speaking into it. "Dr. Cullen to reception, please. Dr. Cullen to reception."_

"_Thank you," Rosalie said softly and moved to the waiting area chairs, sitting down gracefully with her husband and brother on her sides. After a few minutes of quiet waiting, Carlisle stalked into the waiting room, his face drawn and worried._

"_Carlisle," Edward called out as they rose to their feet._

"_Is something wrong?" Carlisle asked tensely. Emmett nodded, and Carlisle gestured for them to follow him. They stepped silently down the hallway, patients curiously watching the four beautiful people as they passed. Carlisle ushered them through a doorway with his name on it; his office. Emmett immediately took a seat on the chaise, Rosalie sitting next to him as Edward paced the floor._

"_Well, who would like to tell me what's gone wrong?" Carlisle said, his voice neither accusatory nor entirely settled._

"_It isn't as bad as you think," Edward insisted. "He didn't bite anyone."_

_Carlisle sighed and slumped into the chair behind his desk. "So it is Emmett."_

"_I'm sorry," Emmett murmured, staring at his and Rosalie's entwined hands. "I wasn't being careful and-"_

"_Why don't you tell me what happened first, and then we can get to the apology?" Carlisle said calmly._

"_Go ahead, Emmett," Rosalie encouraged him._

_Emmett swallowed. "Well, to start with, I got into a fight at school…and I think I broke his arm."_

_Carlisle tensed visibly and motioned for Emmett to continue._

"_What's worse is I was very close to biting him," he explained._

"_But you didn't," Carlisle confirmed._

_Emmett nodded. "I skipped the rest of school and went to the woods, found a deer. I didn't know his friends were following me, honest, or I wouldn't have been hunting in plain sight."_

"_They saw you drinking?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Did you destroy the corpse?"_

"_I wasn't thinking, it all happened so fast!"_

_Carlisle sighed again, putting his head in his hand for a moment before looking up. "Edward, did you manage to hear anything?"_

"_They're going to tell someone," Edward replied somberly. "And they've got the deer for proof. The chief of police is such a dolt, he's sure to investigate."_

"_Is Esme at home?" Carlisle asked._

"_She doesn't know anything," Rosalie offered. "We came straight here."_

_Carlisle nodded. "Go home. Don't tell her anything, I'll be there soon."_

A chorus of worried voices called out to me as I surfaced.

"Josephine, are you all right?"

"Stand back, give her some air!"

"Alice," Jasper whispered in my ear, soft, so no one else could hear, "what is it?"

"I…I need to go," I murmured shakily, playing the ill-health card I had been dealt. "I'm sorry, I-"

"Shhh, there's no need to be sorry," Marlene murmured. "Go on home. We'll take your things back to the farm."

"Thank you," Jasper said, scooping me up from my place on the ground and wordlessly carrying me to the truck.

I stared out the window as he crossed over to join me in the car. _Cullen, Cullen, Cullen_, my mind kept repeating. The Cullen family. I finally had a name and a destination to boot, a place to find a family and a home. I shivered, sighed, and almost threw up in anticipation.

"Well?" Jasper asked cautiously. "What did you see?"

I grinned widely, my eyes sparkling. "Their name is Cullen, and we're going to Minnesota."

That was all I needed to say. We sped home, stopping just long enough to change, leave a note for Marlene telling her of our trip to the hospital, and to switch cars, leaving the truck on the Cohen's front drive before heading east towards this mysterious St. Cloud.

I could hardly speak, I was so excited. I talked just long enough to explain what I had seen. Of course, the circumstances the Cullens were under were terrible, but they had allowed me to find them, and I was grateful for that. Jasper drove faster than he ever had before, but I hardly paid attention; my mind was focused on anything the family might be doing.

"So is this it?" Jasper's voice broke through the noise of the engine and the radio as we drove along.

"Is this what?" I said, dragging my eyes away from the autumnal scene outside the car and onto him. Both hands were planted firmly on the wheel, and I longed to grab one of them in my excitement.

"Is this the end of it being just us?" he clarified. "Are we going to be Cullens now?"

"I hope so," I replied, trying not to bounce out of my seat in anticipation. Jasper nodded gravely, saying nothing, and my eyes narrowed. "Are you not happy? This is what we've been waiting for, Jazz, for a family. For the Cullens."

"This is what _you've_ been waiting for, my love," he answered, his face solemn.

My stomach flip-flopped. Was he not as committed as he had seemed to be? Did he not want this? He had said he would go where I went, but maybe that was just it. Maybe he was willing to suffer through this existence just for me.

"Jazz, you can't be unhappy for my sake," I said quietly, my mood brought down by his apparent misery. "If you don't _want_ to be a Cullen…"

"It's not that I don't want to be a Cullen, Alice," he insisted, "it's just…I'm perfectly happy being here with you. Just the two of us. O'Briens, even, if not Whitlocks. And I'm worried if adding others into the picture will change things."

I raised my eyebrows. "You think that having a family is going to change the way I love you?"

"I don't know," he murmured. "You want them so badly, and I don't want to take that away from you. I love you so much, Alice, it almost hurts to think that when we meet them, you might not…"

I leaned over to kiss him just underneath his jaw line. "Do I not tell you I love you enough?"

"Never enough." Jasper sighed. "Only promise me that you won't let these Cullens of yours change us."

I held up my hand, resting my head on his shoulder. "I promise."

I let Jasper drive the entire way, my brain's haywire excitement making my hands shake. We were about an hour's time from St. Cloud when I got another vision.

_The entire Cullen family was circled around a dining room table, each face worried and anxious._

"_What are we going to do?" Esme murmured softly._

"_We'll have to disappear again, it's as simple as that," Carlisle replied. "Rosalie, you lead the packing. Take only what's necessary. Esme, go to the schools and withdraw them from class. I'll go back to the hospital and speak with the chief about taking leave."_

"_And then we'll go?" Emmett asked anxiously, and Carlisle nodded._

I was choking on air as I came to, my mind racing as I realized how this frantic race to St. Cloud could all be for naught.

"What did you see?" Jasper asked, his hand coming over to rest on my own.

"We have to hurry," I said quickly. "They're going to leave in a matter of hours."

He said nothing in reply, only pressed the gas even harder to the floor. I tapped my nails nervously on the seat cushions, glad for Jasper's calming gift and for the circles he drew on my palm to settle my nerves. As much as his combined efforts helped, underneath it all I was still jittery, ready to see this family I longed for and worried that I might never get the chance.

We pulled into the St. Cloud hospital just on the banks of the Mississippi about a half hour later, double-parking the car before flying into the building to be greeted by the same bottle blonde from my vision, still doing that same crossword puzzle.

"How can I help you?" she asked, giving me the same shocked stare she had bestowed upon Rosalie and the others.

"We're looking for Dr. Carlisle Cullen," I said hastily. Part of me was pleased that I could finally use an actual surname for him and his family, and the other part of me was screaming, wanting this exceptionally slow human to work, to move, to speak faster.

"Oh dear, I think Dr. Cullen has left for the day," the receptionist replied, and dread washed over me.

We were too late. There was nothing I could do. I cursed my mind for not having seen this, for being so focused on the Cullens and their actions that I hadn't seen my own. Jasper began rubbing his hand over my back to calm me down as I slumped my shoulders in defeat.

"Left?" I repeated half-heartedly.

"Yes, he had a family emergency, I believe," she explained. "Are you family?"

"Yes."

I turned to face Jasper, a little shocked at his outright lie yet pleased that he would think just what to say. I could see now that she would tell us something important, help us on our way.

"I'm his brother-in-law, and this is my wife," Jasper went on. I could feel the calm openness he was sending her way emanating through me and prayed that it would work.

The receptionist stared at us thoughtfully, her lips pursed. "Well, if you _are_ family…then I suppose I could give you his address."

"Oh, please," I said eagerly, trying to contain the nervous anticipation that was welling up inside of me. I stood on tiptoe to watch her write down an address I already had in my head.

"He'll be here with his wife," the receptionist said, handing the slip of paper to Jasper. I grinned excitedly and took his hand, hearing him call out our thanks to the woman as I dragged him back to the Buick.

"Good Lord, Alice, calm down," Jasper said, trying to hide a smile as I threw open the driver-side door. "I'm about to explode with everything I'm feeling from you."

"You don't understand," I said as I started the car. "I've been waiting for this for months. Years. I knew that once I found you, all I had to do was find them too."

I glanced over at him as we pulled onto the highway and was startled by his solemn demeanor.

"Jasper, please don't be upset," I said, sobering a little at his expression. "I didn't mean that you're any less important."

"I know," he murmured. "I just worry that this new family of yours is going to take precedence over me. That you'd rather be Alice Cullen than Josephine O'Brien."

"I told you, I won't do this if you won't be happy too," I said, knowing that part of me was protesting that thought, insisting that these mysterious Cullens I couldn't get out of my head were what mattered. If only Jasper could fit into this family puzzle perfectly, like I knew I would.

"And I told you that I'm doing this for you," Jasper countered yet again. "No matter if I fit in or not."

I sighed at his stubbornness and leaned forward over the wheel. I was blessed with such a man, that was sure, but if he was so insistent on being unhappy just for my sake, then so be it. I couldn't shake this vision of the Cullens or my desire to be with them any more than I could bear to leave Jasper.

We stopped at the house I knew would be theirs, glancing at the scrap of paper in Jasper's hand to make sure. It was a large, old-fashioned white structure, standing elegant and promising among the surrounding homes. I took one last look into my Jasper's eyes and found strength and encouragement there, enough to propel me from the car and onto the front porch.

I reached out to knock on the door…and my hand froze.

What if they didn't like Jasper?

What if they didn't like _me_?

What if I got along with Rosalie and not Emmett? Or Esme and not Edward?

What if this was all a big mistake?

I scanned their futures…_traveling…packed into two cars…getting out of town…_but who was with them? Were we along for the journey? I couldn't see.

"There's no time for doubting, Alice," I heard Jasper whisper encouragingly from beside me, and he gave me a gentle nudge forward. I followed through with my knock, tapping softly so as not to scare them, my hand making a hollow sound against the wooden door.

There was no answer. I knocked again, louder this time, and the door swung open slowly to reveal a house as hollow as my knock. The floors were clean of furniture, and the few pieces that remained were covered with drapes to keep the dust away. Whoever had lived here had left, rather quickly it seemed from the scattered random objects around the room: a hairbrush, a belt, a left-behind book.

They were gone. They had left, and we had only just missed them. I could see those two cars again, speeding down some undetermined road, filled with the family I longed for while Jasper and I stood on their abandoned porch.

"Well, there you go," I muttered bitterly, turning away from the house. "We won't be Cullens now…perhaps it's better this way. You didn't think I could do it."

"Alice, really-"

I cut him off with a brusque wave of my hand. I knew I shouldn't have said that, it was too far a low blow, but my anger had gotten the better of me for just a moment. I had found my companion, I had found a (temporary) home. All I wanted now was a family, and it had been snatched from me just when I was about to have it. I choked back the angry, pained scream I felt growing inside of me; part of me wanted to let it loose, to cry out and let these feelings emerge, while another part wanted to curl up and wither away as if nothing could ever be right again. Neither one of these polarities emerged and were smothered by the deadened numbness Jasper lent me as we got back into the car for the long drive back to Ten Sleep.

Marlene had left a large bunch of flowers on the kitchen table, the smell of them mixing with her own lingering scent as we arrived home around nine o'clock the next morning. Jasper left me sitting at the table next to these flowers while he went to feed Trouble, and I drank in their sweetness slowly. He came back in after a few solitary minutes, wiping his muddy boots on the mat while I watched. He sat next to me and folded his hands together atop the table, staring at me expectantly.

"I'm sorry you didn't find them," he began to apologize. "I wouldn't want you to think I don't want to meet them, I do, it's-"

"I understand," I interrupted. "I shouldn't have said that when we left. I was just mad and I took it out on you. I was wrong."

One of his hands tentatively reached out, searching for mine. I placed my palm in his and bent my forehead down to our clasped hands.

"You want this so badly, my love, and it hurts that I can't give it to you," Jasper said with a sigh that reflected my own. I glanced up into his pained face and my heart nearly started again, it was so full of Jasper.

"Don't feel that way," I urged him. "I'll have more visions. My mind won't let me rest until I find them. I just hope that it's soon."

"And until then, what sort of excuse do we give for this 'fainting spell' you had?" he asked.

I scanned my mind to see what we would say, and my almost-beating heart broke a little.

"What is it?" Jasper's grasp on my hand tightened.

"We're going to go with Marlene's suspicions," I said softly. "Another miscarriage."

Jasper shook his head sadly, staring down at our clasped hands before bringing them to his lips, kissing my fingers with a feather-light touch.

"You _will _get your family, Alice," he said, his voice suddenly strong and sure. "We know so much now, we'll find them. Wait and see."

I leaned across the table to kiss him, thankful for the millionth time that I had been blessed with such a man. For now, even if I didn't find these Cullens, Jasper was all the family I needed.


	19. I Make Not but Foresee

We stayed encamped in the house for a shorter while this time around, only two weeks instead of the month we had taken in the past. I spent those two weeks training my brain to focus on the Cullens, following their movements in the hopes they would show me something familiar or recognizable. Nothing of importance or significance had been seen thus far other than the immense amount of snow wherever they were headed.

Marlene's visits were, once again, less frequent than usual, due to my so-called delicate condition. I tried not to think of the "other babies" she reminded me of yet again. Jasper did his best to take my mind away by attempting to teach me horseback riding when I was feeling adventurous and giving me endless books on snowy climates when I was not.

Part of me was all right with this seclusion, as it came at the anniversary of our first meeting. We exchanged gifts (a new chain for his pocketwatch, a set of ruby earrings to match my necklace) and appreciated the quiet, private moments we had together. I did my best to make it memorable, knowing that he so longed for this time we spent as a solitary couple. Once we found the Cullens, this would be hard to come by, and I tried to make it special for my Jasper.

I was brave enough to venture into town by the second week, able to suffer through the Ladies Committee's pitying glances I had already seen in my mind. A second long convalescence had given way to talk about my health, which quickly led to an assumption that I was miscarrying. I gave Marlene permission to confirm their fears, and the scandalous rumors turned to sorrowful gossip.

By October, I could handle their whispers and sad looks enough to make my trips to town without Jasper's company. And so one afternoon near Halloween, I stopped at Mr. Windhurst's General Store to pick up some sweets for the tea I would pretend to drink with Marlene and Mrs. Stromm later in the day. I was standing in front of the cookie shelf when I heard a small voice coming from next to my elbow.

"I like the chocolate ones."

I looked down to see a small blond boy, Marlene's five-year-old son Luke, standing next to me.

"Do you now?" I smiled down at him, stopping my lungs so that the heavenly smell Marlene had passed on to all her children wouldn't reach me.

"Yes, they're my mama's favorites too," Luke replied seriously. "You should get them."

I reached for the package he had pointed to, a large box of chocolate-covered delicacies that must certainly look tempting to humans but only made me wrinkle my nose in distaste.

"Are you going to buy them?" Luke asked, his voice forlorn and his eyes wide with longing.

I smiled. "I'll tell you what, Luke. Your mother is coming over to my house for tea, and I'll give her the leftover cookies for you. How does that sound?"

The sudden glow that came over his little face would have taken my breath away, had I not been holding it already, and I laughed instead.

"Gee, thanks!" he cried happily before turning around to shout down the aisle. "Tommy! Tommy, guess what!"

Two other little boys, one I recognized at Marlene's oldest boy Tommy, came near us, their hands clenched around new shiny toy pistols.

"What is it?" Tommy asked, flipping his pistol in a tricky way his father must have taught him.

"I'm gonna get some cookies!" Luke squealed. "The lady said so!"

Tommy peered up at me. "That's Mrs. O'Brien, Luke," he corrected.

"Oh." Luke's cheeks reddened, and I looked away, embarrassed that I was so tempted by a five-year-old boy.

"Did you say thanks?" Tommy asked responsibly.

"I did," Luke answered in a cheeky tone. "She must like me best, she gave _me_ the cookies."

I laughed a little. "Luke, I think you ought to share with your brother, and his friend as well."

"I'm Robbie, ma'am," the brown-haired boy standing next to Tommy called out. "Robbie Feist. My daddy's Bob Feist, the mechanic down the street."

I nodded in understanding. "Well, Robbie, you need to tell your father I said thank you for those new brakes for my car."

"I will," Robbie replied. If it meant a reward of cookies, that boy would do anything, I could tell.

"We'd better go, Mrs. Feist thinks we're on her porch," Tommy said, his eyes darting nervously out the front window.

"Thanks again, Mrs. O'Brien," Luke said, throwing his arms around my legs.

"You're very welcome," I replied and leaned down to pat his head, my hand stalling atop his blond hair as my mind filled with a picture of him lying in the middle of the road, deadly still and drained of blood.

"Uh…Mrs. O'Brien, are you all right?"

Robbie's worried voice permeated the terrible thought running through my head. I shook myself, accidentally catching a whiff of the three boys mingling scents and swallowing hard against the venom in my mouth.

It couldn't be possible. This little boy, this dear little thing who had been clinging to my legs just seconds ago, could not go like that. And I could not, _would not_ be the one to take him.

"I'm fine, thank you," I managed to stammer out, throwing in a pleasing smile for good measure. "You boys run along. I'll have your mother bring those cookies home tonight."

I watched them scurry out of the store before striding out myself, stopping just long enough to toss a few bills onto the counter for my purchase. I drove home at a frenzied pace, parking the car in front of the house and storming inside to throw my brown paper bag of purchases on the kitchen table.

Jasper emerged from his study a few minutes later to find me slumped over the table, my head in my hands as I tried to make any sense of what I had seen.

"Alice, are you all right? I could feel you all the way across the house." His face was filled with concern, and I shook my head.

"I saw something horrible," I managed to whisper as he sat next to me.

"Tell me," he urged, taking one of my hands in both of his. I sighed and, feeling slightly comforted as he began to rub the back of my hand, told him of what I had seen. He listened patiently, his brow furrowed with worry as I finished my story.

"And did you see who…?" Jasper's question trailed off, neither of us wanting to admit what I knew to be a certain occurrence.

I shook my head. "No, all I saw was…after. But it couldn't be us, it just couldn't."

"It _could_," Jasper insisted. "None of our kind comes to little towns like Ten Sleep. Disappearances here are noticed, and new faces stick out too easily. It might very well be you or me, Alice."

"Don't say things like that!" I cried. It _couldn't_ be us, I wouldn't let myself or Jasper do anything of the sort, especially not to Marlene's little boy.

"Alice, think of the trouble that would come with being in Ten Sleep without actually moving here, or without being a…a _vegetarian_," he said. "Do you really think any self-respecting vampire would go through that without a good reason? And who has such an important quest that it takes them to such a small town?"

"We came here," I pointed out.

"To live quietly, incognito, until you find the Cullens."

"Maybe someone's just passing through and they needed to hunt and found Luke first."

"Even if it _is_ just a passerby, I'm still not chancing it. I'm not going into town until this…_happens_. And neither should you."

He stood up from his chair, stooping down to kiss the top of my head.

"You may be able to see the future, my love, but you can't change it," he whispered against my crown. "This horrible thing…if it does really happen, you can't stop whoever it is. And if it is you or me, we can stay put in the house until…"

"Until an innocent little boy is killed," I finished for him, feeling sick to my stomach. Even if I _wasn't_ the one who would take this little boy, I still felt like a murder for not being able to put a stop to it.

It was even harder to stay put, to say and do nothing, when Marlene herself came over. In my distraction, I had completely forgotten about our tea and hurried to put the water on to boil as soon as their upcoming arrival popped into my head. Marlene and her Ladies Committee companion, Mrs. Jillian Stromm, knocked on the door just as the kettle began whistling a few minutes later.

"Don't do anything rash, Alice," Jasper called out from his study as I went to open the door for the two women.

"Josephine!" Marlene cried happily, stepping slightly over the threshold to hug me. I tried my hardest to hug her back, wanting to prolong this happiness of hers in any way possible.

"Please, come in." I opened the door to let her raven-haired companion inside.

"What a lovely home you have, Mrs. O'Brien," Mrs. Stromm marveled, staring at the antique furniture that had come with the house and the various pieces we had ordered from Sears Roebuck.

"Thank you, Mrs. Stromm," I said, faking a kind smile.

"Call me Jillian," she urged me as we stepped into the kitchen where the tea was waiting.

"Only if you call me Josephine." The false, cheery front I was putting up was going to drive me crazy. I spent the next hour and a half sitting quiet, lady-like, listening to Jillian and Marlene gossip endlessly, answered the questions posed to me, and behaving like a gracious hostess.

Marlene's ready smile nearly broke my heart when I thought of the horrors that awaited her. I prayed that this photo-like image I had seen was just that, an image, an event that _could_ happen but wouldn't. The future was an ever-changing thing; I knew that better than anyone. I only wished that this time around, the future _would_ change.

By the time the tea and cookies had been finished, I had convinced myself it would, and I felt a little better with myself. Jasper and I would stay in the house for a while, keeping the boy safe from the both of us. Vampires didn't traipse through Wyoming, Jasper was right, and if we stayed away from town, we couldn't possibly be so tempted. This horror wouldn't happen. I wouldn't let it.

"I had such a nice time here, Josephine," Jillian said as she and Marlene pulled on their coats.

"I'm so glad you did," I replied, machine-like in my automatic sickly-sweet kindness. "And Marlene, I promised your boys they could have these."

I handed her the half-filled package of cookies

"Did they do something to deserve these?" she asked, taking them warily. "Come out to mow your lawn or something I don't know about?"

I shook my head. "No, Luke recommended them to me, and I said I'd give you the leftovers for him." I had a promise to fulfill, and I might as well make this little boy's life a little better before he…but no. The future wasn't set in stone. Luke would be fine.

"They'll have to wait until after supper, but thank you." Marlene smiled widely, and I prayed once again that that smile would never fade.

I went to the bedroom to lie down for a while after the two women had left, trying to forget the picture of little Luke Walsh lying still on the ground that seemed to keep slipping back into my consciousness.

What if he _didn't_ make it? And what if it wasn't us? What if there was nothing we could do, even if we did stay locked up on the farm? If another vampire was journeying through Wyoming, there was nothing that could stop them from feasting on the people of Ten Sleep. And if there was more than one…I willed my mind to find some sort of ending to this horribly unsettled event, but nothing came forward. Something was stopping my visions from happening, and that might have scared me more than anything else.

The sun had nearly set all the way behind the mountains when Jasper came to join me on the bed, pulling me close to his chest and burying his nose in my hair. I pressed my face into the crook of his neck, inhaling deeply and finding comfort in his familiar scent.

"I could feel you all the way in the study," he whispered against my head. "Please don't let this trouble you so much…you know there's nothing you can do to change it besides just staying here."

"I know," I said with a sigh. "It's just…I want so much to stop whatever might happen."

"Shhhh," Jasper comforted me, his voice murmuring soft noises into my ear as his fingertips traced rhythmic circles along my shoulder blades. For the first time in a long time, I wished I could go to sleep, have a dream, and forget the trouble this little boy might be in.

A strange wailing pierced through the quietude of the night, my vampire ears being able to pick it out despite the distance it came from.

"Do you hear it too?" Jasper asked, sitting up slightly and pulling me up along with him.

My mind began filling with pictures of horrible things I knew to be happening, the images flashing by rapidly like somebody's vacation snapshots from Hell.

"It's coming from the Cohen's," he said, listening carefully. "Someone's calling for a doctor."

My heart dropped down into my stomach, knowing a doctor wouldn't be necessary.

"Is it really the boy?" Jasper asked. I nodded slowly. "Can you see who it was? Anyone we know? Peter coming to visit?"

I shook my head. "I can't see. It's driving me crazy, but I can't see anything."

He furrowed his brow. "Has this happened before?"

Again, I shook my head. "Not since I've been getting better at controlling everything. Something's blocking my visions, and I don't know what it is."

I moved off of the bed, slipping on my shoes as I tried to block the heart-breaking keening I could hear from miles away.

"We should go to her," I said quietly. "Now that we know we didn't do this."

My voice was pained, angry that this thing had happened and I couldn't even see it, to stop it, to figure out what had gone wrong.

"Do you really want to see this?" he said softly, following me into the living room where I slipped on my coat.

"No," I replied. "But she needs me. Just listen to her, her heart's breaking."

Jasper nodded and pulled his coat on as well.

"You don't have to come with me," I said hastily. Jasper wasn't always at his best around the humans at nighttime, and we hadn't been hunting for nearly two weeks.

"She needs you, and I'm not sure you'll be able to do this without support," he said, taking the car keys from their place on the side table. I leaned onto him as we walked to the Buick, grateful for this unyielding man I had at my side.

He drove quickly, stopping the car at the side of the main street a few yards away from a crowd gathering in the middle of the road. We walked towards the crowd with baited breath, and I was still unsure I wanted to see what was at the center of the semi-circle the people made. Even before we reached the edge of the group, we could hear the loud, unbroken wailing coming from a distraught woman.

The crowd seemed to part for me, knowing that I was close with Marlene. I stopped a few feet from the center, my eyes seeing for the first time what my mind already knew.

Marlene, her eyes wide with intense emotion, knelt in the street, her arms clutching the dead, bloodless body of her five-year-old son.


	20. She is the Devil's Dam

We returned home a few hours later, after the body had been taken to the morgue and Marlene had been given a sedative by Dr. Cohen. I stopped just long enough to take off my coat and hang it up before falling into a heap in the living room, watching silently as Jasper began to stoke up a fire in the fireplace. Once a blaze had been nicely kindled, he joined me on the sofa, cradling me close to him, neither of us speaking for the longest time.

My heart was aching for Marlene. Watching her lay in that street with her dead child's body pressed against her breast, hearing her distraught cries continue until Dr. Cohen had the sense to medically ease her pain…it was all too much. And perhaps the worst part of it was the lingering, rusty scent of the little boy's blood that made my mouth run with venom. I cringed at the thought, at this animalistic urge I could not control, that I forever worried would cause horrible things to happen to these humans I was living near.

"Tell me what you're thinking," Jasper urged, rubbing circles onto my back. I sighed into his shoulder.

"It's horrible to think such things," I whispered. "Maybe we're better not being around humans at all."

"Alice, you didn't do anything wrong," he insisted.

"I should have seen who it was, at least," I murmured. "Why can't I see them?"

"I don't know," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"I should have done something. I should have gone into town and stopped whoever it was from…" I still couldn't say it, and my voice trailed off into nothingness.

"But what if you had gone into town and found it was _you_ who was meant to take him? That's why I insisted we stay here." Jasper looked down at me with hollow eyes, his voice cracking as he spoke. "I was so afraid it would be me."

I sat up to look at him, the scared expression on his face frightening me in turn.

"Jasper, you didn't really think that you would-"

"I did," he cut me off. "I thought maybe you couldn't see because some part of you didn't want to see it. Or maybe you did see, and you didn't want to tell me what I would do."

I reached out a hand to stroke his cheek, and he leaned into my palm, closing his eyes wearily.

"I wasn't being callous or cold when I dismissed your worries so quickly, I just wanted to stop thinking of the possibility that I was the one who would take his life."

"But it wasn't you," I insisted.

"And it wasn't _you_," he countered, opening his eyes to stare at me. "I know you're pained because it was your friend's child, but you didn't do anything wrong. You couldn't see who it was, so you couldn't possibly put a stop to it."

I shook my head sadly. "That poor little boy…I've felt temptation like that before, but to follow through with it…"

Jasper pressed his lips against my forehead. "There's nothing you can do now but be strong. For yourself, and for me, and especially for Marlene."

I looked up at him gratefully as he brushed my cheek with the back of his hand. I opened my mouth to speak. His fingertips paused over my lips, stopping me short.

"No, never enough," he said simply, knowing just what I wanted to hear. Then, without speaking a single word, he hooked his hand under my knees, picking me up from the sofa and carrying me into the bedroom.

We lay together on the bed, marveling at the feeling of skin against skin, the aching of my heart seeming to heal with his gentle caress. His magical gift enveloped us, erasing the pain of the day's happenings and leaving nothing but love and need in its wake. His touch was soft, gentle, and made me forget everything except the here and now.

Here with Jasper. Now, and forever, with him close to me.

"I'll be back soon. Maybe you should go hunting while I'm gone."

It was the next morning, and I was pulling on my unnecessary coat to go check on Marlene in town. Jasper watched me from the doorway to the bedroom, the red bathrobe he wore open showing off his smooth, white chest.

"I don't want to go without you," he answered, childlike in his reliance. I gave a half-smile.

"I had a quick bite this morning already." I moved closer to give him a quick kiss, a movement he prolonged by placing a hand on my backside and holding me close. Our kiss deepened, making me dizzy as his tongue deftly traced my bottom lip. His intoxicating kiss left me craving more, but I pulled away, placing my hand against his seeking mouth to stop him.

"I have to go," I said softly. "Marlene needs me."

"_I_ need you," Jasper countered, once again the petulant child.

"Jasper, really." I shook my head at him and he sighed.

"I'll take Trouble for a ride, I suppose," he said, his Southern twang emerging as he spoke of the horse. "She hasn't been out for a good while."

"That sounds like a good idea to me," I replied, kissing him again, shorter this time.

"I love you," he reminded me needlessly as we parted.

"Never enough," I said in reply.

The Walsh household was unnaturally quiet as I approached it. The front porch, usually littered with toys, was now crowded with bouquets of flowers, casseroles, and other various dishes of food, all smells that crowded my sensitive olfactory center, and I plugged up my nose in response as I knocked.

The door opened a few minutes later by a tormented-looking Sheriff Walsh.

"Mrs. O'Brien," he said hoarsely. "Please, come in."

I stepped into the house, noticing even more bouquets of flowers that crowded every surface, making my own empty hands seem unnatural.

"How is she, Sheriff?" I asked quietly. The Sheriff glanced up the stairs at the bedroom where his wife lay.

"She hasn't woken up yet," he answered sadly.

"And you? How are you?" I reached out to touch his arm, and he trembled.

"I…I'm trying to be strong for her," he said, his voice quiet and on the verge of tears. "The doctors can't seem to figure out what happened to him, if it's an accident or something worse. They only say he lost a lot of blood…and if there's someone out there who killed my boy…"

His eyes flashed menacingly for a moment before reverting back to their unfathomable sadness.

"You mustn't think like that," I urged him. "Think of your wife and the child…Tommy and Nan."

"I sent them to my parents' up the road," Sheriff Walsh said quietly, pulling out a chair in the living room for me. I sat obediently and he collapsed onto the sofa. "I didn't think she could handle them running around…and they don't understand what's happened."

I nodded. "Is there anything I can do, Sheriff?"

He sighed and shook his head. "The doctor'll be coming around soon to check on her and to let us know if they've found anything. And I've been taking a little comfort of my own. Can I get you a drink, Mrs. O'Brien?"

I stared with wide eyes as he poured himself a glass of finely-aged amber whiskey.

"No, thank you," I said quickly.

"Suit yourself," he replied and tossed the glass back, downing its contents in one gulp. We sat in silence for a few minutes before a wordless wail broke through, coming from where Marlene had apparently woken up. The Sheriff was on his feet in an instant, bounding towards the stairs, and I quickly followed.

Marlene lay in the plain white bed, her eyes swollen from crying, writhing back and forth as she came out of her drug-induced stupor.

"Luke, Luke, Luke," she moaned wretchedly, her pale hands reaching up to grab at the roots of her hair, tugging wildly.

"Marlene, please," Sheriff Walsh pleaded, wrapping his hands around her wrists.

"My boy, give me my boy." Her eyes were streaming with tears, and I had to look away. Someone knocked on the door downstairs, and the Sheriff's eyes met mine, silently asking me to answer it. I nodded, glad for a reason to leave the room. Marlene's broken-hearted cries were tearing right into me, making me feel once again as if I hadn't done everything I ought to have. Jasper's assurance that I couldn't have stopped this from happening rang in my head again, yet I still felt terrible.

I reached the door and opened it for Dr. Cohen, ushering him into the house.

"How is she?" the Doctor asked in clipped tones as I took his coat.

"She's only just come to," I explained. "She's distraught…I think she might hurt herself."

Dr. Cohen nodded curtly. "Perhaps it's best if we keep her under a little longer," he said, opening his black bag and pulling out a threatening-looking needle. I winced. Any sort of blood around, and I would be doing something unwise.

"I need to take my leave, then," I said quickly. "Will you please tell the Sheriff I'll stop by tomorrow?"

"Yes, of course," he replied. "And Mrs. O'Brien, do get some rest yourself. You're looking rather pale."

I nodded half-heartedly, pulling on my coat as he trudged up the stairs towards the still-screeching Marlene.

That screech reverberated in my head as I drove home, allowing me to think of nothing else until I pulled into the driveway. There, any thoughts of Marlene were washed away and replaced with ones concerning the strange-looking boy sitting on the porch of our home.

He was a handsome young thing, around eleven or twelve, with russet hair that fell into his pale, round face. His elbows were resting on his knees with his chin planted firmly in his hands, his eyes following me as I emerged from the Buick. I scanned through my mind, looking for something that would tell me who this boy was and why he was here. It was then that I realized my mind had been a blank slate all day. No visions, no premonitions had come to me since seeing little Luke Walsh's body in the middle of the main street.

The boy sitting on the porch grinned, revealing a row of perfectly straight, razor-sharp teeth. His white skin, his quick step, all revealed to me what he was, and I cursed myself for not being able to foresee this.

"Good, you're here." The boy met me at the bottom of the porch steps. "She was getting upset. You've kept her waiting."

I furrowed my brow. Who was it that I was making so upset? I tried again to see who it might be, and again I was disappointed. The boy laughed, and I shivered. The noise that came out of him was not the genuine, carefree laugh of a child, but the cutting, malicious laugh of a jaded adult. He grinned wickedly.

"Don't even try, you won't be able to," he said gleefully, as if he took pleasure in my inability to see. I narrowed my eyes at this strange boy. "Come on, then."

He gestured me into my own house, and I followed him inside.

"Jasper?" I called into the dimness of the living room. Someone had drawn all the curtains shut and no lamps had been turned on, yet I could still see the figures that crowded the small space.

Jasper sat stiffly on the sofa, his face imperturbable despite the two enormously muscled men at both of his sides. Two more men and a woman as well stood clustered near the fireplace, looking fierce and beautiful, their pale skin glimmering in the sun streaming towards them through the open door. One more woman, small and slim, stood just behind the sofa, the darkness obscuring her features.

"Shut the door," the mysterious woman called out in a pure, low, melodic voice. The boy nodded obediently and slammed it shut with a hasty touch, making it rattle on its hinges. He leaned forward to inspect the damage, and my mind flooded with pictures while he did so.

_This strange unnamed coven descending on Ten Sleep like leeches, taking the people down one by one until the city was nothing more than a ghost town littered with bodies._

"Focus, Charlie!" the woman commanded in a harsh tone. The boy turned to stare at me, his eyes boring hard into mine, and I realized that he was the reason I had not been able to have any visions. Whatever sort of terrible gift this child had was blocking off my own.

"Is this the famous Alice?" The woman gave a light laugh. "This small thing is what you've chosen?"

"Stop it," Jasper commanded as she flicked her hand towards the vampires near the fireplace. The light-haired one reached over and turned on a lamp atop the mantle, finally letting me see who it was that had gained so much control over my own home.

Whoever she was, she was absolutely flawless. Her pale skin that showed just what she truly was had a caramel-colored tint to it, giving her an exotic look. She was just taller than me and slender as well, though she looked to be slightly younger than myself. Her face had the same beauty that all vampires had, and cascades of auburn curls tumbled over her shoulders. I glanced down towards Jasper to see what he thought of her beauty, but he hadn't even turned around to see her. His face remained impassive and expressionless, and I knew something was very, very wrong.

The woman leaned down to wrap her arms around his neck, her perfect bow mouth lingering near his ear as she whispered loud enough for me to hear. "Remember, if you do anything, I will not hesitate to destroy her."

She flicked his earlobe with her tongue, and Jasper grew stone-still under her touch. She laughed, a cold but sensuous sound that echoed through me.

"Alice."

Jasper's voice was forced and edgy, making me shiver.

"I'd like you to meet Maria."


	21. The Devil Their Virtue Tempts

"I'd like you to meet Maria."

_Maria?_

My eyes went wide. Maria, here, in our house? I stared up at the beautiful young woman for a moment. So this was the infamous Maria, the woman…no, _girl_ I had once been so jealous of

"Jasper, I…" I was at a loss for words, which only seemed to make her grin.

"This stuttering fool is the one you're willing to give your life up for?" Maria tossed back her head and laughed.

Jasper jumped to his feet, his eyes fierce. "She isn't a fool!"

"José, Daniel!" Maria barked. The two muscled men on the couch stood, each grabbing one of Jasper's shoulders and pushing him back down to his seat. Jasper, no physical match for these monsters, growled low in his throat and threw murderous glares at them and Maria.

"I'd suggest you try to restrain yourself, Major," Maria said, arching one dark eyebrow.

"What are you doing here?" I asked angrily, finally finding my voice. Maria laughed throatily.

"Just what young Jasper here has been asking," she said, coming around to the front of the sofa to stand in front of him. Jasper remained still as a statue as she reached down to stroke his cheek. I moved to stop her and was stopped myself by a woman and one of the men who had been standing near the fireplace.

"Don't try anything stupid," Charlie hissed from somewhere just behind me.

"We know you can't do anything without this gift of yours," the woman said, an evil smile cracking her pretty face.

"And with Charlie around, you won't even have that to help you," the man added. I narrowed my eyes at the two of them and stepped sideways to sit in one of the armchairs, just across the coffee table from Jasper. Maria noticed this and moved to stand in between the two of us.

"Do you see what I am reduced to?" Maria asked, directing her query to Jasper. "Recruiting children and circus strongmen!"

"You're not the leader you once were, Maria," Jasper said scathingly.

"But I could be," she said, her voice suddenly enticing. "Just think, Major, if you were to join me again-"

"Never." Jasper's furious tone, calm but still deadly, made the entire room still.

Maria put her hands on her slender hips. "I've been watching you, Major, and I can tell you're unhappy here."

"Well, that's only one of the many things you've got wrong," he spat.

"You could leave this place," she continued. "Come with me, and we can be what we once were again."

"I'm not a foolish newborn anymore," Jasper said, his eyes scanning over the vampires around us.

"Neither are they," she retorted. "They have their restraint already. We've been here for three days and only one human has been taken."

"Only one?" I was incredulous. "He was a helpless little boy!"

"And he was delicious," Charlie murmured from his position next to me. My skin crawled with the thought that it had been this horrible boy who had ended little Luke's life.

"We've been in hiding, resorting to animals like you two traitors," scoffed one of the strongmen – José or Daniel, I couldn't tell which.

"I can hardly take it anymore," Charlie added.

"Calm yourself," Maria said softly. "The boy has a brother. We'll see what we can do."

"You will not lay a hand on any human in this town," Jasper ordered. "Alice and I have worked hard to maintain this pretense and I won't have you ending that."

Maria stared deeply at Jasper before she threw her glance my way. I felt her eyes scan over my body, starting at my feet and moving upwards. Whereas Jasper's roaming looks thrilled me, Maria made me feel nervous, small, and ugly. I glanced across the table towards Jasper, hoping for some sort of support. Our eyes met and he slowly shook his head, sending me a reassuring wave of peace as he did. Maria saw our exchanged and again moved in between us.

"Daniel, José, take Jasper into the bedroom," she ordered. The two men rose, their hands clamped around Jasper's forearms as they frog-marched him out of the room. I bit my tongue, hard, to keep from shouting for him, to give him strength, to keep him from leaving me. I stayed in my chair, my hands clenching the armrests tight enough to cause one to crack under my grasp.

Maria laughed haughtily. "Let's go. Charlie, stay here."

"But I-"

"_Stay_." She fixed him with a fierce glare and Charlie nodded obediently. She threw me that same glare before stalking into the bedroom, the three remaining vampires at her heels. The door slammed shut behind them and Charlie and I were left alone in the living room. Not wanting to speak to this horrible little boy and trying to distract myself in some way, I leaned over to inspect the damage I had done to the armchair. _Nothing that can't be fixed_, I thought to myself. But what importance did this silly chair have when Jasper was in the other room being interrogated or tortured or God knows what else?

I watched out of the corner of my eye as Charlie stood, crossing to the door that led to the bedroom and trying to listen in to what was happening inside. I wished that his distraction would allow my visions to resurface, but my mind stayed as blank as it had been the past few days.

"They're only making me stay out here so you can't see," Charlie said softly, his eyes still focused on the door as if his glance could break it down if he tried hard enough.

"I figured that was the reason," I said simply. Was this boy to be my constant companion until we could figure out how to get away from Maria? Would that even be possible? I had never wanted my visions more than right now. What if Jasper and I were destined to be with this Maria? Or what if this was the end? Were we to die at the hands of this beautiful girl and her small but evil army?

"I just wanted to make sure you knew."

Charlie's voice broke my harrowing thoughts, and I was half-glad for it.

"I'm not a child," he continued, "even though they sometimes treat me like I am."

"You're not?" I shouldn't have been so shocked, but the idea of being so old in so small a body made me both curious and repulsed.

"I'm not one of the newborns," Charlie said softly, bitterly. "Maria stole me from my maker after she attacked his army about five years ago, just after he left."

He jerked his head to the bedroom door, meaning Jasper within.

"I was made about forty years ago."

I stared at Charlie, slightly stunned. Stuck in this small, skinny, prepubescent body was a fifty-year-old man…my mind was spinning with the thought. Charlie merely laughed at my reaction.

"It's not so bad," he insisted. "Everyone trusts an eleven-year-old boy. Makes hunting a lot easier, since my size won't allow much."

I grit my teeth together, trying not to think of Luke Walsh. "And now they use you as a miniature bodyguard?"

Charlie's red eyes narrowed. "Just for silly girls as troublesome as you. But you'll be taken care of sooner or later."

I narrowed my own eyes right back at him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"You'll see," he said cryptically. "She might force you in. She might give you the chance to decide for yourself. She might even let you go, if she's in a giving mood. Or she might decide you're not worth it and get rid of you."

"And Jasper? What of him?"

Charlie gave a little laugh that sounded far too adult for his small stature. "He's forced in. There's nothing else too it, it's Maria's order. And he knows what happens if he doesn't obey."

I began to shake. "He dies?"

"No." The evil grin grew wide across his face. "You do."

I felt my stomach drop. There was no way out. We would either join or die. And if I were given the chance to escape, I knew, even without my visions, that I wouldn't leave. Joining Maria's army wouldn't be half as bad as living without Jasper.

"I have to say, I don't think she'll do that," Charlie admitted. "She's going to use you as a pawn, I can already tell."

"A pawn?" I repeated. "Because of my gift?"

He nodded. "And because of his bond to you. He'll do what she wants if she threatens you."

I shuddered at the thought of Jasper being forced to do something just because of me. I had to get to him, to tell him to save himself. If he really mattered as much to Maria as he seemed to, then he had leverage. He wouldn't have to become Maria's lackey once again. He might even be able to have some measure of freedom. I opened my mouth to speak just as the bedroom door opened and the occupants came pouring out, Jasper still in the tight grasp of José and Daniel with Maria close by.

"Charlie, go with the girl into the bedroom. I'll be there shortly," she ordered. Charlie nodded and motioned for me to get up from the broken armchair. I hesitated, not knowing if I wanted to be confined in a room with just this strange man-boy and Maria.

"Go on, Alice." Jasper's voice soothed my spirit and gave me the strength I so craved. I stood as he sat down with the two ever-present bodyguards at his sides, stopping just long enough in front of him to brush my hand against his cheek. He leaned into my palm, his eyes half-closed in a weary way, before Charlie's small hands pressed against my back and I was forced forward.

Once in the bedroom, I stood nervously by the window, watching as Charlie struggled to hop onto the tall bed. Maria stepped in just as he succeeded and shut the door behind her.

"Keep focused, Charlie, I don't want her getting any of these visions," she commanded, sitting in the chair in front of my mirrored vanity table. I moved further away from her, my eyes narrowed suspiciously while hers only grew with mirth.

"Why are you here?" I asked again, hoping for a better answer this time. "Can't you see how much you're hurting him?"

Maria raised her eyebrows. "_He_ is the reason I am here, Alice. Ever since he left, things have been terrible. I've lost my army, my land…but he can help me get it back."

I scowled at her. There was no way Jasper would agree to do this. She smiled slightly and went on.

"I came here seeking the Major. And in a sudden string of luck, I have found the both of you. Jasper with his empathy, and you, Alice, with this strange seeing…though I wonder if this attachment he has to you may get in the way."

"In the way of what?" I asked.

"Of his being committed to the cause again. And being committed to me." She smirked, one side of her pretty mouth perking up. "But this devotion to you will wane in time. He'll soon have someone else."

If I still had some, my blood would have been boiling. "You think that 'someone else' will be you? Never."

Maria laughed. "Just you wait and see, Alice. In the meantime, let's talk about your future."

I furrowed my brow. Is this where the decision Charlie had spoken of would be made? I steadied myself for it.

"If you really are going to be too much trouble, I might as well destroy you now," she said thoughtfully, as if she were pondering something as simple as what to wear that day. "But if I did that, Jasper might be stubborn. So you either come of your own free will…or I force you."

"Force me? How?" What on earth could this girl have to punish me with? I stood watching her expectantly.

"If you come easily, I'll still let you speak to him. If not, I will make it so that doesn't happen ever again."

My stomach lurched. So this was what my eternity was going to be like? A constant power struggle, a denial of freedom? But if I refused, it meant a life without Jasper, near him but not with him.

"Will you join us, Alice? You could do great things at my side."

Maria's voice was soft and low, almost enticing, and I could see why she was such a powerful leader. Great things…part of me longed to know what sort of things this would be, but with Charlie tailing me a vision was impossible. Still, I knew that this greatness required human sacrifice, and I would never agree to that.

But what of Jasper? She would never let us go...she might never let me _live_. Even without a vision, I knew I would have to withhold any sort of commitment to get what I wanted: freedom.

"You know you'll have Jasper soon," I said, hoping beyond hope that was actually a lie. "He'll join you to save me no matter what. Give me time."

"Time?" Maria stared back at me, incredulous. "What do you need time for?"

I faltered for a moment. Had Charlie's eyes not been boring into my skull, I would have been able to see the proper response. Living by what I knew would happen for so long seemed to have lessened my instincts. Even so, I tried to say what I thought was right.

"You have all the time in the world, Maria. Give me a chance to think this over."

Maria rolled her red eyes. "Fine, you silly girl. Take your time. If I called Charlie off for one second, you'd see that you have no choice either way."

She snapped her fingers and I felt Charlie rush to my side in a millisecond, his boyish hand closing around my elbow to lead me out of the room. As we walked, I could hear her laughing lightly, cold and malicious. She knew, just as I knew, that having a choice in the matter was indeed a very, _very_ small possibility.

On the next evening, most of our captors had gone to the woods to try and survive on animal blood, leaving just Maria, José, and Charlie to watch over us. Charlie and I sat in the living room while Maria, José, and Jasper were encamped in the study, occasional growls and shouts emerging from the small book-lined room. After a long bout of silence, the three of them came striding out of the study, Maria heading straight into the bedroom.

"Here, watch him," José said, shoving Jasper onto the sofa next to Charlie before following her into the room and slamming the door shut. They were yelling so fast that I couldn't make out the words of their angry shouts, but the noise traveled through the wall easily.

Jasper slouched heavily over his knees, his head in his hands. He looked as if he had been through hell and back, and I knew that I was partly to blame. My heart ached at the sight, and I glanced at Charlie to see if he was watching. He was, and he shook his head slowly. I narrowed my eyes and moved anyway, sitting on the edge of the coffee table and placing my hands on Jasper's knees.

"Are you all right?" I asked softly. "Are they hurting you?"

Jasper laughed bitterly, looking up at me with his weary black eyes. "They wouldn't dare to."

A shadow fell over us, and we looked to see Charlie standing next to us, his hands on his childishly narrow hips.

"You're not supposed to talk to him," he said gleefully, enjoying his position as warden.

The emotion I was feeling surged towards my lips in a barrage of angry words. "Charlie, so help me, if you try to stop me right now, I'll have no need for a vision of your future."

Charlie scowled and sat in the unbroken armchair, his face set and his eyes focused. I turned back to Jasper, savoring the feeling of his hands lacing into mine.

"So they aren't torturing you?" I asked again.

He shook his beautiful blond head. "No. And you? Are they hurting you?"

"No," I replied, and he breathed a sigh of relief. "Maria wants me to join, though. She wants to use me as leverage for you. She says that if I come freely she'll allow me to talk to you. If I'm forced in, then you and I…."

"According to Maria, there is no more you and I," Jasper said softly. "I'm what she's after, not just for my gift. She's built me up to be some sort of god in my absence."

I felt my stomach flip at the idea of Maria and Jasper together again. "But…if that's what will keep you safe, then-"

"_No_." He squeezed my hands tightly, shaking his head. "You and I will find a way."

"But how?"

He shrugged. The situation seemed hopeless. We were no match for the supermen Maria had recruited, and I couldn't see our solution with Charlie breathing down my throat. As I sat there worrying, the shouts that came from the bedroom stopped, replaced with the squeaking of mattress springs. I winced at the sounds of Maria and José's lovemaking coming easily through the walls. _That bed will have to be burnt_, I thought angrily.

Jasper leaned into me to brush the back of his hand against my cheek.

"Don't worry, my love, we'll figure this out," he murmured, resting his forehead against mine. I sighed and closed the distance between our lips, even with Charlie in the room. _Let the creepy child-man watch_, I thought bitterly. _And let him go and tell that leader of his just how strong we are_.

Jasper pulled me into his lap, his mouth following a path down my cheek, my jaw, tracing over my neck before going up to nibble on my earlobe. I trembled at his touch, wondering just how far he would take it in front of this near-stranger. But as his hand skimmed up my side and I laced my fingers into his hair, his voice broke into my ear, soft enough so that Charlie would think it was only a loving murmur.

"You need to distract Charlie," he whispered. "Get away from him and get your visions back, find out what we need to do. You can do it, Alice, I believe in you. You're the one who will save us."

He dipped his head back down to where my neck joined my shoulder, planting a soft kiss there before he sat back against the sofa. I put my hands against his cheeks, holding his face as reverently as if I were holding the entire world in them.

And I smiled as I realized that I was.


	22. Foretell the Ending of Mortality

By the fifth morning of their stay, the vampires were growing hungry from their human fast and Jasper was growing weak. The circles under his eyes were more pronounced than I had ever seen them, and he often trembled with thirst, filling me with worry. How long could a vampire go without blood? It had been almost three weeks, and Jasper looked ready to give out soon. We hadn't spoken since our stolen conversation with Charlie watching three days ago, but the looks we gave each other said everything. The worry, the hunger, the support, the unfailing, unfaltering love…all of it was shared in our eyes when our lips couldn't say it.

Day by day, I grew angrier that my home was being taken over by this strange group. Maria claimed the bedroom as her sanctum, keeping Jasper, José, and Daniel with her there. She had yet to be alone with Jasper in the bedroom, but I kept a careful watch should she begin to make that move. In the meantime, I was banished to the kitchen with Charlie, only occasionally allowed back into the living room with Maria's three other vampires (who I soon learned to be called Malachi, Gabriel, and Roberta). Charlie stayed ever-focused, and I wracked my mind for a way to distract him…hurt him, if I had to go so far…so that I might have a vision.

"It's not going to happen," Charlie reminded me gleefully the afternoon before they had been there a week. I threw him a glare, a look that I seemed to be wearing constantly in his presence. My nerves were almost entirely shot from the stress of the situation; my home was being taken over, I was being stalked by an eleven-year-old boy, and I hadn't been allowed to see Jasper in two days. My soul cried out for him, to know if he was all right and what he was doing shut up in that bedroom. I knew he was alive, that much I could tell from the noise of his occasional shouting matches with Maria coming through the house.

"Just you wait, Charlie, just wait," I hissed under my breath. Charlie heard and laughed his evil, little boy's laugh, making me shiver.

"Charlie, are you torturing her again?"

Two of Maria's horde, Roberta and Gabriel, came into the kitchen, their faces marked by the same smirk Charlie often had.

"Maria will be mad if you ruin her gift," Roberta said and hopped up onto the countertop. "She's hoping to use that to her advantage?"

"If she's so invested it in, then why is she making me keep it under wraps?" Charlie asked with a scowl.

"'Cause she's scared to let the itty baby into battle," Gabriel teased, reaching over to tousle Charlie's hair. The boy stepped out of his grasp, latching his mouth onto the man's arm instead. Gabriel cried out and shook his arm quickly, sending Charlie flying across the kitchen and into the pantry door which broke into a few pieces under his sudden weight.

"What the hell, Charlie?!" Roberta cried, taking Gabriel's wounded arm in her hands and poring over the new bite marks. "Stop acting like such a child!"

"Maybe if you didn't treat me like one, I'd have a reason not to!" Charlie growled from where he still sat on the floor among the splintered door.

"If Maria wasn't counting on you holding the girl back, I'd tear you apart right now, you damn idiot," Gabriel said through clenched teeth.

"Maybe you should just go ahead and do it," Roberta taunted, her eyes fierce.

"Try." Charlie jumped to his feet and threw his thin shoulders back, readying for the fray. Gabriel glared at the boy for a moment before throwing up his hands.

"You're not even worth the effort, little boy," he spat.

"Come on, Gabriel, don't give up now!" Charlie yelled, putting up his fists. "Show me how to be a man!"

Gabriel laughed cruelly. "That's something you'll never learn."

He gestured to Roberta and they stalked out of the kitchen, laughing loudly so that Charlie could hear. I watched as his fists fell to his sides and his boyish face grew even more furious. He turned, kicking the shards of the broken door hard enough so that one particularly sharp piece ripped into the pantry wall.

"Charlie!" I rose up from my chair. "This is my home, you will not destroy it!"

Charlie narrowed his eyes at me. "I'll do as I please."

"Now you _are_ sounding like a child." I leaned down to inspect the damage. _Not too much, that's good_. The thought of asking Jasper to fix it came to my mind before I could remind myself that we weren't allowed to see each other nowadays, much less speak.

"I need to hunt," Charlie said, mostly to himself. "You'll have to come with me."

I felt my senses heighten at the idea of a hunt. I hadn't been out for nearly a week, and even then it had only been for a short drink. I desperately needed blood, even if I had to go hunting with my miniscule bodyguard at my side.

A few minutes later, we had (with Maria's permission) left the house in search of the wild antelope that peppered Wyoming. I stood on the edge of our land, facing the dense forest that marked the beginning of the Big Horn Mountains. With Charlie at my side, I couldn't see where to go, where to begin the hunt, where my prey might lie as I always had been able to see. I knew I had to rely on my instincts, something I had never had to do in all my conscious life. I wondered for a moment what it would be like until –

There. Just over the next few hills in a clearing to my right. Charlie smelled it too, and we bounded together through the trees, my slightly longer legs quickly taking me ahead of him. I reached the group of antelope first, traveling so fast that the animals didn't have a moment to move before I latched onto one, draining it dry. I had almost finished when Charlie came into the clearing, bounding onto the slowest antelope, one who hadn't had enough time to get away. I raised my head from the still, cold beast, licking the last dregs of its life from my teeth as I watched him drink, his mind focused on nothing but the meal before him.

_Maria shut the door to the bedroom softly, not bothering to lock it as she turned around. Jasper lay alone on the bed, José and Daniel nowhere to be seen._

"_That girl of yours is out. Finally." Her face shone gloriously as she smiled, her beautiful sexuality oozing out of every pore._

"_And what is that supposed to mean?" Jasper asked to the ceiling. "That you're going to kidnap me and run away?"_

"_Hardly," Maria replied, pressing her back against the door. "I wouldn't leave her behind. She'll prove useful in one way or another."_

"_She's a smart girl, Alice," Jasper mused, his voice straining to remain light. "She'll figure out how you work. Who knows, she might lead her own army against you."_

"_That little thing? Ha, Major, you must be joking." She smiled terribly._

"_Well, I suppose Alice would know if she might, what with her gift and all," Jasper tossed in the thought casually. Maria's eyes darkened._

"_How dare you even suggest such things?" she asked coldly._

"_How dare you hold us captive in our own house?" he retorted. She arched one dark brow._

"_If only you'd cooperate…then perhaps I'd reconsider." _

_Jasper sighed, dragging his eyes away from the ceiling to lock with hers. "I'll cooperate if it means you letting Alice free."_

_Maria smirked and stepped closer, her gaze still focused on the handsome blond man's. She stopped just at the foot of the bed and pulled her blouse over her head, revealing full, cream-colored breasts._

_Her voice was smooth, slow, and utterly seductive. "Let's see how well you cooperate."_

I came to with a start, wanting to heave the blood I had just swallowed back up again. Charlie, with his slow child's tongue, was still finishing off his first antelope, and I closed my eyes, willing another vision.

Nothing.

No, no, no._ This cannot be happening_, my mind screamed. My Jasper, my perfect, handsome, gentlemanly Jasper, would never stoop to such things. But would he if my protection was at stake? My safety?

I jumped to my feet as Charlie finished drinking, my instincts telling me to turn around and run home as fast as I possibly could. But no, the boy had to be taken care of first. I knew I couldn't have him following me home, hindering my mind. This was just what Jasper had said I needed, an opportunity to see clearly, and if I could shake Charlie, then I could see what I needed to do.

I stopped to smell, taste, feel the air again, focusing all my senses on the hunt. The scent came almost as quick this time; the last of their pack had gone further into the woods, up along the mountain. I nodded to Charlie, and he followed me into the trees, our footfalls steady but silent. I kept a slower pace this time around, allowing Charlie to keep up and, eventually, take the lead. As his small body surpassed my own, I felt my mind come to with a spark.

_Visions of Jasper lying ever so still on the bed, Maria's face pressed into the crook of his neck, her hand unbuttoning his shirt, sliding down to the tops of his trousers._

These snapshots in my mind told me nothing had been decided yet. I still had time. Keeping my mind a blank slate so Charlie wouldn't notice me missing, I turned around as he kept going ahead towards the pack of antelope awaiting death. I streamed through the trees, breaking into the sunshine-filled flatness of our land and keeping my eye on the tiny ranch house on the horizon.

My skin glittered as I ran, my mind spinning just as fast as my feet. Could I stop this? Was there a way to hurt Maria as much as she had been hurting me? Would I see her demise at my hands? _Please_, I said to myself, _just give me something, anything, that will get us, get them out of here._

But no solution could be found. My mind found me no way out. Instead, I saw the effect that Maria's imprisonment would take.

"_Now!" Jasper shouted to the army, his head held high and his arms in front of him to stop any oncoming enemies. The fighting erupted all around, vampire against vampire, armies battling for southern land in the moonlight._

_Malachi had given a good fight but was no match for five newborns at once. He was quickly taken care of._

_Daniel took down two at once, his mighty strength easily overtaking these untrained fighters._

_Roberta, furiously embroiled in battle, was taken quickly from behind, destroyed in a split-second slashing of teeth. _

_Charlie and Alice stood where it was deemed "safe," the small boy still focused intently on the seer, his face weary from many months of stopping her visions._

"_Where is he?" Alice asked quietly, as if she didn't intend for anyone to hear her. "I can't see…"_

"_You're not meant to see him," Charlie retorted. "You're only supposed to see what will help her in battle." His voice had changed since their first few days together. The initial excitement at getting to use his gift to help his mistress had all but faded away, replaced with utter exhaustion and annoyance that this was his new lot in life._

_Alice gritted her teeth to keep from saying anything and scanned the crowd once more, searching for the tallest one, the blond handsome man she had given her freedom for, the man she was no longer allowed to see or speak to or truly love._

_There he was, pouncing on a particularly weak-looking man. But as he ripped the man limb from limb, an agile vampiress leapt onto his back, sinking her teeth into the nape of his neck._

_Instinct had fostered well in Alice, replacing all she had ever known from her visions, and instinct is what took over then. She went flying through the battle, knowing nothing but that she needed to reach his side, to help him, to touch him one last time if this was truly going to be it. Charlie followed her into the fray, trying desperately to keep his mind focused on her and not the many full-grown savages around him._

_But he had no need to shadow her gift anymore. With a few quick, torturous movements, a large dark-skinned man from the opposite side had destroyed the beautiful young woman, laughing madly as he tossed the remnants of her body into the crowd. Charlie felt sick as he watched Alice's head tumble, coming to rest in the middle of the battle, right where Jasper stood. The thin boy was almost thankful for the release that came when that same dark vampire destroyed him too._

_Jasper's cry in that next moment brought much of the fighting to a standstill. The newborns, anxious to know what made such a heart-wrenching, soul-sucking sound, turned to find him on his knees amidst the destroyed remains, his hands clawing at his perfect skin, and they clapped their hands to their ears to drown it out. Maria's side took the advantage to knock out as many of the cowering newborns as they could, and the opposing army – or what was left of it – quickly disposed of Maria's sobbing second-in-command, leaving his tattered parts lying with those of his former lover._

For the second time in a three-minute period, I wanted to vomit at what I had seen. So this is how it would end? Part of me was glad to know that neither of us would be without the other, in Maria's army or in life. Another part of me screamed that this was _not_ how it could happen. I couldn't let it get this way. I had to go now, to stop Maria and Jasper from starting something that would surely lead us all down this road of destruction.

I kept up my running; I was close to the house now, and Charlie had yet to emerge from the woods if he had even noticed I was gone. I slowed down as I came to the porch, throwing open the front door and stepping into the living room.

Roberta, Daniel, and Malachi were seated side-by-side on the couch with José and Gabriel taking the two armchairs, all of them listening intently with their eyes focused on the closed door of the bedroom.

Maria's voice, as seductive as it had been in my vision, drifted out to me. "Let's see how well you cooperate."

So they hadn't done anything! My vision had only just happened! I could almost cry with delight and refrained myself from jumping up and down just as Charlie came speeding into the house, hunching over his tired legs.

"What the hell kind of stunt was that?" he gasped, grabbing me by my elbow, and I shook him off angrily.

"Quiet, Charlie!" Malachi hissed at the boy.

"This is better than a soap opera," Roberta said, rubbing her hands together as if preparing for a delicious meal.

"Oh, Jasper…"

Maria's voice trickled under the crack of the door, and I started to cross the room, readying myself to barge in and stop whatever tryst was going on just as Jasper's smooth tones came out to us.

"Alice…"

Every time he says my name, it thrills me to my core. And to know that, despite the beautiful woman before him, despite the trouble and pain it would cause, he said my name instead of hers…I almost swooned at the thought.

The entire room was deadly silent at hearing Jasper's obviously wrong response to their leader's amorous advances, and they sat stone-still as the woman herself emerged from the bedroom, hastily pulling on her blouse as she did so. She had almost crossed the room without saying a word when she stopped in front of me, pointing one perfect, accusatory index finger in my face.

"So, this is the stranglehold you have on him, hmm?" Her voice was full of loathing and promised pain. I remained calm, mirroring her deadly stare until she turned on her heel and stalked into the study. All the members of her army, even Charlie, went into the room with her. The boy was sent out with a scowl on his face after a few moments inside, slamming the door behind his back and facing me.

"What did you think you were doing, running off like that?" Charlie cried, throwing up his hands angrily.

"Doing what I needed to do," I replied and stalked past him into the bedroom.

Jasper lay on the bed, his eyes still focused on the ceiling and his shirt opened to reveal his startlingly white chest. I stopped just in the doorway, trying to see what I should say or what we should do – but Charlie standing right behind me ended that possibility.

"Alice."

His tone was steady, calling me to him. I walked to the bed and sat on the edge, letting my feet dangle over the side. I was almost hesitant to touch him; the three weeks he had gone without blood were taking their toll. He looked deathly ill, as if one false movement would cause him to break. His skin was a strange, palest yellow color and his eyes were like hungry pools of ink, blacker than I had ever seen them.

Jasper's hand slowly snaked over the quilt to meet mine. Our hands touched, and he closed his inky eyes and sighed at the feeling, something we had both missed more than words could say.

"I did what you said," I whispered. "I distracted him…I had a vision."

"And? Do you know how we can get out?" His voice was as papery as his skin felt under my fingertips.

"No." I shook my head sadly. "I saw you and Maria. Here. She was-"

"We didn't do anything," he insisted, staring at me truthfully.

"I know," I replied. "I saw something else, too. I…it wasn't how we're going to get out, but what happens if we stay."

"Well, what happens?" he asked.

"We…"

"Go on, Alice. Don't be frightened."

I felt a small glimmer of bravery awaken within me. Jasper's gift had grown weak yet he was still using it to help me. I wished so much that I could return the favor.

"You were in battle," I began. "You were attacked and I tried to get to you. I was…"

Jasper winced.

"Charlie, too. Malachi, Roberta, others I don't know. And then you…you were so distraught that…"

He nodded slowly, as if the movement almost pained him. "I was planning on that anyways."

"What?" I was confused.

"I thought that if she made us join, we might be better off dead than forced to do God knows what," he said simply. "I would make sure you were gone before I took care of myself."

"Jazz," I murmured, lifting his chilly hand to my cheek. I heard Charlie moving behind me, and I dropped my volume. "We won't have to resort to such horrible ideas. We'll get out."

"Alice, I…I don't know if I can last much longer," he whispered softly. "She's withholding blood from me. I'm so hungry I'd eat anyone now, but I'm too weak. I doubt I can get out of this bed without help."

"I'll help you," I offered. "Don't give up, Jasper, we'll figure-"

"Alice." His voice cut me off. "She's going to take this out on the both of us. She won't stop until she gets what she wants – you being her obedient servant and me being her second-in-command again."

"But if she tries that, she'll just lose us all! I saw-"

"Then maybe we should change what you saw. Perhaps it's best if I just go with her."

My jaw dropped open and I heard Charlie snigger behind me.

"Please, Alice, don't give me that look," he pleaded. "If I go with her, then maybe she'll leave you alone. You can find the Cullens, be with your family and be happy. And after a few years, I might be able to get away."

My eyes grew wide with shock. No, he couldn't! To be separated from Jasper, to know that he was in that evil girl's clutches while I lingered, free, in Ten Sleep?

"Jasper, please, you can't," I murmured, leaning down on the bed to curl into his side. "If you leave me, what will I do? How can you expect me to go on?"

"If it's what needs to be done, then that's that," he answered, his voice tinged with remnants of his military background. I shook my head, pressing into the crook of his neck I knew Maria had just been in.

"It doesn't need to be done," I insisted. "Please, Jazz, don't do anything rash. I don't want to lose you because of your stupid honor."

"But if it saves you?" Jasper posed the question to the ceiling, unwilling to look at me. "Wouldn't you do the same for me?"

I knew I would, and that's what made it all the more hard to handle. I pressed myself harder into him, kissing his neck, jaw, and collar, anything my lips could reach, to show him just how much I needed him, how much he needed me. Jasper stayed still, and I didn't know if this was from his physical weakness or his apparent desire to push me away.

Whichever one it was, I was almost glad when a knock at the front door interrupted us. I sat up, trying to see who it might be, almost forgetting that my visions were blocked.

The perpetrator of this block licked the corner of his mouth, looking hungry despite his meal earlier in the day, and said, "I'll get it."

"No," I said quickly. "Let me."

I fixed Jasper with one more meaningful stare, hoping he could feel everything my heart was screaming. _Don't you dare leave me, Jasper Whitlock. I cannot live without you, and I won't let you go back to that evil woman's arms. Don't you dare leave._

Jasper gave me a slight nod, almost as if he heard my silent cries. "Go answer the door."

I slid off the bed, walking through the door and living room to the front door. I could smell the human on the other side, a somewhat familiar scent that I couldn't personally place.

"Go on, then," Charlie said eagerly.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Charlie, leave whoever it is alone. Maria made a promise not to hurt any humans here."

Charlie rolled his eyes, watching eagerly as I opened the door. Phil Crawley, the handsome, twenty-something postmaster from town, stood on the stood, his large hand wrapped around a bundle of mail.

"Mr. Crawley, what a pleasant surprise," I lied brightly, trying to smile. "How are you?"

"Just fine, Ms. O'Brien, ma'am," Phil replied, tipping his head. "And you and your husband?"

"We're well, thank you," I said. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"I hadn't seen you around town for a while, so I thought you might be needing your mail." He held out the package.

"Thank you, how kind." I took it gratefully. "We've had…family visiting for a week now, and things have been kind of hectic."

"Yes, I heard some shouting coming up the road." Phil nodded his head back to the dirt road that led to our house and I winced, thinking of what sort of things he might have heard Maria yelling.

"I apologize," I said quickly.

"No problem," he said. "I also wanted to come tell you that the Sheriff's wife is getting ready to leave town. I thought you ought to know, seeing as she's your friend and all."

I furrowed my brow, confused. "Marlene's leaving?"

Phil nodded. "Yeah, going to her mother's. I don't think it's been easy on her, seeing her other two kids and the house her boy lived in. I've been hearing people talk."

"Thank you for letting me know," I said softly. _Poor Marlene_…

"I overheard the Sheriff mention something about her wanting to say goodbye to you but not wanting to disturb," he added.

"Thank you," I said again. "I'll see what I can do."

Phil tipped his hat once again and returned to his waiting truck, making it roar to life before he took off. I shut the door and turned to Charlie.

"Well, are you going to let me go?" I asked coldly. This was my friend, a friend who was going through the toughest time of her life, and who knew when I was going to be able to see her again?

Charlie shook his head with all the happiness of a pleased little boy. "Though," he said thoughtfully, "if you were to take me along, I don't see-"

"_No_." I shook my head furiously. I would not take such a dangerous little boy into a town packed with humans. That was just asking for trouble.

"I won't do anything, Jesus!" he cried. "Can't anyone fucking trust me around here? I'm not a child!"

I bristled at his outburst. Part of me knew that taking him into town could lead to the death of so many different people, but another part of me, the part that had always been looked down because of my size or my taste in blood, wanted to let him have this opportunity. I was almost feeling – dare I say it? – sorry for the man-boy.

"Let me see what Jasper has to say," I said quickly, walking back into the bedroom.

Jasper hadn't moved an inch and I moved to stand by his side.

"Go ahead," he said softly, obviously having heard our exchange from the open door. "Marlene needs you."

"Charlie won't let me go without him," I explained.

"That little…go ahead. Take him, and let him know of the consequences if he does anything." Jasper shot an angry look out the door to where Charlie stood, waiting anxiously.

"Don't do anything rash while I'm gone," I said softly, bending down to kiss his forehead, keeping my mouth pressed there for a few second. "I cannot lose you."

"I can't either," he replied. "And if that means my leaving you here…"

I pulled away, shaking my head. "Don't even say that."

With great effort, Jasper pushed his upper body off of the bed, tilting his face up to kiss me. His lips' movement was soft and slow, lingering as if he thought this might be the last time he would ever do this.

"I love you," he whispered against my mouth.

I shook my head. "Never enough, Jazz. You'll have to stay with me and tell me ten times every day for it to even come close."

"Christ, can we go already?"

Charlie was leaning against the door jamb, looking impatient. I darted back in for one more kiss before leaving him lying on the bed. As I pulled on my coat near the front door, I asked whoever it was that was watching over my life to keep him there. To take him away would be the worst thing to ever happen to me. I could survive hunger, forced armies, even maybe drinking from humans, but surviving a life without Jasper? It could never happen. _It would never happen_.

I drove quicker than I should have, glancing up at the sky as I did so. The sun was occasionally piercing through the cloud-dappled sky; I would need my parasol if I was going to go outside.

The Sheriff and Marlene were standing just outside of their house when I pulled up and parked the car.

"Stay here, Charlie," I ordered, trying to make my voice as menacing as possible. "If you make one false move, I will end it all right here."

Charlie said nothing but threw a blood-curdling glare my way, settling back into the seat with his arms folded across his chest. I almost laughed at this childish gesture as I got out of the car, keeping the parasol above my head to block any unwanted rays from striking my skin.

"Ms. O'Brien," the Sheriff called out, raising his hand in greeting. I gave a weak smile and walked towards the two of them. He was helping his wife, already clad in her traveling clothes, down the bottom of the front stairs.

"Sheriff Walsh, Marlene," I greeted. "How are you?"

"Better," Marlene said softly, giving me a mournful little smile. "How are you, Josephine? I haven't seen you in a while."

"We've had family over," I lied.

"Is that one of them in your car?" Sheriff Walsh asked, nodding to where the Buick was parked. Charlie had his face and both hands pressed against the window, watching my exchange with the Walshes excitedly.

"That's Hector's nephew, Charlie," I explained.

"Oh," Marlene answered, her face a little heartsore at the sight of this child. I longed to let her know that he was not the sweet young thing she expected him to be, but to do so would be to give up every secret I had ever worked to conceal.

"Phil Crawley told me you were leaving town for a while, Marlene," I said, eager to change the subject. Marlene tore her eyes away from Charlie and the Buick to focus on me.

"Yes," she replied quietly. "I think…_Dr. Cohen_ thinks…a change of scenery might be good. I'm going to my mother's in Washakie County."

"And will you be back?" I asked. I couldn't bear to lose another person like this, especially when Jasper was so insistent on leaving himself.

"In time," she said cryptically.

"She'll be back once the doctor says she's fine," the Sheriff answered.

"It won't be too long, I'm sure," Marlene added.

"Get well, Marlene. Take all the time you need," I urged her. She smiled and opened her arms for a hug. Plugging my breath, I held her tightly, hoping that she could feel the support I was desperately trying to give her.

"Marlene, we ought to be going," Sheriff Walsh said quietly. Marlene nodded against my shoulder and pulled back, her eyes glimmering with salty tears.

"Thank you, Josephine," she whispered. "We'll be in touch."

I nodded and watched as her husband led her to their car, helping her in before getting in and driving away. I sighed and returned to my own car.

"Wow," Charlie breathed, "you smell just like her."

"Don't get any ideas," I said coldly, starting the engine.

"I didn't do anything, you saw," he retorted.

"Yes, keep that up," I answered.

We drove the rest of the way in silence, Charlie ever concentrating on stopping my visions. His eyes stayed on me as I parked the Buick, left the car, and walked up the front stairs, constantly trying to block another mishap like this morning's. I opened the door to the front of the house, trying to ignore Charlie all the while.

"Jasper, we're back!" I called out as I hung up my coat.

"You won't find him here."

I turned around from the coat rack. Maria was sitting calmly in the unbroken armchair, her eyes dancing with amusement.

"What do you mean?" I asked shakily. _Jasper…not here?_ She smiled her prettiest, coldest smile.

"He's with the rest. Finally came to his senses, didn't he?"


	23. The Key to Unbar these Locks

So he really left. He joined her. He was really and truly gone.

I wanted to eat real food just so I could experience the act of vomiting. That was the only thing I could imagine doing right now. The only thing I could feel now. Just physicality, no emotion. I felt so much of that every time I was around Jasper, from myself and from him and from his gift, that it was exceptionally strange to be overcome by nothing but numbness.

My life without Jasper…would it begin now? Would I go on with life in Ten Sleep, being Josephine O'Brien, looking for the Cullens, all without him? Or would I follow him? Join Maria's cannibalistic army, just to be by his side? The leader herself was watching me with laughing eyes as I took in this information. I longed for a vision to tell me what to do or to say to her, but – of course – nothing came.

"Now it's just you and me, my dear Alice," she said, her voice taunting, just begging for me to take a swipe at her. "Time for the two of us to sit down and have a nice heart-to-heart chat."

My emotion resurfaced in one facet, the hatred I had for Maria bubbling up within me.

"A chat?" I repeated scathingly. "Is that what you call forcing people onto your side?"

"I don't _force_ anyone, dearie," she replied with a smile on her face. "They're born into it, they come of their own volition, they come because of something I have that they want, but I never truly force them."

"So you would call Jasper's coming back to you…what?" I gave her my fiercest stare.

Maria's look of utter delight slipped away, replaced by one of impatient anger. "He didn't come back, you silly girl, he's still pondering that over."

I felt my heart soar back up from my toes. Jasper hadn't made the decision yet. He was still safe from Maria's clutches! I could cry with happiness, had I the tears.

But…if he wasn't here…then where was he?

"What do you mean?" I asked, breathless from the euphoria of his safety. "You said he had joined with the rest. Where is he, if he hasn't come back to you?"

"Poor little weakling's been taken away to ponder it over. The others have a watch over him," Maria mused lightly. "The two of you together was getting on my nerves. This is all about you and me, Alice."

I felt a shiver run down my spine at her chilling words. Anything that put me and Maria together was not something I wanted to be a part of.

"I don't understand," I faltered.

"Charlie," Maria called out.

The boy moved into my line of vision, and I realized I had completely forgotten about him in my confrontation with this evil beauty.

"Why don't you ease up on the girl and let her see what I want?"

He nodded him small head, relaxing his intense burgundy eyes for the first time since I had met him. Immediately, I was besieged with a series of visions, all showing the same sort of thing I was going through right now.

_Charlie relaxing, allowing Alice to see a large army emerging from an unfamiliar wood in the dead of night…two in the morning, by the moon's placement._

_Charlie relaxing, allowing Alice to see that same army retreating from a delicately-positioned hoard led by Jasper and Gabriel._

_Charlie and Alice, standing on a hilltop where it was deemed "safe," watching the battle embroil below them, Alice searching for her light-haired lover_.

I came quickly from that last, familiar vision. Charlie clamped his eyes back on me, halting my mind from going any further, but I didn't need to see any more to know how it ended. I would die, as would Jasper.

Strangely enough, that thought made me smile. How little Maria knew. All the power lay in my hands now. Everything she wanted, everything she planned on…it all ended the same way. We would die, and she would be left with nothing. No Jasper, no Charlie, no me.

"Something you found funny?"

Maria's voice jarred me back from my musings.

"Why don't you share what you saw with us?" she asked smoothly.

I took a deep breath. The information I had was valuable, valuable enough to keep Jasper safe, if not me. She could stand to lose me. Jasper was a different story.

"You want to use my visions to help you in battle," I said simply, picking my words carefully so as not to give anything away. "I saw another army advancing on your own at night. I saw the positions you used to overtake them."

"Wonderfully done," Maria said as if she were praising a smile child, even though I had to be at least physical three years older than her. Her voice began to pick up speed in her excitement. "Those visions, Alice, those blessed visions! Don't you see what a team we could be? You foreseeing our every move, our opponents' moves, with my battle skills and Jasper's empathy! We'd have control over Texas in no time!" Her desire to control that enormous state overtook her mind, and she almost clapped her hands in glee.

"And for my gifts, you'll make me join you?" I asked softly. "Jasper as well?"

Maria tapped one finger against her cheek, pondering. "I can see that you and Jasper together isn't going to work. You remember my deal; come quietly and you may still see him. Come tucked under Daniel's arm, and we'll talk about it in twenty years."

I narrowed my eyes. "You know Jasper is never going to agree to this. He cannot leave me, he won't just forget about me like that."

She laughed, tilting her head back to expose her long, creamy neck.

"I have had Jasper more than you ever will, Alice," she said in a calculating voice. "I was the one to taste his intoxicating blood, to feel it sliding warm down my throat. I taught him how to manage his gift. I was the first to have that beautiful man lay down at my side, the first woman to teach him about pleasure."

"And I am the first woman he ever loved," I countered. She opened her mouth to respond and I cut her off with a wave of my hand. "I am the _only_ woman he will _ever_ love. I'm telling you this now, and he will say the same. Don't you ever forget that."

I could feel her resolve slipping the same as the smile from her face. She knew I was right, just the same as I did. There was nothing she could do to stop the bond Jasper and I had. Her eyes grew ever fiercer then they had been before and she stepped close to me as if to move in for the kill. I stayed standing tall, upright, ready for any sort of move she might make.

She didn't raise a hand. She didn't hit or bite or harm me in any way. Once her face was short distance from mine, she stopped, giving me a soul-shaking stare.

"Go away, then, Alice," she muttered bitterly. "Leave me be. I have what I want, even if you have his heart. Go, I don't want to see you again."

I tried to remain strong, but I was spinning inside. This was it? She was letting me go? But…

"No," I said simply. I couldn't leave. Not without Jasper. I would be at her side, calculating her army's every move, before I let her take my love away.

Maria threw back her shoulders, ready for the fight she expected me to put up.

"I'm not being separated from him," I went on. "Either you take me on too or you let him go."

"He will only come willingly because of you!" Maria retorted. "I told him I would let you leave, so _leave_!"

That was the final straw. If my leaving sealed his joining Maria's cult, then I would stay put. I knew then that I had her right where I wanted her. She was just at her breaking point, and I could get anything I wanted from her there. Now was the time to give her the bait.

"Not without Jasper," I said, sounding every bit as cold and calculating as she. "There's something you love more than him, Maria, something you'd even give him up for."

Maria raised one dark brow. "Oh? What's that?"

"Your land."

Her face fell just a little more as she once again realized I was right.

"What if I could find a way for you to get it all back?"

She forced a laugh, trying to show that she was above me once more. "And how do you propose to do that?"

I bit my lip. I already knew what would happen if we did go…but to force my visions to help Maria? I wasn't sure if my mind would allow it even if it was someone I liked.

"My visions. Just give me some time. Call Charlie off and let me try to see what you could do. Even…even if it's with Jasper," I said, lying a little on that last bit and hoping she couldn't see through my falsehoods.

Maria glanced out the window with heavy, focused eyes, taking in the noonday sun.

"You have until twelve o'clock tomorrow," she said in a steady voice. "Charlie, make sure she doesn't get carried away."

She gave me one last hateful glare before stalking past me into the study, shutting the door with a loud click.

I slumped down into the sofa, worrying over the mess I had gotten myself in. Yes, if this freed Jasper, then this was more than worth it. But how on earth was I going to summon up the vision that would convince her enough? I could see some battle tactics, positions, but I wasn't sure enough that my visions, strong as they were, would find me that one big key that would at least convince Maria that she would win.

"Are you really going to try this?" Charlie asked, sitting across from me and propping his feet up on the coffee table. "You know it's not going to work."

"No, I _think_ it's not going to work," I clarified, "but I _am_ going to try."

Charlie fixed me with a disbelieving stare and shook his head.

"Please, Charlie, you have to let me see," I pleaded. "It's the only way we might all survive."

"We?" he repeated, furrowing his childish brow.

"I…"

I paused just on the edge of telling him what I had seen. Was this little boy…no, this man trustworthy? Everything I had ever seen him do under Maria's orders had made me think otherwise…but his recent insistence that he was much more than the child everyone took him for made me want to give him the chance. He was only following that tyrant's orders, after all.

"When we were hunting, you were distracted and I had a vision," I began. "I saw…well, among other things, I saw a battle. We had been together for some time, you constantly watching over me to keep my visions at bay. You were weak from that, terribly weak, and when I tried to get to Jasper, you followed and we…we both were destroyed."

Charlie's face was set in the same unruffled, slightly confused look he had before I had begun to spoke.

"There's nothing we can do to change that if I stay with her," I went on, trying to clarify and making him see the severity of the situation. "But if you let me have free reign of my visions, maybe I can see a way for me…for _us_ to survive."

He parted his lips slowly, thinking over his words before saying, "If you see something you shouldn't, she'll blame me, you know."

With these words, his stoic face seemed to melt away a little, leaving a look of worry and slight panic that made his childish features all the more heartbreaking.

"You don't have to go back to her, Charlie," I insisted, hoping desperately I was right. I would promise anything to this boy now if only he would ease off. "If she lets Jasper and me go, then she'll surely let you go too. We can find a place for you, with us or somewhere else. I…I wouldn't even mind the drinking humans bit. Or I'd try not to mind."

For the first time since I had met him, I watched Charlie's face break into a charming half-smile. I felt my heart stir for the boy he had once been, the boy who had lost all hope of growing and being normal with the quick snap of a vampire's jaws. Now, more than ever before, I wanted to help this boy…if he helped me.

"Go on, then," Charlie said simply, relaxing back in his chair. "Find a way out of this…for you and the Major, at least."

I smiled at the longing in his voice as I sat back myself, ready for my mind to overtake me.

No vision came for the first few hours as I sat waiting patiently. I tried thinking of Jasper, of what he might be doing, but the uncertainty of it all gave me nothing. Then I tried coming up with various ways we might be able to leave, and the visions came pouring in, each of them showing the same horrific ends I had already witnessed.

I knew I needed that one key to be in place before I could get the vision that would save me – but what was it? A specific person? Place? Time? Most of my visions came once a decision was being made, but to summon up something out of the blue…I wondered if that was beyond my capabilities and again cursed myself for having gotten into this mess.

I stayed in a near-comatose state until well after sun-up the next day, focusing my mind in eight million different ways, all the time coming up with that same vision of catastrophic destruction I had had before. I had seen it so many times now that I had almost every detail memorized…the five voracious newborns who took down Malachi, the dark man who would end my life, Jasper's distraught face as he realized I was gone. That last part sickened me and only made me work harder to find a solution.

"Anything yet?" Charlie asked for the thousandth time as the clock neared nine in the morning.

"Nothing different," I replied. Once again, I changed my position on the sofa, stretching out along the length and propping my head up on the armrest.

"But if you don't see anything by noon…" Charlie trailed off, his voice worried. I sat up and stared at the boy, slightly astonished at the change he had made from bloodthirsty bodyguard to partner in crime. He looked so eager for me to find this means to an end and I began to worry for him as well as myself and Jasper if we didn't get out of this. It was just like he said; if I didn't have a vision by noon to give to Maria, it would mean an eternity of servitude in that terrible army.

A sudden knock at the door startled the two of us; I had been so focused on a vision for Maria that I hadn't seen anyone coming to the house.

"Stay here," I ordered. One of Charlie's familiar scowls flared at me, bringing the normal boy I had known back to the surface before I went to the door, opening it tentatively. Phil Crawley stood in front of me with an ever-present parcel in his hands.

"G'morning, Mrs. O'Brien," he said genially. "How are you this morning?"

"Fine, Phil, how are you?" I asked, glancing inside to make sure Charlie wasn't anywhere he could be seen.

"Good," he said. "Things are pretty quiet around here, did your guests leave?"

I nodded. "Most of them, at least." _If only I could know where they were_…

"Sheriff Walsh said his wife forgot to return this," Phil said, holding out the parcel. I took it, knowing it contained a teapot I had let Marlene borrow, a teapot I had bought just for that purpose.

"Thank you," I replied.

"Well, I'll be taking my leave then." He touched two fingers to his bowed head, bidding me a gentlemanly goodbye. I opened my mouth to do the same, and then…

_Maria sat at the head of a large group of twenty or thirty people, all their eyes focused on her beauty._

"_Tomorrow is what will decide our fate," she said, her voice echoing out towards them. "The battle we face will be difficult. When we win, you will be greatly rewarded. The land will finally be back in my…our hands, and everything will be ours!"_

_The roar that came from the crowd was ear-shattering. Maria's blackened eyes scanned the jubilant crowd, picking out the recognizable faces, those who had been with her for some time now: Daniel and José, forever side-by-side, Roberta, Malachi, Gabriel, and the first of their new recruits. He was a handsome, tall man, eager to please, with a gift that made the loss of Jasper, Charlie, and Alice not too terrible. His incredible hearing clued them into the enemy's plans, numbers, and their every move, making victory rather easy nowadays._

_Maria caught his blood-red eye from across the room and smiled, a gesture he returned. Yes, Phil Crawley had been a perfect addition, the final piece of the puzzle that gave her back the power. _


	24. From Cold and Empty Veins

The world seemed to be in sharper focus when I came to. Colors were brighter, the air had a certain hum to it, and I could smell the nervous, sweaty scent of Phil Crawley as he leaned forward to grab my forearm.

"Mrs. O'Brien, are you all right?" His voice was nervous too. I shook my head as if in a daze and he let go.

"I-I'm sorry, Phil, I had a bit of a dizzy spell there," I apologized. "Forgive me."

"Nothing to it, ma'am," he replied. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

I bit the inside of my cheek. What was I supposed to say? _Why, yes, Phil, please come inside so my so-called husband's former lover can drink away your humanity, stall your body at 24 years old, and give you an eternal – but ultimately evil – life?_

"No, nothing," I said hastily. "My guests have been getting me flustered, I suppose."

Phil chuckled good-naturedly, his handsome face lighting up. "Houseguests'll do that to you. Where did you say they were from?"

"Er, Texas," I stammered.

"Texas…I always told myself I'd like to go down south, maybe learn to lasso or get in a gunfight." Phil's face became dreamy and he moved his right hand to rub the back of his neck as he imagined. He sighed, coming out of his reverie. "But I'm afraid I haven't got the time. Stuck in pokey old Ten Sleep forever, I guess."

My mind began spinning in a thousand different directions. If he was given this life...if he was _forced_ into this life…time would be abundant. Gunfights, perhaps not, but something much like them would be his focus. And if he did join, if Maria took my vision for truth and brought him to her army, then that might mean freedom for myself, maybe even for Charlie.

But most of all, for Jasper. My love, my life, whom I had no idea where he was at the moment but would give anything to find out and to save him. He had to be saved.

No matter the cost.

"Phil…if you could go to Texas…." I trailed off, unsure of how to phrase what I wanted to say.

"Mrs. O'Brien, if something happened where I could leave Ten Sleep, I'd been on that train tonight," Phil said, his voice low and full of wonder. I could almost feel the desire to leave coming from him.

"Do you hate Ten Sleep that much?" I asked casually.

"No, ma'am, no," he hastened to say. "I could never hate it here. Wyoming is my homeland, always has been, even after my parents died. But I know there's something more out there. And…and I want to see it for myself."

This was it. This was the opportunity he wanted lying right before him, right in my hands.

"Just a silly dream, I suppose," Phil added sheepishly.

"Dreams are never silly," I countered.

"You got a dream, Mrs. O'Brien?" he asked, his voice so earnest it made me smile a little.

"Right now…my dream is just to see you get yours," I answered softly. _Especially if your dream includes an eternal life._

"Gee, that's the nicest thing I've ever heard anyone say," Phil said with a grin.

"Phil," I said softly, "is there any way I can ask you to stay here for a moment or two?"

"Sure, ma'am, I'll stay right where I'm put." He leaned obediently against the post that held up our porch roof, and I turned to go inside, shutting the door behind me.

Charlie was waiting just across the threshold behind the door, his face eager.

"Well?" he asked.

"I think…I found the key," I said slowly.

His eyes lit up. "Go ahead, tell me."

"Come on," I motioned to him with a wave of my hand. "I'll tell the both of you."

He followed me into the study. Maria sat in Jasper's chair, facing us with her hands steepled together as if she knew we were coming.

"Yes?" she said, her face impassive and stoic with waiting.

"I've had your vision," I announced. She cocked one eyebrow expectantly.

"And?"

"And you have two options," I explained. "One, you keep us. No matter what you battles you fight or where you go, the same thing is going to happen. Charlie is going to grow weak, my visions will fail, and you'll lose the both of us in battle. Jasper will give up and you'll lose him too."

"And the other option?" Maria asked. I took a deep breath.

"The other option, the option that will get you back your land and your power…that I will tell you if you promise to leave Ten Sleep. All of you must go, return Jasper, and leave us alone." I paused and swallowed against my nerves, ignoring Charlie's pointed stares. I would tell her that part once I had gotten her promise.

Maria stared at me with serious, probing eyes. "You're telling the truth," she said, a statement, not a question.

I nodded as anxiety filled me. I wanted Jasper so much in that moment, for the calm he would bring, for his assuring arms around me. Even his presence would still my nerves, and I ached for the feeling of his thumb tracing familiar circles against my palm.

"For the first time in a very long while, Alice," Maria said, her voice a chilling monotone, "I will obey your command."

My stomach soared up from my feet almost out the top of my head. She would obey! She would let us go! Jasper and I could be happy, normal, together again…any thought of Marlene, the Cullens, or Phil Crawley's safety flew out of my head at her words. I could fly, I was so happy.

"That is, if your vision suffices."

Maria's still-chilling voice cut into my elation. I steadied myself, picking through my words carefully as I explained what I had seen.

"There is a man on the porch," I began, nerves creeping back up on me as I realized the trouble I might be putting that poor man in. "His name is Phil Crawley…he was in the vision I had. He's going to have a gift, very sensitive hearing, and you'll use that to your advantage."

Her eyes began to sparkle as I continued.

"He's eager to get out of town, to see a new place…so you'll have his willingness as well." I tried very hard not to think of the human lives that would be subjected to his newborn tongue as I spoke. "And, if you'd like, I can introduce him to you now."

Maria rose from Jasper's chair as fast as lightning. "Let's go," she said quickly, nodding at me to lead the way. She shot a stay-where-you-are glare at Charlie as we left the room, walking out to the porch where Phil was dutifully waiting.

"Phil," I called out, "I've got someone I'd like to introduce you to. This is my…this is Maria."

I gestured to the exotic beauty at my side, unsurprised to see Phil's eyes go wide with infatuation.

"How d'ye do, ma'am?" Phil said, a trifle flushed as he bowed low. I could almost feel the sensuality flowing off of her, drawing him in.

"Maria, this is Phil Crawley," I introduced. "Phil is the one who longs to see Texas."

"Texas?" Maria repeated, her voice like music. "Why, that's where I'm from."

"Really?" Phil smiled, such a genuine look that I began to think that maybe this change wouldn't be so hard for him. After all, he would get one of his dreams, he would get this supposed dream girl in the bargain, and, truth be told, eternity wasn't always a bad thing.

"I'll leave you two alone," I said, side-stepping into the house with a slight wince. As much as it seemed that Phil would be all right with this change, who knew what I had just left Maria to do?

Charlie was waiting just next to the door as I entered, his eyes blazing with fury.

"You didn't say _anything_ about me!" he cried angrily. "I might stay just to keep you from having a vision ever again!"

His childish outburst hardly surprised me, but I did feel badly that I hadn't gone through with my promise yet.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I'll tell her as soon as she comes back in."

"Who knows if she will?" he retorted. "She might bite him right here and now and take all of us away to where the others are hiding!"

I shook my head. No, she couldn't do that. That would mean Jasper's location would still be a mystery to me. What if he was in trouble? He hadn't been hunting in nearly a month, he must surely be weak. Maria had to set him free, she had promised…but what if she went back on that promise? I poked my head out the half-opened door, surprised to see Maria doing nothing but talking with Phil, that same sultry look on her perfect face.

"Maria," I called out. She jerked her head around to me, looking angry at being interrupted. It was almost as if she had been stopped just before going in for the kill, and I was almost certain that was what had just happened. I gave her a meaningful look, pleading with my eyes for her to come back into the house.

"Please excuse me, Phil," she simpered, smiling widely as she came inside.

"What is it?" she asked angrily. "I almost had him."

"I have one more request before you…_have_ him," I announced.

"You're pushing your luck," she muttered. "Go ahead."

"Leave Charlie with us."

I could hardly stop myself from shaking as I said this. I worried that this would be the straw that broke the camel's back and she would rescind her promise to leave, to free me, or to tell of Jasper's whereabouts.

Maria's gaze flew to Charlie at my side. "Is this what you want?"

Slightly shaking, Charlie nodded. "Yes. I…I'm not coming back."

"Not coming back?" She narrowed her eyes and threw her shoulders back, focusing on me instead. "Did you see him in this vision of yours, Alice?"

I shook my head. Charlie hadn't been there. She took this as truth and nodded slowly, chewing over the new bit of information she had been fed.

"Well then…might as well go in for a penny as for a pound," she said in a steely voice that I almost didn't trust. "This is it for you, then, Charlie?"

Charlie nodded solemnly, saying nothing.

She sighed a little dramatically. "I hope you don't regret it. Come outside and help me change Phil, make sure I don't kill him…as one last favor to me."

Charlie looked to me with the wide eyes of a nervous child. "Go on," I urged him. He _had_ to go with her. If we didn't obey her every word now, she might forget everything she had promised. I would be alone, never knowing where Jasper might be. He had to follow, it was as simple as that.

I sat down on the sofa as they walked onto the porch, readying myself for Phil's transformation that I couldn't handle watching. I couldn't remember my own changeover, but I knew from Jasper's stories that it was a painful, unforgettable experience that I had unfortunately forgotten.

Maria turned back to shut the door behind her and visions of Phil writhing on the dusty ground, his punctured neck leaking twin rivulets of blood, played cruelly in my mind. I saw him transforming over the course of the next three days and could almost feel the pain I knew was going through his body. My mind even went so far as to show me the perfected, inhuman version of Phil, pale as milk with blood-filled eyes. I prayed that Maria wouldn't keep him here as he changed; we were far too close to town for comfort, and I don't know if I could stand to watch this man suffer because of me.

A roar of pain came from outside. So it was done. Maria had gotten what she wanted, and now it was time for me to get mine. I stood up, straightened my shoulders, and opened the door.

Maria was standing on the porch, staring down at Phil Crawley as he writhed on the dusty ground, a low moan coming from behind his clenched teeth. I maintained my distance, observing his already-glimmering skin from the safety of the doorway. His pain was hard to watch, knowing I was part of its cause.

"Don't worry, I've got Malachi coming to take him away," Maria said, noting my discomfort.

"You sent Charlie alone?" I asked as I scanned the area for the boy who was nowhere to be seen. "What if he attacks someone?"

"Can you see him drinking, Alice?" she asked, raising that one persistent eyebrow.

I scanned my mind for a vision of Charlie and came up with…nothing. "No, I can't," I replied.

"That's because I didn't send him," she said cryptically. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Then where is he?" I asked. Maria grinned wickedly and pointed to a place in the yard just next to Phil's dying body.

My breath stopped in my throat and I quickly turned around so I wouldn't have to see the small pile of Charlie's ashes lying on my front lawn, slowly being carried away by the Wyoming wind.

"I told him he'd regret leaving," Maria spoke up from behind me, the hint of laughter in her voice making me cringe.

"So you killed him," I spat, still facing the half-opened front door. "That's two lives taken today…three, if you count Jasper."

"Charlie needed to be dealt with," she said coolly. I turned back around, my eyes flashing.

"_Dealt_ with?" I repeated.

"He's not an innocent little boy, as much as you'd like to think he is."

"_Was_."

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. He chose to change his fate. I did the same."

I glanced back out to the yard, thankful that what remained of Charlie had dissipated into the air. As the last remnants of his ashes swept past me, I was filled with the strangest sensation of peace. It was almost as if, from somewhere beyond my world, the man trapped forever in a little boy's body was reaching out to me, letting me know that everything was all right. _He wouldn't have survived with Maria,_ a voice within me spoke up, _and he wouldn't have been happy with you, living on animals and suppressing his gift_. I sighed, thankful that he had finally found some sort of peace.

Phil groaned loudly, bringing my attention back to his painfully squirming body.

"Even without Charlie, this one here will help us along just fine," Maria said casually. "That is, provided your vision holds true."

"It will," I insisted. "Now will you bring Jasper out of wherever it is you're hiding him?"

"Oh, look, there's Malachi." I gritted my teeth at her blatant changing of the subject but followed her as she walked off the porch, past Phil, and onto the driveway to meet the dark-haired man.

"You have the newborn?" Malachi asked.

"He's over there." Maria jerked her head behind her. He nodded and stalked past us, leaning down to sling the limp figure over his shoulder.

"I'll take him back then," he said. "Are the three of you coming?"

"Just one now," she answered. "I'll be there soon."

Malachi pondered this before nodding again, shifting Phil into a more comfortable position.

"Wait!" I cried just as he turned to leave. He stopped in his tracks. I stepped closer to him, feeling as if I had to say my goodbyes to the man whose life I had forever changed. He was struggling in Malachi's vice-like grip, giving off small painful cries every few seconds. I stretched out my hand to touch the side of his paling face and his clenched-shut eyes flew open, entirely blood red from the whites inward. My hand shot back of its own accord. Phil was rapidly on his way towards inhumanity, and it was all my fault.

"That man there is what will get yours back," Maria said as Malachi hurried away from the house, the last bit of Phil Crawley's mortality hanging against his back.

Jasper…my lungs stopped working at the thought of being reunited with him.

"So you _are_ going to follow through on your promise?" I asked incredulously. She hardly seemed the type to do so, especially after destroying Charlie without a moment's hesitation.

Maria laughed lowly. "I may be a vicious, evil, bloodthirsty tyrant, but I am _not_ a liar. I do exactly what I say I will. And I said I would leave the two of you alone. But…"

"But what?" I said quickly. Even with her little speech, I still wouldn't put it past the woman to back out at the last second.

Her voice became steely and fierce, and I struggled to remain standing strong next to her commanding presence.

"I just want you to remember this: he was once mine. Everywhere you have been, everywhere you will go, I have already conquered that. He is protective of you but he was _devoted_ to me. He was my willing slave, the same way you are to him. And we always know that the slave is the weaker of the two."

I bit back everything I wanted to say, that Jasper was not a piece of land to be 'conquered,' that neither of us was the stronger one in the relationship, that he might have been hers once but he was mine now and that was all that mattered…but I bit it back, letting her have her moment of glory. The sooner she was satisfied, the sooner I could have Jasper back.

"With that, Alice, I bid you goodbye." Maria gave a fluttering wave of her hand and stepped down the drive as if to leave.

"Christ, Maria, where is he?" I cried, my emotions getting the better of me.

She laughed horribly. "I'm sure you'll find him close by."

I narrowed my eyes. She smirked in response and stamped one pointed boot on the ground, drawing an X in the dust with her toe.

"I believe you'll find a shovel in the shed."


	25. Labour Still to Save His Life

I flew behind the house like a shot from a gun, my feet hardly touching the ground as I moved. I threw open the wooden door of the stable, ignoring Trouble's hungry whinnies, and grabbed the steel shovel from where it hung on a peg in the wall. By the time I ran back to Maria's dusty X, she had disappeared. _For her own good,_ I thought, _or else she'd have this shovel shoved right down her throat_.

I began digging like a madman, the dry dust giving way to rich topsoil underneath, dirt flying every which way as I continued. My inhuman speed and strength made it easy work, and I stopped after a few minutes when my shovel touched something hard only a few feet down into the earth. I crouched on the ground, digging furiously with dirt-caked hands to unearth whatever it is my spade had touched. I made certain it wasn't skin before I continued digging. It was the same dark brown color as the earth, hard and rough to the touch, and I had to get it about half uncovered before I realized what it was.

A coffin.

"Jasper!" I screamed, clawing at whatever my hands could reach, dirt or wood turning to pulpy masses between my palms. I scraped the last remnants of soil off the top of the coffin, mangling the lock Maria had placed there as a last resort, and throwing the lid open.

My first fear upon seeing Jasper was that Maria had succeeded, that he was lying dead in his coffin. His skin was thin and ashy, his darkly-shadowed eyes closed serenely, and he was cold enough that even I felt a chill when I touched him. _Please, Jazz, please don't leave me,_ I begged him silently. If he was gone, if I had gone through all this trouble only to have him-

"Alice…"

His voice was no louder than the wind and it still made me tremble. I leaned closer, taking his fragile face in between my hands.

"Jasper, speak to me," I pleaded. "Are you all right?"

His still-perfect lips moved, struggling to make sound. "Alice…blood…"

I jumped to my feet, looking around me for the animal that would bring my Jasper back to me. It would have to be large; he had been starved for so long, a great deal of blood would be needed. I concentrated hard, searching for what I would do and where I would find the beast…human, even, if I had to…and was startled to see what my mind told me I needed to do.

"I'll be right back, Jazz, I'll go get you…get you what you need." I stooped to press my lips to his forehead before running off to where I knew his resurrecting meal would be waiting.

Trouble stared at me with calm, dark eyes as I entered the stable, her gaze so trusting that I had to look away. Holding my breath, I opened her stall with shaking hands, fitted the bridle around her head, and led her out of the shed, trying not to look back as we walked to where Jasper lay still in the ground.

With gentle pressure, I forced Trouble to a kneeling position on the ground, arranging her so that her vein-filled neck was just above Jasper's mouth. I waited for him to reach up, to take the delicious-smelling bait, but he did nothing, just lay there too weak to move.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered to the horse. Just when I had been getting used to her…but no, I couldn't think about that right now. This was a hunt, just like any other hunt, but with a much greater outcome.

Closing my eyes tight, I dipped my head underneath Trouble's throat, snapping my razor-sharp teeth to a throbbing vein. The warm blood began pouring into my venom-filled throat and I pulled away. Keeping a strong hold around her struggling equine form, I positioned her so that the blood seeped out of the gaping wound I had made and dripped down to fall on Jasper's half-opened lips. A few seconds passed before Jasper sat up like a shot, and hooked his teeth into her soft flesh, his eyes fiercely hungry as he gulped each drop that emerged until the horse's corpse collapsed on top of him. I had to shut my eyes again to move it, opening them only when I knew what remained of Trouble was a few good feet away from us.

Jasper sat up in the coffin, his lips, chin, and shirtfront all stained a dark red. I ignored the mess and put my hands on the sides of his face, inspecting his every pore, making sure he was better.

"Are you all right?" I asked for the second time that day, my voice catching with emotion as I spoke.

"Alice…." Jasper replied in the same way he had before, only this time he followed it up with a kiss, crushing his blood-coated lips to my own. I tangled my hands in his long blond hair, half-choking under the force and emotion of our embrace. _He is fine, he is fine…_my heart, my brain, something other than my visions had told me he would be, but to have him back with me was the perfect confirmation of the fact. I could taste the life-giving blood on his mouth, a delicious flavor that was nothing compared to the tantalizing aroma of the man in my arms. He was here, strong and perfect and whole once again. _I _was whole once again.

I took his hands in mine as we parted. "Come on," I said, pulling him up, "get out of that thing."

Shakily, Jasper climbed out of the coffin and onto solid ground. "I'm still a little weak," he mumbled, leaning on me as we walked towards the house.

"I'll carry you inside if I have to," I offered, trying to sound bright. He smiled wanly and waited while I opened the door. "Go sit on the couch, I'll be right back."

He gave me a quizzical look but went inside, using the doorframe as a support. I shut the door behind him before hurrying back to the hole in the ground that had been his prison for the last two days, picking the coffin out of it and throwing it into the sky. I couldn't see where it landed, I threw it so far, but I could faintly hear the smashing crunch the wood made, and that was satisfying. The shovel was still nearby, and I dug the hole a little deeper before depositing Trouble's body in it and filling it back up with dirt.

"I'm so, so sorry," I said again to the dirt mound that was the animal's final resting place. As much as I hadn't liked her at first, as much as I wanted to attack her myself at times, she was still Jasper's pet and a part of our life together. I shook my head sadly. Never again would I have a pet, and I didn't need a vision to confirm that thought.

Setting my shoulders back, I walked back to the house, determined to forget all the horrible happenings of the past few days and focus only on my Jasper, making him well, and savoring the time we had together now which, hopefully, was the rest of eternity. I opened and shut the door silently, tiptoeing into the house with a dancer-light step.

Jasper was lying stretched out on the sofa, his too-long legs making his feet dangle over the edge, one arm slung over his eyes to block out the sunlight streaming in from the half-curtained windows. He had gained back his proper pale color; the yellowish tint had left his skin completely and he looked much healthier as a result. The dark circles under his eyes had almost faded away – one more hunt would clear them entirely. I sat on top of the coffee table, drawing my knees in and tucking them under my chin to watch him more carefully. He looked so peaceful and handsome, I felt blessed to even draw in the same unnecessary air as him. His hand shifted as he moved, and the thick gold band around his left ring finger caught the sun, glimmering. My mind settled as it shone brightly, and I knew somehow that everything would be all right. Jasper's eyes locking with mine confirmed that thought, his beautiful, glowing, amber-colored eyes pouring into my very soul, repeating every single thing I knew without having to utter a single word.

"I…I don't know what to say."

Jasper broke our shared silence. I reached out for his hand, and he gratefully met it.

"You said something like that when we first met," I replied with a soft smile, "and look at us now."

"You saved my life then too," he added.

I shrugged. "I suppose, in a different sort of way."

Jasper gave a funny, caustic sort of laugh. "I don't want you to have to save me all the time. That's what I'm supposed to be doing, isn't it? Protecting you, keeping you safe."

I shook my head, dropping to my knees on the ground so that my face was level with his on the sofa. "Is that some sort of gallant, Southern-gentleman, misogynistic twaddle you've dreamt up? Because as far as I know, a relationship is supposed to be two sides working together, each one saving the other, two halves of a whole."

"Two halves of a whole," he repeated. "I like that. As if I'm not…no, I _am not_ complete without you."

He pressed my hand to his mouth, and I closed my eyes to savor the feeling of his velveteen lips gliding over my knuckles.

"You are everything I am, Alice," he murmured against my hand. "Everything that is good in me is because of you. You…you are the angel sitting on my shoulder."

"Does that make Maria the devil?" I couldn't help throwing in a mischievous grin.

"Very much so," he replied, smiling slightly. "When Marlene's little boy was…I knew, deep down, that it was her. No one else would do something so heinous, unless they were a newborn, and who was around to create one except us?"

I didn't answer, only sat back to listen to his beautiful bass as he continued.

"And then she came with that pathetic excuse for an army, and I was so surprised that I could hardly fight back. I tried, really, but José and Daniel…they're not newborns, they knew what it was about. They had me, and I knew that meant that they had you too, so I went along with everything they said, hoping it would ensure your safety – it did, didn't it? They didn't hurt you?"

I shook my head. "No, love, I'm fine."

"Listen to me jabber on while you might be sitting here hurt," he scoffed.

"Jazz, really, _I'm fine_," I insisted. "All that matters is that we're here now, together."

"Together." He sighed. "That's why I did everything, you know. So that there might be a chance we would stay together, even if she made us fight."

"That's what she promised me, remember? If I came willingly, we could still speak to each other," I reminded him and made a face at Maria's ridiculous demands.

Jasper laughed, a glorious sound. "As if speaking to each other would ever only suffice." He reached out to push a lock of hair behind my ear, his fingertips lingering on my cheek, drawing invisible swirls and patterns near my ear and along my cheekbone.

"I was almost willing to go along with her orders, if it would keep me close to you," I managed to whisper through the breathlessness his motions were causing.

"But you saw how that would have ended up," he said. I nodded, barely moving my head so that I wouldn't disturb his fingers.

"That vision is what saved us," I said proudly. "I told Maria that whatever she did, she would lose us. And then…"

"And then?"

I took a deep breath of air. "And then she told me to come up with a vision to get her back her land or she'd take you away. I had no idea where you were or if you were safe, I had to do it."

His hand stalled on my face. "I couldn't have left you, you must know that."

"I know," I replied, "but I didn't know where Maria was hiding you. Charlie was blocking my visions and she wouldn't tell until I gave her what she wanted…my servitude and my imminent death or a vision that would give her back her power."

"And I assume you had that vision?"

I nodded, saying nothing.

"Alice." His voice was soft and encouraging as his hand moved to cup my chin, drawing my face up, our eyes locking. "Tell me."

It wasn't a command, but a request, one I could comply to with his support helping me.

"I saw someone who would help her, a man who would have a gift," I began.

"That man is…?"

"That man _was_ Phil Crawley," I answered, a trifle bitterly.

Jasper stayed silent, reaching out with both hands to scoop me up and lay me on top of him, cradling my body to his chest. I refrained from putting all my weight on him, still fearful of his weak state. We lay quietly for a few minutes…or maybe hours…my mind flying a thousand different directions. Was I right in what I did? Had I ruined Phil Crawley's life? Would he hate me forever? Would he even remember me, remember his human life in the way I could not? Jasper allowed me to think it out for a while, have my moment of endless unanswerable questioning before utter calm came to take its place via his gift.

"You did nothing wrong," he said into my ear, his breath tickling me. "You only aided along exactly what you saw would happen in the future. I'm sure if you took the time to try seeing it a different way Phil would be there too. It was his destiny – isn't that what you deal in, Alice? Destiny?"

"Destiny can be changed," I retorted. "I've seen it happen."

He shook his head underneath me. "No matter how I tried to change it, no matter what I did or did not do, you were always – _always_ my destiny, Alice. There was never anyone else. There will never _be_ anyone else. I'm sure you can see that, my beautiful little guilt-ridden fortune-teller."

I looked up to see him smiling slightly. His long fingers ran from my temple and down my face, moving to the corner of my lip as it pricked up into my own smile. I kissed his fingertips, closing my eyes as he ran them, feather-light, over my face and neck, skimming down my arms to feel every curve of my body.

"Are you still very weak?" I asked softly as he moved along my leg. Jasper laughed.

"Not that weak." His voice was husky, full of unspoken desire, a feeling I gladly reciprocated. I pressed my weight against him and tucked my head under his chin to breathe his scent in deeply. Hand began inching my skirt up my thigh, slowly rucking it around my waist and I responded by planting small kisses against his neck, moving downward as I unbuttoned his shirt. I paused in my movements when his fingers traced along the waistband of my underwear, slipping inside with one deft motion.

"Jazz," I gasped as a tremor of pleasure came through me.

"God, I missed you," Jasper whispered into my ear, his lips teasing my lobe. I rocked against his hand, his fingers feeling miles long, little moans erupting from my lips against his chest until he had pulled me right to my peak.

I felt him growing hard against my thigh as he worked, my own satisfaction turning him on. I moved out of the range of his hands, feeling empty as I slipped away, and swiftly unbuttoned his dirt-caked trousers. Clothes were quickly disposed of with a few random pieces staying in our haste; my skirt was still in place, and Jasper's shirt was on but unbuttoned, exposing his milky and scarred chest. I bent down, marking the now-familiar spots with my lips, and stopped when I reached one long, angry red stripe above his right shoulder. I gave him a quizzical stare.

"Roberta thought it would be funny to try and bite my arm off," he said quietly. I sighed and leaned down to press my forehead to his.

"I'm so sorry, my love," I whispered against his mouth. "There's nothing I can do to repair the pain I've caused you."

He tilted his face to kiss me passionately, his tongue tracing the contours of mine. I responded eagerly, but he broke away after a few moments.

"Any pain I felt in the past is only from being away from you," he murmured. "And you ease that pain just by being here with me. Just by…"

I felt him stopping just short of my entrance, teasing lightly and making me shiver. I laughed low in my throat and moved to straddle him, easing myself down onto his member, thrilling in the fact that I was the one making him groan like that. _I_ was the one he was thrusting up to meet. _I_ was the one who had her name called out in velvet-soft, honey-sweet tones.

Jasper reached his left hand up to cup my breast, rolling my nipple in his elegant fingers so that I arched my back and pressed further onto him, striking that perfect spot that made me quiver uncontrollably. His other hand was laced with my own, his fingers absent-mindedly tracing circles even as we were in the throes of our passion. I looked down into his beautiful eyes, topaz gaze meeting topaz gaze, locking and seeing every answer to any question there. There was no need for questions with Jasper, everything just _was_. It was only him and me, world without end.

I wrenched my eyes away from his, shutting them tight as I finished, still continuing my up-and-down movements until, gasping my name, he came. We rearranged our tangle of limbs on the newly-christened sofa until I was underneath his heavenly body. Inching his lips through the valley between my breasts, Jasper laid his head on my stomach, his breath cooling down my almost-heated body. I rested one hand on his cheek, threading the other through his silky hair.

It was bliss to lie with him like this again. It had been so long since we had made love that it had almost felt like the first time, and I was content to remain on this couch for the next three days just as we had stayed in bed after our arrival in Ten Sleep. Jasper looked up at me, making me melt into his beautiful gaze.

"What is it?" he asked with a soft smile.

"Your eyes," I murmured as my thumb traced around his left one, brushing across his lavender lid as he closed it.

"What about my eyes?" His lips skimmed my wrist as he spoke.

"They've turned," I said with a smile. He chuckled against my skin.

"So you're not going to miss my ruby eyes?" he asked.

I pursed my lips in thought. "Maybe a little, just because those were the eyes you had when I first met you…but these," I tapped my finger near his temple, "these show me what a wonderful man I have."

Jasper shook his head, stopping to kiss the soft skin of my stomach. "No, these show how much I want to be with you. How I'm willing to give up everything I've ever known just for you, my love. My angel. My Alice."

He moved his body upward to curl against my side, laying his head on my chest and looking up at me with those beautiful golden eyes.

"I love you," he whispered, lacing his hand in mine and bringing it up to his mouth to kiss each finger.

I smiled, entirely content.

"That might be enough."


	26. Mine Eye is in my Mind

I found it quite easy to be incandescently happy now that Jasper was back. We hunted almost every day for two weeks, trying to gain Jasper his strength back. He was soon as hale and hearty as before, but his time without drinking had made him all the more susceptible to scents and tastes, and I knew that any journey into town would be too hard on him.

Even so, we were content to stay in the house, talking or reading or making love in whatever place took our fancy – save the bed, which I still felt the urge to burn and did the same day we ordered a new one from the Sears Roebuck, a beautiful four-poster mahogany affair. It arrived a month later, just a week before Christmas, and we spent a great deal of time there too.

It hadn't taken any time for me to find a gift for Jasper, thanks to my visions. I had already seen – and ordered – a handsome new leather-bound set of encyclopedias and a top-of-the-line typewriter. As tidy as Jasper's handwriting was, his haste while writing often left the page spotted with ink. And while my shopping was done quickly, I still had yet to see a definitive gift from Jasper appearing in my visions. Sure, there had been many options flickering through his head and mine, but nothing was absolute. It was almost annoying, especially when he hadn't chosen anything by the twenty-third and was still rapidly flipping through his choices.

"You're giving me a headache!" I called out to him in the study that morning from my place where I sat listening to the radio in the living room. Jasper poked his blond head out of the door, looking mischievous.

"If you weren't meddling and trying to peek, then you wouldn't have a headache," he chastised. I hopped up from the sofa, skipping to his side and wrapping my arms around his waist.

"If you'd only come out and make a decision, my love, then I wouldn't have to peek," I retorted with a peck on his cheek.

He laughed. "Maybe I've already got your gift and I'm just trying to hide it from you."

"You wouldn't!" I cried, stepping back to place my hands on my hips, making him laugh again.

"No, I wouldn't," he replied. "But I think I'm going to go into town today to pick up something nice. The stores should be open until five or so."

"Town?" I repeated warily. He hadn't been into town in months, not since he had been so blood starved. Could he handle being around humans again?

"I'll be fine," he assured me, sensing my fear. "I'm not going around here; I think I'll go to Worland."

A vision of the picturesque town popped into my head. I opened my mouth to speak, but he cut me off with a kiss, sliding his tongue in saucily for a brief moment before pulling away.

"Besides, you like my yellowy eyes too much," he teased, darting back in for one more quick kiss.

"True," I replied, "but I still worry about you, yellowy eyes and all."

"Tell me, do you see me coming home with red eyes?" he asked quietly. I scanned my mind, seeing Jasper enter a few unremarkable stores in Worland before returning home to me, his irises still a heavenly butterscotch hue.

"No," I admitted, shaking my head.

He smiled proudly. "Well, then, I suppose I'll be off."

I crushed myself to his chest one last time, and he buried his face in my hair, taking a deep breath. Even now…or maybe especially now…I hated to see him leave.

"What are you so worried about?" he asked against my scalp.

"I don't want to lose you again," I said quietly.

"You _know_ you're not going to lose me, my fortune-teller," he insisted, using his new pet-name for me. "I won't be gone long. And I won't take a single breath of air while I'm there."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

I tilted my face up while he moved his down, our lips meeting in between. I used that kiss to comfort me as I went about the day, keeping an eye on Jasper as he traveled to the human-filled town. He was true to his word, yet my heart broke to watch him walk the streets, his lungs stopped up and his eyes never leaving his feet. I tried hard to spy on whatever it was he was buying for me but gave up after he left the fifth store empty-handed, likely on purpose to deter me from peeking.

To keep my mind away from his gift-hunt, I did three loads of laundry and put them through the tumble dryer, taking my time folding them while listening to _Fibber McGee and Molly_ on the radio.

After the clothes had all been put away, I cheated and excitedly glimpsed Jasper leaving a nondescript glass-fronted store, holding a red gift bag. Knowing it would still be at least a half hour before Jasper came home, I tried to settle my nerves by listening to the next program, _Our Miss Brooks_. The show was almost done, and I was growing more interested in Jasper's idea of buying a television, when my gaze became dull and unfocused, my mind traveling elsewhere.

_Carlisle was looking rather comfortable on the sofa, his beautiful blond head resting in his wife's comfortable lap as he thumbed through an outdated medical journal that had been lying around the house. Esme's knitting needles flashed like lightning above his head, whatever amalgamation of yarn she was fashioning growing longer by the second. He picked up the edge of the bright pink concoction, staring as if it were a specimen he had placed under a microscope._

"_It's a scarf, dear," Esme said quietly, never looking down from her work. _

"_A scarf, of course." Carlisle let the pink thing drop back down behind his head._

"_I was thinking of donating some to the church," Esme announced, somehow still managing to sound modest. Carlisle lifted his head just enough to kiss her cheek before laying back down._

"_That sounds like my Esme," he said fondly. She smiled a sweet smile and finished the pink scarf, folding it gently before picking up a green ball of yarn and starting a new one. Carlisle returned to his journal, losing himself in an article about chicken pox._

"_Did you speak with the realtor?" Esme asked as she worked. Carlisle dropped his article to his chest._

"_Yes, she said the house won't be ready for at least another week," he replied. "Do you mind spending more time here?"_

_Esme shook her head. "Not at all. I was going to go antiquing with Kate tomorrow."_

"_Is Rosalie going to join you?" he asked._

"_No," she answered, "you know Rosalie. Only interested in shopping if it's for her."_

_Carlisle chuckled. "Then take your time with Kate. 'Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,' because you won't get another shopping companion for a while."_

_Esme stopped in her knitting just long enough to hit her husband's shoulder good-naturedly._

"_Ouch," he said with a wince, clutching his arm. She laughed and leaned down to kiss him._

"_I'm sorry, darling," she apologized._

"_Forgiven," he retorted._

"_You know, since we've been here, I've been thinking," she said softly._

"_About what?"_

"_About the same thing you've been thinking, enlarging our number."_

_Carlisle sat up, taking her hand in his. "And do you think it's a good idea?"_

_Esme bit her lip. "I just want our son to be happy. Yes, I'd love another daughter, but she needs to be right for him…perhaps we should let him make the choice?"_

_He nodded. "That sounds about right. Unfortunately, if Tanya has her way, he won't have a choice."_

"_Don't be silly," she insisted, kissing his cheek._

"_You two are looking very happy."_

_A tall, unfamiliar man with long black hair and a breathtaking face came into the room._

"_Eleazar," Carlisle greeted._

"_Comfortable in our humble abode?" Eleazar asked, gesturing around to the magnificence of the house, certainly not a 'humble abode.'_

"_We always are," Esme replied. "You're so kind to us."_

"_Denali always feels like a home-away-from-home," Carlisle added._

"_Please, keep treating it as such," the man requested. "It's nice to finally have some male companionship."_

"_And Esme was just saying how much she enjoys your womenfolk," Carlisle teased._

"_Really, Carlisle," Esme said embarrassedly. "Eleazar, you know you have a special place in my heart as well."_

"_As always, Esme, as always," Eleazar replied, placing one long white hand over his deadened heart._

"_Won't you join us?" she invited, gesturing to one of the comfortable-looking chairs._

_Eleazar shook his head, making him look like a nimbus of jet hair. "I'm afraid I can't, I'm taking Carmen into the park."_

"_Ah," Carlisle said with a nod. "Have your fun then."_

"_Who's having fun?" Emmett asked, bounding into the room with Rosalie slung across his back. She slipped daintily down to the floor, sitting on the second couch and pulling Emmett down beside her._

"_Eleazar and Carmen are going out to the park," Esme explained. "And I need you to help move one of the trees that fell during last night's storm." She nodded out the large window to where a massive fallen oak lay across the back yard. Emmett's eyes lit up._

"_Can I play with it for a while?" His voice was thrumming with excitement that threatened to blow over when Carlisle nodded._

"_Be careful, Em," Rosalie called as he raced out the back door. "Don't let it hit the house like in Hoquiam."_

"_I won't!" Emmett shouted back._

"_All it takes is a tree to please that boy," Esme said with a smile. They watched Emmett swinging the tree around for a while, laughing as he bench-pressed the enormous trunk. Their laughter was promptly cut off when a very angry-looking Edward came striding into the room, stopping just in front of Carlisle and Esme._

"_Did you put her up to this?" he asked through clenched teeth, his dark eyes blazing with fury._

"_You know we didn't," Carlisle replied as he rose to his feet and put a calming hand on his son's shoulder._

"_I think I'll go see how Emmett is," Rosalie said coolly, standing and walking towards the back door._

"_I will go with you," Eleazar offered, shutting the door behind them._

"_Edward, please calm down," Esme pleaded._

"_How can I calm down when everyone thinks they're helping me by trying to force the two of us together?" he cried, dropping to the couch next to Esme._

"_No one is forcing you," Carlisle replied. "If you just took a moment to think, you'd see this is something _she_ is trying to do, not us."_

"_I want to leave," Edward said angrily. "Now."_

"_The house won't be ready for a week," Esme said, placing a hand on his. "Do you think you can make it until then?" Edward sighed huffily._

"_I'll try."_

I sat straight up on the sofa once my mind cleared.

Denali! I finally had another destination! Leaving the radio playing, I hurried to the study, reaching for the massive atlas Jasper had lying on his desk, searching the index until…

Alaska! Freezing, cold, barren, _wonderful_ Alaska! I couldn't help myself, I danced around the study, skipping through the living room and into bedroom, throwing open the closet and pulling out clothes. We'd only take enough to get us by for a few days and come back for the rest once we were with the Cullens.

My mind began racing. A family, a real family…everything I had been waiting for for months was just at my fingertips. We would be Cullens, part of a loving whole. If Jasper were here celebrating with me, everything would be just about perfect. I glanced at the clock, and furrowed my brow. He had left Worland more than an hour ago, he should have been home by now.

I ran to the front of the house, peeking out the curtains at the wintery sunset. Jasper and the Buick were nowhere to be seen. I gulped nervously, sitting down on the sofa to focus.

_Jasper's mouth locked onto the neck of an unsuspecting human._

_Jasper leaning over the steering wheel of the Buick, the mangled metal of the car wrapped around a tree._

_Ashes floating by, the only remains of what Jasper had been._

But, no, those weren't visions, just my mind overreacting. They _couldn't_ be visions. I tried to concentrate and see what was really happening just as the sound of an approaching car met my ears. I flew back to the curtains to see my blue car pulling into the drive, Jasper behind the wheel. I threw open the door, bounding to the driver's side and opening that just as fast. Jasper looked up at me with unnaturally bright eyes, his gaze telling me that he had just hunted.

"So that's where you've been," I said, taking his chin in my hand.

"I'm sorry I didn't call," he apologized quietly. "I thought you would see."

"I was trying not to peek," I explained as he got out of the car, the little red bag from my vision in his right hand. I took the other one and pulled him along. "Come on, let's go inside."

We walked hand-in-hand into the house, Jasper promptly collapsing onto the couch, looking undeniably weary. I sat next to him, smoothing his hair back from his face with my hand.

"Did something go wrong while you were shopping?" I asked nervously.

He shook his head. "No, nothing went wrong. It was just…hard. I didn't think it was going to be that difficult, but being around all that blood…I had to hunt as soon as I got back to clear my mind."

I sat up to kiss his forehead, letting my lips linger there. "You didn't do anything, though. You were strong and brave and I love you for that."

My heart was at ease now that he was back again, having refrained from our greatest fear and biggest temptation. My brain was going a thousand miles a minute, planning on how to tell him about the Cullens, on how to travel to Denali, on how to introduce myself to this wonderful, breathtaking, mind-encompassing family.

"You're just a jumble of feeling now, aren't you?" Jasper said, a hint of a smile in his voice. I tilted my face down, pressing my forehead to his and smiling widely. His happiness rubbed off so easily, however slight and even without his gift.

"I have something to tell you," I said excitedly. Jasper nodded thoughtfully, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me to sit in his lap.

"Go ahead, then," he prodded. "I can tell you're fit to burst."

A sense of peace settled over me with his words though a small vein of exhilaration still ran underneath it.

"I had another vision," I announced with pride in my voice.

"About these Cullens of yours?" he asked. I nodded.

"They're in Alaska. Denali, Alaska," I clarified.

"And you want to go," he guessed. Once again, I nodded, and he sighed in response.

I took his face in between my hands. "Are you still having a problem with me wanting to join them?"

"_No_," he insisted. "I have no problem with what you want. _Whatever_ you want, Alice, I will get it for you. And if it's the Cullens you want, then it's the Cullens you shall get. I…I just want to make sure that I'm first. It might sound selfish and childish, but – "

I stopped him with a hand to his lips.

"Jazz," I said so soft it was almost a whisper, "my heart is not breaking being apart from that family. If you were to leave me, it most surely would."

"I only want what's best for you," he said softly.

"What's best for me is you," I replied. "Even if being with this family is like heaven on earth, I would choose you over them if it came down to that."

In one quick movement, Jasper crushed his lips to mine, his hands around the back of my neck holding me close to him. I ran my fingers over his chest and shoulders, forever savoring the feeling of him in my arms.

"What did I do to deserve you?" he whispered against my mouth, and I smiled.

"I could say the very same thing."

He laughed and pulled away, keeping one hand against my cheek. "So, when do we leave for Denali?"

I squealed and hugged him tightly. Really, I couldn't imagine doing _anything _so good that would bless me with such a wonderful, giving, perfect man as my Jasper.

"I could go pack now," I offered, jumping to my feet.

"Go on then," Jasper said with a grin, smacking my rear teasingly. I gave him a mock-glare before hurrying off to the bedroom, tossing our necessities into the open luggage waiting on the bed.

"Alice?" Jasper shouted at me from the living room.

"Yes?" I shouted back, staring at my shoe collection and wondering whether I would need heels in Alaska.

"What about Christmas?"

I could have slapped myself, I was being so stupid. How does a person forget Christmas?

"We can exchange gifts before we go," I called out as I grabbed my red heels. _Better to be safe and good-looking than sorry_.

"Then I'd better go wrap mine," Jasper countered loudly. I started to shout back an affirmative when his immediate future sprung into my mind, fully-formed.

_Jasper was hunched over his desk, fussing with a scrap of wrapping paper that didn't seem to fit around the small jewelry box he was holding. Exasperated, Jasper threw the wrapping paper aside and cracked open the box to reveal an exquisite engagement ring_.

I gasped as I came to, knowing that this vision had to be true. A ring? That was what Jasper had so secretly guarded? And now the surprise was ruined, poor thing…but my mind was too busy silently screaming for that to bother me. A ring, an _engagement_ ring! A real one, so much nicer than the little gold band he had given me, given _Josie_. So that's what he wanted…to marry me. Me. Silly little Alice, somebody's wife. I wanted to shout to the heavens that I was loved and wanted and would soon be Mrs. Jasper Whitlock. Forgetting the half-packed suitcases, I danced from the bedroom to knock on the closed study door.

"Don't come in!" Jasper shouted from within. I heard him unlock the door and he cracked it the tiniest bit, shoving his head outside so that I wouldn't see whatever he was hiding. I grinned. He still didn't know that I knew!

"Can I help you with something?" he asked casually, as if whatever he was hiding was some everyday gift. I shimmied with excitement, wondering just how I could tell him I had seen it.

"Alice, calm down, will you?" he requested, and with his help, I soon grew still enough to speak.

"_Yes_."


	27. My Hand is Ready

"_Yes_."

It almost broke my heart to watch Jasper's face fall unhappily. He opened the door dejectedly, looking upset and just a trifle mad.

"You little sneak!" he cried. "I told you no peeking!"

"I couldn't help it, it just came!" I insisted. He rolled his eyes.

"Sure, 'just came,' you silly fortune-teller." Jasper shook his head, a tiny hint of a smile playing at the corner of his mouth. "What a horrible way for this to happen."

"Horrible?" I repeated, confused.

"I had plans on how to go about this, Alice!" he cried. "I was going to get down on one knee, the whole bit. I even had a speech prepared!"

I grinned and tried very hard not to tackle him and cover his face with kisses. "Well, go ahead then. Say it."

"I…I can't remember a single word." Jasper grinned sheepishly, and this time I _did_ tackle him, keeping my kisses to one planted firmly on his mouth.

"It doesn't matter," I said once I drew away for air. "None of the pomp and circumstance matters."

"Oh, but it does," he insisted. "I wanted to do the right thing, to properly ask for your hand and everything. Hell, if there was a man I could go and ask, I would."

I laughed at his still-remaining Southern-bred sense of chivalry and decorum, kept strong even through all the battles and blood hunts of Maria's army.

"I think you're the only man who would know me well enough to make that choice on my behalf," I said, kissing his cheek. "Now, can I see it?"

Jasper laughed deeply. "You're like an impatient child."

"Yes, and I won't be calm until you let me see my ring." I was almost hopping up and down by this point.

"Fine, fine." He opened the door wide to allow me to enter. I walked in, my eyes darting to the desk where I had last seen the pretty velvet box in my mind, but the surface was confusingly clear. Jasper stepped beside me, reaching to the top shelf of the bookcase, a shelf I would have been unable to reach without getting the stepladder from the stables, and pulled the small box from its hiding spot there.

"Here," he said simply, holding the box out on the palm of his hand, still closed. "No use trying the high-faluting speech I can't remember now."

"Oh, but I like the high-faluting," I insisted as I took the box, cracking it open.

My ring lay nestled on a bed of blue velvet, far more beautiful than I had seen in my quick glimpse of it before. One large, perfect, colorless diamond sat on the thick gold band, framed by two smaller diamonds of the same quality. I reached out one finger to stroke the shining jewels as Jasper, standing pressed behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist.

"What do you think?" he whispered into my ear. I spun around in his arms so we were face to face.

"It's better than anything I could imagine," I replied. Jasper chuckled softly as he reached for the jewelry box and stepped back. Plucking the ring from it, he put the box back on the desk and reached for my left hand. I could almost feel my heart trying to skip a beat.

"Alice, if the Cullens are the family that fate has chosen for you," he said in a voice nearly cracking with emotion, running his thumb over my bare knuckles, "can I be the family you choose for yourself?"

He glanced up at me with loving eyes. I nodded, biting my lip to keep from exploding as he slipped the ring onto my hand. I stared pleasingly at its shining form, moving it this way and that to catch the light from the lamps. It really was the most perfect ring I had ever seen, given to me by the most perfect man I would ever meet.

"You're pleased, then?" Jasper asked, breaking into my romantic musings with his deep voice.

"More than pleased," I answered, kissing him quickly. "I'm…_ecstatic_ that you chose me."

"Well, the other options were slim pickings anyway," he teased, trying to sound casual and laughing loudly as I glared.

"Don't even joke like that, Jasper Whitlock," I scolded.

"You know there's no one else for me but you," he insisted. "I wouldn't have anyone else. You are the one I want for my wife."

_My wife_.

The words echoed through my body, surrounding my still heart in a blaze of love. I pressed myself against Jasper. "You know my gifts will pale in comparison to this," I murmured into his chest.

Jasper laughed. "I feel like mine pales just next to the promise that you'll have me."

I grinned and kissed his cheek. "Wait here, I'll get what I've gotten you." I ran into the bedroom, reaching to the back of the deep armoire for the two wrapped boxes that contained his presents. Tucking one of the heavy parcels under each arm, I hurried back to the study, placing them on the desk (and surreptitiously watching my left hand glimmer as I did so).

"Go ahead, open them," I prompted him. Jasper unwrapped the both of them in the blink of an eye, all Southern-bred etiquette gone in one child-like moment. Once the two treasures, his set of encyclopedias and new typewriter, lay before him, Jasper stretched out one lily-white hand to stroke his presents with the same reverence I had given to my ring.

"Do you like them?" I asked nervously.

"Very much," he replied, pulling me close to him with one arm and kissing the top of my head. "I've been needing the both of them, and of course you bought the nicest on the market."

"They're no diamond ring, but they'll do," I said with a smile, making him grin as well.

"Well, now that our early Christmas is over, shall we be off?" he asked, rubbing his hands together. I jumped up to kiss his cheek.

"Yes, please," I said excitedly. "I packed us a few things to take, just until we get everything settled. We'll come back for the rest."

Jasper nodded in agreement, and we were on our way. The sun would have been setting had it not been obscured by thick snow-bearing clouds, and we drove head-first into the flurries on our way north. Jasper was behind the wheel, leaving me to my mind, bouncing back and forth between real visions of the Cullens and my imaginings of what life would be like now.

Would we be a part of their family, just like that? Would we all get along? The same worries I had the last time we had tried to chase this family down resurfaced. What would they think, a strange duo such as us just appearing on their doorstep? And would they accept both me and Jasper? We were a team, a complete package. If they didn't like him…or me…we would be certain to leave. Destiny or not, it was all or nothing with us, especially now that we were engaged. I looked down at the pretty diamonds, smiling slightly. _Engaged_. No matter what happened from now on, I had Jasper at my side. If this was all a mistake and this whole family idea was a complete and utter bust, then he would be there to break my fall, just as I would be there for him.

"Pride is a sin, Alice."

I reluctantly dragged my eyes away from my ring to face Jasper, staring at me with a smile.

"I'm not proud of a silly diamond," I insisted, "only of the man who gave it to me."

Jasper said nothing. He knew the ring was perfect, the perfect touch at the perfect time, and that knowledge was obviously reflected in the self-satisfied smile that remained on his face as he drove.

"You seem much more eager to be on our way," I noted as he turned onto the highway that would take us out of Wyoming.

"It's easier now that you're wearing my ring," he confessed, staring straight ahead at the white road. "I know that you'll be mine, Cullens or no Cullens."

"As if you needed a ring to tell you that," I retorted with a mile-wide smile.

"If it makes you happy, then I am, too," he added. "You know that this family is your future, and since you are mine, then they must be too. And maybe it'll work out."

"It _will_ work out," I insisted. "We'll fit like a glove, I can just feel it. They need the two of us just as much as we need them."

"I trust you, my fortune-teller," he replied, his deep voice tinged with laughter.

The final piece seemed to be in place now that Jasper was more excited about what was to come. I could hardly stay still in my seat as we traveled along, stopping to fill the tank up every few hours when the sky became darkened with clouds and zipping along through the sunnier parts of the highway so our tinted windows wouldn't fail us. Most of the time, I was happy to sit at Jasper's side, feeling his hand in mine and speaking without any words needing to be said. Other times, my excitement bubbled over, and I became a hyperactive chatterbox that Jasper surprisingly found endearing.

"They play at being a family, so we'll likely have to do that too, though we've already been the O'Briens, so it shouldn't be too hard," I jabbered on, much to Jasper's delight. "Carlisle and Esme are married – he's the doctor – and Esme seems so kind, I know you'll get along. Rosalie and Emmett are married, too, and Edward is being unwillingly courted by a girl in Denali."

"We can bond then, him with this girl and me with Maria," Jasper teased.

"Don't even talk about that vile woman," I ordered. It was bad enough trying not to think about the horrible things she had done to us and so many others, I didn't want to throw mentioning her name into the bargain.

"Won't they want to know where we come from?" he asked. "How can I possibly tell that tale without mentioning her?"

I bit my lip, staring dejectedly out the window. The sun was rising for the second time on our car trip. Christmas day, a time of new birth, of new beginnings. The perfect time for our journey to a brand-new family.

"Fine," I muttered. "But don't you dare let on about you and her…"

Jasper laughed. "Alice, I wouldn't want a single soul to think I was ever devoted to anyone but you."

His hand slid easily back into mine, settling my nerves with just his touch.

"Besides," he said in a light tone, obviously trying to get my mind to another subject, "they'll have no doubt as to who you belong to when they see that ring."

I laughed, just a little. "_Now_ who's being prideful?" I teased, leaning across the seat to kiss his cheek despite his sin and staying curled against him as he drove.

"It makes you happy," he said modestly, and I fell a little more in love with him.

"Yes," I replied. "And the best part is that now we get to plan a wedding."

"Oh, dear, what have I gotten myself into?"

I tilted my head to nip at his shoulder, but he only laughed.

"If that was supposed to be punishment, my dear, you're going to have to try harder," he chastised. "That was more pleasure than pain."

"I'll show you pain," I promised and set my lips just to the point where his jaw, ear, and neck met, his most sensitive spot, kissing and nibbling there while letting my hand skim lightly over his thigh. After a few moments of torture, Jasper wrenched away, gently pushing me back to my side of the car.

"I'm going to get us into a wreck, and then where would we be?" he managed to mutter, his hands gripping the wheel so tight that I couldn't help but giggle. "You think it's funny?" he asked with a slight grin.

"I think the stoic, gentlemanly Major Whitlock getting so flustered is funny, yes," I replied cheekily.

Jasper shot me a mischievous look. "Just you wait, Alice, just you wait."

And I did wait, for a split second before I was overcome with a torrent of mind-blowing, gut-wrenching, carnal pleasure that had me filling the car with moans so loud the people driving next to us sped up to see what was going on.

"Now is it funny?" I felt Jasper's breath tickle my ear.

"Oh, God, Jazz, don't stop," I pleaded, clutching my hands to the edge of the seat. I could see the occupants of the car next to us watching, a group of teenage boys, and I hardly cared. Just as sudden as my ecstasy had been brought on, it was taken away, and Jasper returned to driving as normal, leaving me slumped breathless on the seat and the car full of boys thoroughly disappointed.

"We're even," I sputtered as he sped up, passing the car easily.

Nothing half as exciting happened for the rest of the trip until we began the last leg of our journey. After passing through Delta Junction in the white-blanketed Alaskan wilderness and giving Jasper a detailed list of who was _not _invited to our nuptials, my mind sprang to attention, alerting me of something looming on the horizon.

_All the Cullens, save Edward, were clustered in the same living room in Denali, the door behind them framed by stacks of luggage. Emmett picked up the bags, one stack in each hand, looking rather like a circus performer as he balanced them._

"_Show-off," Rosalie muttered. Emmett laughed and kissed her temple._

"_Don't dawdle, take them to the cars," Esme ordered._

"_Right away, Mother," Emmett answered in a sing-song fashion, rushing out the door with the luggage still precariously balanced. As he did, a group of four people came into the room, Eleazar among them. The women were unfamiliar, one with beautiful titian hair and the others sharing the same shock of dark hair, looking as though they could be sisters._

"_Are you quite sure you're leaving so quickly?" one of the dark-haired women asked, coming to touch Carlisle on the arm._

"_Perhaps it's best, Kate" Esme answered, surreptitiously sliding closer to her husband's side. "Edward's insisting we leave, and I know you don't want Tanya doing anything drastic."_

"_She's being over-dramatic," the other dark woman said flippantly. "She's not going to Volterra over a man."_

"_I'm sure your staying here won't drive her to destruction," the redheaded woman standing next to Eleazar remarked, her voice tinted with an accent from some faraway country._

"_I'm afraid this is where we must respect our son's wishes," Carlisle said apologetically._

"_Edward wanted to say goodbye, but he didn't want to chance running into Tanya," Esme added. "He thinks her thoughts are getting to be too much."_

"_Little coward," Rosalie murmured with a smirk, quieting under Esme's reproachful stare._

"_It's nearly six, we ought to be going," Carlisle announced. "The sun's almost down."_

"_Please promise you'll return soon," Eleazar said._

"_We will," Esme offered. "Denali is like a second home to us."_

"_We thank you for your hospitality," Carlisle said, offering his hand to Kate._

"_You are always welcome," she replied. "Merry Christmas."_

_Hands were shaken and hugs exchanged before the three remaining Cullens left the house._

My heart sunk low as I realized what I had seen. They were leaving. Again. I glanced down at the car's clock and grew even more upset. The _5:23_ showing there meant that we would never make it to Denali in time. We wouldn't even be there by eight o'clock. I could feel the disappointment and anger welling up inside of me.

"Alice? What did you see?"

Only when Jasper placed both his hands on my shoulders, turning me to him, did I realize that he had pulled the car onto the snow-covered shoulder.

"I…"

In my disappointment, I found that the words wouldn't come. I was just plain angry, and nothing could fix that. Jasper tried, sending me a sense of calm that I struggled to break through.

"Stop, please," I murmured. I didn't _want_ to be calm now, I wanted to be angry and upset that this had happened yet again. He obediently backed off, watching with wide eyes as I opened the car door and stomped out into the snow.

Was there some supreme being up there out to get me? Did the same person who had blessed me with these visions also impart a curse at the same time? I kicked a snow bank in anger, sending a spray of white onto the road and sitting down on the cold and wet snow that was left. Whoever it was that controlled all this had to be laughing now. Every time I had what I wanted within my reach, it was instantly snatched away.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and didn't have to look up to know Jasper had left the car.

"Tell me what's wrong."

His voice was calm and plaintive, searching for whatever it was that made me so upset. It cracked through the anger that had surrounded my heart, and I finally spoke.

"They're leaving Denali," I muttered. "Edward wanted to go. We won't make it in time."

I drew my knees into my chest, resting my forehead on top of them. Jasper slid down to sit next to me, wrapping one arm around my shoulders.

"There's nothing you can do now," he said softly. "They're leaving, and that's that. What you need to think about is what we can do now. What do you see happening if we go back to Wyoming?"

I scanned my mind. Going back to Wyoming would mean nothing. We would return to our lives as they had been for the last year. As normal and comforting as that might have been, I still knew that this time should be spent with the Cullens. Fate had pointed me to them and wouldn't give up until we were all together as a family.

"Nothing," I said into my knees, still not looking up.

"And if we continue on to Denali?" he prodded.

_The four vampires from before, accompanied by the elusive blonde Tanya, greeted Alice and Jasper warmly, offering their home and directions on how to find the Cullens._

I looked up from my knees, a newfound hope throbbing through me. "That's it, Jasper, that's just it." Denali may not have been the place where we would find these Cullens, but we would find a way to them there.

I rose to a kneeling position to kiss his cheek, thankful that I had this wonderfully intelligent man on my side. Not only did he guide my constantly-changing thoughts, but he was willing to deal with this childish tantrum of mine. "Thank you," I whispered, kissing him again.

"So it's off to Denali, then," Jasper said, taking my hand and pulling me to my feet. We returned to the car, taking off without another word.


	28. We'll Hunt No More Today

Jasper was going far above the speed limit, my visions alerting us as to where the police officers would be waiting. I kept my mind focused, making sure these denizens of Alaska wouldn't be leaving as well any time soon, especially this Tanya who threatened to go to this mysterious Volterra, a place I had never heard of. What was so dramatic about wanting to go there? The woman's words filled my head, puzzling me.

"What are you confused about?"

I gave a half-smile at Jasper's empathic intuitiveness. "Do you know about Volterra?" I asked. Jasper turned white as a sheet, and I knew he did.

"Where did you hear about that place?"

I bit my lip. Obviously, this Volterra, wherever it was, made him upset, and I wished I had never pressed the issue.

"Alice, where did you hear it?" he asked again, his voice terse.

"In my vision," I explained slowly. "One of the women in Denali threatened to go there, but I don't understand why. Is it dangerous?"

"Not if you're on the Volturi's good side," he replied.

"The Volturi?" I repeated, furrowing my brow in confusion.

"The so-called _Royal Family_ of vampires," he explained. "They've been around for hundreds, thousands of years, policing our people and making sure our secrets stay secrets. They have an army that comes out to keep us quiet if things get out of hand." He winced a little. "I've dealt with them about three times."

"Three…?" My eyes widened.

"When Maria's army would grow beyond our control and humans were beginning to notice, they would come out to cut down our numbers. I was saved each time, because of my gift." He paused to take a deep breath. "They're all rather gifted themselves, some in very terrifying ways that I don't even want to think about."

I shuddered, knowing that something Jasper didn't want to speak of surely had to be beyond horrible.

"And this woman in your vision was threatening to go to them?" he asked warily.

I nodded. "I think she saw Edward refusing her as hurtful."

"Being with the Volturi would be far more so," he said with a bitter laugh. I reached out for his hand, not liking this hard side of my Jasper, the side that had seen far too much violence and hatred in his earlier days. I longed so much to wipe away the pain it had all caused him the same way he eased mine.

"Whatever it is you're feeling right now, don't stop," Jasper said suddenly, his voice breathy and low. "It's wonderful."

"I was just thinking of how I wish I could make things easier for you," I said, moving across the seat to be closer to him.

Jasper smiled down at me. "You do. Every day."

I smiled too. Even with all the war and pain of his past, even with the constant urge and disappointment of finding the Cullens in my present, life didn't seem to be too much of a trial for either of us now that we had each other.

"Who is it that lives in Denali anyways?" Jasper asked when we were about a half hour from the house nestled on the edge of the State Park.

"I'm not quite sure," I answered. "I've seen them all, four women and one man, but I only know the names of three. Kate, Tanya, and Eleazar."

"Foreign?" he guessed, and I shrugged.

"They didn't say. Turn here." I pointed to his left, down a long dirt road.

"And you said they'll help you find the Cullens?"

I nodded. "I saw it, so it must be true."

"And if you don't find them…will you be content to stay with me and me alone?"

I sighed. Even after all my insistence, the idea that these people would come between us was _still_ troubling him.

"Jazz," I said softly, lacing his hand in mine so that my engagement ring was in his line of vision, "the anger I felt when I realized I had missed them again…that was nothing compared to how I felt being unable to find _you_."

Jasper visibly relaxed next to me.

"I've seen us with them," I went on, "and you're going to fit in too. This isn't just _my_ family, it's _ours_. Brothers and sisters, a father and mother, things I don't remember having and things you can have again. It's for the both of us, not just for me, can't you see that? And like I said, if you feel at all uncomfortable, we will leave, just like that."

He shook his head now, his blond mane fanning out like a lion's. "Not if you're happy there. That's all that matters. I'll stay for you."

"You don't have to do that," I insisted.

"But I _will_," he countered.

"You won't even need to think that. You'll fit, just wait, I've seen it already. Besides," I said with a smile, "they have to take us as a package. I'm going to be Mrs. Whitlock, after all."

"Mrs. Whitlock…." Jasper took it at that, smiling a little. I sat back against the cushions, tapping my foot nervously against the floor and making him laugh at my anxiety.

"You were patient enough to wait for me, my love, surely you can be patient for them," he said, rubbing his thumb over my hand.

"I'd be more patient if you'd go faster," I replied, even though the trees outside my window were zipping past at a rate close to our running speed.

"The Buick can't take much more," he said. "Maybe we should get a new car."

Both of us lit up at the thought, but I pushed it away. I'd think about that later, when we were settled with this family of ours. Getting to Denali was what mattered now.

"Turn," I said and pointed to the right. I knew this was the road that would take us to the large brown house hidden among the trees I had seen the inside of in my visions. He sped down the road, slowing only when the blown-up version of a rustic cabin that was the Denali clan's house came into view.

It was the biggest house I had ever seen, bigger even than Peter and Charlotte's enormous brownstone in Boston. Thick log after log was piled on top of each other for two stories, stretching wide and broken only by thick glass-paned windows and a solid oak door on the first floor. That door opened as we parked the car and the women and men from my visions came outside, a sullen-looking Tanya among them.

"You go ahead," Jasper prodded. "You know them…more or less."

I gave a nervous half-smile and exited the car, making sure I could hear him behind me before I began approaching the others. The group stood tensely observing me, all of us relaxing only when we realized our eyes were all the same golden butterscotch color. I raised my hand in a silent, peaceful greeting, watching as the one Carlisle had called Kate reciprocated.

"Welcome," she said, her voice flowing like water.

"Thank you," I replied. "I'm Alice, and this is Jasper."

"I am Kate," she answered unnecessarily, stepping forward from her group and gesturing towards them. "This is Irina."

The other dark-haired woman raised her hand.

"Carmen."

She was the redhead standing next to –

"Eleazar."

He bowed, just as dark and handsome as my visions.

"And Tanya."

Edward's unappreciated blonde nodded curtly. Kate's eyes flickered over to Eleazar, who nodded almost imperceptibly.

"Please, won't you come in? I'm sure it's been a very long journey," she invited, presumably after having gotten Eleazar's clearance from some as-of-yet uncovered gift.

"Thank you," I replied. "It has."

Still silent, Jasper followed me towards the house, giving out a protective sheath of peace as we entered.

"What is this…ah, a gift?" the woman called Carmen guessed as we sat in the same living room from my visions.

"Empathic skill," Jasper offered politely.

"How interesting," Irina replied, her smile a million watts bright. I felt myself bristle at the woman's obvious interest in him, backing down – but only a little – when Jasper reached over to take my hand. Irina, too, turned down her smile at his movement, discouraged by our blatant intimacy.

"Do you have a gift as well, Alice?" Carmen asked, turning to me.

I hesitated, then nodded. "I can see things before they happened," I offered. "I saw us coming here."

"Obviously, the two of you live the same lifestyle as our group." Kate brushed a pale hand near her dark amber eyes.

"And it is that you wish to join our little family, correct?" Eleazar asked. I furrowed my brow, still confused as to this strange man's talent. His perceptiveness was only slightly off, and I wondered what else he knew about us.

"We have been looking for others to stay with," I said carefully, not wanting to give too much away. "But I only just had a vision of Denali a few days ago when we began our journey."

"Wrong again, Eleazar," Irina said in a teasing voice. The man rolled his eyes.

"Eleazar has a gift as well, seeing the wants of others," Kate explained.

"Of course, it isn't very strong, he sees only the theme of the want. Love, family, money…nothing exact nor any way to get it," Irina added.

"Are all of you gifted?" Jasper asked, his voice trying not to give away his wonder at the idea.

Carmen shook her head. "No, only one more. Kate can sense a lie."

My gaze shot back to the pretty, dark-haired woman sitting in a plush armchair. Her darkening eyes glittered mysteriously, as if she were trying to see what sort of fabrications we were spinning right now. I wondered if she had caught my comment about wanting others to stay with. How sensitive was this gift of hers? Would she see through any truth we withheld, or did it have to be a blatant lie?

My questions and the other emotions in the room must have been getting too much for Jasper, and we all relaxed into our chairs with his help. I squeezed the hand that was still in mine, thankful for his presence there. I needed his support to face this strange, talented brood just as much as I needed their help in finding the Cullens.

Kate broke my wary silence with a proposition. "We were just preparing for a hunt, to get our minds off some recently departed guests."

At this, she shot a pointed look at the still glum Tanya.

"Actually, it was those guests we came to ask about," Jasper spoke up. I beamed up at him. What a perfect segue.

"I could see as much," Eleazar replied, his voice cautious, almost as if he didn't trust us. I stared at the man nervously. Did he think we had ulterior motives? That we were going to hurt the Cullens?

"I assure you, our intentions are nothing but honorable," I insisted. All eyes flickered over to Kate.

"She's telling the truth," the woman replied in a tone that settled everyone's minds.

Tanya stood from her chair, her face set determinedly.

"We will talk about the Cullens," she said. "First, we hunt."

Her words gave her the air of someone in command and put a stop to any other activity. Hunting was what we would do.

"Would you like to join?" Irina asked.

I looked over to Jasper. He nodded slightly and squeezed my hand. "That sounds fine," he said in reply.

We stood and followed Tanya as she took the lead, striding out the back door of the house and heading for the thick fringe of woods that seemed to be waiting just for us. It was the perfect place to hunt, I could already tell. The heavy coverage provided by the trees overhead kept the forest floor almost clear of the heavy snow that surrounded the area. The air was thick with the smell of the greenery, animal traces only faint but nevertheless mouthwatering. Hibernation was routine for most of the forest's inhabitants, and I scanned my mind to make sure we would find something. Knowing we would, I sprinted into the trees with Jasper at my side.

Tanya took the lead, running faster than I had ever seen anyone move. We were quick on her heels, following where she led. Once deep into the wood, she darted through a small clearing in the trees, stopping short near a cave tunneling into the craggy mountainside. The scent of some hidden beast reached my nostrils, betraying the fact that I hadn't hunted in six days and making the venom pool around my tongue. The grizzlies I knew were hibernating within that cave smelled absolutely mouth-watering, and I took great, deep, gasping breaths to bring more of their aroma into my lungs.

"How many do you think?" Carmen asked, not bothering to keep her voice quiet.

"Three," I responded automatically.

"One for each of our guests and one left over," Irina said as her tongue traced the edge of her razor-sharp teeth.

Jasper shook his head. "Ladies first," he insisted, though his hungry eyes betrayed his words.

"Tanya, Irina, Alice, if you please," Kate offered. Tanya and Irina entered the cave quickly while I stopped to think things through.

"There are a group of caribou that way," I said, pointed towards the west, further away from the house. "More than enough for the four of you."

Carmen raised one reddish eyebrow, surprised.

"Thank you," Kate replied. I nodded and, still slightly hesitant to leave Jasper's side, turned to enter the cave.

Within, Irina and Tanya were quietly finishing off their prey, one large bear and one growing cub, the third animal in the den still stuck in its midwinter stupor for me to take. She was so unaware of her impending death that I almost felt bad. Those feelings vanished in a flash when the bear exhaled, sending her delicious scent my way. I sprang onto the beast, sinking my teeth into the back her neck. She had time only to briefly wake before I had drunk to the point of her passing out again, staying silent before growing completely still underneath me.

"You're a rather quick one, aren't you?"

Tanya and Irina were watching me finish my meal with amused eyes.

"It's been a few days since I've hunted," I admitted, licking the last remnants of the bear's life force from my teeth.

"Come, let's go back to the house," Irina suggested. "The others will meet us there."

We left the three drained animals in their den and ran all the way back to the cabin, settling down in the living room to wait for the rest to join us. While Tanya stoked up the fire in the hearth, I admired the beautiful furnishings of the house. Even with the Sears Roebuck and all the money from my stocks to support us, a number nearing a cool million, Jasper and I had nothing so nice in our house. A small farm in Ten Sleep having such expensive furnishings would attract too much attention. Everything here was richly embroidered or glossily finished or thickly stuffed with fine down. The frivolous, conceited part of me longed for such an existence, though the other part of me insisted that any life, however impoverished, was worth living with Jasper by my side.

"It's easy to live like this when you're not roaming about the globe looking for prey," Irina's words interrupted my stroking of the ornately-carved mantelpiece.

"All your pieces are so lovely," I replied, turning to her.

"Eleazar learned wood carving back in Spain," she explained. "He and Carmen had a successful business making chairs. He would carve them and she would embroider the cushions."

My eyes widened. "So much of the things here were made with their own hands?"

Irina laughed a little and nodded. "They've had over two hundred years to perfect their craft."

I tried not to seem surprised.

"And you and Jasper? How long have the two of you been together?" Tanya asked, coming to sit on what I assumed to be one of Eleazar and Carmen's chairs.

"A little more than a year," I answered.

"Such a short time!" Irina exclaimed, and I smiled a little; to those of us with eternity, it was.

"And he's already chosen you as his lifemate?" Tanya looked pointedly at my left hand.

"I had many visions of Jasper before I ever met him," I replied. "We both knew it was meant to be."

"How lucky," Tanya said with a little sigh.

"Quiet," Irina scolded then turned to me. "You must forgive her…_our_…jealousies. My sisters and I have been without a mate for a very, very long time."

"But if I had only – "

Irina held up a hand to silence her sister. "There have been men in the past who we have been quite devoted to." She smiled a sad little smile. "I believe you could say that is our greatest fault. Our Achilles' heel."

"Kate's beginning to think it's because we come on too strong," Tanya said softly, and Irina shot her a look. "That _I_ come on too strong," she corrected.

"Like with Edward," I said rather quickly, then wished I had held my tongue as Irina and Tanya's faces filled with surprise. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything," I apologized.

"Your gift is going to take some getting used to," Irina said in reply.

"How did you know about Edward?" Tanya asked quietly.

Staring at my hands, I explained how I had been seeing the Cullens, learning more and more about them, realizing that fate had deemed them our family and how I had tried once before to find them.

"They were gone too quickly, just like this time," I said. "I see them mostly when there is trouble in their lives."

"And you've seen them welcoming you into their family," Tanya said, confirming what I had told moments earlier. I nodded.

"This is the family that awaits Jasper and I," I went on. "Like you and your sisters joining with Carmen and Eleazar."

Irina nodded in agreement. "It makes sense. And Esme was only just talking about taking others into the family."

"She _wanted_ someone for Edward," Tanya retorted.

"Hush, Tanya," Irina commanded. "It isn't meant to be. Is it, Alice?"

"I…I haven't seen it, no," I replied quietly, trying not to watch Tanya's face fall.

"Then that's that." Irina ended the issue and then turned to me. "The others will be back soon. When they return, we'll help you to find your family."

_Family_. The word echoed through my brain, making me want to get up and dance. Once again, we were close, extremely close, and nothing would shake us off the path this time.

Indeed, the others were back soon, in only a minute more. Jasper came directly to me, taking my hand and kissing my cheek in greeting. I could smell the caribou blood coursing though him, the difference in scent from the bear making another torrent of venom swirl in my mouth.

"Are you well-fed, then?" Eleazar asked us.

"Yes, thank you," I replied. Jasper sat on the loveseat near the fire and pulled me down next to him.

"I've told them why we're here," he said, tracing circles onto my hand with his thumb. "I told about your visions and how you…I mean, we feel that this is our family."

"Good, I told the others too," I said eagerly.

Jasper smiled. "And Kate has agreed to help us find them."

I looked up at the dark woman standing near the back door. She smiled, her pretty lips parting over her perfect white teeth.

"Alice," she said in a soft, thrilling tone, "have you ever been to Vermont?"


	29. Thy Loving Voyage

The Denali clan convinced us to stay for the next few days, an arrangement we agreed to only because we knew the Cullens wouldn't be in Vermont for at least a week after their departure. Part of me was pleased to stay, seeing this as a trial-run of sorts for our lives with the Cullens. It was indescribable, having others to talk to, to confide in. As whole as my life had become with Jasper, as much as I loved him, needed him, I needed this too. He understood, bless him, and we spent those days among our kind, our first time among vampires who weren't after the humans around us. It was different and almost difficult and entirely wonderful.

Despite all that, another part of me wanted nothing more than to be on the road, traveling to this city called Stowe. The Cullens were waiting…or would be in a few days…and I longed to go to them, to the family I knew was waiting. As satisfying as this trial run with the Denali clan was, I knew being with the Cullens once and for all would be far more so.

Jasper, too, was eager to leave, as he confessed one evening when the two of us were safely secluded in the guest room Tanya had placed us in.

"It's getting hard to be around all these females," he told me, looking nervously towards the locked door. "They've been without men for too long. The lust is so thick I could cut it with a knife."

I stifled a laugh. "It's only because you're so tempting, my love."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "They'd never admit it, but I think they're waiting for you to slip up and let me go so that they might try a seduction."

"All three?" I cocked an eyebrow. "Jasper Whitlock, how scandalous."

He laughed lightly and I did too, trying to hide the small tremblings of jealousies I was feeling for these sumptuous, beautiful succubae who lusted for my mate.

"Oh, don't feel that way, dear," Jasper said as he sat on the bed and pulled me onto his lap, teasing his lips along my neck. "They're nothing compared to you."

"You're truly going to say you'd rather have boring little me than all the fleshy curves that come with the Denali sisters?" I asked, half-wanting to hear his truthful answer and half-compliment-seeking.

"For all those fleshy curves, they don't have this." Jasper kissed lightly along the curve of my neck. "Or this." He ran the back of his hand from my torso down to the slight swell of my hip. "And their desire is just that, desire with nothing else behind it, none of the _passion_ that I get from you."

He moved up to kiss my forehead.

"I've lived a lustful life before," he said softly. "And it was nothing compared to the life I am living with you."

I kissed his cheek. "Does this mean I can't be lusty with you?"

Jasper grinned. "I didn't say – but I'd never confess something like that to such a lady."

"Oh, Jazz," I sighed, shaking my head at his endearing and chivalric manners.

My own manners came into play when I chose to say nothing about Jasper's discomfort with Irina, Kate, and Tanya's feelings of desire as we parted from the group once night had fallen.

"We had a lovely time," I insisted, "we just feel as if now's the time to take our leave. Try our chances on finding the Cullens."

Kate said nothing, though her eyes twinkled as if she could see my withholding of the truth.

"I'm sure with your talents that will not be difficult," Carmen said as we began the embraces and handshakes that marked our leaving.

Eleazar held me close as I hugged him, whispering in my ear. "Do not let your desire for this family overtake your desire for your mate," he advised quietly so that no one else could hear. "He worries about that, I can tell."

"I know," I said. I did, I really did, it was just getting so hard to continue this balancing act, this juggling of family and Jasper, all the while assuring him that nothing would change us. Things would change _around_ us, certainly, but nothing between. _If only he could see that_, I thought helplessly, but smiled at Eleazar one more time before turning to Tanya.

"Thank you for helping us," I said to her. "You've been an immense help. And a great comfort, too."

"And you." Tanya held out a letter I had already seen her writing. "Alice, would you…"

"Give this to Edward?" I finished for her. She nodded, silent.

"I will." I took the letter from her, smiling at the vision that played in my head as a result.

"Alice?" Tanya said oddly, her hand at my elbow. "Are you all right?"

I nodded slowly. "Yes, I'm fine. And you and Edward will be too."

Her smile lit up her entire face, and it was easy to see why so many men, human or otherwise, had fallen victim to her charms.

"Promise you'll come again," Irina asked. "You're always welcome."

"And bring your new family with you," Kate added. I grinned and leaned into Jasper's side. Our family, so close, so within reach.

I spoke too soon. It seemed as if the fates were constantly trying to test me, and sometime just after the second day of our journey, we sat in en enormous traffic jam full of people heading into Vancouver for the New Year's holiday.

"Why didn't we run instead of driving to Alaska?" I moaned as we sat in the miles-long line of cars. At least the sun was down; despite the long sleeves, gloves, and sunglasses we wore, our skin was still reflecting through the glass, garnering notice from the occasional truck driver.

Jasper shrugged nonchalantly. "We drove because you don't like to run too long. Or when it's cold. Or wet. And you don't want to muss your clothes. And we both like to drive. And – "

"I get it," I cut him off, making him laugh.

The cars in front of us inched along. Would we never make it out of Canada? It seemed as if I would spend my eternity trapped in this stretch of road.

"What is it with these humans and their lethargy?" I cried, slamming my hands onto the dashboard and cracking the wood paneling. "Oops."

"Well, that does it then," Jasper said with a smile. "We'll have to get a new car."

I gave a half-smile, my mood brightened just a little. "Fine, fine, if we have to," I said sarcastically.

"It'll be a nice New Year's Present," he went on. "And I get to pick it out this time."

"You!" I exclaimed, feeling slightly put out even though I could see the beautiful car he would select in my mind.

"We've seen how damaging you can be to your automobiles, Alice." He gestured to the cracked dash. "It only makes sense that _I_ get to choose the car."

I glared at him while he grinned smugly.

"I'm only going along with this because it's going to be a good car," I retorted huffily.

"You've seen it?" he asked, cocking one eyebrow.

"Yes," I replied. "And I'm not saying another word."

"Don't be a spoilsport," he teased, leaning over to kiss my jaw. I would rather have pretended to stay upset, but the butterflies he still caused in my stomach with his touch erased that possibility.

"It's a cream-colored Ford Victoria," I gave in, "but I don't know where you're going to find it. There are no car dealerships in Ten Sleep."

"Ten Sleep?" he repeated. "I thought we were going to Vermont."

I shook my head. "No, we're supposed to go to Wyoming. I'm not sure why."

"Whatever you see is best, dear."

The traffic let up a few miles down the road when the exit heading west and to Vancouver appeared. Jasper and I continued our drive south, away from the busy town, stopping the car somewhere in Montana to repeat our New Year's tradition.

"Is it required that we spend every New Year's on the hood of your car?" Jasper asked. We were indeed sitting back on the hood of the Buick. I was tucked up under Jasper's arm, resting my head against him, while he kept a close eye on his pocket watch, counting down the moments until 1950.

"It's a tradition," I replied simply. "We just happen to be on the road every New Year's Eve."

"Hopefully we'll be settled down this time next year."

"Hopefully we'll be _married_."

Jasper chuckled and nuzzled against the top of my head. "I don't remember what weddings are like," he murmured into my hair.

"You've been to one?" I asked.

"Once, when I was a boy," he replied. "I don't even remember who it was, but I vaguely remember the bride. And my mother scrubbing my face till it hurt."

I laughed lightly and then grew serious with my thoughts. Did it hurt to remember your mother? I couldn't remember mine. Did I even have one still? Was she alive somewhere, wondering if I too was still alive? All of a sudden, my heart began to ache for the family I didn't know even existed. I realized then why I needed to find the Cullens so badly. Whatever had been there before, whatever semblance of a family I had had in a life long ago needed to be replaced. And fate had found this perfect family for me and Jasper, to fill up the spaces our absent or forgotten families had once taken. As much as I wanted to know of my own mother, I wished desperately that the Cullen matriarch, the beautiful Esme, would take care of me like that invisible woman in my past must have done once. Hadn't my mother taken care of me? Hadn't she loved me, worried about me? Surely she would have noticed when her human daughter had disappeared, wouldn't she?

All of a sudden, Jasper's lips were on mine, distracting me from any more harrowing thoughts coming on. Glad for this diversion, I leaned into him, trying to remember if all his kisses were as wonderful as this one or if they just kept getting better and better. His hand skimmed my face, up and down, as I threaded my fingers through his honeyed hair, pressing him ever closer so that I could feel him better, taste him better, better smell his masculine, intoxicating scent as it swirled around me.

"Better?" Jasper asked as he trailed his mouth away from mine and down my neck, sending shivers up my spine.

"Much."

A glittering red firework burst above our heads near the horizon. Jasper stopped in his affections to look up.

"Happy New Year, my love," I said over the noise of the fireworks, watching him as he watched the display. He was so perfect, my Jasper, from his jarringly handsome face inward. Just looking at him made me long to touch his beautiful features, to feel his strong arms around me and hear him say all the wonderful things that tumbled over his lips so effortlessly.

As if he knew just what I was feeling (and he did), Jasper pulled me up onto his lap, keeping his arms wrapped around my waist as he gave me my first kiss of the new year.

1949 had been wonderful. It had given me – _truly_ given me – my Jasper. And with him at my side, I knew 1950 would be just as perfect.

I was much more at ease for the last leg of our journey back to Ten Sleep with Jasper's hand in mine. At five in the morning, we were back in the sleepy little town for what I knew would be the last time.

"Now what?" Jasper asked expectantly.

"I'm going to go pack the last of our things," I said, having seen what we came back to do. "Go down the road to Ernie Graham and sell him the farm."

Jasper's eyes widened at my nonchalance, but he said nothing in remark. "Ernie should be up doing the milking," he commented. "I'll go over there before the sun rises."

I nodded and watched him wheel away down the lane before going inside. Our clothes, books, and other assorted articles would have to be packed, and quickly, if we wanted to get to Vermont by nightfall. I did the work quickly, packing and writing short letters to those who needed to be informed – Marlene and Sheriff Walsh, the new postmaster, Dr. and Mrs. Dr. Cohen – and tried not to let the sentimentality of it all get to me. This was, after all, the house I had entered as Jasper's…well, _Hector's_ bride. This was where we had made our life together, the place we had first made love and shared hopes and dreams and done millions of other things. But I shook my head and wrapped a protective quilt tighter around the radio; we were moving on to bigger and better things. Leaving pokey old Ten Sleep behind us was necessary.

Oh, but I would miss that town…

"Shhh."

Jasper's arms encircled me, holding me tight to his stony chest. I sighed.

"I'm just being silly and emotional," I apologized. I was almost shocked at my own mixture of emotions. For all my excitement, who would have thought I would be _upset_ to leave?

"You're allowed to," he insisted. "I'll miss it too. We've had good memories here. But you can't go on without leaving something behind, can you?"

I shook my head. "No, I suppose not."

"Then let's think of it like that," he suggested. "It's not abandoning or forgetting, it's just going on to something new and bringing what you can with you. Like you and the Cullens. You're not leaving me, we're bringing what we have together into their family."

I smiled at his simile. "You're right."

"I know I am," he said cheekily. "And look what I've got to help us on the way."

"He gave you cash?" I asked, eyeing the thick wad of bills Jasper had taken out of his pocket.

"Ernie apparently doesn't believe in banks," he explained. "And he was all too eager to buy us out. He did request that we vacate immediately, though."

"That man…" I shook my head. Humans and their silly rules and boundaries and property lines.

"Come on, my dear, let's be off." Jasper picked up the quilt-wrapped radio while I lifted his boxed-up typewriter. We gently placed these in the trunk of the Buick, and Jasper slammed it shut while I took one last look at our home.

"Our first home," I said with a little sigh.

"But think of the one we have waiting in Vermont," Jasper reminded me. I laced my hand into his and nodded.

"Vermont, then."

We stopped at the post office, sliding my letters in the after-hours drop box just as the sun began to rise over Main Street. People were waking, and we needed to hurry. Vermont, and the Cullens, were beckoning, and I felt my worry and sadness disappear, replaced with exhilaration – and a slight tinge of nerves – as Jasper's foot pressed the pedal to the floor.

_Family._

Through Minneapolis.

_Family_.

Past Chicago.

_Family_.

Across Toronto.

_Family_. That word was the only thing I could think of as we drove across the country. All my silly thoughts I had had before Jasper and the Cullens had entered my mind seemed just that, silly. Relying on speed? Placing my faith in money? Thinking my sense of smell would get me by? It all seemed so ridiculous now that I had such love in my life with Jasper at my side. And now, with a complete family around me, that would be all that mattered. Alice, Jasper, Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, and Edward. A family.

"You're about to send me through the roof with your jitters," Jasper announced as we neared Stowe. I was literally bouncing up and down in my seat. I could see the winding lane that would take us to them in my mind, a lane I knew we were only minutes from.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I can't help it."

"I can," he replied, and I was almost immediately stilled.

"Thank you," I said. He nodded.

"You're so excited I'm almost tempted to let you bounce yourself right out of the car."

I laughed and squeezed the hand that was in my own. Just a few more minutes now.

The town was lovely, a beautiful resort nestled in the snow-capped mountains. We had to enter the winding slopes just to get to the road the Cullens lived off of, and I wondered to myself if vampires enjoyed skiing. The people that lived there most certainly did, as we saw quite a few people rushing down the mountains in the distance. Other than those skiers, the inhabitants of Stowe seemed to stay tucked away in their cozy little houses, unable to brave the chilly temperatures outside that Jasper and I couldn't feel.

Any thought of humans and skiing and temperatures left my mind when I saw the wide lane, not quite cleared of last night's snowfall, beckoning us in. I pointed wordlessly down it and Jasper turned the car, knowing what I meant.

"This is it, then," he said softly, his voice carrying a nervous, almost worried tinge that mine most certainly would have had, had I been able to speak. I nodded in reply, taking in great big gulps of crisp mountain air to keep me from bursting.

There it was. The enormous white-and-brown chalet I knew would be waiting for us. There was something about it, something I couldn't quite pinpoint, that just made it look like home. I swallowed nervously, my hand shaking as it searched for Jasper's.

"The girl who stood up to Peter, who fought with Maria, who took in a human-drinking stranger she had never met…nervous?" I heard him tease.

"But he was a handsome stranger," I somehow managed to say, keeping my eyes on the house.

"Come on, let's do this," Jasper said, as if meeting our prospective family were a business venture and nothing more. I gulped another immense amount of air down before exiting the car. He shut the door behind me and took my hand, readying me with his gift and the thumbing of his familiar circles onto my palm. When I was finally calm, we took that first step onto the snowy walk, stepping up onto the wide porch of the Cullens' house. Jasper squeezed my hand one last time before dropping it, giving me a gentle push towards the door. I closed my eyes and raised my fist to knock.


	30. Is All Your Family Within?

FYI…I will be chatting about _You've Kept Me Waiting_ at the Cullen Boys Anonymous forum chat tonight (August 3rd) at 9 PM Eastern Standard Time if you wanna say hi! Link on my user page.

Happy reading.

* * *

I knocked slowly, even slower than a normal human. The door sounded hollow and empty, and another rush of fear filled me. Maybe this was just like the first time. Maybe they weren't even here. Had we come too early? Too late?

The fear left just as quickly as it had come when the door opened to reveal a glorious blonde vision standing before us.

"Rosalie," I breathed, hardly believing my own eyes. She was beautiful and graceful and_ here_. _We had finally done it._

"Yes?" she replied nonchalantly, as if she were quite used to strangers knowing her name. The nonchalance slid away when our pale faces and golden eyes registered in her mind, replaced with a look of shock and strange curiosity.

I bit my lip. Now that I was here and had everything I wanted laid out before me, what was there to say? "I'm Alice," I tried, hoping that would explain everything and knowing it was hardly sufficient. I immediately felt stupid. _As if she knows who you are, you dolt_, I cursed at myself.

"Perhaps we ought to speak to Carlisle," Jasper quietly suggested from just over my shoulder.

"One moment." Rosalie gave us another curious look before going back inside and shutting the door.

Once we were again alone, I leaned back onto the porch railing, exasperated, putting one gloved hand to my forehead. "She thinks I'm crazy."

"She's just surprised," Jasper corrected.

"I should have thought this through," I murmured. Even as my visions were screaming that everything would turn out all right, I still was indescribably nervous.

"Have faith, my love," he said reassuringly, and I immediately felt more at ease.

"Thank you for that," I replied. His gift was such a blessing at times like these.

"But I didn't do anything," Jasper insisted. I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering if he was telling the truth, and almost opened my mouth to ask when I saw that Carlisle would be rising from his chair and joining us on the porch in a few moments.

"He's coming," I said quickly and moved away from the porch, twisting my hands together nervously.

"You'll be fine. _We'll_ be fine," Jasper murmured as the door swung slowly open.

There Carlisle stood, looking just as handsome and wise and familiar as he had in my mind. It felt like coming home just staring up at him, and my breath caught in my throat when he gave me the same careful, delving, thoughtful stare I had seen him give the ones he called his children so many times before.

"May I help you?" he asked, and his voice was more comforting than I could even imagine.

"I…We've been looking for you for a long time, Carlisle," I said in a breathy voice that could barely be heard. My lungs had ceased to function, and I vaguely wondered how I could draw enough air in to speak.

Carlisle stiffened, growing taller as he did. "Did Caius send you?"

I furrowed my brow. "Caius?"

"One of the Volturi," Jasper clarified.

"Oh," I said and shook my head at Carlisle's confused and guarded face. "No, not at all."

Next to me, Jasper moved slightly, and we were immediately settled. I saw Carlisle throw him an interested glance out of the corner of his eye.

"Please, come inside," he suggested, opening the door wider. "We may not be able to feel it, but it's quite cold."

The corner of his mouth perked up a little at his joke. Feeling slightly more at ease because of the efforts of the two men, we entered the house. The immense foyer we were ushered into was breathtaking, decorated in a delicate array of well-chosen and expensive pieces, mostly antiques. I remembered having seen it in my mind the day I first met Jasper. This _had_ to be it, then. We would be a part of this family. My nerves settled by this affirmation, I shrugged off my coat and sat down gracefully on the settee Carlisle gestured us to.

"Here, let me take your things," Carlisle offered. Jasper took his off as well, the short-sleeved shirt he wore underneath revealing his scar-peppered arms. Carlisle marked them with his eyes but said nothing, hanging the coats on a rack near the door.

"Alice, is it?" he guessed, sitting himself across from us in an armchair. I nodded in reply, and he turned towards Jasper. "And you are?"

"Jasper Whitlock, sir," Jasper answered, every inch a military man.

"I'm quite interested in hearing your story, Alice and Jasper," Carlisle commented. "It's not very common that our kind seeks out a partner, not to mention coming upon an entire family hidden in the woods that they strangely seem to know."

"I know," I replied. "It only started with the two of us."

"Alice saw me in Philadelphia and knew we were supposed to be together," Jasper added.

"Knew?" Carlisle repeated.

"A vision," I explained.

"You have a second sight?"

I smiled, just a slight bit proud. "The near future. Usually after a decision is made. It's easier if it's not a human or if I know the person well, something like that."

"And Jasper, your gift has already made an appearance, correct?"

Jasper nodded. "I can affect the emotions, feelings, of those around me."

"That explains it. I've never been so at peace in all my life." Carlisle smiled warmly.

"I'm working overtime to keep Alice from exploding." Jasper's left hand slid easily into mine as he spoke, something the ever-observant Carlisle noticed.

"How long have the two of you been together?" he asked.

"A little over a year," I offered. "We've been living on a farm in Wyoming up until now."

"And what brings you here?"

I swallowed hard, a tingling of nerves reaching me despite Jasper's best efforts.

"Those same visions from before," I began. Carlisle sat forward with interest, and I went on. "For so long, I've been able to see you and your family, going about your lives, doing every day things, and I know that meant that Jasper and I were supposed to be here with you. Fate has shown me you and your family again and again, letting me see just what a wonderful arrangement you have and letting me know that we belong here. We even went to the hospital in St. Cloud, but you had already left."

Carlisle's face was bewildered. "We had to hurry, Emmett – "

" – was seen hunting in the woods, I know," I interrupted, eager to spit everything out now that I had begun. "I saw that too. And Edward following that girl into the ladies' room in the school. And bits and pieces from Rosalie and Emmett's wedding. And everyone in Denali. We even _went_ to Denali, looking for you."

His eyes widened. "You went to Denali?"

"They're the ones who led us here," Jasper spoke up. "Kate said you wouldn't be in the house for some time, so we spent a few days with them, waiting until you were settled in Stowe."

Carlisle furrowed his brow.

"You're doubtful," Jasper noticed, his eyes focused on the handsome man. "Wondering if we're telling the truth and how we could come up with such accurate lies if we aren't."

"I assure you, we aren't," I interjected.

Jasper went on. "You want to believe us. You have a great deal of compassion, you want to open your home to us. And now…now you're starting to believe."

Carlisle's face brightened as he settled back in his chair, a ghost of a smile playing with the corner of his mouth.

"Very good," he mused. "And Alice, what do you see happening?"

I thought for a brief moment, my features going blank before returning to normal.

"I'd like to say you welcome us with open arms," I said with a smile, "but you're going to have to go through that door first. I think Esme and Rosalie are growing tired of eavesdropping."

I could hear the sounds of shuffling feet coming from beyond the door I had pointed to and knew that Esme and Rosalie had moved away from it, having been caught red-handed. Carlisle smiled; he knew that sound too.

"If you'll excuse me, then." He nodded to the both of us and stood, walking through the door and into another room. I caught a glimpse of Rosalie and Esme's faces staring in at us, both radiantly beautiful and incredibly eager to hear what Carlisle had to say.

Jasper and I were left alone in the foyer, sitting side by side on the couch. My palm was clenched tight around Jasper's; my hold surely would have broken the bones of a more mortal hand. Feeling my anxiety, I was given yet another wave of calm from Jasper.

"I feel like an over-medicated mental patient," I murmured. He laughed, but I could tell it was tinted with the same nerves I had.

"Don't worry," he insisted. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"We get rejected. Esme convinces him we're criminals or something. They like you but don't like me."

"Wasn't that what _I_ was worried about?"

I shrugged.

"Remember what you said. If that happens, we'll go back to being just us. That was fine enough."

"I know. I'm just being silly."

He kissed the top of my head. "Everything will work out. What do you see happening?"

To tell the truth, I could see a million different scenarios playing out in my head, the three I had previously mentioned only being a few. "I can only see them discussing us. Nothing's for certain yet."

"Well, what are they talking about in there?" He nodded his head towards the closed door.

"They're wondering if we'll fit in," I answered. "They all want someone new, but they were hoping it would be one female to balance Edward. Esme says yes right away, but Carlisle wants to make sure the others agree."

"They feel so open, I hardly need to help them along," Jasper said with a smile. "Only one needs a little assistance."

"Rosalie?" I guessed.

He nodded. "She's stubborn. Curious, but stubborn."

"And exceptionally beautiful. Did you see her dress?"

Jasper chuckled and rolled his eyes. "If anything, perhaps they'll take you just for your fashion sense."

"And maybe they'll take you for your uncanny ability to keep less-than-savory company."

"I'd say _you_ were rather savory, Alice."

"Not _now_, Jazz." I slid a little further down the sofa. Now was not the time for such feelings. Our family was so close, just within reach, and our future hung in the balance.

But then, just as the voices in the other room grew quiet and the door opened, the final piece to the puzzle slid into place. The decision had been made, unanimous among the three of them and I rose to my feet, knowing what Carlisle's answer would be. What Carlisle's wonderful, life-giving, _perfect_ answer would be.

Carlisle, flanked by Rosalie and Esme, came to stand before us, making the exact picture I had seen so long ago, the vision that had first told me we would be a part of a family. And now here we were, just about to become one.

"Esme, Rosalie," Carlisle said quietly, "this is Alice and Jasper. Alice, Jasper, my wife Esme."

Esme, a woman with all the beauty and charm of an on-stage ingénue, stepped forward, her eternally-youthful face bright with kindness. "It's so nice to meet you."

"And you," I managed to choke out as her arms wrapped around me. I hugged her back for a brief moment, wondering if this was what a mother felt like. She moved on to Jasper next, and he gave me an odd, heartbreaking look as they embraced. I wondered if it was because of his own mother, or our new one, or both.

"And this is my daughter Rosalie."

Rosalie slipped forward, her smile radiant. I was once again astounded by her beauty.

"How do you do?" she said cordially, extending a hand as white and delicate as lace. Surprisingly, her grip was strong, a physical symbol of the seemingly-fragile lady with a stone-cold immortal hidden underneath.

"Fine, thank you," Jasper answered for the two of us.

Carlisle moved to the head of his clan once more. "Alice, you know the others in our family, Edward and Emmett."

"Yes, well," I replied.

"They're hunting at the moment, filling up before they begin school in a few weeks," he went on.

I could feel the anticipation building up in me when I realized what his next words would be.

"I'm sure they'll be quite pleased to know they have a new brother and sister waiting for them when they return home."

I could hardly say I was surprised, but I clapped my hands over my mouth nonetheless. _We did it_, my mind was crying, _we found them, we found our family._ Carlisle was smiling and Rosalie was smiling and Esme was smiling as if she were near tears. My own grin a mile wide, I looked up to see Jasper smiling too. My heart was ready to soar out of my chest. This was no longer just my dream, but his too. In my eagerness to find my family, I had given him one too, and I felt blessed that I could make him happy.

"Alice and Jasper, we'd like to ask you to become one of our family," Carlisle said, making it official.

"Yes," I managed to choke out. "Thank you."

"And you, Jasper?" Esme murmured from her place next to her husband.

Jasper glanced down at me, his eyes serious.

_Do whatever you think is best_, I willed him. _I love you and I will go with you, even if it means giving up all this_.

Jasper tore his gaze away from me, focusing on Carlisle instead. "Yes," he said simply, his voice soft.

Carlisle smiled even wider. "Welcome, Jasper." He reached out his pale hand to grasp Jasper's lily-white one. I refrained from jumping up and down.

"Thank you, Carlisle," Jasper replied. I stopped breathing as his hand slid casually into mine, as if it were old hat, and began massaging the pad where my thumb joined my palm. Everything was perfect now. Nothing in the world could be wrong as I stood here in this beautiful home, hand-in-hand with my beloved, surrounded by family. _Our _family.


	31. Let Us Every One Go Home

"Rosalie, won't you show Alice and Jasper around the house?" Esme suggested, her eyes almost dewy.

Rosalie nodded. "Come, follow me," she said, motioning us towards the door that our new family had emerged from just minutes ago.

"We'll be upstairs should you need us," Carlisle announced as he and Esme began walking up the handsomely-carved staircase that ran along the foyer's western wall.

"Thank you," Jasper called out. Rosalie pushed open the door, motioning us into a large, open area filled with intermittent floor-to-ceiling windows that let the late afternoon sun pour in. My skin glittered as I stepped closer to one of the glass panels, staring out at the snow-covered forest that edged around the house.

"Nice, isn't it?"

Rosalie's voice broke into my scenery-watching.

"Yes, very," I replied, turning back to her.

"This is the den," she said, gesturing to the room we stood in. It had to be the biggest room on the first floor, running down the entire side of the house. An enormous fireplace held court in the middle of the wall. Plush, comfortable-looking couches and chairs took up a great deal of the room, circled around a walnut-paneled entertainment center that housed a radio almost as nice as ours had been, a fancy record player, and what seemed to be a brand-new television. I stepped close to it, reaching out to touch the silver knobs on its face without turning them.

"Go on," Rosalie encouraged. "I suppose it's yours now too."

I grinned and looked over to Jasper, standing near a handsome billiard table. He nodded at me, and I twisted my wrist, turning on the black-and-white picture. The bright, comical face of a child's puppet filled the screen.

"Ugh, _Howdy Doody_," Rosalie sneered. "Emmett will be sad he missed it."

I raised an eyebrow. The overtly-masculine Emmett liked to watch _this_?

"He's obsessed with the television," she explained, as if answering my unspoken question. "Emmett's the reason we bought it. He'll watch anything."

I turned it back off, delighting in the little _blip_ that came as the screen went black.

"Let's go see the rest of the house," Rosalie suggested. We followed her back into the foyer, ducking into the large, unused dining room that had become Carlisle's study and the unused kitchen that was used as storage and Esme's sewing room before being ushered into the library, a room so well-stocked that Jasper's eyes glazed over. It was larger than ours had been in Ten Sleep but nowhere near the one in Peter and Charlotte's house in Boston. Just the right size for a large family, and just the right room for what I knew would become Jasper's study.

We were then whisked upstairs, meeting Carlisle on the second-floor landing.

"Well, what do you think of your new home?" he asked with a smile.

"It's lovely," I gushed.

"Your library is magnificent," Jasper added.

"It's all Esme's doing," he remarked proudly. "As for the library, Jasper, if you wanted to carve out a little niche of your own, feel free to have it there. We all have our own little places in the home. You're welcome to find yours."

I could see Jasper trying to hold back a beaming smile. "Thank you, Carlisle, I will," he said, keeping it to a slight grin.

"Where are you off to?" Rosalie asked, looking down at the black bag our new father had in his left hand.

"I'm going to make a quick house call," he explained. "I should be back before Edward and Emmett return, but if I'm not – "

"You will be," I spoke up. Carlisle frowned a little, confused, but then laughed.

"It will take a little time to get used to you, Alice," he said, "but I'm sure you'll be an asset we won't live without soon enough. And you as well, Jasper."

I laughed, eager for the time when that would happen.

"Have fun exploring," Carlisle advised. "I'll see you all soon." He hurried down the stairs, a handsome blur in a white doctor's coat. We continued down the hallway, marking the thick carpet, the damask-papered walls, and the framed photographs hanging interspersed every few feet. I stopped in front of a particularly large one of Rosalie and Emmett hanging next to an old wooden cross. They stood side by side in the photo, Emmett clad in a dashing black tuxedo and Rosalie in the prettiest wedding dress I had ever seen – though I have to admit I hadn't seen a lot.

"Nice, isn't it?" Rosalie asked, only a quiver of narcissism in her tone.

"You look lovely," I complimented. She beamed, and I knew I had won her over.

"We flew to Paris for this one," she bragged. "Real Brittany lace, you know."

"Please tell me you won't need something so extravagant," Jasper whispered low in my ear so that Rosalie couldn't hear him. I scanned my future, looking for the dress I would wear, but nothing came up.

"No decisions just yet," I replied quietly.

Rosalie had overheard. "Decisions about what?"

I smiled and toyed with my ring. "About what dress I'll wear." Rosalie's face brightened.

"Are you two engaged?" she asked excited. I lifted my hand in response. "Oh, how exciting! We'll go tell Esme, she'll be so pleased."

She grabbed my hand and dragged me to the end of the hall, Jasper following quickly as she pushed open the door there. We entered a bedroom warmly decorated in burgundy and light gold. An immense bed was at one side of the room, the other side having a large stone fireplace with a golden settee in front of it. Esme sat here with what seemed to be a floor plan of the house rolled out on her lap.

"Esme," Rosalie called, "you'll never guess who's getting married."

Esme looked up with bright eyes. "Alice and Jasper?" she guessed correctly, rising to her feet.

"Yes, ma'am," Jasper answered, a shy smile pulling at his face.

"Wonderful," the beautiful woman exclaimed. "When is the wedding?"

I looked up at Jasper, and he shrugged. "No idea yet," I replied. "I suppose we were waiting for our family to be able to attend."

Esme beamed. "And so we shall. Rose and I can help you plan. Heaven knows we have enough experience."

Rosalie rolled her sparkling eyes. "Enough picking on me," she said.

I furrowed my brow at their private, family-related inside joke and said nothing, only wondered when I would be privy to such things.

"I was just looking at the plans and wondering where we could put the two of you," Esme said, halting my thoughts. "We'll have to move some things around."

"Not mine," Rosalie interjected.

"Of course not, darling," Esme replied with all a mother's sweetness. "It'll be a minor inconvenience, but I think we'll have to move Edward into the music room."

"Oh, he'll just _love_ that," Rosalie said deviously, and I had to agree. Having seen Edward's temper first (or was it second?) hand, I wasn't sure if this was the best plan.

Jasper, ever the first-rate gentleman, shared my sentiment. "We don't mean to put anyone out. We're fine anywhere."

Esme smiled and patted his cheek. "Thank you, dear, but we want you to feel at home. This _is_ your home now, after all."

Jasper smiled wanly; just as I had won over Rosalie, so was our new mother charming him.

"Go show them your room and then help me move Edward's things to the garage," Esme ordered. "We'll need Emmett to move the piano a few feet before he can move in."

Rosalie nodded and then motioned to us. "Come on, my room's the best." We were quickly ushered out of Esme and Carlisle's sanctuary and into Rosalie and Emmett's next door. The change was immediate; where the first room had been warm, comforting, and Carlisle-and-Esme to the core, the second room was extravagant, decorated in dark violet and rich silver, and entirely Rosalie. A purple-sheathed bed with silver curtains all around, even larger than Carlisle and Esme's, was wedged against the nearest wall, the end of the bed just a few feet from a pretty silver curtain that divided the room in half.

"What's that for?" Jasper asked, touching the fabric lightly. I had already stopped breathing; I knew what waited behind that filmy barrier.

"We didn't have a lot of closet space, so I made my own," Rosalie explained as she pulled a long rope and made my heart drop down to my shoes. The now-parted curtains revealed one of the prettiest sights I had ever seen, two perfect rows of beautiful clothes arranged according to color and style. The amount of outfits made my eyes go wide, the organization of it all causing me to nearly hyperventilate.

"That does it, you've shown her a glimpse of heaven. Now I'll never get her back," Jasper teased.

"You like it then?" Rosalie asked.

"It's magnificent," I replied, stepping forward to run my hand down the sleeve of the white silk Chanel dress I had seen in _Vogue_ just three months ago.

"And these are all yours?" Jasper asked.

Rosalie beamed. "Almost all. Emmett has his section over there." She pointed to a dark little part of the closet filled with men's clothing, nearly hidden behind a large three-paneled mirror.

I moved down the rows, admiring this Gucci skirt or that Dior gown and ignoring Jasper's humored stare when I stopped to peek at Rosalie's collection of delicate satin and lace lingerie, quickly moving on to Rosalie's section of little black dresses – of which she had six – while he laughed under his breath.

"You could borrow something if you'd like, Alice. All it would take is some pinning." Rosalie smiled at me with the look of a queen scattering largess to the people.

I smiled right back. "It seems I'm just going to have to do my own shopping to keep up with you." Jasper tutted under his breath and Rosalie bit her lip.

"Carlisle's just a trifle mad at my spending lately," she muttered unhappily, "so I'm not sure he'd give you the money. Not until Esme's finished decorating the house."

"Oh, but I didn't say I'd be spending Carlisle's money," I said, quirking one eyebrow.

"Just when I thought something would put a stop to your shopping sprees," Jasper sighed.

"Never," I replied.

"We can go tomorrow, then," Rosalie offered. "It'll be a nice, sisterly activity."

I grinned. _A sisterly activity_, something I had never had before. Things were getting better and better with this new family of ours.

"Then I'll let you two venture off alone," Jasper insisted. "Let me know when you're going to pick out the new car, I'll go with you then."

Rosalie's eyes lit up. "You're buying a new car? What model?"

"We're not sure, but we were thinking about a Ford Victoria," I said, only slightly lying. I knew it would already be a Victoria, I had seen it clear as day, but I still had no idea where to find it.

"A beautiful car," Rosalie breathed, her mind far away. I could see that my interest in automobiles was a passion for Rosalie, and I grew excited at the thought of another connection made between myself and my new sister.

"Perhaps we should go help Esme?" said Jasper.

I nodded. Edward's room, clean of any personal articles, appeared in my mind like a photograph. "She's almost done as it is," I remarked.

"Let's finish up, then," he suggested.

With one last wistful look at the rows of beautiful garments, I left Rosalie and Emmett's room, walking just across the hall to what would soon be mine and Jasper's. It was slightly smaller than the two other rooms we had seen, but the floor-to-vaulted-ceiling windows provided the best view of the area surrounding the house. The room was almost entirely bare, a tall, empty mahogany bookshelf and a matching dresser the only pieces of furniture remaining. Esme stood in the middle of the bare room holding one last box.

"Did you already finish?" Rosalie asked.

"Lazy thing hasn't unpacked a single box, save his LPs." Esme nodded to the box in her arms stacked high with records. "I've already moved the rest of it to the garage."

"Here, let me help you," Jasper offered and took the box from her hands. Esme smiled sweetly at his thoughtfulness.

"Thank you, how kind," she murmured. "Rosalie, show him to the garage."

"Follow me," Rosalie said, sweeping out of the room with all the grace of an angel. I moved towards one of the windows, watching from above as they stepped out of the house and into an adjacent building, the long, narrow garage that had more than enough room for the four beautiful cars I could see in my mind's eye.

Esme came to stand next to me, threading one arm through my own. "We're so pleased to have you here, Alice," she said. Her tone was so warm, wholesome, and motherly that I felt the strangest urge to wrap my arms about her waist and hug her tightly, almost as if I could remember doing this to my own long-forgotten mother.

"We feel the same way," I replied, smiling up at her.

"It's nice to have another daughter," she mused. "And I'm sure you'll fit in like family quite soon."

"I hope so." _Indeed I do_.

"And you and Jasper, what a pair," she remarked, looking down into the yard where the handsome blond young man was driving the slightly-damaged Buick into the garage. "Fate has played quite a hand with you two."

"That it has," I agreed. "Bringing us together, and to you."

"Wonderful thing, fate," Esme said with a grin, and I heartily agreed.

"I'm sorry that we haven't got a bed for the two of you," she continued, moving away from the windows and towards the empty dresser. "We moved Edward's sofa into the music room and I've called the furniture company for the rest of the matching room set, but I'm afraid it won't be here until the morning."

My heart nearly melted from her kindness. "You're going so far out of your way to make us comfortable, and I have no way to properly thank you."

"No, Alice, no." Esme shook her head. "You're family now. What's ours is yours, immediately. And that includes a place in our home. I only regret to tell you we haven't got any spare linens and we'll have to go shopping for some tomorrow."

I wanted to laugh. Opening her home, giving us a family and a place to live and a bed to call our own, and she was worried about _linens_? I wracked my brain for some way I could thank her, seeing it almost immediately.

"Esme, would you mind very much if I contributed slightly to the household funds?" I asked sweetly. "I don't want to eat away at everything you have without giving something in return."

"Oh, no, I couldn't, those are _your_ savings," she insisted. At this, I did laugh, and she furrowed her brow, confused.

"I insist. What's ours is yours, after all," I repeated her words to her. "And that includes the money I have in a Swiss bank."

Esme's eyes grew wide. "How much do-"

I held up a hand and smiled coyly. "It wouldn't be proper to say it aloud." She managed a weak smile in response.

"I suppose you could talk to Carlisle about it," she said. "We've been living off of Carlisle's salary and Edward's savings up until now, I don't see why adding yours into the mix would cause trouble."

"It'll be wired into your account tomorrow," I answered confidently, and she laughed.

"What's so funny?"

I turned around to find that Jasper had come back into the room, all our suitcases balanced in his arms.

"Nothing," I said with a grin as he placed the luggage on the ground and came to stand at my side.

"Hardly nothing," Esme retorted. "Your Alice is giving us the generous donation of her savings…if you don't object, that is."

But Jasper didn't object, he merely grinned and kissed the top of my head. "That sounds like my Alice."

"Edward and Emmett should be home soon," Esme announced. "I'll leave you two to unpack 'til then."

I stepped forward and hugged the woman tightly. "Thank you, Esme," I said softly, trying to put every ounce of feeling I had behind my words to let her know how incredibly, unchangeably thankful I truly was.

Esme stepped back to put her hand against my cheek. "My daughter," she said, so fondly that I wanted to cry with happiness, happiness that increased tenfold when she turned towards Jasper. "And my son." She kissed his cheek, giving us one more wide smile before stepping into the hall and closing the door behind her.

Once we were alone, Jasper took the opportunity to pull me close, holding me tight for what seemed like the first time in quite a while. I was so incredibly happy, pressed here against his chest, standing in our new bedroom in our new house with our new family just downstairs. I felt Jasper chuckle against the top of my head. I looked up, asking him what could be so funny with just my eyes.

"You're so happy," he murmured, his intoxicating breath swirling down towards my face. "Just holding you when you're feeling this is making me glad, too."

"Are you happy on your own though?" I asked.

Again, he laughed. "Of course I am," he said. "I'm…_pleasantly surprised_ that this family of yours wants me too."

"Of course they want you," I retorted. "They're generous, kind, and they know a good person when they see one."

"_They're_ the good people," he insisted. "I can hardly believe they agreed so quickly. So kindly."

I smiled against his chest, happy that he was happy. "I feel like I'm in heaven," I murmured.

"Funny, I feel the same way," Jasper replied. His fingers under my chin drew my head up as he moved his down, our kiss simple but filled with all the sweetness that came with being so blissful. Jasper's hand at my chin reached up to run through my short hair while the other one slid up and down my back, making me wonder if it would be awkward keeping up with our bedroom activities with so many others in the house. I pulled back, slightly because of that pondering thought but mostly because we had no bed to continue that activity in.

"Cold, Alice, very cold," Jasper commented with a shake of his handsome head.

"Mmm, just think of how satisfying it will be after the wait." I stood on tiptoe to kiss him. He laughed against my mouth.

"If you're withholding, then I get something in return," he insisted.

I arched an eyebrow. "What's that?"

"Have Rosalie take you to the shop where she got those lacy underthings."

I laughed and kissed him again. "We'll see."

"See?" he repeated, then ducked his head down under my chin, kissing along my neck. I squirmed against him, giggling, until I grew still underneath his touch. My mind went elsewhere with a quick flash of the future that sent me rushing to the window once I came too.

"Something important?" Jasper guessed glumly, his arms still encircling the air I had occupied seconds before.

"Come see," I urged. This was it, the final little piece, and I was almost shaking with excitement. He joined me at the window overlooking the front of the house and the surrounding woods.

"Alice, I don't see – "

"Wait. Just a few more seconds."

All it took was thirty before the two figures I had seen in my mind emerged from the fringe of trees. Dark-haired Emmett came first, just as enormous as the two guards Maria had within her flock, José and Daniel, though his merry eyes showed a much different demeanor within. Close on his heels was a lithe teenager with a shaggy crop of bronzed hair. _Edward!_ my mind cried in excitement.

The boy halted in mid-stride, his bewildered golden eyes flying up to the second story window and meeting mine.


	32. By the Sweet Power of Music

_The boy halted in mid-stride, his bewildered golden eyes flying up to the second story window and meeting mine._

So had I been right in my assumptions? Could Edward hear my thoughts? The handsome boy was still giving me a strange, curious, dazed stare, no doubt wondering how I could stand here in his bedroom window, knowing much too much about him and his gift.

"Alice."

I looked up into Jasper's waiting golden eyes.

"We should go downstairs to meet them, don't you think?"

I glanced back out the window to find that Edward had disappeared into the house. I nodded, my earlier nerves returning; good-natured Emmett would be easy to love, but quiet, temperamental Edward…I couldn't see anything, _wouldn't_ see anything until I went downstairs. Jasper put his hand around mine, smooth and comforting, pulling me away from the window and out the door. We walked down the hall and were a few steps down the staircase when a voice – a rather angry voice – reached my ears.

"Another girl? Good Lord, what is this, _Mystery Date_? I told you, leave me be when it comes to this!"

"Edward, calm down."

"Don't be rude."

Carlisle and Esme's gentle voices attempted to still him and his outburst.

"Edward, take the time to think it over," Carlisle urged. "Do you hear me? She isn't meant for you."

"We weren't trying to force you into anything, my love," Esme insisted.

"She's engaged, for heaven's sake," Rosalie added. "Don't be so full of yourself."

I looked over at Jasper, standing a few steps below me so that his face was level with mine, my face somber as I realized my worst fear was coming true. The Cullens – or at least one of them – didn't like me, didn't want me here. And if that was the case, then there was nothing more to it. We would have to leave, simple as that. I loved them already, from the sagely Carlisle down to somber Edward, and would rather let them live happily together than unhappily with me. Giving Jasper a look I hoped he would understand, I turned to go back up the stairs.

"_Stop_," Edward's voice commanded, his body still unseen. I froze in my tracks, unsure if he was talking to me. "Stop thinking what I should do. I'm almost fifty years old, I'm more than old enough to make my own decisions."

I could see him in my mind before I could really see him coming up the steps. He paused at the foot of the staircase, staring at me with a confusing glance that I couldn't quite recognize, then speeding up past the two of us.

Carlisle was hot on his trail. "I'll go speak to him," he said, appearing on the staircase in a matter of seconds.

"I'm sorry," I murmured as he walked past. "This is all my fault."

The man stopped abruptly, one foot in the air as he neared the landing. He turned to face me, putting one comforting hand on my shoulder.

"Alice, this is not because you came here," he insisted. "Edward tends to…jump to conclusions, shall we say. He's hasty with his actions, especially when it comes to family loyalty. But you and Jasper are a part of this family now, just as much as I or Esme or Edward himself. He must realize that we all see you as one of us now."

"But if he – "

Carlisle shook his head. "No buts about it. I _am_ your father, after all."

I couldn't help it; I had to smile.

"Let me go talk to him," he said, and turned to follow Edward's trail into the music room. I sighed as the door opened, a complicated, fast-paced piano concerto coming from within, the sound quickly halted as Carlisle shut the door behind him.

Jasper put his hand against my cheek. "Don't feel like that, my love. He's as stubborn as his sister, it seems. He'll come around, once he sees the reasons Carlisle has asked us to be here. Can you see that?"

I nodded. I could see. Carlisle's present talk with his son would lead to a calmer, more untroubled Edward who might, _just might_ be able to accept us as his new sister and brother. Jasper kissed me softly and led me by the hand down the stairs, through the foyer, and into the den where the rest of our family was circled around the television watching a cowboy shoot-em-up. Emmett was stretched across the sofa, his feet tucked in so that he could fit, while Rosalie was perched on the arm near his head, inspecting the tips of her glorious hair for nonexistent split ends. Esme sat in one of the armchairs, looking up as we walked in and rising from her place.

"Jasper, Alice," she said warmly.

Jasper's hand at the small of my back urged me forward.

"Hi." My voice hardly carried over the volume of the television, but Emmett heard and sat up, giving us a deep once-over. I watched him as he watched me and came to the conclusion that Emmett Cullen could easily eat me. He looked the stuff of nightmares.

"So you're the new ones?" he asked, his deep voice rumbling through the room. I nodded slowly. "Good," he continued, "'cause I'm tired of being the baby."

Both Jasper and I laughed. Emmett's replying grin caused deep dimples to pop onto his cheeks and made him look very different from the monstrous being my first glimpse had told me of.

"Just because they're new doesn't mean they're younger," Esme retorted.

"Well, let's settle it, then." Emmett turned on the couch so that his arms were dangling over the back, his face to us. "How old are you?"

I pursed my lips, hesitant to answer a question I didn't know the answer to.

"How old are _you_?" Jasper came to my rescue.

"I'll be thirty-five this year," Emmett boasted. Jasper looked down at me, his eyes reassuring.

"Sorry, Emmett," he said easily, "you're still youngest. We've both been around since before you were changed."

I saw Esme give his cryptic answer a critical stare and sighed.

"I don't remember being changed," I announced. The others in the room dragged their eyes away from Jasper and onto me, their faces filled with incredulity. "I don't remember being human or who changed me or the pain. The first year I can remember is 1921."

I could see in their eyes that they thought I was crazy. Those days of pain they had all endured were some of their last human memories; how on earth could I forget that? Funnily enough, I wondered the same thing.

Esme spoke first. "And you, Jasper, do you remember nothing as well?"

"No, ma'am." He looked down at me, and I nodded, urging him on. "I was born in Texas in 1843."

Once again, a quiver of shock went around the room, a feeling quickly beat back by Jasper's manufactured calm.

Emmett wrinkled his nose. "Weird," he commented, giving Jasper a funny look.

"My age or my gift?" he asked.

"A little of both," Emmett admitted with a good-natured grin as Carlisle joined us in the den, sitting in the chair his wife had been in and pulling her down onto his lap.

"How's the Lone Ranger, Emmett?" he asked, his tone just a trifle weary.

"Fine, thanks," Emmett replied, "but it seems we have our own Ranger right here."

Jasper stared down at the ground, embarrassed. I brought our joined hands up to my lips to kiss his knuckles, trying my hardest to give him every ounce of reassurance and love I could muster.

Carlisle looked up at me. "Alice, if you'll go upstairs to the music room, I believe Edward would like a word with you."

I immediately grew nervous, and my reassurance came back to me tenfold from Jasper's comforting touch. I glazed over as my immediate future passed through my mind, another bout of reassurance coming from the sight of Edward's soon-to-be-smiling face playing there.

"Thank you," I said and turned to go. Jasper's hand tugged me back, his eyes asking me if I was all right by myself. I nodded silently, promising him I would be fine and taking one last look at the more accepting members of my family before heading up to the one who was still waiting to be convinced.

I had only to raise my hand to knock on the door of the music room for Edward to sense my presence and bid me to enter in a voice loud enough to go through the door. Edward was still pounding away at the elegant grand piano when I came inside, weaving complicated chords into a heartbreaking melody that I couldn't place. I stayed close to the door, closing it behind me, watching Edward as he continued his masterpiece and taking the chance to look about the beautiful room.

The sofa that had been in Edward's room was now pushed against the far wall, a thick throw rug near it covering some of the wood-paneled floor. A large turntable with speakers stood next to a set of empty shelves waiting to be filled with the records in the garage. Edward's grand piano, as glossily black as my hair, held court in one corner of the room, a few other instruments waiting next to it, including a cello, guitar, and an impressive-looking golden harp. The ivory-painted walls were high with the same floor-to-ceiling windows that were in my and Jasper's new room, and –

"_Your_ new room?"

Edward didn't look up from the keys, and I couldn't tell by his face whether his voice had a tinge of humor or a tinge of sarcasm in it.

"Humor."

I smiled, just the littlest bit, at his mind-reading.

"Sit, please," he asked, nodding to the stool next to his piano bench. I dropped onto it with my hands folded in my lap while Edward's skipped up and down the ivory keys.

"That's lovely," I commented as he reached one mournful chord and went on.

"Thank you." His eyes still focused downward, he cleared his throat. "I wanted to…_apologize_. For jumping to conclusions. I didn't stop to think that you could be here of your own accord, and I took the frustrations I was feeling out on you, a complete stranger. It was ignorant and uncalled for, and I'm sorry."

I grinned wildly. Edward, quiet, temperamental Edward, the last one to bend, had finally done so. I finally had my last brother. The final haunting chord of Edward's melody came to a stop and he looked up at me, his face serious.

"Am I forgiven?" he asked.

I laughed lightly. "Of course. I would have asked _your _forgiveness if it meant Jasper and I could stay."

"You really want to be a part of this family? Give up all the humans and the nomadic life and the freedoms that we cannot have here?"

"Edward, I've already done that." I placed my hand on his arm. "I did all that in the hopes it would make me one of you. And it has."

Edward smiled a little, his handsome face made all the more brilliant by his emotion.

"Carlisle said you had a gift, that you knew about us before you even came," he announced.

I nodded. "Yes, I saw all of you. That's why I knew we had to come be a part of your family. And that's why I can forgive your actions, having seen your upset when dealing with Tanya."

"Tanya…" Edward shook his head, exasperated, and I thought of the note I had waiting for him in one of my suitcases. "What note?" he asked.

Just as much as my gift would take getting used to by the others, so would Edward's take some getting used to by me.

"Tanya gave me a letter when we went to Denali," I explained. "I told her I would deliver it to you."

He nodded slowly and placed his hands back on the piano keys, beginning a lighter, softer piece than before. It made me feel warm and welcome, as if the music itself were extending a friendly hand out and drawing me in.

"That's a nice way to put it, I suppose," Edward murmured as he played. I leaned forward on my stool to finger the strings of the golden harp standing next to me.

"Do you play this as well?" I asked, plucking the strings and delighting at the differing tones.

He shook his head. "Emmett bought it for Rosalie as a joke. Some ridiculous allusion to her being an angel…which, as you've surely seen, she is not."

"If anyone's an angel in this house, it's Esme," I added.

Edward smiled warmly. "I've done a few upsetting things here and there, and she has always welcomed me back with open arms like I'm the Prodigal Son. Her and Carlisle both."

"And Jasper and I have been welcomed as if we've always been a part of this family."

"By all except me." His tone was bitter.

"You didn't know," I insisted. "I forgive you for that."

Edward huffed. "Sometimes I feel as though I've had too much forgiveness in this life."

"Don't we all?" I retorted. Heaven knows how much forgiveness we were granted each day despite our life-taking way of being, not to mention how my Jasper seemed to prove the forgiveness for every horrible thing I had ever done in my life. Absent-mindedly, I ran my hands down the harp's strings again, wondering silently if I could learn to play such a beautiful instrument.

"I could teach you," Edward offered, lifting his hands from the piano to put them over mine on the strings. "Here, put your fingers –"

He stopped abruptly as my mind set to work, the decision to learn this difficult instrument making it an easy task. With constantly looking forward to where my hands should go next, playing the harp was like second nature, and the delicate music I found myself making was suddenly supplemented with Edward's piano harmony. Our music wove together in one seamless, beautiful composition, giving me the strangest feeling that Edward and I would soon be as close as our notes lingering in the air.

"That was interesting," Edward commented after we had finished our duet.

"Very," I replied. "I didn't know I could do that."

"You did very well. We'll have to continue this musical experiment, see what else you can play. I'll be in here from now on, so you'll know where to find me."

"Edward…I want to apologize for taking your room," I said as I toyed with my necklace, slightly nervous. Perhaps for all the progress we had made, Edward would still hold that against me.

He sighed a little. "If Esme thinks it's best, then it's best. It's not like I need a bed, and we wouldn't be able to fit one anywhere else. Besides, with your talent, I'll have to spend all my time in here to make sure I stay on the top of my game."

I wrinkled my nose. As beautiful as the music was, I didn't fancy staying inside all day, hunched over an instrument, constantly having to use my gift for my own pleasures.

"That's fine, we'll make it an occasional happening then," Edward said in reply to my thoughts. I smiled; I _knew_ I would like this Edward boy. I watched as his gaze went slightly slack, knowing he was listening to something I couldn't hear.

"What is it?" I asked, furrowing my brow.

"Nothing much," he explained. "Your fiancé is telling his story to my…_our_ father. It's quite interesting."

I smiled. "Isn't it? I should probably go downstairs to be with him." I stood, already seeing myself standing at Jasper's side while he and Carlisle conversed in the library.

"Have a nice time," Edward advised, returning to his endless piano-playing. I got up from my stool and walked to the door.

"Alice?"

My hand on the doorknob, I turned around to see Edward sitting with his body twisted so that his head was facing me but his hands were still moving across the keyboard.

"Yes, Edward?" I said.

"Are you sure there's nothing I can do to make sure things are right between us?"

I smiled. "You've already done everything you need to."

Edward smiled too and turned around, returning to his piano, a sight that I could tell was already becoming a staple of my new home. As his music began again, filling my heart with its sweetness and feeling of belonging, I wished for nothing more than for that sound to never end.


	33. Thou Shalt Have a Share in our Purchase

Jasper had already told much of his tale to Carlisle by the time I arrived in the library. I worried for a moment that the forever-calm patriarch would be unnerved by Jasper's blood-soaked past, but he took it well with nary a wince or disgusted remark. We in turn learned of his relationship with the mysterious Volturi – which made it clear why Maria's army was not such a harrowing idea – how he had left to seek his own life, and how he had created the family around him. We learned the others' stories through his lips: Edward's death from the Spanish influenza, Esme's from a suicide attempt, Rosalie's assault, and Emmett's bear attack. It almost broke my heart to hear of the pain my new family's last moments had been consumed with, and I tried very hard not to think of how terrible the pain must have been for me to wipe out any recollection of it. Jasper felt my unease and demonstrated his talents by setting the three of us at rest.

"I must say," Carlisle said, giving Jasper a quizzical stare, "that gift of yours is quite useful." Jasper smiled lightly, and I nearly beamed with pride. "Both of your talents will certainly add a lot to our little family. I might even be more pleased about your arrival than you are."

I shook my head, grinning fiercely. "That's not even possible."

Carlisle laughed. "I suppose, given the fact that I've only just met you and you've known us for years…but it's strange, that. I almost feel like I _have _known you. It's as if our family was waiting for you to come just as much as you were."

My heart wanted to soar out of my chest; I was afraid it would very soon, the goodness and kindness from everything around me filling it like a balloon. Jasper, my wonderful, handsome, thoughtful Jasper, was going to marry me. I…_we_ had a father and a mother who stood before us with open arms. Emmett was eager for us to settle in, Edward had become so much more accommodating, and Rosalie was a goddess of a sister.

It was almost torture waiting for morning to come so we could leave for town. We spent the hours telling our stories again to the other members of our family. Mine was rather short and Jasper's rather edited, though I had trouble not laughing whenever he left out some too-troubling piece of information that Edward knowingly marked with smirks and raised eyebrows.

"…and so we left Denali and came here," I finished up as the sun began to rise over the mountains.

"All that, just for a family?" Emmett grinned cheekily. "Seems an awful lot of trouble."

"Says the man who nearly got eaten alive to join," Rosalie jabbed.

"We make such a large family," Jasper remarked as he looked around at the seven of us seated in the den. "What story do we tell to make it all seem believable?"

"Well," Carlisle began, "Edward has played at being my adopted son for a while now, and Rosalie has been either Esme's sister or niece, though I believe we were going to stay with niece this time, correct?"

Rosalie nodded.

"Niece then," he confirmed. "Emmett and she are married. They wish to be known as Mr. and Mrs. Hale here in Stowe."

I noted the unfamiliar name but said nothing; I would ask later.

"Do either of you have any preferences? Names you'd like to take on? Roles you'd like to play?" Carlisle asked.

"Cullen," I said immediately, the words bubbling out before I could stop them. I had wanted to be one for so long, it was my only answer. My only hope.

"Perhaps we could say she was my sister," Edward suggested. I beamed at the boy. God had blessed me well with such a brother.

Carlisle nodded. "A very good idea. And Jasper, do you have any requests?"

Jasper pondered it over for a moment, staring down at where my left hand rested on his knee, my ring glimmering in the early morning glow coming through the windows. He opened his mouth as if to speak and then shut it, thinking better.

"We have no secrets in this family, Jasper dear," Esme said softly. "There's no use having them with Edward around."

He smiled embarrassedly. "I'm sorry, I just…I didn't want you to think I didn't want to be a part of the family when I…well…"

"Jasper wants to keep his name so that he can give it to Alice," Edward said in one long breath. "He'll take Hale or Cullen the next time around, but he wishes to be Jasper Whitlock in Vermont."

Carlisle smiled. "That's what you were ashamed of?"

"Yes sir," Jasper murmured, looking down.

He reached out a hand to touch Jasper's shoulder. "There's nothing wrong with that, my boy. That is honor and love of family, and I can see that you value that just as much as I do."

Jasper's shoulder's lowered, as if he had been relieved of a heavy burden I hadn't known had been there. I felt slightly ashamed that I hadn't noticed this trouble he had been facing until Jasper glanced down, giving me a look and shaking his head. I knew he was saying that it wasn't my fault, that I hadn't done anything wrong in not helping him. I sighed and leaned into his shoulder, not entirely at ease that I had let this go unnoticed but comforted that he didn't blame me for that.

"Jasper Whitlock, then," Carlisle announced. "And if we were to claim Rosalie's maiden name as Whitlock, then he could be her brother and Esme's nephew."

Rosalie shifted a little in her seat as if she didn't entirely agree with that idea, but said nothing under Edward's reproachful glare.

"They do look remarkably alike," Esme noted, her eyes flickering back and forth between the two tow-headed faces. I did the same thing, marking Rosalie and Jasper's shared golden hair, their golden eyes, their perfect noses and lips and figures. They were alike as any set of twins I had seen, the resemblance uncanny.

"If Rosalie agrees," Jasper said. _Ever deferring to the lady, Jazz_, I thought with a smile.

Rosalie bit her ruby lips before nodding. "I suppose so."

And so we became permanent members of the Cullen family.

As hard as it was making it through the night, it was even harder to wait for the morning sun to disappear behind a thick barrier of clouds. By nine-thirty, the sky was suitably covered, and a quick glimpse into the future told me that it would stay so until just before sundown. I pulled on my gabardine coat, smoothing down the mink collar in anticipation.

"You're sure you'll be fine? All those people in town…" Jasper said warily, his eyes half-worried and half-thirsty. "This isn't Ten Sleep, there's going to be a lot more humans here."

"I can handle it. I've been building up my immunity longer than you, which is why _I'm _going and you're not." I angled myself so that Jasper's head was blocking Rosalie and Emmett's rather passionate farewell from view.

"I'll go if you want me to." He brushed his hands against my cheek. I closed my eyes and leaned into his palms, savoring the feeling of his cool, soft skin against mine and taking his scent into my lungs. I knew any human I met would be protected from my bite if I could have that scent in my memory, just the recall of it strong enough to overpower any delicious mortal aroma.

"It's too many people for you," I murmured as I opened my eyes. "Stay here. Get to know our brothers. Hunt, maybe."

"A hunt." He repeated the word with a faraway look in his eyes.

"There, now you have something to do," I said brightly and stood on tiptoe to kiss him.

"But that won't take all day," he said, coming out of his reverie.

"Well, if you get finished, use the phone and call the local car dealerships," I suggested. "See if they have a Victoria."

Jasper chuckled. "You and your cars…"

"Rosalie's worse," I exclaimed.

"Worse?"

Rosalie stood next to me, one perfect blonde brow arched and her hands on her hips. I was almost afraid of her hidden wrath until a small smile began to toy at the corner of her mouth.

"You're right, I am," she admitted with a gay laugh, making us all grin.

"Why don't you take the Ponton?" Emmett suggested before giving his wife one final kiss. "We'll see you later."

"Good luck with her, Rosalie," Jasper cautioned. "Don't let her get her shopping claws into you."

I shot him a _look_.

"And you wouldn't be the Alice I know and love if you didn't have those claws," he added with a grin. I darted up to kiss him again before skipping out the door with Rosalie in the lead. She stopped in front of the long, one-story building used as the garage and easily pushed up the door.

"Do you like it?"

A glossy black Mercedes stood before me, immaculately ostentatious and just waiting to be started.

"It's amazing," I breathed. I longed to run my hand over the flawless paint job, admire the curves of this fabulous machine, but, fearing for the spotless layer of wax covering the body of the car, I instead slipped into the passenger seat without a word. The Mercedes came to life with a purr and we pulled out of the garage, heading into town under the protective cloud cover. The scents of the humans about town swirled into my nostrils once I opened the door, making it apparent that Jasper would not have been okay out of doors and that I might have to spend the day without breathing.

Our first stop was the bank to ensure that my Swiss account had been properly transferred. Rosalie's eyes widened when she heard the teller say how much was now in our family account, but she said nothing and we left after getting a checkbook made in my name. I wrote my first check for an exquisite pink Oleg Cassini ziberline cocktail dress.

It seemed to me that every woman living in Stowe must surely be of the upper, _upper_ class – or at least the prices on the tags seemed to say so. The boutiques around town were all filled with beautiful one-of-a-kind designer pieces, all priced higher than I had ever seen, even in Boston. For the first time in my life, I worried whether I should be spending quite so much. I had a family to help out now, after all.

And then my mind kicked into gear, showing me just how _good_ I would look in each dress or skirt or suit, and my checkbook was put through its paces. I was even a little bit practical, using my funds to buy a beautiful set of bed linens the same pale yellow shade as the midmorning sun and Jasper's silky hair.

Rosalie was having a lovely time as well, especially when she stood in front of the mirror trying on a pretty white satin cropped Dior jacket.

"What do you think?" she asked, looking over her shoulder to admire the way it accentuated her backside.

"I think you're going to buy it in a few minutes," I said confidently.

"Hmm." Rosalie tapped her fingers against her hip. "That puts the score at Alice eight, Rosalie three. Still rather uneven."

"And I've still got more to buy," I added.

"Really?" Rosalie laughed as she shrugged the jacket off and placed it back on the hanger. "Emmett will be surprised, he thought I couldn't be beaten."

I stared down at my hands, twiddling my thumbs as I once again attempted to ask what I felt was a personal and almost embarrassing question – but a question you _could_ ask a sister.

"Rosalie?"

She handed the jacket off to a salesgirl and turned to me. "Yes, Alice?"

"Do you know where I might find some…some of those pretty…_unmentionables_?"

Rosalie smiled coyly. "Looking to tempt Jasper? Not that you need help, of course, though I will say Emmett gets _rather_ excited when I –"

"Rosalie!" I wondered when I would become accustomed to my sister and her husband's blatant displays of affection for each other and if my own feelings for my mate were as obvious.

She hesitated for just a moment. "Most of those were bought in Paris before the wedding…but I think I saw a shop on the drive down here that might suffice. Come on."

We quickly paid for her jacket and once again set out down the stretch of boutiques. I allowed myself to take a breath for the first time that afternoon. It was almost a bad idea; the smell of the still-falling snow cleaned up much of the air, but that clean air was pushed away in one great rush as a pair of teenaged boys passed by, their eyes focused on our perfected faces. Despite the musty smell of puberty that rolled off of them, they were still mouth-watering, and I expelled all the air from my lungs before again shutting them off completely. I _could not _do something like that. I had only just gotten my family; I would not be the cause of yet another period of exile.

"Here." Rosalie stopped in front of a store that took my breath away. A kitschy sign advertising the store as _For Whom the Bell Tolls_ almost made me wince at its cheesiness, but the tall mannequin in the front window wearing a stunning satin wedding dress more made up for it.

"Where there's bridal attire, there is surely lingerie," Rosalie said sagely, taking me by the hand and pulling me into the shop.

It was like being sucked into a vortex of satin and lace. Row after row of white, off-white, cream, eggshell, and ivory gowns lines the walls. Veils, headpieces, gloves of every shade were sitting high on shelves, just waiting to be tried on. And just in the back of the store was the section devoted to the smaller, more intimate pieces of a bridal costume, pieces we had come seeking.

In other words, it was heaven.

A slim woman with her brown hair piled high on her head came strutting over to help us, leaving me drowning in venom at the sight of her blood pulsing so easily through the veins under her thin skin.

"Can I help you ladies?" she asked coolly.

"Yes, I'm Mrs. Hale, this is Miss Cullen," Rosalie announced, her tone more than slightly haughty. I didn't care; I was too busy thrilling that I had been called _Cullen_.

"Miss Cullen is engaged to my brother."

"Congratulations." The woman smiled fakely and I tried not to sneer.

"We were looking for lingerie to add to her trousseau," she went on.

"Then you've come to the right place," the woman said as her eyes sparkled at the idea of a large commission. "My name is Mrs. Sloane. Miss Cullen, if you'd like to step into the back we can start by taking your measurements."

I nodded and followed Mrs. Sloane into a small room littered with bolts of fabric, pincushions, and many other assorted artifacts needed for tailoring. I stepped up onto a platform that _almost _made me level with Mrs. Sloane. She picked up a tape measure from where it was slung over a chair and got to work, writing down the length of my arms, legs, torso, and about eight million other things. I held my breath as she measured, trying very hard to ignore the exceptionally large vein pulsing invitingly at the crook of her neck. My throat was on fire. I would have to hunt tonight, that was for sure, and by the looks of things so would Rosalie; the poor girl was standing pressed against the wall, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from doing anything. Being in this too-small room with this blood-filled woman unaware of how much danger she could be in was almost getting to be too much, and I was grateful the moment Mrs. Sloane stepped back and smiled.

"There now, all finished."

"Thank you," I said, trying not to inhale as I spoke. She helped me down off the platform and led the way back into the main section of the store, turning right into the area of the shop filled with tiny pieces of satin and lace delicate enough to set any man – immortal or no – in convulsions.

"Now," Mrs. Sloane began, "what are you interested in buying?"

I arched an eyebrow. I was _interested _in just about everything, but what was I actually going to _buy_? Rosalie made the first selection, a delicate ivory corselette that Mrs. Sloane proclaimed "exquisite." To that was added a long, pale green slip, a delicate pink chemise with blue ribbon trim and white thigh-high stockings to go with it, the same blue ribbons from the chemise adorning the tops of the stockings. Mrs. Sloane brought out a large catalogue and a few more pieces were to be shipped to Stowe in a few weeks. I finished off our purchases by adding one last, rather risqué item, a jet-black corset and garter belt set that I worried was just a tad bit scandalous and Rosalie said was perfect.

"I doubt we'll see you for a week," she remarked deviously, making me laugh.

"We have to drink _sometime_, Rose."

She rolled her eyes.

"Will that be all for you ladies?"

Mrs. Sloane had returned from putting our catalogue orders in. Rosalie turned to me.

"Do you want to look at dresses before we go home?" she suggested. The word home sent my body into a state of occupied tension, and I shook my head furiously to put myself to rights once my mind-boggling vision was done.

"Alice? The dresses?"

Rosalie was snapping her red-painted fingers in front of my face.

"No, we have to get home," I insisted in a rapid tone I wasn't sure Mrs. Sloane could hear. I picked up my pocketbook from where it had been resting on a chair and took Rosalie's hand in mine.

"Now?" she asked incredulously as I dragged her to the counter to pay quickly.

I nodded, slamming a hastily-scrawled check on the counter. "Yes, _now_. Before Edward does something ridiculous."


	34. Gift After Gift

Rosalie seemed to understand my urgency and sped the car along the white-covered roads, expertly moving around slippery patches of ice and dodging the occasional branch that had fallen from the heavy weight of the snow. She drover faster than I had ever seen anyone go, but it wasn't fast enough to beat the four-o'clock train, and we sat waiting at the tracks for ten harrowing minutes. I knew then that we would be too late and I sighed in frustration.

"How ridiculous!" I cried, mentally abusing my new brother. "Completely unnecessary!"

"Are you going to tell me what it is that you've seen?" Rosalie asked and drummed her fingers on the steering wheel as we waited.

"You'll see soon enough." I shook my head at what he had already done. It was just like I said, ridiculous and unnecessary and so entirely Edward that I almost, _almost_ smiled…but my temper had taken over and I could do nothing but sit in the car and be disapproving of his needless actions.

The final caboose passed by and we were once again on our way, going so fast that I realized Rosalie must have tampered with the Mercedes' engine. It was less than two minutes until we pulled down the snowy drive towards the house and fifteen seconds until my immortal eye could see just what Edward had done.

"Oh my…" Rosalie slowed her car to a stop, not bothering to pull it into the garage in her haste to get out. Jasper was nowhere to be seen but Esme and Emmett were already outside, waiting for us on the porch as we left the car. Part of me, the more temperamental part, wanted to march right upstairs and box Edward's ears. The other part of me, the unfortunately and insatiably curious part, won over and I stopped at the foot of the porch steps, facing the sleek, cream-painted body of what appeared to be our new Ford Victoria.

"Did you see?"

Emmett came bounding down the steps, his eyes as excited as a child's. I, however, was still stuck between excitement and appreciation for what Edward had done and strange unease at his actions. I loved presents as much as the next girl, but this was truly too much.

"Of course she saw, she has eyes," Rosalie retorted as she wrapped her arms about her husband's waist, kissing him hello.

"I mean the _inside_. The interior is amazing, Jasper already let me sit in it."

I raised an eyebrow. "Jasper's seen it?"

Emmett nodded. "Edward didn't say a word about going to get it, but Esme caught him when he came home. She made him get Jasper's approval first."

I bit the inside of my cheek. If Jasper approved…but it was still an extravagant gift. Who in their right mind bought their new family member a car as a get-to-know-you gift? Edward's sanity must be as given to rapid changes as his temperament was…

"If you don't like it, Alice, I can get him to take it back," Esme offered. "I wouldn't want it to make you upset."

"No, no," I said quickly, holding up my hands. "I'm not upset…just taken aback."

The woman stepped closer to place a hand on my shoulder. "I know it seems a trifle extravagant, but that's how Edward expresses his love. He only wished to make sure you felt welcomed by him."

I gave a little smile. That same extravagance that was a mark of Edward also marked me too. It was rather strange, almost as if fate was showing me just how much I was supposed to be Edward's sister, Alice Cullen. _Cullen_. The name resounded in my head like an echo off a mountainside, beautiful and distracting, making the frustration I had felt with Edward's impetuosity slip away almost completely. After all, it was a wonderful gift, exactly what I had seen and wanted, even if it was far too much. He must have been carefully listening, finding what it was that we wanted so that we would, like Esme said, feel welcomed. It was one of the most thoughtful things I had seen, but I would have to let him know in no uncertain terms that things like this could not happen again. I, Alice Cullen, would not be bought. My trust and love had to be gained through actions and words, just as it had always been. Just because I had added on a new name didn't mean I was a new person.

Still, it was an absolutely _gorgeous_ car.

"There now, that's settled." Esme smiled warmly, her hand still at my shoulder. "Some of your things were sent to the house while you were gone, Alice, and I've got your bed all made up. I believe Jasper's there now."

I smiled up at the woman, and my mother smiled back down at me.

"I think there's someone else I need to see first."

I helped Rosalie to empty out her car before going inside. The door to the music room was open, filling the house with the sound of Edward's delicate piano-playing. I walked upstairs and stood just outside the room. I leaned against the door jamb, my hands still holding my shopping bags, listening to him play and wondering how it was that I could be blessed with such a thoughtful brother…ridiculous, but thoughtful.

"I'm not ridiculous," Edward called out over the music.

"But you are," I insisted, coming to sit on the harp stool I had been perched on yesterday. "That was completely unnecessary."

He smirked down at the keys. "I wanted to make sure my sister didn't hate me."

"What a silly thing to say…though it is a very nice car."

"That it is."

"And you're not allowed to buy something like that again."

Edward laughed lowly. "We shall see. And you think _I'm_ being extravagant."

He looked pointedly at the many bags resting at my feet and I smiled embarrassedly.

"Besides, Jasper told me about all the things you've bought him," he continued. "And how you've accepted _his_ gifts without a whimper."

"That's different!"

"And what about all the things you bought for this friend of yours? Her name…started with an M?"

"Marlene." The word tumbled from my lips, making my heart ache a little. Poor Marlene, with her life now so full of heartache because of me. And I hadn't even gotten a chance to say goodbye!

Edward held up a hand. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up. If you really want, I'll return the car and say nothing more about it."

"No." I shook my head. He was being far too kind as it was, stopping me from remembering such sad things, offering to return something he had put so much thought into. "You're right and I'm being hypocritical. I just wanted to make sure that we were going to start off on the right foot, that I liked you for you and not for some expensive gift. But now…"

"Now?"

_Now I know that you didn't mean it like that. I know that something somewhere knew we were meant to be brother and sister._

Edward smiled a little at my thoughts.

A rumble went through the house as Emmett came thundering up the stairs. I noticed through the open door that he was chasing his wife, and I began to see glimpses of the activity they were in pursuit of, an activity I most definitely was not meant to see.

"Oh, God…" Edward groaned, stopping his music to press one hand to the bridge of his nose.

"Hearing their thoughts?" I guessed. It was bad enough that I could see my new brother and sister's coupling, but to hear the passion running through their minds…

"And yours," he added. "And I thought hearing it couldn't get much worse – but seeing it? Ugh."

I almost laughed at the reversal of our thoughts.

"You'll get used to seeing it," Edward said in a slightly bitter tone. "They have their fun so much, Carlisle paid to have all the walls on the second floor sound-proofed."

I raised my eyebrows at this extravagance but then thought of how this architectural endeavor might be of use. My mind ambled to thoughts of Jasper and I and our newly-delivered bed…and then I realized with a start that Edward could hear those thoughts just as easily as I could think them.

"I…I'm sorry," I hastily apologized. He shook his head.

"No, I'm used to it," he murmured, returning to his music. His face was wiped clean of any hurtful looks, yet I wondered if he actually was not bothered by the constant romantic thoughts of two, now three, couples living with him. I could see how Carlisle and Esme's hearts were in the right place by wanting him to have a mate of his own. Even Tanya's misguided attempts didn't seem so misguided now that I wanted Edward to be happy.

"No pity, please. I can't stand it."

I abruptly stopped thinking such simpering thoughts, ashamed at myself.

"It has nothing to do with you," Edward insisted. "I'm just tired of everyone thinking the same thing. I couldn't handle it if you did too."

I put my arm around his shoulders. "I won't then."

"Good. Now go see Jasper, you're all he's been thinking about today."

A big grin spread across my face. I knew Jasper thought of me just as much as he confused my own head, but to have it so blatantly confirmed…any worries I had ever had of Maria or other women or even human temptations were entirely gone now. "Thank you," I whispered gratefully to Edward.

He smiled. "For the car or easing your mind?"

"Both." Feeling more at home with him than I had with anyone before – save Jasper – I bent to kiss the top of his bronzed head before scooping my shopping bags back up, heading out the door and down the hall towards Jasper and my new bedroom. I nudged the half-closed door with my foot and it slid silently open, not disturbing the astonishingly handsome man who lay on the bed, reading a thick book. He looked so peaceful and godlike that I paused there in the doorway to stare, taking in the way his tight caramel-hued sweater defined the muscles of his arms and chest, his breathtaking eyes as they quickly skimmed the page, his honeyed hair falling gracefully across his forehead and onto the pillows, blending in with the pale yellow linens. He was lying propped up on his side, facing me and the door, looking exceptionally comfortable on our new bed and so deep in thought that he hadn't even noticed I had entered. He was so handsome and intelligent and perfect that I doubted he could really be mine. But no, the diamond on my left hand sparkling in the lamplight reminded me that he was, and I smiled to myself before scampering up onto the bed next to him, laying on my stomach. Only then did he look up from his book, a slow smile easing onto his face.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I said and kissed his cheek. He turned his head, changing the course of my lips.

"Hello, darling," he said, only it was more like "darlin" than "darling" and I grinned at his adorable, barely-there accent. "Did you have a nice time with Rosalie?"

"Very nice," I answered.

"Do we have anything left in the bank?"

I hit his shoulder with a touch light enough to severely bruise a human.

"Sorry." His impish grin made me forgive him. "So did you see what Edward got us?"

I nodded. "It's ridiculous, don't you think?"

"Hmmm…maybe a little overzealous, but he was only trying to be accommodating after being so stubborn." He gave me a funny stare. "You didn't say anything to him, did you?"

"I saw it before I knew what had happened," I admitted. "But I figure it's like you said. He was only trying to make up for what he did. Even though it was obscene and unnecessary."

"I found it thoughtful. And it's a gorgeous piece of machinery."

"True. What are you reading?" I asked, toying with the onion-thin pages of his book, desperate to change the subject from something I now felt I had overreacted about.

"_Educating New England_." He lifted the book and put it on one of our new mahogany bedside tables, the same beautifully carved pieces as our beautiful new four-poster bed with matching dresser and armoire. "Alice, today while you were gone, Carlisle asked me a question. Did you see it?"

I shook my head, smiling a little. "No, I was too busy looking at the stores."

Jasper laughed. "Finally, something I've kept from you. Too bad you have to be shopping not to see."

I hit him again, harder this time.

"Sorry, sorry."

"Forgiven. Go on, are you going to tell me what Carlisle said?"

"Well," Jasper began, his eyes staring not at me but at his fingers as he drew idle swirls on our yellow bedspread, "he asked if I'd like to go to school."

"School?" I could feel my forehead wrinkling, a physical expression of the confusion I felt.

"Night school, specifically. At a university."

I sat back a little as my confusion turned to shock. Carlisle had suggested _that_? I bit my lip, trying to imagine…or envision…Jasper in a school. No decision had been made yet and nothing came to mind, and it made me a trifle worried. I had to admit, it was a perfect idea. With his voracious reading and incurable search for intelligence, Jasper would be an ideal student. Of course, this ideal student was also ideally human, or at least a well-controlled vampire, both things Jasper was definitely not.

"I know what you're worried about," he said quietly. "And I'm worried about that too. That's why I'm going to take every precaution I can: hunting before I go, only going at night, sitting in the back of the class, all that."

He sat up a little, reaching down to take my head in his hands. "This is something I've always wanted to do, Alice, even before I realized what it really was. I never knew I could go to school before, and now I have the opportunity standing right before me. Don't you think I should take it?"

And as worried as I was for him – and for the other students that would be sitting in his classes – I knew he should.

"Yes," I murmured, laying my head on his chest. He sighed, and I moved up and down with the rolling of his lungs.

"Please don't say yes because you think you ought to. I want to know what you really think."

I paused. The truth sometimes hurt, and I wanted nothing more than to never hurt this man for the rest of my days.

"Please, Alice."

I sighed. "I said yes because you want it so badly. And you'd do so well in the classroom, I know you would, but…what we are makes it difficult. I just don't know if you'll be able to handle yourself around a professor and students teeming with blood."

I tried very hard to ignore Jasper's tongue licking his lips at the thought.

"I'm more than taking that into consideration," he replied, his deep voice echoing into my ear pressed against his chest. "With your help, we should be able to see anything too terrible coming. And Edward even volunteered to join me at the school, but Carlisle said he still has one more year to go. Emmett's going to come instead, and he'll put a stop to anything if I…well, you know."

"Where are you going to go?" I asked, still unable to see any concrete picture.

"Carlisle suggested Dartmouth. It's only an hour away, and he thinks I could make it, though I'm not so sure. It's been a very long time since I've had any formal schooling." He sighed and went on. "So I was thinking about Middlebury College. Less formal. Less crowded."

My mind sprang to life with visions of Jasper tucked away in the back corner of a not-at-all-crowded classroom of nighttime learners, his scholarly bow tie adorable but ridiculously out of place among the ten or so working class individuals also seeking an education.

I nodded. "That seems about right."

Jasper's face broke out into an enormous smile. "You really think so?"

"No, no," I corrected. "I _see_ so."

He was so intently earnest that I had to let him go. There was nothing more I could do about it. The defeat was absolutely worth it for his kisses.

"Do you want to see what I bought?" I asked mischievously as I drew away.

Jasper gave me a wary glance. "I'm not too sure now."

"Don't make me hit you again."

"Fine, fine. Time for the fashion show."

"If you don't want to, I can just –"

"_Go ahead, _Alice."

I grinned and went to pick up my shopping bags, discreetly shutting and locking the door as I did. Flashing a grin, I skipped into our connecting bathroom, shutting that door as well.

"How long are you going to take?" Jasper called after a few minutes. I was sitting on the edge of the tub, pondering over which skimpy outfit I had lain on the floor to show him first.

"I can't decide!" I shouted back, hearing a noise that I think was a snort in response.

"You have a gift, Alice, wouldn't now be a good time to put it to use?"

_Why didn't you think of that, you silly girl?_ I skimmed through my mind, wondering which one would look best. The pink chemise? The ivory? The chartreuse?

The black. Definitely the black.

I grinned to myself as I slipped into the corset, twisting my arms so I could lace it tightly. The garter belt, the stockings, the panties were all perfect, and I finished my negligee off with a pair of little black heels buried in the bottom of another bag.

"Are you ready now?"

I almost laughed at his impatience. "Yes, now," I called out as I opened the door. Jasper was still laying on the bed, his perfect nose buried in _Educating New England_. I cleared my throat and he looked up. The book fell to the bed and bounced down to the floor as he zoomed to my side, moving faster than I had ever seen him do.

"Do you like it?" I asked, my voice coarse with the intense feeling I was having…or he was giving…or a combination of the two. He opened his mouth and shut it, almost as if he couldn't even make a sound; I would have laughed had I not felt so keyed up. His eyes were wide with shock and desire and he reached his arm out, stroking the back of his hand against the satiny-smoothness of my corset. He swallowed, one big gulp, readying himself to speak.

"Yes. I like it very much."

His hand at my waist moved around to support my back while the other unoccupied hand reached down to cradle the back of my knees, picking me up in one swift motion and carrying me to the bed.

"Breaking in the new sheets?" I teased as he laid me against the smooth linens.

Jasper laughed huskily and crushed his mouth to mine, tracing his tongue over my lips until I met it with my own. He moved to kiss my cheek, my neck, my collarbone, stopping to run his lips and tongue over the tops of my breasts peeking out over the corset. I edged one stocking-clad leg between his thighs, rubbing against his straining erection. I pressed a little harder as he groaned and stopped altogether when he freed my breasts from the constraints of the corset, keeping the whaleboned black satin on nevertheless.

His hands were skimming down and he was whispering something wonderful and _oh-god-right-there-don't-stop_. I rushed to remove his clothing, an act he helped along with his one free hand until he was completely undressed, kneeling on the bed like some mighty but forgotten god. I ran my hand across his scarred chest downward until I was between his legs. I brushed my hand across the tip of his member, thrilling in the shudders and half-closed lids this caused. As I pleasured him, he was doing to same to me, both of us trembling and crying out until it almost became too much and I pushed his hands away.

"Please," I begged, gasping for breath. "I need you."

That was enough. He began to unsnap the clasps of my garters, kissing me as he did it without looking, a trick he already knew that I was too busy to wonder how he had learned. I threaded one hand into his golden hair, using the other one to begin pushing my stockings down.

Jasper's hand firmly grabbed my wrist, stopping me. He pulled back from our kiss to shake his head, his face still so close that our noses rubbed together.

"No," he said in that low, throaty voice that caused me to quiver. "Leave them on."

He moved back so that he could use both hands to slip off the black panties I wore. Once they were discarded, he clasped the garters back onto the stockings, keeping his icy hands on my thighs and spreading them wide. He moved one hand up to the side of my face, the other to my breast, just above my quieted heart, as he entered me, and we became lost in that primal pleasure we knew so well.


	35. As Schoolboys from Their Books

"…and _that_ is what a rook does."

I nodded silently at Edward's words, storing the information away safely. I had to know all the rules before I could take down the reigning Cullen chess champion. I almost wanted to try playing him without my gift, but I knew the competitive urge would be much too strong. Suppressing my gift was something I had been trying to do for the past few weeks, at least when it came to the activities of my new family – three days of watching Emmett and Rosalie's bedroom romps had been more than I (or poor Edward) could handle. Edward suggested the block, something he tried to do to give his family just a touch of privacy. And so I began to find a careful balance of ignoring the every waking move of those around me and only focusing on the big happenings – which, thankfully, were few and far between.

Today was absolutely a day for focusing on the big happenings. As I sat in the den with Edward learning the rules and strategies of chess, Jasper was upstairs in our bedroom, preparing for his first session of night school. My stomach was filled with butterflies for him, and I spent every few minutes glancing into the future to make sure he would be okay.

"…B1 to C2. Understand?"

I shook my head, trying to concentrate.

Edward fixed me with a smiling stare. "If you're eager to lose, then by all means stay."

"I'm sorry, Edward, I just –"

"Go on, go to him," he interrupted, waving me off with his hand. "He's more worried than a mother hen, same as you."

I flashed a thankful smile, pushed myself up off the floor, and scampered out of the den. I had reached the foot of the stairs when Carlisle called out to me.

"Alice? Is that you?"

I turned to poke my head through the doorway of his study. Carlisle was sitting behind his heavy desk, an enormous stack of files from the hospital waiting to be read before him.

"Yes, it's me," I said, coming inside. He smiled when I entered.

"Please, sit." He gestured to one of the leather chairs facing his desk, and I sunk into one, my mind stuck between listening to my father and worrying about my fiancé.

"How are you feeling?" he asked in his comforting, paternal tone.

"Fine, thank you." Carlisle gave me a knowing look. "Nervous as anything," I admitted truthfully, and he smiled.

"I think we are all a trifle anxious. Jasper especially. But surely your gift must be a comfort."

I nodded. "A little. I'll just have to keep an eye on him during his classes."

"Make sure that you do," he replied. "I have the utmost faith in Jasper, but we must use every precaution. This is why we have been given our gifts, to put them to good use."

"I will," I promised, doubting I would do much more tonight than watch Jasper in my mind's eye.

"How does Jasper feel about tonight?" he asked.

"I was just about to go ask him that same question," I said with a smile. Carlisle waved me off with the same motion Edward had made moments before, and I smiled at their father-and-son mannerisms.

"Go on, then, don't let me keep you. I've a great deal of work as it is." He gestured to the files on his desk with a weary grin. I nodded my sympathy and left his office, heading back up the stairs as fast as my feet would take me.

I opened the door of our room quietly. Jasper stood in front of the full length mirror we had purchased a week ago, his face tense as he struggled with his tie.

"Here, let me," I offered as I walked to his side. He nodded and relaxed slightly. The instructions I had been studying for the past week sprung into my head and I went though the practice motioned without difficulty, making a little bow just at Jasper's collar, stepping back to straighten it into place and smile.

"Perfect," I murmured. Jasper gave a feeble smile in response. Even though _he _was the empath, I could still feel his nerves rolling off him in waves, making me nervous as well.

"Not you too," he somehow managed to joke. "I was going to come to you for strength."

"Don't worry," I said. "You'll be fine. Emmett's going to be with you the entire time. He'll stop you if something goes out of hand, and I'll see it before it gets that far."

"But if he has to stop me, he'll have to make quite a show, and if we're spotted…if somebody realizes…"

"They _won't_. Remember, Edward and I are going to have the car waiting just outside the building, he'll hear anything they're thinking."

"You promise you'll be waiting for me?" His eyes were as frightened as a little boys and my heart ached with a want to set everything right, to make the night perfect for him. Such wishes beyond any power I could conceive, I merely agreed to what I _could_ do.

"I promise."

He bent down to kiss me, a brief, distracted kiss I knew I couldn't break through until he had proved to himself that he could do this. Taking his cold hand in mine, I led him from the bedroom down to the foyer where our family was waiting.

"Ready to go?" Emmett asked, his eyes bright with excitement. He was attending Middlebury to get his intended major in Business, different from Jasper's in humanities, but they would take the same core classes for the few year, an idea that somewhat settled the butterflies in my stomach. If strong-as-an-ox Emmett were there to watch over Jasper, everything should be fine.

"As ready as I'll ever be," Jasper answered. His hand was still firmly wrapped around mine, and I gave him a comforting squeeze. He brought my hand up to his lips, pressing it there for a too-brief moment.

"You'll be fine," I whispered. He nodded silently in reply.

"Here, Jasper dear." Esme stepped forward, holding out a brown leather satchel I knew to contain his books.

"Thank you," he murmured, still not letting go of my hand, reaching forward with the other to take the bag.

"You should get going," Carlisle advised. "Classes start at seven."

Jasper nodded and bent down to kiss me. It was half as distracted as it had been before; a desperation had snuck in, making it feel as though this would be our last kiss for a very long while. I brushed that idea aside, reveling in his kiss, forcing myself to think, to _know_ that he would be all right.

The door was open and Emmett was standing on the porch. It was all too fast. Jasper's desperation seemed to be rubbing off, and I clung to him until Edward cleared his throat.

"You'll be fine," I repeated, half to myself.

"I will," Jasper replied, only half to me.

"Remember, Edward and I will be waiting in the Ford right in front of the building."

"I know. I love you."

"Never enough."

One more kiss, one last lingering kiss, and he was gone.

I stayed at the window, peering out into the darkness, well beyond the time that the Mercedes turned the corner and went out of sight. My heart of lead was surely in the soles of my shoes without him at my side, and who could possibly move with such an affliction? I pressed a hand against the glass, willing him back no more than two minutes after he had left. He wanted this opportunity so much that I could not hold it from him…but we were both so worried about what might happen as a result. Perhaps it made more sense to wait…

"Alice."

Edward's hand was at my shoulder.

"Alice, come away. Come."

I allowed his hand to pull me away, his touch feeling nothing like what had been there mere minutes before but still comforting in its own way. We went into the den where Esme and Rosalie were watching _The Vincent Lopez Show_ and sat side-by-side on the unoccupied sofa.

"Don't worry, dear," Esme said sweetly, reaching over to place her hand on my knee. "He will be fine, I'm sure of it. You haven't seen anything, he's well-fed, and Emmett is there with him."

"Emmett can stop him if anyone can," Rosalie chimed in. "Think of something else. You'll feel better."

But how on earth could I possibly do such a thing? My head and heart were filled with nothing but Jasper.

"Esme," Edward said suddenly, his voice full of hinted meaning, "didn't you have something to give Alice?"

Esme's eyes lit up. Whatever the meaning was, she understood. "Oh, my, I almost forgot." She rose from the sofa and left the room, returning a few seconds later with her hands full of slim, glossy magazines. She sat in the open space next to me.

"Alice, you'll drive yourself insane if you sit here and worry so." She placed a motherly hand at my cheek. "He's fine, I know he is. Don't you see that?"

I checked once more on Jasper. Class was due to begin any minute, and I could see him clearly, sitting in a desk at the far corner of the room, his jaw firmly set as he tried not to breath in the no-doubt mouth-watering scents of the seven or so humans around him. The window next to him was cracked to let in the fresh air and Emmett was sitting in the desk next to him, one final precaution. It would be three hours of the same breath-holding, I knew, and I allowed myself to finally relax.

"There." Esme smiled warmly. "He'll do wonderfully, I'm sure of it. Now, see what I have for you."

I looked down to where she had spread the books on the coffee table, but my eyes couldn't register whatever they held. As I felt myself sliding into that familiar, catatonic state of envisioning, I grew frightened of what horrors I might see.

_Jasper was rocking nervously from side-to-side, fumbling with the cuffs of his handsome stroller suit. Emmett stood at his side, dressed in the same grey suit, and he smiled at the man's tense fidgeting. He had been just as nervous…at least the first time._

"_She's coming," Edward said, nodding to his left. Jasper stilled almost immediately, standing at attention like the major he had once been. The three pairs of eyes scanned down the aisle of the small church they were standing in to where a pair of doors had opened. Esme came first, dressed in a pretty, full-length, chartreuse gown. Rosalie was right behind, her dress the same color but with a straight, tight design that made Emmett's jaw fall a little slack. For Jasper, there was no looking at these two women. He saw nothing but the beautiful angel in white entering the room on Carlisle's_ _arm_.

When I slid back to consciousness, my eyes were still locked on the coffee table and the magazines that lay there and I realized why I had had this prophetic vision. They were bridal magazines, and on the cover of one was my dress, that breathtaking, wonderful, perfect wedding dress.

"Alice!"

Esme's voice was full of concern, her hand feeling my head for any signs of impossible illness.

"Esme, I'm fine," I insisted.

Clucking her tongue, she pulled on my jaw. "Stick out your tongue."

"Really, Esme, I'm all right!" I gently tugged her hands down.

"When are you going to remember that your human treatments are entirely unnecessary?" Edward teased with a wry smile. "She was only having a vision, not a seizure."

Esme pursed her lips worriedly but sat back. "Are you sure you're fine?"

I nodded. "More than fine, Esme. I saw something. Something wonderful. Did you see it, Edward?"

He nodded. "You all looked lovely." This caught Rosalie's attention.

"What was it? What did you see?"

"My wedding," I said with a grin. "Specifically, my wedding dress."

"Oh, what did it look like?" Rosalie asked.

Edward jabbed one long finger on the pile of magazines. "Just like that. Am I correct, Alice?"

I stared down at the picture he was pointing to and nodded. It was the same beautiful white short-sleeved dress from my vision, all satin and lace overlay with a slight sweep train and pretty flounced hem. The hem was where I found a fault – the dress in my vision had been cut to end at my shin.

"Beautiful," Esme breathed and began tossing out words my fashion-conscious mind had never heard of, like "Schiffli embroidery" and "tulle rusching."

"You'll have to hem it to fit her, of course," Rosalie said to our mother.

"You could do that?" I asked.

Esme nodded. "My mother taught me to sew when I was a girl."

Edward's hand reached across me to touch our mother's knee as her eyes grew cloudy and faraway. She smiled a heartbreaking little smile and he took his hand away, confirmed that she was all right.

"But yes, I could hem it any way you'd like," she offered. I nodded silently, thinking this information over. "Unless, of course, you'd rather we hire a tailor instead."

"No, no," I stammered, hoping she hadn't mistaken my silence for opposition to the idea. "I was just wondering…could you make it tea-length?"

Esme laughed lightly. "Anything for my daughter's wedding."

I beamed. _My daughter_! Even after nearly a month as a Cullen, those little acknowledgements of acceptance still quickened my breath and made my stomach all a-flutter.

"How fashionable," Rosalie breathed as she leaned over to look at the dress. "With a skull cap or pillbox, maybe. And of course you'll need bridesmaids." Her eyes sparkled with the promise of a new dress, a dress I already knew would look amazing.

We began discussing these already-seen dresses, an activity Edward quickly excused himself from. Rosalie's slinky slip of a dress was found in the second magazine we went through and Esme's was in the fourth, both the same pretty shade of pale green that we all deemed would be perfect for a spring wedding. After two hours of wonderfully girlish frenzy, Rosalie and I excused ourselves and met Edward at the base of the stairs, following him out to the garage where the Ford was parked in the space the Buick had occupied before we sold it. Rosalie moved to sit in the passenger-side seat.

"Do you want to drive?" Edward offered, holding out the key. I shook my head.

"Jasper doesn't like me to drive when I might have a vision," I explained as I opened the back door. He nodded and slid into the driver's seat, starting the car and pulling down the drive without a word.

The ride was quiet, none of us speaking. Edward focused on his driving, Rosalie was content to examine her nails, and I was lost in my thoughts, silent words Edward could surely hear, wondering how Jasper's first day had gone. He had been fine in terms of satiating his thirst; my lack of visions concerning that subject had assured me of that. But how had he done as a student? Did he like his teacher? Was he satisfied with the curriculum, or did he find it boring? Stifling? Difficult? Now that I knew he could manage being shut up in a room with a dozen or so humans, I wondered if his dream had matched up to the reality.

We parked the car on the street in front of Munroe Hall, a large white building Jasper and Emmett's last class was in, and sat down to wait the last ten minutes before class got out.

"I'm going to wait in the Mercedes," Rosalie announced after a while, nodding to the parking lot next to the building.

"Go ahead," Edward murmured absently, his brow furrowed as he stared, deep in concentration, out the window. As Rosalie exited the car, I wondered if he was trying to hear their thoughts all the way from out on the street. Edward's slight nod answered my query.

"Really?" I was astounded that he could do such a thing.

"It's tough," he admitted. "Would you be all right out here if I went inside? Waited outside the classroom?"

"Yes, of course," I replied. Anything to help Jasper. Edward gave the deserted street a sweep with his eyes before rushing from the car at an exceptional speed. I kept my mind focused on Jasper in his last few minutes of class, thrilling at how handsome he looked in his adorable bowtie and delighting when he correctly answered a question posed to the class. I slipped out of the car when the clock struck ten, leaning against the hood as the students came filing out of the building, most quiet working-class individuals seeking higher education, some overachieving young scholars, all smelling absolutely breath-taking. I realized just how hard this had to have been for my Jasper, and I blessed him for wanting this opportunity so badly as to go through all that pain.

And there he was, coming down the front steps with Emmett and Edward flanking his sides. Our eyes locked with a hungry, frantic look. He began moving faster than he should around so many humans, but I didn't care. I _couldn't_ care for anything, anyone, except my Jasper. He threw his arms around me, holding me tight in his desperate grasp, burying his face in my hair and breathing in deeply.

"Hard night?" I asked, my mouth muffled against his shoulder. Jasper gave a hard chuckle.

"You have no idea."


	36. Here's the Smell of the Blood Still

"Hard night?" I asked, my mouth muffled against his shoulder. Jasper gave a hard chuckle.

"You have no idea."

Jasper's arms squeezed ever tighter around me, and I somehow managed to turn my head to face our brothers.

"How did he do?" I asked Emmett. He beamed.

"Wonderfully. He knew every answer. There was never any trouble."

Once again, Jasper laughed bitterly into my hair. I looked up, drinking in the sight of him, and seeing in my mind our journey back to the house…a certain part of our journey I prayed Edward wasn't there for. I turned back to the boys to find Edward wincing, having just seen the intimacy I had seen.

"I think I'll ride home with Emmett and Rosalie," he said hastily, tossing me the keys. "Don't be too long."

I smiled just a little, mouthing a _thank you_ before looking back to Jasper's face as they went in search of the Mercedes.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked, and Jasper nodded. "I'll drive then."

Even with his nerves shot to hell, he still followed me around to the other side of the car, opening my door in one gallant movement. I slid in and started the engine while he went around. We drove in silence for a few miles, my eyes focused on the road and Jasper's staring out the window, his mind consumed with something I could not touch. I knew he would speak when the time was right…and I knew it was right when I spotted the soft shoulder of the road I had seen us parked on in my vision. I pulled the car to a stop just to the right of the road, shut off the engine, and turned to face Jasper. He remained facing forward, the moonlight striking his profile in a way that made me knees shake. His fists were clenching and unclenching, a sure sign of his tension, and I slipped my hand into his, easing the pressure with my touch. He sighed and hung his head.

"How was it?" My voice was quiet, but breaking the silence we had been in made it sound like an echo through the car.

Jasper chewed thoughtfully on his lip for a moment, skimming his thumb across my hand. "It was…it was…."

"Good or bad?"

He smiled, just a trifle bitterly. "Both. Heaven and hell all rolled up into one fucking mess."

"_Jasper_," I chastised.

"I'm sorry." He shifted in his seat to face me. "Do you want the good or the bad first?"

"The bad." _Might as well get it over with_.

Jasper swallowed nervously. "They were all…they're so thrumming with life! I could _see_ their veins pulsing along, smell them all the way down the hall…Emmett's wrong. He had to grab my arm when I first walked into the room. He didn't want to admit I had almost…and I didn't want to admit it either, but there you are."

It almost pained me to hear him speak of these humans this way, especially after I had met so many kind mortals in Ten Sleep…or maybe it was because I tried so hard to suppress that same thirst. Either way, what pained me the most was hearing how upset he sounded as he spoke. As deliciously tempting as all those people had been, Jasper still felt terrible that he had thought such things of his classmates. I wanted nothing more than to ease his pain and wondered again if going to school was _really _the best thing for him.

"It wasn't _all _bad, Alice," Jasper broke into my thoughts. "I tried not to breathe the entire class and that helped."

I watched, my face growing calm as his grew happier and he continued.

"I had forgotten how much I enjoyed going to school when I was a boy," he murmured, a slight smile stretching across his face. "I could feel my mind opening up again. It was like I was reaching out for information, soaking it up like a sponge. After a while, the smell wasn't so bad and I could focus on the questions." He grinned a little wider. "Emmett wasn't telling the truth again, I didn't know _every _answer. But I knew a lot, and what I didn't know I was eager to learn. I want to go back, as hard as I know it will be. I want to better myself. I want to be someone, someone you'll be proud of."

I chuckled softly. "I'm already proud of you. You were strong enough to go in there, and you're strong enough to go back." It made me happy to see him so happy, even if we both knew how much danger could come of such a situation.

"I've got three weeks to drop the classes," he announced. "But I think if I try very hard, with my sense of smell and with my books, then I'll be able to do it."

I grinned. "So is that the good?" He nodded, smiling in turn.

"Yes. That, and the fact that you were waiting for me."

"I promised you I would be."

"I know." He leaned over and closed the short distance between our lips, murmuring a thank you against my mouth. I took his face in my hands and, never breaking our kiss, moved from my side of the car to straddle his lap. I almost laughed as I realized that we were leading up to exactly what I (and unfortunately, Edward) had seen.

Jasper's hands were spanning my waist as I untied his bowtie and untucked his shirt, making me feel incredibly secure. I pressed my body closer to his, skimming my fingertips over his chest, across his shoulders, down his arms, anywhere I could put them. I felt his hands leave my waist and move up to unbutton my shirt (I made a mental note to continue wearing button-ups and pedal-pushers when picking Jasper up each day). My lips trailed down to the sensitive spot I knew so well, right at the base of his jaw near his ear, making him shiver as I kissed there. I could feel the khaki trousers he wore tenting below me, his arousal growing. I sat up a little, my head almost touching the roof of the car, and unzipped his fly. Jasper gave a little moan as I released him and I licked my lips in anticipation.

He was already out, hard and waiting in my hand, when out of the corner of my eye I saw a dark figure walking towards the car with a flashlight in tow. I cursed out loud; whoever it was had escaped my mind so overcome with Jasper and I hadn't seen their approach as a result. The person I now knew to be a highway patrolman was coming ever closer, and Jasper groaned as I tucked him, still erect, back into his pants, zipping his fly just as the flashlight came through the window.

"Excuse me, young lovers," he called through the window, his voice a bark. I tried not to roll my eyes as I reached over to roll down the window. _The man thinks himself a comedian…_

"Alice, your shirt," Jasper hissed. I paused in my actions to do up a few buttons before rolling the window all the way down

"Can I help you…Officer Stein?"

I flashed him my most winning smile.

"Would you mind telling me what you were doing in there, young lady?" The patrolman, Officer Stein by the looks of his badge, shone his flashlight towards Jasper's untucked shirtfront and bedraggled bowtie.

"Nothing, Officer." I tried my best to feign innocence, kicking Jasper's shin when he chuckled too low for the patrolman to hear.

Officer Stein narrowed his eyes and moved his beam of light to my face. "Now listen, young lady, I don't want to have to call your parents to have them pick you up at the station."

His flashlight began sliding a little lower, aiming towards the still-unbuttoned top half of my shirt. I felt my jaw fall a little slack at his perversion and Jasper audibly growled behind me.

"There is no need to call anyone, Officer," he managed to get out through his clenched teeth, "but I'm afraid you're frightening my wife."

The light snapped over my shoulder to Jasper's face. I could see his menacing glare in my mind's eye and see what it was doing to the patrolman's psyche in front of me.

"Your wife, eh?" Officer Stein repeated.

"Show him your ring, Alice." Jasper's voice was terse and commanding. I slid my left hand up into the flashlight's glow.

"Married, then." Officer Stein pondered over this new information for a moment.

"Yes, and just on our way home from our honeymoon," I said quickly, finding the right words in my mind. "So if you please, we'd like to be on our way."

Officer Stein flipped his flashlight in his hand, sliding it into his belt with a fumbling motion. "All right, then, go on. But don't let me catch you doing this again, married or not."

"Absolutely, sir," I managed to spit out, trying to ignore his eyes ducking to peer back down my blouse. Jasper's hand pressed against my shoulder, turning my body to face the steering wheel. Mechanically, as if on autopilot, I rolled the window back up. We sat in silence until the patrolman was back in his car and had passed us, returning to the road.

"That little complacent fuck," Jasper growled as I restarted the engine.

"Don't talk about it," I urged him. "Don't think about it either, just forget it happened."

But he continued. "Him and his damn flashlight, who does he think he is? As if you're a piece of meat, Alice! I wanted…I wanted to…."

I reached a hand over to still his clenching fists. He looked up at me with angry eyes.

"Do you remember when we were in Atlantic City? And that man, the one you won all the money from, he followed us, and I-"

I cut him off. "I remember." How could I forget that, the night Jasper had drunk from a man in front of me, for me, to save my life…or at least my charade? I tried to forget that happening and remember that night as the occasion of our first kiss instead, but the image of that corpse being tossed out to sea filled my recollection.

"I wanted to do the same thing to that officer," Jasper muttered, staring at our joined hands.

"Jazz, you can't protect me with your teeth," I insisted. "At least not in that way."

He nodded slowly. "I know. I just get so angry that-"

"You can't let your temper run away with you. That's what's going to cause you trouble, Jasper, and if there's one thing we don't need it's more trouble." I reached out to stroke his cheek. He leaned into my small palm. "We're working on your immunity. Just give it some time."

He kissed my hand in reply, pressing it fervently against his lips. I smiled a little.

"Not now, Jasper, we promised Officer Stein," I said, pulling my hand away and facing the steering wheel again.

Jasper glared at me, his jaw set. "You are a horrible tease."

I laughed low. "Just wait till we get home, loverboy. We'll see what you think then."

~*~

"So all we have to decide on is the date and the flowers."

Esme set her wedding to-do list down on the porch table. We had been actively planning this wedding for three months now, ever since the day I had envisioned my wedding dress. The dress now hung in Esme's sewing room, safely hidden away from Jasper's eyes, though it still needed to be properly hemmed. Alongside it stood Esme and Rosalie's beautiful dresses, making even the dressmaker dummies that wore them look lovely. My veil, a pretty chin-length blusher, had been ordered a week before and was due to arrive in two weeks time. The chapel from my vision had been found, but, like Esme said, no date had been set.

I looked down at Esme's ever-efficient little time tables outline when we had placed orders and when things would be received. I noted that the shoes dyed to match Esme and Rosalie's gowns would come a few days after my veil, if all went according to plan.

"Well, we're in no rush," I commented, flipping through the pages. "It's not like we're going to outgrow the gowns."

Esme smiled beautifully then looked out into the wide expanse of the back yard bathed in twilight light. "Boys!" she called out. Emmett, Jasper, and Edward all looked up from where they had wrestling, looking rather disheveled and, to my nose-wrinkling horror, muddy.

"Yes, Mom?" Emmett called back.

"I don't want my clean carpets tracked down with dirt. Do you hear me?"

"We'll take our shoes off before, Esme," Jasper shouted, flashing a brilliant smile my way.

"See that you do," Esme replied.

It made my heart warm to see him getting along so well with our brothers, playing around, smiling and laughing even. We both knew that the humans in town and in the classroom still caused a great deal of trouble for him, but he was able to shed any pretense and merely be himself around our new family. He was even, dare I say, having fun at times, a new experience that he confessed was rather shocking to him.

Edward came loping over like a cheetah, vaulting over the porch railing and landing neatly on the wicker sofa next to me.

"So no date yet?" he asked, certainly knowing that there wasn't.

I shook my head. "We might be able to set one if _Jasper would stop fooling around and help me out_."

I shot a pointed glance out to where my fiancé was side-stepping our largest brother, certain he had heard me.

He had. "Aren't you blessed with a gift that helps you see those kinds of things, my little fortune teller?" he called out to me.

"Only once a decision is made, and you know that!" I tried to shout but couldn't be brusque in my tone, I was so happy to see him doing so well.

"Just let me finish Emmett and then I'll help." He gave a tackling lunge that Emmett took rather well, and I turned back towards a worried-looking Esme.

"Here, let me see," Edward offered, taking the timetable from my hands. He laid down on the sofa, resting his head in my lap in an endearing, brotherly way that made me feel, for the thousandth time that week, as if I belonged.

"We have enough time to plan a June wedding," I remarked. "June first, that would give us more than three weeks. And Jasper would be done with school by then."

Edward shook his head against my legs. "That's already one of Emmett and Rosalie's anniversaries."

"One of…they have more than one?" I knew about Rosalie and Emmett's many weddings, but I had assumed it had all been on one day each time, to make their anniversary more special.

"You know Rosalie likes weddings," Esme explained.

"And they both like giving each other presents," Edward added, then screwed his face up in thought. "Or rather, Rosalie likes _getting _presents."

"_Edward_," Esme chastised.

"Sorry, Mother," he apologized seriously as I watched Jasper gave Emmett one final pounce, tossing him to the ground with a chuckle before striding over to the porch.

"Do you honestly want my opinion?" he asked as he sat in the chair next to me. He slid his hand into my own, casually, like it was nothing, never knowing how his simple touch quickened my breath.

"I always want your opinion," I replied. He smiled shyly and I trilled a laugh. Jasper's happiness made me happy, made us _all_ happy, and not just because of his skill.

"What is it you need, then?" Jasper asked, glancing over at the list in Edward's hands.

"Setting a date," Esme announced. "We have to book the chapel three weeks in advance."

"Is there any importance to the date?"

"Not really," I said, shaking my head.

"Then why don't we just pick something random? Say…the fourth Saturday in June?" he suggested. I looked over to the timetable.

"June 24th…oh, but that's so close to Edward's birthday." I looked down at the auburn head in my lap. "I don't want to take your day away from you."

Edward gave a hard laugh. "I've no need for birthdays anymore, Alice. We haven't celebrated one in a very long time."

Despite my ever being ready for a party, I was glad to know that birthdays were ignored in the Cullen household, if only because I couldn't pinpoint my own.

"Are you sure it's all right?" I asked one last time.

"More than all right," he insisted. I giggled and leaned down to give a sisterly kiss on his forehead.

"I don't know what I'd do without my brother."

"Be more than content with Jasper, I suppose."

I laughed. "That's true."

I glanced to my side, anticipating Jasper's shy smile, and was rather put-down to find his face a mask of tension and worry as he stared down at his pocket watch.

"Nearly time to go, is it?" Edward said, no doubt mind-reading as he sat up. Jasper nodded briskly.

Our days for the past three months were spent happily, in our room or his study or wherever we might be, content to be with each other and our family. I knew we had found our true home, and even Jasper seemed to be acclimating well. Yet, every weekday evening without fail, Jasper would pen himself up in our bedroom, stare at his reflection in the mirror, and wonder if he could abstain for one more night, make it through another three hours of venomous torture, the pain and pleasure that came with going back to Middlebury College.

That half-hour of dressing and tormented thought made me wish desperately that I could take away that pain, maybe shoulder his burden of thirst for just one evening. If I could, then I knew he would shine as the normal student he so longed to be. He loved to learn and to discuss his newfound information, something I gladly offered to do with him, though I could tell it just wasn't the same. I had never been to formal school and only picked up reading and writing along the way, educating myself from there. Jasper did his best in the classroom among his fellow scholars; that was something I could not offer him myself and something I could not give him without considerable danger to others.

I sat on the edge of our bed, watching him do up his bowtie, an activity he still often had trouble with and was having trouble with now. "Come here," I called and reached out a hand to him. He came to stand in front of me, his neck just at my line of sight, and I quickly finished his tie, kissing underneath his chin before hopping off the bed.

"You should get going," I said, opening the door of our bedroom. "You can't be late a week before your final exams."

He gave a half-hearted smile, the best he could muster until the end of another night of agony.

"Are you thirsty?" I asked as we walked down the hallway towards the stairs.

"I'm always thirsty," he muttered bitterly.

I whirled on him in the middle of the hall. "Jasper, stop it."

"It's the truth, Alice."

"I'm thirsty too, but you don't see me wallowing in it."

"It's not holding you back."

"Neither is it holding _you _back."

He held up his hands, though it wasn't a sign of defeat. "Please, let's not fight."

I sighed and pursed my lips. Fights with Jasper were few and far between, but they upset me greatly when they did happen.

He hung his head. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said it. Even if it is true."

I reached my hand up to stroke his cheek. "You'll get through it, Jazz," I murmured. He sighed against my palm.

"If you believe in me," he whispered. I nodded and stood on tiptoe to kiss him. It was even more distracted than before, and I screwed my mouth up in a frown, saying nothing. Things would be better when he was home at ten. And there was only one more week to go. We had the whole summer to look forward to.

Like every day, Jasper and Emmett took the Mercedes to Middlebury College at 6:30. And like every day, Edward, Rosalie, and I took the Ford and parked it in front of Munroe Hall five minutes before 10:00. Rosalie went to wait in the other car, same as always, while I sat in the passenger seat of the Ford and Edward went inside the hall, taking his place on the bench just outside the classroom door, listening for any deviant thoughts that would give away our secret (the mortals') or cause our downfall (Jasper's).

It was rather boring in the car yet still I sat, tapping my toe to the music on the radio and minutely inspecting the French manicure Rosalie had given me that morning to test for the wedding. There was only one more minute to go until class got out when I felt my mind begin to spin.

_Edward was sitting on the bench in the hall, his arms folded and his face focused as the students in Emmett and Jasper's class came filing out, his brothers not among them. He waited a few seconds before standing, almost running headfirst into Emmett._

"_There you are," he exclaimed. "Where's Jasper?"_

"_Oh, he wanted to talk to the professor," Emmett replied. "Something about the triumvirate. I'm going to find Rose."_

"_Go on." Edward watched him leave, sitting back down on the bench to wait. Jasper came out a few seconds later, walking in tandem with a little, wizened old man with a pair of wire spectacles perched on the edge of his nose._

"_But you see, sir, if Julia _hadn't_ married him-" Jasper stopped his argument short when he saw Edward sitting just outside the door._

"_Ready to go?" Edward asked, rising to his feet._

"_Er, no," Jasper replied. "Professor Quick, this is my brother-in-law, Edward. Edward, this is Professor John Quick."_

"_How do you do, young man?" the professor greeted. Edward tried to smile cordially and ignore the adjective used to describe him._

"_I have to discuss something in the Professor's office," Jasper explained. Edward gave him a long, hard look…and, apparently seeing nothing, nodded his head. Jasper turned and followed the Professor down the hall, up a flight of steps, and into tiny, dim Office 2C, chattering all the while about Greek political alliances._

"_Please, Mr. Whitlock, have a seat," Professor Quick offered, gesturing to one of the squashy-looking chairs. "Make yourself comfortable."_

"_Thank you, sir," Jasper said, a glint coming into his eyes as the old man walked near an open, blowing vent._

"_You know, I see your argument for Crassus quite clearly." Professor Quick smiled, wagging a finger at the seemingly younger man. "You've got quite a brain in there. Perhaps you'd like to take a gander at one of my colleague's books."_

_He turned towards the bookshelf, and Jasper rose from his chair a half-second later. It was the perfect time. The professor's back was turned, Edward was away and 'giving him privacy' as he had requested, there were no remaining witnesses in the building…and the man smelled mouth-watering, despite his age. He was old, a childless widower. It would all be over very quickly. He was actually doing him a favor…_

Bodies walking out of the building were the first thing I saw when I returned to proper consciousness. The second was Emmett, giving me a little wave as he passed the Ford, alone. My hands began to shake as I realized that his solitary exit meant my vision was happening right now. And that meant that Jasper was…

Not bothering to kill the engine, I flew from the car, ignoring the shocked stares from a group of co-eds as I passed. I raced up the stairs of Munroe Hall and threw open the doors. Edward jumped up from his bench at the sudden movement…and heard all he needed to know in my thoughts. He was at my side in an instant, following me up the stairs.

"He wanted to ask a question, I thought I'd give him his privacy!" he cried as we ran. I said nothing, choking on any words I might have had. Office 2C was at the far end of the hall, but it only took a second or so for us to reach it. Unceremoniously, Edward threw open the door.

Jasper stood, hovering over the desk, while Professor Quick was standing, very much alive, next to his bookcase. Both were looking at us with surprised faces, the professor's merely confused and Jasper's a terrible, terrifying mixture of thirst, shame, and anger at being interrupted.

"May I help you?" I heard Professor Quick ask gently. My sorrowful eyes never left Jasper's, watching as his anger and thirst were taken over by the gut-wrenching shame of what he had just almost done.

"I'm sorry, Professor, but we need to take Jasper home," Edward piped up, his voice steady and almost entirely believable. "Family emergency. Surely you understand."

"Yes, yes, of course." The professor nodded. "I'll get that book to you in class next time, then. Good night, Mr. Whitlock."

Jasper swallowed, looking exceedingly pained. He wrenched his eyes away from mine to stare at Professor Quick's shoes, the least human part of him.

"Good night, Professor Quick," he mumbled, striding out of the office before the last syllable left his lips. Edward and I followed him down the stairs, out the building, and to the car, Edward taking the wheel while I sat next to Jasper in the back.

Part of me longed to reach out and hold him, say that I understood, that I had faced that same temptation so many times before, that I forgave him anything and everything…another part of me hated that he had almost done that, that he had lied to our brother and concealed his thoughts so he could kill a human being, that he had almost put our family in the worst possible situation we could be in. That part of me won over. I couldn't speak, could hardly breath, and did nothing but sit next to Jasper, my hands folded in my lap, as if he were a stranger. That thought made me want to cry when I realized that his actions _had_ made him a stranger to me.

"Alice…"

Jasper's strangled cry made it sound as if his heart was broken, and it nearly broke mine. I looked up into his pitifully panicked, shamed face and had to shut my eyes. Yet even in our pain, it was a shared pain, and I snaked my hand across the seat to meet his. I wasn't sure if I could look at him right now…but Jasper needed me. I would be there. Some semblance of 'there,' at least.

No one spoke the entire ride home. I was too busy with my thoughts, wondering silently how he could even think of doing such a thing. He had _sworn_ to let someone know if it got to that point, which meant he had surely been concealing that idea from myself and Emmett as well as Edward. My stomach was sick, flip-flopping back and forth with the thought that Jasper had just as good as lied to the three of us…most importantly, lied to _me_. I wanted to forgive him. I _needed_ to forgive him. But I wasn't quite sure how to do it yet.

Rosalie and Emmett were necking on the porch when we pulled up to the house. I moved to get out and Jasper squeezed the hand he still held desperately.

"Please, Alice."

I shut my eyes again, not sure if I wanted to hear it all now. I needed time to think, to see if we would even be safe staying in Stowe…staying with the Cullens. Maybe this had been a bad idea after all…

"Don't you dare think such things, Alice Cullen," Edward's gruff growl came from the front seat. I closed my eyes even tighter as Jasper let go of my hand and bounded into the house, ignoring Emmett's questions and Rosalie's confused stare. My hand immediately felt colder without his in it. I would have to forgive him, somehow, and make him forgive himself too. It was either that, or face a life of unnecessary grudges and self-hatred.

"Stop it, Alice." Edward had rushed around to open my door. He took my hand and pulled me from the car, leading me up the porch steps.

"What the hell is going on?" Emmett asked.

"Jasper looks like a scared rabbit," Rosalie tacked on. I shot her a look.

"Not now," Edward hissed as he opened the front door.

Carlisle and Esme must have been out hunting, for they weren't in their usual places in the foyer waiting to greet us. I sighed, desperately needing their parental guidance right now. But maybe if I wasn't meant to be a Cullen, it was best to get used to not having it.

"I told you to stop," Edward commanded, catching my wrist in his hand. "You _are_ a Cullen. You will always _be_ a Cullen."

"But if we-"

"No buts." Edward shook his head. "We've relocated before because of such mistakes. And this one was just a near-mistake, nothing actually happened. Remember?"

I grimaced. "What was he thinking? Tell me."

He paused, as if almost censoring himself and then thinking better.

"He was thinking one insignificant human won't make too much of a difference. That maybe if he had it just one last time, he'd stop wanting it so much. He was incredibly guilty afterwards. And he was thinking of you incessantly."

That did it. My resolve cracked and I knew I could forgive him. Heinous as it was, he felt terrible for what had almost happened. To know that I was causing him further pain settled it all; I had to see him, now, to let him know everything would be all right. We would work through this and start again with our family as support. I raced up the stairs with Edward at my heels

"Alice, wait."

I stopped just outside our bedroom door.

"You're going to forgive him, just like that?"

The way he said it made it seem as if he were surprised I would do such a thing.

"I have to, Edward," I said softly. "That's what love is."

He pondered this thought over and then nodded, a little smile pricking at his lips. "You _are_ Esme's daughter, then."

I smiled a little too. The smile faded as I turned back to our door and pushed it open.

Jasper was standing with his back to me at the side of the bed, his hands resting on the yellow coverlets that covered the spot where I usually lay.

"Jazz," I called out, stepping forward and shutting the door closed.

"I heard you and Edward." His voice was hoarse, hollow. He still didn't turn around.

"Yes. He told me what you were thinking," I explained. "And I came to tell you that…that it's all going to be all right. We're going to build your immunity up more before you go back to school. You'll be fine. _We'll_ be fine."

Jasper's shoulders slumped forward.

"It's all going to be all right," he repeated softly, then knelt, reaching for something under the bed as I began to get another vision.

_Jasper was running through an unfamiliar wood, a rucksack slung across his back. His feet were bare, his hair disheveled, and he looked as if he hadn't bathed in weeks._

_A sound was heard in the distance, still far away. Jasper took his battle stance, hiding behind a thick tree and waiting. After a few silent minutes, a young human couple wandered dangerously near him, their scents wafting in the breeze and making his nostrils flare._

_But no one was there to stop him. Not Emmett nor Edward nor Carlisle. Not even Alice. No one._

"No!"

I screwed my eyes up tight, clenching my hands into fists, willing another vision, a different vision, to come to me. But the same one came back, over and over, until I gave up, opening my eyes to find Jasper standing in front of me, a familiar rucksack slung across his back.

"Alice," he said, and his voice broke my soul into a million tiny pieces. He knew what he was going to do. And what's worse, he knew I knew, and was going to do it anyway.

"No!" I screamed, pounding on his chest with my fists. "You can't do this! You won't! You won't leave me!"

"Just for a while."

"Never! You can't! I cannot live without you, Jasper, please!"

"I love you."

"No! No, you don't! You wouldn't leave if you loved me!" I was screaming so loud, so shrilly, that I wasn't even sure if I was making any sound. Jasper's calm, blank stance didn't betray that I had. "Please, Jasper," I continued, "please don't! Tell me what to do! What can I do to make you stay? Jazz, please don't leave! I'll go with you, please!"

"I love you," he repeated, kissing my forehead softly.

"No! No, no, no, no!"

He turned and walked out the door. It took me two seconds to gather my wits about me to follow him –

But Edward was waiting in the hall, his eyes having a conversation with Jasper's. Jasper shot me one last, heart-wrenching look before going down the stairs.

"_Jasper! No!_" I screamed with all my might, flinging myself down the hall towards his rapidly disappearing figure. Edward caught me in his strong arms, forbidding me from going any further.

"No, Alice," he ordered coolly. "Let him go."

"Let _me_ go!" I struggled against my brother's grasp, wailing wildly. He still refused to let me go until I knew, knew somewhere deep inside my soul that it was too late. Jasper was gone. I sunk down to my knees. Jasper was gone. I became a shivering mass on the floor. Jasper was gone.


	37. Speechless Messages

and edward carried me to the bed and placed me gently on my half and there

i stayed

still as a stone silent to those who

loved me waiting for

jasper until some time

in

june


	38. Come, Come, Give Me Your Hand

And I still loved Jasper in June….

I wasn't sure what day it was. Or what time. I could see the sun edging into the room, though whether it was sunset or sunrise didn't matter. Nothing mattered.

The pale, buttery yellow canopy above our – _my _bed was engrained into my retinas. I saw nothing else. I kept my mind continually blank so that I could see nothing. No visions, no warnings, no images of…of anyone. I couldn't have taken it if I _had_ seen them.

I moved only once during the month I spent catatonic and silent, and even that wasn't of my own volition. Edward's daily entrances were usually wordless meetings to check on my absent thoughts, but this day he forced me to sit up and swallow the glass of cooled red liquid he had brought in. As much as part of me wanted to perish, to never drink again, the blood soothed my parched throat and I drank every drop.

That had to have been at least two weeks ago. I was again thirsty, almost enough as to get out of bed for the first time in over a month and definitely so that the thought of drinking, of hunting, broke through the numb nothingness my mind had been consumed with during all that time. My sudden thoughts must have alerted Edward, and his cool voice carried under the door from his post in the hall.

"…she's sentient, at least."

"And is she all right?"

Esme was there too, her voice tense and worried.

"Define 'all right,'" I could hear Edward reply.

Esme clucked her tongue. "Poor thing…Edward, go in there. See if you can get to her. Maybe she'll listen to you. Maybe she'll…go on."

I still didn't move, but my mind was racing now. Go on? How could I possibly go on? My life would not, could not continue until he was back. Until…I forced myself to think his name for the first time since his departure…until _Jasper_ was back. My heart and soul were mingling in broken pieces, waiting for his return. He had said it would only be a while…but what was a while to a 107-year-old immortal man? A month? A year?

Edward slipped silently into the room, his eyes focused and worried. He sat on the edge of the bed next to me, and I tried not to think of how many times another man had sat there, lain there at my side.

"I'll sit somewhere else, then," Edward offered quietly, standing and moving my vanity chair over to the side of the bed. He reached out and took my hand, his fingers curling up around mine lying there limp.

"Alice, you have to move some time," he murmured softly.

I didn't say anything.

"Surely you must be thirsty."

Still, I didn't say anything.

"He'll be back. I heard him thinking it."

That did it. For the first time in a month, I sat bolt upright, yanking my hand away and staring at Edward with eyes ablaze.

"But if you heard him thinking all he wanted to do was ask that professor a question when he really wanted to _kill_ him, how can I trust that he was really thinking that he'll be back?" I was livid, spitting out each word like it was poison, as if it burned the back of my throat.

"Alice, I-"

"What if he was just thinking that so he could leave? What if he just wanted to get away no matter what?"

"I think-"

"Why did you let him leave, Edward? _Why did you make me stay?_"

Edward paused, waiting to see if I was really done before answering. "He asked me to, Alice."

I narrowed my eyes, thinking how ridiculous that sounded.

"It's true," he countered. "When he was leaving, all he could think was how happy you were here and how well you and I were getting along. He knew I could take care of you until he came back."

I stared down at my lap. "If he even comes back." Edward put his hand on my arm.

"He _will_," he insisted. "Do you want to know what he was thinking all that time? I'll tell you, but only if you truly want to hear it."

I chewed on my lip for a moment. Did I really want to? What if…but I would never know unless I asked. I hesitated once again before nodding.

Edward began to explain. "He was ashamed of what he had done – or, almost done, rather. He thought that he needed to think things over and that he couldn't do that worrying about you and what you would see."

I swallowed nervously. "Did he…was he thinking…" But I couldn't say it. Still, Edward understood.

"No, he was never thinking about leaving you here," he said in a forceful tone, making sure I understood just how certain he was of Jasper's thoughts. "Whatever decision he made, to stay with us or to leave, he would still come back for you. You are all he thinks about when he's home, and he knew he couldn't sort out what needs to happen if he was here with you. That's why he had to leave and you had to stay."

I nodded slowly, pulling my knees in to my chest. I understood now…but it still didn't make it any easier. Jasper, my gentlemanly, honorable, chivalric Jasper, had left with good reason. I was certain that he had only gone away for his well-being and to clear his mind, but I still didn't like that he had left me. If Edward was telling the truth – and what reason did he have not to? – then Jasper would be back. But when?

"Soon."

Edward's hand was back in mine. "He will be back. He promised me he would be back for you. And as much as I would hate to lose my new sister…I would hate even more for you to be so unhappy."

Once again, I blessed the stars for giving me such an amazing brother, and I squeezed his hand, giving him my thanks without having to say a word.

"I did nothing," he said, then frowned slightly. "But perhaps I should have. No one's very happy that you've been as good as a corpse in here for the past month."

"I'm sorry, I just couldn't…not without him," I said, bowing my head embarrassedly. "It was just too hard."

"Is it still too hard?"

I shrugged. "I don't know." In truth, I wasn't sure if I wanted to do anything but lie in this bed and wait for Jasper's return, be it tomorrow or a year from then.

"I'll help," Edward offered. "Come on, let's at least go downstairs. Esme's worried sick. She's waiting to see you."

I sighed. Even as my heart ached for Jasper and my body craved his touch, part of me couldn't help but miss the mother I had unknowingly shunned. With Edward's touch to strengthen me, I finally got out of bed. An immense wave of loneliness swept over me as I left the room, but my brother's steady hand provided some meager scraps of support that I clung to with all my might. Until Jasper's return, Edward would be my rock.

Rosalie and Emmett were in the den when we walked in, Emmett bounding over to my side with a great big grin on his face.

"You're alive, then?" he asked as Rosalie came over.

"Somewhat," I half-joked, giving him a semblance of a smile. Emmett picked me up in a massive hug while Rosalie smiled at me from over his shoulder. Even with the hole that Jasper's absence left, it felt good to know that my family was still as loving and supportive as always.

"How are you feeling?" Rosalie asked. I hesitated, unsure of myself.

"_Rosalie,_" Edward said in a warning tone.

"Sorry," she muttered, rolling her eyes just a tad.

"If Jasper comes back," Emmett said, his face darkening, "I-"

"He's coming back," I interrupted forcefully. I had to have faith, even if the others didn't.

"Well then, _when_ he comes back, he's going to have to deal with me," he continued in a threatening tone. "Leaving you like this, what was he thinking? I could never leave Rose."

Rosalie smiled a little at his side. I could tell she was holding back her obvious pleasure so that I wouldn't be hurt by my having none, but that hurt even worse. Was I to be handled with kid gloves until Jasper's return? Maybe it was better if I just retreated back to the safety of my bedroom. I could see Edward slightly shaking his head out of the corner of my eye.

"Have you seen Esme?" Edward asked, changing the subject.

"She's in her sewing room," Rosalie answered. Edward's forehead furrowed as he listened to the thoughts I couldn't hear.

"All right," he said warily. "Thank you."

Emmett stopped to give me one last hug. "It's good to have you back, Alice," he said with a smile. I smiled in reply…but knew I could never be completely 'back' until Jasper was too.

Edward and I made our way to the unused kitchen that served as Esme's sanctuary, pausing just outside the closed door.

"Wait here," he ordered. I stared at him, wondering what it was he didn't want me to see inside those doors. My mind answered the question for me, showing me a picture of Esme steadily hemming a length of white fabric.

"And that's why you're staying out here," Edward said, having seen the picture as well.

"No," I said forcefully. "I'm going in."

"Alice, I'm not sure you can handle – "

"I can handle it just fine," I retorted as I opened the door.

I was only half-wrong. I could handle it, true, but it wasn't at all fine. Just like I had seen, Esme was sitting in her floral chintz armchair, my wedding dress billowing out over her lap as she carefully hemmed. I tried hard to ignore my chest constricting, instead focusing on wondering what day it was and if June 24th had yet to pass.

"It's the third of June," Edward whispered. I nodded silently. The wedding was still three weeks away, the dresses were being hemmed, and the groom had yet to show.

Esme looked up from her sewing with a careful smile. "Alice," she breathed, putting my dress on her table and coming to my side. "You're up and about."

"Yes," I replied simply. Esme bent down to wrap her arms around me. I leaned into her, worshipping this mother of mine as she kissed my forehead. If Jasper came back and knew he could not stay, how could I possibly manage to give this up?

"You won't be giving this up, Alice!" Edward cried. "Just forget the idea that you're leaving! We'll make this work for you and for Jasper."

"Edward, not so harsh," Esme ordered then looked down to me. "But he _is_ right, dear, even if he is being insensitive. When Jasper comes back, we'll make every effort we can to see that he is happy. No more school for a while, or maybe correspondence courses. We'll even move if we have to. Everything will be all right, you'll see. It will be fine when he's back home."

And if Edward's insistence and Emmett's subtle violence hadn't convinced me, it was Esme's use of the word _home_ that did.

"You were hemming my dress," I remarked in a whisper, stepping forward to lightly run my fingers over the embroidered lace. Would a wedding even happen now? Would he be back in time?

Would he still want to be married to me when he came back?

Esme squeezed my shoulder. "Of course. We have a wedding set for three weeks from now, and these things need to get done. The veil came while you were…upstairs. Would you like to see it?"

I knew that if Jasper had been there, I would have had the strength to look at it. But now…I bit the inside of my cheek hard to keep from flying apart.

"Maybe some other time," Edward suggested, letting her down easy. Esme nodded, understanding.

"Where's Carlisle?" I asked to change the subject.

"At the hospital, where else?" Esme tried hard to make her smile reach her eyes. "Dr. McGill's wife is ill, so he's taking her to the Cape for some fresh air."

"He'll be glad to know you're up," Edward said to me, then pricked his ears up towards the door.

"Don't eavesdrop," Esme warned in a motherly tone.

"I'm not," he replied. "Alice, do you want to hunt? Emmett and Rosalie are going up in the mountains, around the unsafe trails."

At the mere mention of the word, my mind filled with an image of the bobcats that lurked near the mentioned trails and my mouth was dripping with venom.

"I'll take that as a yes," Edward said with a smile. "Esme, will you join?"

Esme pursed her lips, thinking it over, before nodding. "Let's leave your father a note. He might come home early."

I went to where Emmett and Rosalie were waiting on the back porch while Esme and Edward wrote the note. Rosalie hopped up from Emmett's lap when she saw me, and I immediately felt horrible for making them feel as if they couldn't be intimate around me. I wasn't as if I didn't see their every sexual endeavor in my head.

"Please," I said, holding up a hand, "don't jump apart just because of me."

"I thought that you'd feel bad since Jasper isn't here," Rosalie said with a little less tact than I would have liked.

"I'm trying not to think of that," I replied. "So go on, be a couple. It's not my place to stop you."

Emmett slipped his hand into Rosalie's at my bidding. "You're a good sister, Alice."

At that, I smiled a little. "I do my best."

Esme and Edward were on the porch in a few seconds' time, and we were off. It felt good to feel the ground under my feet again as I ran, forgetting everything but the air streaming past me, the sun-warmed dirt giving way to my soles, the fresh, clean smells of the forest as we entered the fringe of trees. The house was just at the foot of the mountains deemed "dangerous" by the rangers and we were soon in the thick of the supposedly unsafe trails. Yes, the bobcats around here could severely injure a man, but it humored me to know that the most dangerous thing here now was the pack of five hungry vampires.

Edward loped forward on the trail of a family of white-tails, fast and focused. I merely had to think of the bobcat I had seen and he nodded, knowing what I was in search of. I veered off towards the left, leaving my family behind to follow the feline scent. As soon as I was a mile away, I immediately regretted the decision. I did not need to be alone now. But my thirst soon overtook my thoughts when I found myself just a few seconds away from where the cat was.

The animal's scent filled my nostrils and set my throat on fire. I sped up, moving ever faster, nearly reaching Edward's average gait. The bobcat was in my sight. I lunged, jumped, snapped my mouth to its twisting neck. The blood coursed down my throat, easing the burning pain and settling the yawning hunger I felt but never fully satisfying. Looking down at the corpse at my feet, I knew that it would never be satisfied, not without sacrificing a human life. I understood, more than ever, the reason why Jasper had done – _almost_ done – what he did. That same bloodlust coursed through us all, we were just more practiced at denying it. Jasper had slipped, just as Emmett had confessed to doing and just as Edward had chosen to do. I could forgive him for almost killing his professor – no, I could forgive him for actually killing the man, if only it brought him back to me. That same yearning for blood, human or animal, was far overshadowed by a stronger yearning that nothing but Jasper would fill.

For the first time in a month, I set my mind to work, trying to find Jasper, where he was and when he might be coming back to me. All at once, I could see him clear as day, sitting dirt-caked and barefooted in a dense forest, staring at the pocket watch I had given him that first Christmas together, the day he had given me the necklace I wore now and the day he had first told me he loved me.

I shook my head of the vision, beginning my journey back to the house. Jasper would come back when he was ready. I was more than ready for him, but I would wait. I would wait until the end of the world for him.

That, of course, was unnecessary. Just before the forest began to thin out into its outermost circle where the trees were the thickest, there Jasper stood, waiting for me.


	39. If Thy Revengeful Heart Cannot Forgive

Jasper was lost in thought, sitting on a fallen tree trunk and staring blankly at the open pocket-watch in his hand. I couldn't think, couldn't breathe as I watched him sit there, just as stoic and numb as I felt. He snapped the pocket-watch shut with a snap and the noise kick-started my mind. I was immediately torn in two, half of me almost in tears because of his return and the other half incredibly furious that he had even gone in the first place. My sudden emotion startled him and he jumped to his feet, whirling around to face me then whirling away again just as fast.

"Jasper," I called out to his shuddering back. He held up a hand, still not tuning around.

"Don't look at me," he ordered gravely. My stomach flipped. If he couldn't stand to look me in the eye, what horrible conclusion had he come to while he was gone? I was again silent, this time for fear that anything I said would bring his confession that he was leaving me behind. We stayed just as we were, Jasper facing the thinning trees while I faced his back, wondering what horrors I would see in his eyes if he ever did turn around.

"Jazz, please," I pleaded quietly after another silent beat. I stopped there, hoping he could understand everything my heart was screaming in just those two words. I watched his shoulders heave as he gave a mighty sigh and began to turn around. He moved agonizingly slow, but any impatience I had was wiped away when he finally faced me.

He looked just the same as when he had left a month ago, only slightly messier. His clothes were slightly mud-caked. His hair was slightly unkempt. And his eyes were just slightly redder.

"There," he said, his voice low. "Now you know what I've done."

My heart was caught in my throat, making me unable to speak. Is that why he had to go away? Just for the humans? I didn't understand why he had left me here for a mere thirst. I had already forgiven him for such an act; couldn't I have gone with him? I was readying to ask those questions when a rumbling in the forest behind us caught my attention.

Both Jasper and I turned to see Edward and Emmett stepping out from the woods, their faces bright with satisfied thirst and masculine banter. Upon seeing Jasper, the bright look they both shared changed; Edward's face became focused and resigned as he listened carefully to anything that had been or was yet to be said while Emmett's face turned blazingly furious. I could see exactly what he planned to do, and so could Edward. He reached out a hand towards our biggest brother, swiping at air as Emmett lunged forward, tackling Jasper to the ground.

"Emmett! No!" I shrieked.

Emmett paid me no heed, lifting back a powerful fist and slamming it into Jasper's jaw. Jasper did nothing but lay flat on the ground and let his marble-strong face be pummeled back and forth by Emmett's hand, a sight that made my stomach flip. I turned to my still-standing brother.

"Do something!" I pleaded Edward.

He shook his head. "No, he wants this." I wasn't sure which _he_ Edward meant, but I was sure it had something to do with Jasper's detached, nonchalant acceptance of such a brutal punishment. Either way, if Edward wasn't going to stop it, I was. I threw myself onto Emmett's back, locking my small hands around his neck.

"Get off, Alice!" he cried, pausing for a moment in his beating to grab my wrists. I held fast. Over his broad shoulder, I could see Jasper lying still on the ground, his strange, orangey eyes boring numbly into mine as if he were waiting for his punishment to finish before he could feel again.

Emmett's strength was too much and he pried me off easily, setting me aside and resuming his attempted destruction of Jasper's stone face.

"Do you have any – " _punch_ " – idea – " _slap_ " – of what you did – " _shake_ " – to her?"

At this, Jasper made his first noise since the thrashing had begun, a heartbreaking moan.

"Boys!"

"Emmett! Get off of him!"

Just as Esme and Rosalie were emerging from the woods, Carlisle was entering the copse of trees, Esme's note telling him where we were clenched tightly in his fist.

"Emmett, _now_!" Carlisle ordered. Emmett gave Jasper one last fuming glare before getting up from on top of him. Esme moved forward to sit at her newest son's side, her hands poring over his uninjured face while Rosalie grabbed Emmett's arm and steered him out of the woods, her eyes ablaze. I was still too shocked to move, half paralyzed by the violence I had just seen inflicted by and on my family and stilled even more by my confusion at where Jasper had been and what he had been doing. I hardly even noticed the pointed look Carlisle shot Edward and Edward's replying nod.

"Jasper," Carlisle said, kneeling on the ground next to his wife and son, "I'd like to speak to you inside. Will you come?"

Jasper's eyes, an odd mixture of gold and red, were still horribly numb as he nodded. Carlisle offered a hand to help him up and Jasper stared at the hand silently for a moment before taking it and rising to his feet. His eyes met mine for a moment – sorrowful, pained, terrified eyes – and he followed Carlisle out of the woods, Edward tagging along wordlessly.

"Alice."

Esme's calm, sweet voice sounded like it was coming through a fog, and it wasn't until her arm slipped around my shoulder that I returned to myself fully.

"Alice, dear, come inside. We'll wait for them there."

I allowed myself to be led inside. As Esme pulled me past Carlisle's study, I strained to hear whatever was going on inside, but their voices were too low to make it through the thick wall. I relaxed myself, hoping I could attempt to see whatever it was they were talking about. Esme stopped to give me a knowing look.

"Alice, he'll tell you in time," she murmured. "Give him his chance to speak to Carlisle and then you can hear what he has to say. Why don't you go clean up, hmm? A shower will clear your head."

I sighed and nodded. "Thank you, Esme."

She brushed my hair off my forehead. "That's what mothers are for, dear." And with a kiss on my hairline and a gentle shove up the stairs, Esme left my side to go into the den. I completed my trudge up the stairs, catching a glimpse of myself in the hall mirror as I walked. Esme was right; I did need to clean up. My hair was bedraggled from staying in bed for so long, my unchanged clothes were terribly wrinkled, and dirt from the hunt smudged my skin. I tried once more to spy on Carlisle's study and was blocked out with a vision of Edward shaking his head. I scowled at him in my brain, hoping he could hear the cursing I couldn't say aloud.

And again, Esme was right. As I stood in the shower, feeling the warm water rinse off the dirt along with the bad thoughts, my head became clear. Or, at least, _clearer_. Jasper's eyes seemed to tell a great part of the story. He had obviously killed a human while he was away. Strangely enough, I found that I couldn't be angry with his actions. His thirst was something he struggled so much with that his giving in to temptation had to happen sooner or later. Emmett had done it so many times before, and Edward too. I could forgive Jasper for his thirst.

_But could I forgive him for leaving me?_

I turned the knob all the way to the right to stop the water's flow, listening to the last _drip-drip-drip_ until the pipes were fully drained. I dried off with a thick towel and pulled on a simple cotton shift. Nothing revealing, nothing that would immediately tell Jasper that everything was all right. There was still much to talk about.

I remade the bed I had spent the last month in and sat on top of the now-smooth comforter, letting my feet dangle over the side. I had been numb for so long that it was almost overwhelming to have all these thoughts turning in my head now. Could I forgive Jasper? Would everything be all right again? Or had he changed his mind while he was away? That was my biggest unspoken fear, that his departure had shown him how life could be without me, that he would crave such an uninhibited life. A life like he had lived before me. A life _without_ me. If that was what he wanted…my heart would break, but I would give it to him. I couldn't stand to see him unhappy any longer, even if it meant that I would be alone. The bed had been fine for a month of catatonic rest; it would suffice for my eternity as well.

All of a sudden, an image of Jasper pushing open the bedroom door filled my head, hiss head bowed low to hide his face. I had to wait only a moment before the sound of incredibly familiar footsteps on the stairs reached my ears. My breath caught in my throat and I twisted my small hands together nervously as he knocked.

I somehow managed to squeak out a breathy "Come in." The door opened, just as it had in my mind, and Jasper, head bowed, walked into the room.

Neither of us said a single word. Every thing I had been thinking, every question that had sat so anxiously on my tongue, was now wiped away with the sight of him. Jasper had come back to me. Even as he stood before me with his head down and his hands jammed into his pockets as if he had no desire to be near me, he was still here. How could I possibly be willing to give this up?

Slowly, ever so slowly, he walked closer to the bed, stopping just before me and easing down to his knees, looking very much like a sinner seeking forgiveness.

"I'm…."

His voice broke as he tried to speak, almost breaking my heart along with it.

"I'm…." He tried again, still failing. Slightly shaking, I reached a hand down towards him. When it was halfway to his face – and I was still partly undecided whether I would caress or slap him – he jerked away, his eyes dark.

"Jazz," I murmured softly. It hurt beyond anything I had ever felt to realize that he didn't want me to touch him, and I meekly put my hands back on my lap.

Still on his knees with his head still bowed, Jasper finally managed to get a full sentence out. "There is nothing I can possibly say to tell you how horrible I feel."

"You don't need to say it." I didn't want to hear it. Maybe it was just best if we said our goodbyes and parted ways. Simple. Painless…almost.

"But what I did to you…." He shook his head at the ground. "It's inexcusable. I don't know if I can stay knowing the pain I caused you."

I bit my lip and nodded slowly. "That's it then." I had to resign myself to the fact. Jasper was leaving, and that was all there was to it. I would let him go.

Jasper finally looked up, his orange eyes confused. I drank in the sight of him. "What's it?"

"Your leaving," I said simply, still staring at his face. His skin was absolutely covered with dirt; I longed to reach out a hand, to wipe it off. But it would be too hard to touch him and then have to leave. I couldn't handle the thought and pulled my eyes from his beautiful face, staring down at my hands again.

"Leaving?" Jasper repeated.

I opened my mouth to speak but couldn't say a word and nodded silently instead.

"Alice, I'm…I'm not leaving."

My eyes snapped to his.

"You're not?"

He shook his head slowly. "I couldn't possibly leave again after seeing you. After hearing Edward say what I…what I did to you."

Once again, he bowed his head low.

"I understand if you want me to go, Alice," he murmured, so quiet I almost couldn't hear. "And I'll go without a word if that's what you want. _Whatever_ you want, I'll do it."

My heart was almost beating in my chest. _Me_ wanting _him_ to leave? The idea was so ludicrous I struggled not to laugh. I could banish Jasper from my life as easily as I could cut off my own head. Asking him to leave would be like asking for swift death. I reached down and put my hands on the sides of his face, drawing his gaze back to mine.

"I want you to stay," I said quickly. "I want you to stay forever. Don't ever, _ever_ leave me again."

His face was suddenly filled with unspoken pain and one of his hands came up to join mine on his cheek.

"I'm…"

For the third time in just a few minutes, he was again speechless.

"What is it?" I asked in a whisper.

"There's no way for me to apologize," he spat, his voice full of self-loathing.

"You came back," I reminded him. He nodded against my palm.

"Though I shouldn't have left in the first place."

I cocked my head to the side, pulling my hands back into my lap. "Why did you?"

Some little part of me was screaming that I didn't even want to know why he had left, what he had done while he was away. But I needed to know before I could forgive him entirely. Jasper looked down again.

"I knew I had to make a decision," he said softly. "I had to choose between a life with you and one where I didn't have to…fight my nature."

"I've told you so many times, I will go with you if you don't want to – "

"I know, Alice, I know. But if I had decided to leave forever, I don't know if I would have come back."

My stomach flipped at the thought. If Jasper _had_ made that choice to leave the Cullens – a choice I could live with, if I had to – he wouldn't have come back for me. I felt ill.

"You have to understand my reasoning," he said, looking up at me with urgency. "You've been so happy here. I could feel how happy you were and how much everyone loves you. Edward…I knew he could take care of you until…until I made a decision."

"But he couldn't take care of me," I insisted. "No one could. I couldn't live not knowing."

"I know," Jasper said with a sigh. "Edward told me. I thought you would be fine, but…"

He trailed off, looking inconsolable.

"I _am_ fine," I replied, "now that you're back."

"But if I hadn't?" His eyes were wide, frantic at the thought. I had worried about that same thing, _still_ worried about it a little, even though he had returned. This couldn't happen again, could it?

"If you hadn't, I wouldn't be able to go on," I said quietly.

Jasper squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fists. "I really didn't need Carlisle and Edward to tell me what you had done – or _hadn't_ done – while I was gone. I've been in those woods for a week, trying to see if you were leaving the house at all. I was hoping you would envision me waiting there and would come find me."

"I didn't want to try seeing you. It hurt too much," I confessed.

"That's what Edward said," he replied. "And I sort of thought as much. That I'd caused you too much pain to hope that you would still be thinking of me. That you couldn't love me anymore."

For a moment, I considered giving him a worse beating than Emmett had administered.

"You're mad," Jasper noted.

"How could you possibly think I couldn't love you?" I asked angrily. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I will _never_ stop loving you, Jasper Whitlock."

My voice grew quiet and somber.

"I…I only worried that _you_ had stopped loving _me_."

Jasper jaw fell agape. "If I ever gave you any inclination to think that…God, Alice, what have I done?"

He tilted his face down so that his forehead rested on my knees, and I leaned over so that my mouth was pressed into his hair, never minding the dirt.

"You did exactly what you should have done," I whispered. "You came home."

He sighed, his cool breath against my legs feeling wonderful again. "After a month of feeding."

I sighed too. Obviously, his eyes told that story. I had already forgiven him for that mishap, but it still discouraged me that he could so easily give in to temptation.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough," he murmured. "I wish I could have been, for you. I think I waited in those woods for so long because I was hoping my eyes would have turned before I saw you. I didn't think you would want to marry a monster."

Any other thought, forgiveness or punishment, fled my head at his words.

"You still want to marry me?" I asked. Jasper looked up at me and laughed, a tinge of bitterness in his tone.

"Is that what worried you? That I wouldn't marry you, not that I'm some horrible murderer?"

I swiped a hand across his forehead, pushing his dirty hair aside and tucking it behind his ear. "I could forgive you for being a _horrible murderer_. But I know I couldn't live without being your wife."

His face a mixture of bewilderment and ecstasy, Jasper came up from his knees and pressed his mouth to mine.

It felt like our first kiss all over again. His lips brushed against my own, slow at first before growing more intense. Heat came from every place our bodies met, coursing through me and almost easing the consistent chill. His arms were tight around me, holding me close but not close enough. I threaded a hand into his hair to press him even tighter, groaning as he pulled back.

"June 24th, then?" he said softly as he leaned his forehead against mine. I kissed him on the especially grubby corner of his mouth.

"Yes," I replied, incredibly, unbelievable, incandescently happy. "But let's get you cleaned up first."

I slid down from the bed, taking his smooth hand in mine – oh, what a comfortable, familiar feeling! – and leading him into our bathroom (_how good it felt to say 'our' again_). As he undressed, I turned on the hot water, filling it up almost to the top. I pulled my shift up almost to my waist, putting my feet in the water and sitting on the edge of the porcelain tub before helping him ease in. Jasper's muscles were visibly tense and I snaked my hands over his shoulders and across his chest, feeling him relax under my touch as I bathed his skin with my hands. He leaned his head back onto my lap and looked up at me.

"I'm…I'm sorry," he finally managed to sputter. "I promise, I will never hurt you like that again. You are everything I need in my life. I won't live without you."

I smiled. "Then you are easily forgiven."


	40. Till They Meet Together

Edward was toiling away on the piano when I went to find him the next day. Knowing he could hear me in the hall, I pushed open his door and stepped into the room, coming to stand just over his right shoulder. He finished off the last notes of his Rachmaninoff sonata and progressed to a simpler pastoral piece, sliding down the piano bench as his hands moved towards the lower keys. He had taught me the higher harmony to go along with this melody long ago and, though I could never hope to have the feeling and complexity Edward put into it, I sat next to him on the bench and began playing the duet. My notes were rather staccato and cold compared to his warm, expressive tones, but he played all the way through with me, going slightly slower than he normally would have. It sounded rather mangled as we finished and I winced at the slight dischord until Edward reached a long hand in front of me to hit one last note.

"There," he said with a smile, "not _too_ bad."

"You're just showing off," I retorted.

"We can't all be virtuosos," he answered. "What next?"

I had merely to think it before he transitioned beautifully into Chopin's _Nocturne in E-flat Minor_, my favorite. I listened to him play for a few minutes before moving my mind to what I had come to ask him.

"So you really didn't watch," Edward commented over the notes.

"When you and Carlisle were talking to Jasper?"

He nodded.

"No, Esme thought I should give him that privacy." I gave a half-smile. "I did try, though. No luck."

"And now you want to know what we said to him?"

"More so what _you_ said to him."

Edward's playing grew very light and delicate. "You wouldn't be very happy with me."

I raised an eyebrow. What could Edward have possibly said to Jasper that would make me unhappy? Whatever had been said had brought him back to me, and nothing could make me happier.

"I told him he would either stay or I'd get rid of him myself," he said as the notes began to pick up once again. My other eyebrow came up to join the first.

"Get rid of him?" I repeated.

"I wasn't about to have you go through the misery of not knowing again," he explained. "My violence would not be like Emmett's, inflicting blows and causing pain. Jasper would be no more when I was through."

I bit my lip, shocked. Was Edward truly being serious? Would he really go so far as to destroy my love if he had left?

"Of course I would have," Edward replied, letting his hand fly over the higher notes in front of me. "You're my sister. And yes, Jasper is my brother and my familial alliances lie with him as well…but I didn't have to spend the last month trying to piece together his soul. No, he did just fine by himself."

"He didn't do _just fine_, Edward," I insisted. He hadn't seen Jasper kneeling broken at my feet. He hadn't seen him struggling to apologize. He hadn't seen him break down into dry, choking sobs in the bathtub last night.

"And _you_ didn't see inside his mind, Alice."

The music came to a delicate finish. Edward turned to face me and took my small hands in his long ones.

"He was still unsure when he came into the house," he said quietly. "He still loved you, yes, but he didn't know if he would be strong enough to return back to the family. It took a great deal of persuasion on Carlisle's part to convince him that he could do it, that not going to school and just working on his immunity a little at a time would make it easier…and then there was my brand of persuasion," Edward added with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"Where you threatened to _kill_ him," I said coolly. The twinkle disappeared.

"Jasper…seemed to think that if he _were_ to go away," he murmured, "that I would take his place."

I wrinkled my nose. The mere idea of being so intimate with Edward was unpleasant.

Edward laughed a little. "I feel the same way. I wanted to make sure you did too."

"Of course," I replied. "You're my brother, Edward. Even if I could ever love someone the way I love Jazz, it could never be _you_…no offense."

"None taken," he replied. "I made it clear to him that any of my gallantry on your behalf was only because you are my sister. And as such, any attempts to hurt you, humiliate you, or leave you in any condition other than perfect would result in his speedy destruction at my hand."

"_Edward_."

"It got him to stay, didn't it?"

I sighed and nodded. "The threat did. But if you went through with such a thing, I don't know if I could forgive you."

It was Edward's turn to raise his eyebrows. "You'd rather him leave you to wander the earth doing whatever he pleases than have him meet a justified end?"

I mulled this over for a bit before giving my answer. "If he ever did leave…_and I know he won't_…I would want to go find him, to be with him. And even then, even if he didn't want me, I would rather he be happy. I think I came to that decision last night, that his happiness is what's most important."

Edward smiled down at where we still held hands. "Funny, he said the same thing last night."

I laughed a little. "Now do you see why even _thinking_ about destroying him is silly? The opportunity is never going to arise."

"For your sake, Alice, I hope so," he said. I leaned forward to kiss his cheek and then positioned his hands above the ivory keys once more.

"Play something fun," I requested.

Edward pondered my request then set his hands to skipping over the keys in a fanciful piece I had never heard before.

"What is it?" I asked as he played.

"Pasiello," he replied simply, as if that would suffice! "In honor of the reunited lovers."

"The _title_, Edward." He laughed.

"_Nel cor più non mi sento_."

I furrowed my brow, seeking for the Italian I had schooled myself in during my time in Ten Sleep. "No more do I feel myself? Edward, you rascal!"

"No, no, no," he said with a laugh, shaking his head. "Translate the rest, you gutter-minded linguist. _Nel cor più non mi sento brillar la gioventù_."

"No more do I feel myself blazing with youth," I translated his spoken lyrics.

"_Cagion del mio tormento, amor, sei colpa tu_."

"The cause of my torment, love…it is you?"

"Good, keep going. _Mi pizzichi, mi stuzzichi, mi pungichi, mi mastichi_."

"You sting me, poke me, pinch me, chew me…Edward, really!"

Edward smiled and went on. "_Che cosa è questo ahimè_? _Pieta, pieta, pieta_."

"Alas, what is this? Pity, pity, have pity."

"_Amore, è un certo che disperar mi fa_."

"Love, is it certain that you make me despair," I concluded, smiling. There was certainly no pinching or poking in Jasper and I's relationship, but despair had been abounding for the past few weeks. But it was partly due to Edward's efforts that those feelings had gone away and Jasper had come back to me.

"Very good," Edward said as he finished the final chords, raising his hands to applaud my efforts. "Maybe we should talk to Carlisle about you going to – "

He stopped, turned his head slightly to the door as if he could hear something I could not. His furrowed brow sent shivers down my spine.

"What is it?" I asked nervously. Was something wrong? Had Jasper changed his mind after all?

"Nothing bad," he insisted with a slight smile, "though I believe Esme wants to see you in her sewing room."

Even before Edward had finished his sentence, I could see what awaited me downstairs. I jumped to my feet, bounded out the room after planting a hasty kiss on Edward's cheek, and flew down the stairs, stopping just in front of Esme's door to knock anxiously.

"Come in, Alice," my mother's knowing voice called out. I turned the door handle and stepped inside, stopping dead in my tracks. Standing pristine and perfect, just like in my vision, was my wedding dress, expertly-hemmed and completely finished. Even the mannequin that wore it seemed to have a glow about her that surely must have been reflected on my own face, my smile was so wide.

"Oh, _Esme_," I breathed, stepping close enough so that I could run my fingertips over the carefully-edged hem.

"You're pleased, then?" she asked as she came to stand at my side.

"Pleased?" I repeated. "Esme, I'm _thrilled_! It's gorgeous? Why didn't you tell me you would work a miracle?"

I clutched the woman in my arms, standing on tiptoe to kiss her cheek.

"Hemming hardly counts as a miracle, dear," Esme replied.

"But you've made it one," I insisted, moving back to my beautiful gown. "It's the prettiest dress I've ever seen."

Esme smiled modestly. "You asked for the favor and I was more than happy to comply."

"Is there anything you _can't_ do?" I asked with a grin.

"Choose your flowers for you," she answered. "That's the only thing we need to do before the wedding."

I almost trembled with anticipation. If all I had to do was choose some silly flowers before Jasper became mine in every way, then Esme might as well have considered the task finished. But now my mind was drifting away from the little sewing room, instead filled with thoughts of that handsome blonde man sitting hunched over his desk, diligently back at his books despite having just come home.

"Go on, then," Esme said, knowing just where my head was at and smiling anyways. "We'll choose flowers later."

I kissed her cheek one last time before scampering from the room and heading to the library. I had only to stand outside the door a moment before I was bid to enter by the deep, clear voice I had so missed over the last month.

It was just as I had pictured; he was sitting behind his desk with his shoulders hunched, one elbow resting on the table with his hand twisted in his long hair while his other hand was occupied with drumming against the open pages of his book. I came to sit on the edge of his desk and his drumming hand moved instead to rest on my thigh, casually, naturally, as if he had been doing such an act all his life and would continue to do so for all eternity. I smiled, happy that that fact seemed to be the truth.

"God, I missed you," Jasper murmured, looking up from his book to face me. His hair was adorably messy from where his hand had been.

"Any specific reason?" I asked as I smoothed out his golden mane with my small hands.

"It was hard to feel any happiness without you," he explained. "Calm or anxiety or anything else all came easily. But being happy…that was something I needed you for."

A thrill went through me and grew even more as he pulled me into his lap. I tucked my head underneath his strong chin, memorizing his heady scent as it swirled around me. The scent grew stronger as he began humming absently, a tune that I vaguely recognized but couldn't name.

"Confused?" Jasper commented, looking down at me.

"What song is that?" I asked.

He chuckled. "_Yellow Rose of Texas_."

"I knew I had heard it before," I exclaimed. The tune was one I had heard him humming absently when he thought I wasn't listening, and I had only learned the words through hearing it on the radio one afternoon in Ten Sleep.

"Actually, one of the men serving under me in the war wrote it," he added. "It was quite popular. Enough so that when we'd march through a town, the girls would pin yellow roses on the lapels of the men they thought handsome."

"And did you ever get a rose pinned on you, Major Whitlock?" I asked with a grin. Jasper smiled too, in an adorably embarrassed way.

"No, they couldn't reach my lapels. I rode a horse," he replied. "Besides, I'd only want one girl to give me yellow roses."

_Yellow roses…_

"Oh, Jazz, that's it!" I cried as the picture of my wedding bouquet came into my mind clear as day.

"What's it?" he asked.

"Yellow roses, you're a genius!" I stretched to kiss him, bouncing up and down in his lap with excitement.

Jasper wrinkled his nose, still confused. "What do roses have to do with being a genius?"

I laughed and settled back against his chest. "Don't worry, you'll see soon enough. There's only three weeks to go, now that you're back."

"I should never have left," Jasper whispered into my hair, sending little tremors down my spine.

"No, you shouldn't have," I agreed. It was heaven to be back in his arms now that I knew the torture of their absence and I couldn't stand to be away from him again. I felt him sigh against my head, our happiness of just moments ago being coldly taken away by his heartache.

"I'm so sorry, my love," he murmured. "I hurt you terribly…and that's something I promised myself I would never do."

I bit the inside of my cheek, uncertain of what to say. Of course I had been hurt, and of course I hadn't wanted him to leave, but telling him such things would only cause more pain, and _that_ was something _I _had promised I would never do.

"Don't think about it," I begged him quietly, moving in his lap so that we were face-to-face. "You did what you did and it's done. You've made the right decision. We're together now."

A little ghost of a smile pulled at the corner of his lip. "Together now. And soon you'll be my wife and we'll be together forever."

"Jasper," I said, chuckling as I kissed him, "forever was already a given."


	41. Most Mighty Preparation

When you know you have eternity, time doesn't matter so much. Weeks, seconds, hours, eons…it all blends together into an immeasurable mixture of night and day. Time can often fly by, but it can also drudge through like slow erosion, seconds ticking past as if each one lasted a week.

Now was not one of those times.

It seemed as if I did nothing but blink and the wedding was nigh upon us. We had had just enough time to order the flowers and suits and every other little thing that needed to be done before the day. Esme became a veritable whirlwind of activity and spent much of her time popping in and out of rooms with never-ending questions and suggestions. I reveled in the excitement of the planning, excited enough to even sit through yet another one of Rosalie's bridesmaid dress fashion shows.

"Should I wear my hair up or down?" she asked for the millionth time that evening. This had to have been her last fitting, the day before the wedding. Knowing her question was hardly directed towards me, I murmured an assurance that she would look nice no matter what and continued in my own worries. My mind was currently focused on what could possibly be my _something old_ and waiting for a vision that might help. My _something borrowed_ would be a handkerchief from Esme to wrap around my bouquet, one she had used at her wedding to Carlisle, and my _something blue_ was taken care of when Rosalie ordered a delicate, pale blue lingerie set from her favorite designer in Paris. _Something new_ was obviously my dress – as well as a beautiful pearl necklace Jasper would be sending some time tomorrow – but my _something old_ had yet to be found.

"If I wear it up, it will show off my shoulders," Rosalie commented, pulling me out of my worried reverie and putting her hands on the milky skin near her throat. "But it does look nice when it's down."

"You look nice whatever you do, kitten."

As sweet as Emmett's words were, it was a trial not to throw up.

"I completely agree," Edward murmured to me as he entered Rosalie's closet just behind our brother. "And _no_, Emmett, I'm _not_ jealous."

I could see Rosalie roll her eyes out of the corner of mine.

"Whatever you say, Ed," Emmett replied, wrapping his huge hands around Rosalie's impossibly tiny waist. "What is taking you ladies so long in here? Esme's getting worried that you're changing your mind about the dress, Rose."

She bit the corner of her magnificent lip. "Do you think I should?"

"It's far too late for that," I insisted. This was, after all, _my_ wedding. "The dress looks fine. Rosalie and I were discussing hair is all."

Emmett nodded, twirling one of Rosalie's long locks around his index finger. "Let's go show Esme, then, see what she thinks." He laced his hand into hers and pulled her from the room, leaving Edward and I standing among Rosalie's many immaculate outfits.

"You know she's only making a fuss because she wants the attention, right?" Edward asked with a grin.

"She's used to getting it," I replied, smiling as well.

"Emmett indulges her," he agreed then nodded his head towards the door. "Will you come to my room? I have something for you."

I furrowed my brow and followed him out of the room, seeing exactly what he had for me when we were standing outside his door.

"Edward, you didn't," I tutted. My beloved brother and his unnecessary gifts…it was all too much!

"I assure you, I didn't spend a dime," he said as he opened the door.

I held my tongue, knowing that his gift had to have cost quite a pretty penny, and watched him reach into his closet, coming out with an old wooden box that creaked as he opened it. I waited while he fished out the long box I had already seen him giving me, dusting off the top and holding it out. I pursed my lips, trying to look disapproving and hide my excitement at getting such a gift.

"It's all right to be excited, Alice, I promise I didn't buy it," Edward swore. I finally cracked a little smile and opened the box, all my promised excitement coming on full-force when I saw the beautiful antique pearl-and-diamond bracelet he had given me.

"Oh my…." I could hardly breathe at the beauty of it. Each pearl was immaculate, standing side-by-side with a perfectly-cut diamond, all laid in gold. Edward reached out for the jewels, fastening it around my wrist.

"I heard you thinking about your _something old_," he explained, "and I thought this would suffice, especially since it nearly matches what Jasper's getting you. My mother wore it on her wedding day when she married my father in 1899, and I want you to have it now."

My breath caught in my throat and I could do nothing but think my gratitude and hope he would understand.

"You're welcome," he answered my thoughts, smiling in his shy way. "Another beautiful woman needed to wear it."

I finally found my words. "This must mean so much to you. Do you really want to give your mother's bracelet to _me_?"

"There's no one else I would rather have it." Edward squeezed my hand.

"Thank you," I managed to say.

"Unnecessary," he replied. "I'm glad it can be put to use again."

I threw my arms around his neck, hugging tightly. Whoever was watching over me and my life, they had most certainly blessed me when they gave me Edward.

"Stop, you're embarrassing me."

I squeezed him one last time before pulling back, a smile a mile wide on my face. Edward's mirrored smile flickered for a moment and faded away, making me worried.

"What is it?" I asked. Had Rosalie changed her mind yet again? Would we have to buy another dress just a day before the wedding?

"Jasper's in the library," Edward explained. "You _might_ want to go to him."

I closed my eyes to better see Jasper's frenzied pacing across the room reserved as his study while Carlisle sat near the unlit fireplace trying to calm him down. Edward was right; I _did_ need to go to him. Something was plaguing Jasper, something that maybe only I could calm.

"Thanks again," I murmured, kissing Edward's cheek and hurrying downstairs. I could hear a steady stream of too-quick words coming from beyond the library's closed door and knocked. The sounds stopped abruptly and the door opened.

"Alice." Carlisle stood in the open space, looking rather relieved to see me. "Please, come in."

He opened the door wider, ushering me into the dark, book-filled room. Jasper stood near his desk with his arms folded tight across his chest and his face an imperturbable mask. I immediately crossed to him, putting my hands on his tensed arms to draw them away from his body and put them around me. His body relaxed ever so slightly as I pressed against him.

"What's wrong?" I asked, looking up at his blank face. His eyes met mine, and he couldn't hide the anxiety that poured out of his gaze. He looked away for a brief moment to nod at Carlisle.

"I'll be in my study then," Carlisle said quietly. "You'll have to hurry though, Esme doesn't want you two seeing each other after midnight."

"Thank you, Carlisle," I murmured, still not looking away from Jasper's worried stare. The door made a heavy clicking sound as our father left us alone, and I reached a hand up to stroke the side of my Jasper's face. He closed his eyes as my fingertips skimmed over his temple and sighed.

"What is it, Jazz? What's wrong?" I asked again.

One of his hands seized around my wrist and his eyes flew open; the anxiety was still there, but it was now backed by a frenzy that almost worried me.

"Do you truly want to marry me?" Jasper asked tensely. His hand around my wrist was tight, almost enough so that it hurt. I winced and he eased up slightly, though his eyes were still horrifically worried. I began to get worried too – not that he wouldn't want to marry me, but of whatever had driven him to such treasonous thoughts.

"Jasper Whitlock, are you crazy?" I retorted. "Of _course_ I want to marry you. Why are you even worrying about this? Now, the day before our wedding, of all times?"

He bent so that his forehead was pressed against my own. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry…I just wonder if I can truly believe that you would want me after all I've done to you."

I almost had to stifle a laugh. All he had done to me? "What about my putting you through hell? Making you stick to animals? And the constant moving? You're giving up so much just staying with me, I wonder why you would want to be my husband."

Jasper sighed and moved his lips to press against my skin, keeping them there as he spoke. "I would give up _everything_ for you."

"Freedom?" I asked, half-joking. I could almost feel him roll his eyes above me.

"I'm sorry for every hurt I ever caused you," he said softly.

"I could say the exact same thing."

"_You've_ never hurt me, Alice. Not truly."

"Once again, I could say the exact same thing."

Jasper looked down at me with serious eyes. "And you really want to marry me? You want to give up being a Cullen and be Mrs. Whitlock?"

I stood on tiptoe to kiss him, savoring the way his supple lips gave under my own. "Jazz, I think I've been waiting to be Mrs. Whitlock longer than I've even known who Mr. Whitlock was."

His serious gaze began to twinkle. "That's _Major_ Whitlock, if you please, ma'am."

I giggled as he lifted me high up off the floor until my face was level with his and kissed me. I wrapped my legs around his waist, holding him close, knowing that the next time we would be this close to one another, we would be husband and wife. It was the final step. From the second he had walked into that diner in Philadelphia, through our first kiss in Atlantic City, to our first time together in Ten Sleep, I had been longing to have Jasper body and soul. Now everything would be complete; he would be officially be mine. Our names would be written down in history side-by-side. It was the most wonderful thing I had ever dreamt of…and only slightly scary. But I banished those awful, creeping thoughts away, reveling instead in Jasper's hands at the small of my back and his mouth brushing across my cheek.

I don't know how long we spent necking against the library desk, but we were abruptly interrupted by Esme when there were five minutes to go until midnight.

"You know the groom can't see the bride before the wedding," she said kindly, ushering the both of us out of the room. Esme instructed us to say our goodbyes quickly so I could get into the car. She and I, along with Rosalie, would be spending the day at the hotel and spa in town, preparing for the wedding while the boys had their "lads' day" here at the house.

I wrapped my arms around Jasper's neck, laughing as he lifted me up so my feet were dangling a good two feet from the floor.

"You aren't going to do anything ridiculous, are you?" I asked, trying to sound as if I were entirely joking though a small part of me was rather serious.

"Worried, are you?" Jasper replied with a grin. "No, I already told Emmett we're not going to the burlesque theatre. Besides, why would I want to see any other girls when I'm about to be married to the only one who matters?"

I pulled up so that I could kiss him, one last time before lightly dropping back down to the ground and pulling away. Jasper smiled that special little smile that made my lungs stop working and my heart try to beat and it became hard once again to leave his side, even knowing that by twilight tomorrow, we would be man and wife.

Man and wife. _Wife_. The word seemed to echo in my head. Soon – oh-so-very soon – I would be Jasper's wife. Edward was loading the garment bags containing our dresses into the trunk of Rosalie's Mercedes and smilingly shook his head at my repeated thoughts.

"See you soon, Miss Cullen," he said with a teasing grin, using the name I would have for less than twenty-four hours. I grinned too.

* * *

The hotel was absolutely breathtaking. The room we were ushered into was just as lovely. The spa the next morning was undeniably relaxing.

I didn't notice a whit of it. My mind was occupied with no other thought than the fact that I was soon to become Mrs. Jasper Whitlock.

I could almost _feel_ Esme worrying next to me as I slipped back into the semi-comatose state I had been in during Jasper's absence. Rosalie became surprisingly intuitive and nonchalantly assured our mother that my numbness was only due to my excitement towards the wedding. I nodded in agreement at this explanation, angering the pretty redheaded human who was currently occupied with fitting my veil before reverting back to the deadened state that seemed to make the minutes go by a little faster. I stayed somewhat unconscious as my nails were done and my short hair styled, returning to a present state of mind only when we were back in our room and Esme pulled my beautiful wedding gown from its protective garment bag.

"Are you ready?" she asked excitedly as she held the white dress out towards me.

Once again, I couldn't speak. The numbness had faded enough so that I was aware of my surroundings but it seemed to still be lingering on my tongue. I stayed silent as Rosalie helped lace up the pale blue lingerie I would wear underneath and began to slightly shake as Esme advanced with my gown. She smiled a little and took my hand in hers.

"Don't be nervous, my dear," she urged me. "We both know this is going to be the happiest day of your life."

I smiled wanly. "I'm not nervous, just excited." Truly I was, incredibly, amazingly, intensely excited. And only slightly nervous. Yet I stilled under my mother's comforting hand and allowed her to help me slip into my perfect dress, feeling her cool, comforting hands fasten the many tiny buttons at the back while Rosalie held my veil aloft. Once the dress was buttoned up all the way, Esme spun me around, kissing my cheek in her wonderful motherly way.

"Calm now, aren't you?" she said. I nodded slightly; my body was calm, at least. "I knew you would be. You can't imagine what I was like when I married Carlisle."

"Shaking like a leaf, I suppose," Rosalie joked good-naturedly.

Esme smiled. "A little. But look at how well that has turned out. And even Rose was nervous on her first wedding day."

Rosalie cocked one blonde eyebrow. "Only because the flowers were late."

Esme pursed her lips as if she wished to retort but said nothing, cut off even if she would have spoken by the ringing of the telephone. Rosalie moved to answer it, speaking quickly while Esme finished arranging my veil.

"Alice?" Rosalie called, holding the receiver out towards me. "It's for you."

"For me?" I repeated excitedly. Taking care not to wrinkle my dress, I sat on the edge of the bed and tucked the phone next to my ear. "Hello?"

"Alice."

Even though I knew who it would always be, I would recognize that voice even if I lost my hearing just for the way it made my breath halt in my chest.

"Jasper," I murmured eagerly. All my numbness of the afternoon faded away, every ounce of anxiety gone. I wondered for a brief second if Jasper's gift could carry over a phone line but hardly cared. This phone call was likely the last time I would speak to Jasper before we took that final step towards our eternity together.

"I knew Esme wouldn't let me come up to see you, so I thought a call would be the next best thing," he said, his deep tones making me shiver even through the telephone.

"You thought correctly," I replied. "Where are you? What are you doing?"

"I'm at a gas station," he answered. "We were in Edward's car and he needed to fill up. Are you ready?"

"As ready as ever," I promised. "Are you?"

"I can't wait. Only an hour or so and then we'll be married." I could almost hear his voice thrumming with happiness.

"So does that mean you didn't meet some beautiful exotic dancer?" I joked. Jasper laughed and my heart melted.

"Wouldn't you have been forewarned if I had?"

I laughed too, winding the phone cord around my finger. "I suppose so."

A knock at the door got all our attention, and Rosalie finished zipping up her tight, strapless chartreuse dress before going to open the door. I could envision the young, skinny bellhop standing in the hall before Rosalie even had the lock undone and could see the gift inside the box he held even before he handed it to her.

"We seem to have a delivery," I said into the receiver with a smile in my voice.

"Really?" Jasper played along.

"Hang on, let me open it." Rosalie came across the room to hand me the simple white box adorned with one single yellow rose and a small white card. I opened that first, delighting in the simple, straight handwriting that adorned the heavy paper.

_A-_

_Something new for the new Mrs. Whitlock. My love until the end of time._

_-J_

"Oh, Jasper," I breathed, lifting the box to see the beautiful strand of pearls I knew would be in there.

"You like them?" he asked.

I laughed. "What a silly question."

I pulled the pearls out of the box, fingering their perfect opalescent surface and noting the heavy golden clasp inlaid with tiny yellow diamonds, the exact color as Jasper's well-fed eyes. I smiled at this small unseen detail, glad that I could have one little surprise on my wedding day.

"Alice, I have to go," Jasper said softly. "Edward says it's time...I'll see you soon."

I tried very hard to keep from flying off the bed. "Yes, very soon."

"I love you."

"Not enough…yet."


	42. Your Marriage Comes by Destiny

Carlisle's glossy black Bentley Mark VI was waiting for us at the private exit as we left the hotel, Esme's green, waltz-length taffeta audibly rustling as she slid into the back seat. With my mother's hands in mine and Rosalie holding my skirt, I was able to ease into the car without damaging either veil or dress. Rosalie, looking stunning in her tight taffeta wiggle dress, took the keys from a slack-jawed young valet, hopped into the front seat, and started the engine.

"We'll meet the photographer at the church," Esme announced in a recitative tone as if she were reading directly from her wedding to-do list. A funny look must have come over my face, and she asked what was wrong.

"Nothing, really," I insisted, one hand toying with the pearls at my neck. "I just…I can't remember ever having my picture taken."

It was true. I had lived a solitary and somewhat nomadic lifestyle before meeting Jasper, something that didn't allow for much photography, and I hadn't had a picture taken since we had met. The opportunity had never presented itself until today. I wondered for a brief moment what taking a picture even entailed…

"Really? Never?" Rosalie asked from the front seat. Her voice was filled with incredulity, which made sense, given how many photographs Rosalie had of herself scattered about her and Emmett's bedroom.

"Never," I replied with a shy smile.

"Well then," said Esme, "that makes this day even more special then."

I laughed a little. As if this day wasn't already one of the biggest days of my life!

Rosalie sped along the road at breakneck speed and I watched the scenery fly by outside the window, my mind flying along with it. My nerves were all gone with one phone call from Jasper. I knew, now more than ever, that we were meant to be together in this final step of matrimony. I smiled a little to myself; Jasper and I had been as good as married for over a year now. This simple ceremony only cemented the idea in the eyes of the law. From now until the end of the world, there would be some permanent record of our union. Alice Cullen and Jasper Whitlock's marriage on June 24th, 1950 would be officially recorded, available for all to see. I could have jumped out of the car and run alongside it I was so happy. Let the humans see my speed! I hardly cared. It was my wedding day. I would soon be Mrs. Jasper Whitlock. I would soon have everything I ever wanted.

I could suddenly see Jasper entering the church from a small door in the back, the stroller suit he wore making him look more handsome than ever. I almost laughed at the nerves so apparent on his face and wished I could reassure him that I _would_ be there, I_ would_ marry him…but I knew the only way to do that would be to do nothing more than I was doing now and continue on my way to the church, a small but beautiful little place that was apparently half-filled with faces I almost recognized.

"Esme," I asked as I returned to the present, "who's coming to this wedding? I hardly know anyone outside the family."

Esme pondered this over for a moment, trying to remember. "Carlisle invited some of the neighbors…some of his coworkers at the hospital too."

"Don't forget the ladies from the bridal shop," Rosalie reminded her.

"All those people?" I raised my eyebrows, surprised that so many people were eager to attend my wedding…and only slightly unnerved that something so private would now be so open. "Don't they expect a reception or something afterwards? We haven't booked a hall or bought a cake or – "

"They've already been informed that you're leaving immediately for your honeymoon," Esme answered.

"Haven't you been reading the papers?" Rosalie asked. "This wedding's the talk of the town, Alice. You've been in the society pages for weeks."

Of course I had seen the articles detailing the wedding, pouring over every last detail of my dress and flowers, but I had still thought, somewhere in the back of my mind, that this intimate event would stay that way. I was slightly shocked that these strangers cared so much about me and my life choices, considering how much of my life had been spent in isolation before meeting Jasper. It was strange to see that people I hardly knew were so keen to share in this event. Rosalie was the one who constantly craved attention, not me. Though, I had to admit…it was rather nice for a change.

"If you'd rather them not be there, dear, I'm sure we can arrange that," Esme said suddenly.

"No, no," I insisted. "It's fine. I just wonder why so many people are interested in my boring life."

"It's hardly boring when your dress was ordered from New York and your lingerie from Paris," Rosalie interjected.

Honestly, it was embarrassing all the detail the society pages put into print!

A few guests were walking into the church when the Bentley pulled up to the curb, some I recognized and some I didn't. Dr. McGill and his sickly wife were followed by Mrs. Sloane from the bridal shop and a man I presumed to be her husband. A very dashing-looking Carlisle was standing at the top of the steps, greeting the guests, a man wielding a large camera at his side. If it were possible, I began to feel slightly colder as Esme once again helped me from the car. Carlisle smiled and came over to offer a hand that I leaned upon gratefully, unsure of whether or not my knees would give out in anticipation.

"Alice, you look lovely," he said with a smile as he leaned down to kiss my cheek.

"Thank you," I replied.

"Come, the photographer wants to get some pictures out here before we begin." He gestured to the front of the church where the camera-wielding man was setting his equipment up. I kept my hand firmly in Carlisle's as we walked up to him, Esme and Rosalie close behind carrying the flowers that had been in the car.

"Mr. Wessin, isn't it?" Esme asked over my shoulder. The bespectacled man grinned.

"Yes, ma'am, and you'd be Mrs. Cullen, correct?"

Esme smiled kindly. "We're so happy to have you at our daughter's special day."

I felt her hand slip into mine, squeezing reassuringly as we were arranged before the church, Carlisle and Esme at my sides.

"Smile," Rosalie encouraged quietly from where she stood holding the bouquets of yellow roses she and Esme were to carry. I clutched tighter to mine, fingering the antique handkerchief Esme had wrapped around them as the photographer snapped the first photograph of my life, a very bright affair that would have made my eyes sting if pain were a possibility. A few more shots were taken, Rosalie joining our number, before the short, squat priest came out to greet us.

"Welcome, welcome," Father Lawrence said, his voice warbling like an old bird, and I tried to ignore the fact that he smelled far more delicious than one. He looked at me with piercing blue eyes. "Are you the young Miss Cullen?"

"Yes, I am, Father," I answered, reminding myself just in time to use his honorific.

"And are you ready to be married, Miss Cullen?"

I swallowed the large amount of venom that had accumulated in my mouth and nodded.

"Good, because you have a very nervous young man waiting inside for you." The priest nodded his head towards the door with a smile that I returned. Inside those doors, at the end of that aisle, the most wonderful man in the world was indeed waiting, just for me. My heart suddenly became lodged in my throat.

Now was one of those moments when time sped up. All of a sudden, the doors were opening, and Rosalie and Esme were striding down the aisle lined with people as if they were in a film played at double the speed. I could feel Carlisle threading my arm through his, the motion as fluid and fast as quicksilver, felt my legs moving as we began our trek down the aisle, felt the many eyes watching as we walked.

Then, all of a sudden, time stopped.

I looked up, away from the yellow roses clenched in my hands, away from the many strange blue and brown and green eyes, up to the only pair that mattered, a wide set of beautiful golden orbs that seemed to peer right into my very soul. My heart was still in my throat and my lungs seemed to cease functioning. I was surprised my legs still took me forward and had to lean heavily onto Carlisle's arm as Jasper continued to gaze at me, his eyes saying everything I ever needed to hear. In fact, I didn't hear anything as I came to the end of the aisle and felt Carlisle's lips brush my cheek as he handed me over to Jasper, didn't hear what the priest began to say to us and the crowd sitting in the pews, didn't hear a single word until it came time for Jasper to speak.

Both of his hands were holding tight to mine, our eyes locked as Father Lawrence bid him to say his vows. I already knew what he was going to say; we had been reading them for weeks to make sure they were memorized. Even so, his words made me choke on silent sobs and grip his hands even harder.

"I, Jasper Whitlock, do take thee, Alice Cullen, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, from this day forward until death do us part."

At this part, he smiled down at me, looking handsomer than I had ever seen him.

"Entreat me not to leave you," he went on in a deep voice that made me tremble, "or to return from following after you. For where you go, I will go, and where you stay, I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. And where you die, I will die and there I will be buried."

It was then that I wished our wedding had remained a simple, intimate affair, that the many guests watching weren't there, if only so I could leap into his arms, crying and kissing him like mad.

"And now, Alice, if you will reply," Father Lawrence urged.

I began to repeat Jasper's words, hoping that I had gathered enough strength to say them in a volume loud enough for someone to hear. But that didn't matter. Let my tone be near-silent. Let the entire church strain to hear my voice. It only counted if Jasper could hear it, and from the blissful look on his face, he could indeed.

"I, Alice Cullen, do take thee, Jasper Whitlock, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, from this day forward until death do us part."

And even though the ceremony didn't call for it in the slightest, Jasper raised my hands to his lips as I continued.

"Entreat me not to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go, I will go, and where you stay, I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. And where you die, I will die and there I will be buried."

There was a brief flurry of activity out of the corner of my eye, and I was suddenly wearing another band around my left ring finger. Another sudden movement gave Jasper the same result. A few more words were said, sounds I could hardly hear echoing in the back of my mind, until one rose a little louder than the others.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Jasper's hands moved from mine to cup my face, running his thumb across my cheek. He leaned in, stopping just before me to whisper, "I love you," before our lips met for a dazzling week in the space of a few seconds. Yet another moment and we were striding down the aisle, dodging falling rice and rose petals, heading to the waiting Ford Victoria all strung up with tin cans and toilet paper.

Jasper opened my door and went around to the drivers side, sliding in beside me and promptly taking my hand. I threw his hand aside, settling instead for wrapping my arms around his neck to kiss him once more.

"I love you," I managed to say between kisses. "I love you more than enough."

Jasper laughed against my lips. "Much more than enough, Mrs. Whitlock. So much more."

~*~

Note from the author…

There is one more chapter to go, an epilogue, and I hope you'll enjoy it. Also, I'll be hosting a chat about "You've Kept Me Waiting" on my G-Chat if you would like to join me on Saturday night, September 19, around 7P.M. EST. My screenname can be found on my author page if you want to add!

Thanks for all the support and reviews. In the meantime, happy reading.

-Mandi


	43. All's Well That Ends Well

It's been a lot of fun writing this (again). I hope you enjoyed it! Again, I'll be chatting on G-Chat on Saturday, September 19th around 7 PM Eastern Standard Time if you wanna come say hi or ask questions or whatever. Yyou need to have a Gmail account to chat, but it's easy and free. My SN is on my author page if you're interested. Thank you for reading, reviewing, and everything else.

Happy reading,

M.

* * *

**Epilogue**

_Late August, 2006_

My hands were flying across the keyboard as I attempted to distract myself by editing an inanely misinformed Wikipedia article about the second Battle of Sabine Pass. Having led a battalion to victory there, I figured myself the right sort to make such corrections. It was fairly mind-consuming, this work, and I was beyond grateful for that. Reading one article led to reading another which led to finding more false information which led to my having to correct a lengthy paragraph about Sam Houston.

I paused to lean over and switch the oscillating fan to a higher setting, breathing the freshly manufactured air in deeper. It still wasn't enough to get the blood-drenched scent that permeated the house from my nostrils and I had to stand and stick my head out the window for a few moments just to clear my head. I loved Bella like a sister, truly I did, but this was getting to be too much.

Shrugging such treasonous thoughts aside – and hoping Edward couldn't hear – I turned back to the computer and continued typing, losing myself in the barrage of information that was the Internet. The glaring brightness of the screen soothed me in silence broken only when a pair of light footsteps sounded in the hall.

I could feel Alice before I could see her, a complicated sense of worried excitement. I could smell her too, her intoxicating aroma that quickened my breath and made my entire body alert. I leaned back from the computer screen, swiveling around in my chair to face the door as it flew open. Alice came in to my study, her face bright and breathtaking, and bounded across the room and landed neatly in my lap.

"He did it, he really did it," she said rapidly and kissed my cheek. "He of course regretted it once she started screaming, but Carlisle's going to try the morphine soon, and…what? What is it?"

Her tiny palm came to rest on the side of my face as she peered down at me with those all-knowing eyes, surely seeing exactly what I was thinking. That was what was so intriguing about my Alice, her intelligent, womanly mind so far removed from her small, child-like hands, with her body somewhere deliciously in between. But now wasn't the time to be thinking about that, not when I could smell the last vestiges of my sister's human life lingering in the air. I swiveled the chair around with Alice still on my lap so I could face the fan again and took a deep breath.

"Ah," she said knowingly and moved to curl up against my chest, her head tucked neatly in my neck. I leaned my head ever-so-slightly onto hers, breathing her scent in deeply.

"Do you want to get out of the house, then?" she asked. Her breath was cool against my adam's apple, and I clenched my hand against the armrest of the chair to keep from taking her right there at the desk.

"I won't be weak," I said into her hair.

"It's not weakness. We could just go to the movies. Or the theater, they've started the new season in Seattle. You know how much you love _Les Miserables_."

I chuckled a little. "I believe you're mistaking me for Edward, my dear."

"You know you would go if I asked you," she said, the both of us knowing very well she was right.

"True," I admitted. "That's why I already bought us season tickets."

She moved her head up to look at me, her eyes twinkling and her smile wide.

"See, I knew I picked you for some reason."

These were the moments I lived for. The happy times. Happier, oh-so-much happier than those dark depressing days before we had met. Even happier than the slightly darker days before we had reached the Cullens. And of course happier than those few gut-wrenching times we had been apart.

"Maybe we could go to Jecerae," she suggested suddenly. I pondered the thought; about a year ago, after an embarrassing windfall came our way due to Alice's careful stock market playing, she had gotten permission from Carlisle to make our biggest purchase yet, her own private island off the coast of Fiji. It was a beautiful place, the only place we could stroll about in the sun uninhibited. And as much as I loved seeing Alice stroll about in the sun uninhibited clad in her favorite blue bikini – or in much less when we would go alone – now wasn't the time.

"No?" Alice guessed from my silence.

"Not now," I answered. I didn't want to be the one to give up first. I was sick and tired of being the weakest link. Now that Bella was currently upstairs in Edward's – _her_ and Edward's room, giving up the last trace of her humanity, perhaps things would be easier. For me at least. Bella would be the weak one now, and I –

"Jazz."

She had moved so her head was above mine, looking down at me with a reproachful stare I would expect to see from Rosalie or Esme but never her. I hung my head.

"Sorry," I muttered. Her hands came under my chin, drawing my face up to meet hers.

"Stop being so sullen, Jasper," she ordered. "And don't you dare even _think_ such things around Edward. He's worried enough as it is without you being vindictive."

I sighed and tightened my arms around her waist. "I'm just ready for a change."

It was hardly an excuse. But what was I supposed to say when she was being so bluntly truthful?

"Come out, then," she urged once more. "We can go to Port Angeles or to the shore or anything you want."

"Anything?" I repeated.

"Even the shooting range."

I raised my eyebrows. This was a rare occurrence, her agreeing to accompany me to the one place she refused to go. As deadly as our jaws were, Alice still didn't like the idea of my using a gun.

"Don't look so surprised," she chastised, a little hint of a smile playing on her face and filling me with her jovial teasing. "If it'll make you feel better…well, I'll suffer through it."

Her melodrama almost made me grin. "I would never want you to suffer, my love."

"Then cheer up. Please. Only two more days and we'll have a new sister that you can finally be comfortable around."

I tried hard not to sigh. Maybe Alice was right. Maybe I _did_ need to get away. Two days of being trapped in this blood-soaked house…it felt as if the smell would never recede.

Cool, soft lips touched lightly to my own, moving as she spoke. "What can I do, Jazz? Tell me what you need."

I skimmed my nose across her cheek and down her neck so that, once again, her scent was the one to fill my mind.

"Just this," I murmured against her collarbone, sucking softly at her skin so that she moaned quietly, a sound that never failed to set me stirring. She rearranged her denim-clad legs so that they were straddling mine and pressed her small, lithe frame to my own. My arousal was quickly growing and I wondered if I could handle moving upstairs with my wife, closer to where the still-human Bella was dying, or if we would have to make do with the top of my desk. Alice made the decision for me, reaching a hand behind her to move my laptop before sitting on the desk and pulling my chair close.

My face was still level with her neck and I resumed running my lips up and down her creamy ivory skin as one of my hands surreptitiously snaked up her shirt. She gasped a little and moved her torso so that my fingertips brushed against the tiny concoction of lace-and-satin she wore. I marveled at the way her perfect breasts filled my hands for the billionth time since I had ever touched her, wondering what I had ever done right to be able to possess such a magnificent creature.

The door to the study flew open with a bang and Emmett came striding in, his face wild.

"Jasper, do you want – oh, _crap_!"

He stopped dead in his tracks and clapped a massive hand over his eyes as I repositioned Alice's bra and put my hands in a more appropriate place. We had been caught before (mostly by Emmett and his tendency to burst into rooms unannounced), but we had caught Emmett and Rosalie in far more compromising positions much more.

"Good Lord, Em, do you ever knock?" Alice asked, her high voice deadly. I was almost drowning in her ire.

"Sorry!" he apologized hastily. "Do you want me to leave, or, erm…"

I tried not to laugh at his discomfort. "Open your eyes, Emmett." This was _nowhere_ near as bad as the Schoolgirl Incident.

Emmett cracked open one yellow eye to make sure the coast was clear, opening the other one only after he was sure. There must have been nothing too inappropriate about out positions, Alice sitting on the edge of the desk with her feet on the edge of my chair, my hands resting on her knees and he came a little closer.

"Was there something you wanted to ask?" Alice's tone was still slightly miffed. I bit back another laugh.

"I was going to get out, maybe go see _Snakes on a Plane_," Emmett announced, still slightly uncomfortable and embarrassing; it was near suffocating. "Do either of you want to go?"

Alice fixed him with a Stare.

"I'll take that as a _no_." Emmett slipped a cheeky grin. "You two just go back to doing whatever it was you were doing before."

"Good-_bye_, Emmett," I said forcefully, giving him my own glaring look. At this, our brother chuckled and stepped from the room, firmly shutting the door behind him to ward off any other potential intruders.

"Now," Alice said, using her feet to hook through the arms of the rolling chair and pull me closer to her, "where were we?"

And she picked up right where we had left off, playing with my hands as if I were a marionette and positioning my palm back at her exquisite chest, her own hands drifting down to work on my belt. As hard as it (and I) was, I somehow managed to pull back.

"Not here," I said quickly, now gasping for fresh air so I could slow down the frenzy she was creating inside of me.

"Do you want to go upstairs?" Her small bare foot was rubbing along the inside of my thigh, driving me insane. I pushed the chair back beyond her reach and watched her delicate face turn into a pout.

"I do need to get out of this house," I admitted. "Go pack a bag. I'll get the car."

Knowing she could see the hotel room I was planning on as well as I could, I rose from the chair without further explanation. She hopped down from the desk and hurried out the door so fast that I wondered if I would have time to pull the Porsche out of the garage before she was finished.

I didn't. She was waiting on the porch, looking mock-annoyed with her arms crossed and her toe tapping anxiously as I drove towards the front door, hopping out to help her with the bags and open her door. She smiled, as she always did at my chivalry, but slipped inside without a word. I got into the driver's seat, feeling her anxiety and knowing she would be too distracted to handle the car right now. She settled instead for pressing against my side, her lips at my neck as I started the engine.

"No funny business, now," I ordered. "I don't want to crash."

"Of course not," she agreed with a smile. "I wouldn't want to have to kill you for ruining my car."

I rolled my eyes, knowing she was half-serious. "How's Bella?"

Her lips stopped their enticing trails and I immediately regretted my question.

"The morphine's burning off too fast and Carlisle doesn't want to chance giving her too much," she explained. "Edward's out of his mind with worry…but she'll make it. I can already see that. Let's think about something else."

And she resumed her light kisses, something I wasn't about to argue with. I pressed a little harder on the gas, anxious to get away from the blood-soaked house and into the hotel room.

We both enjoyed these solitary getaways. They reminded us of the special time we had spent alone before the Cullen family had entered our lives. The time of Atlantic City and Boston and Ten Sleep. We had recently returned to that little town in Wyoming to attend Marlene Walsh's funeral, claiming we were relatives of the 90-year-old woman. We had even stopped at the lot where our old house had been and where a crumbling foundation now stood, looking as if it had been abandoned long ago and only frequented by vandals and squatters. Being back there had made me almost long for those simpler times when it was just Alice and me, living life away from the world, away from the young denizens of Forks that made my days such a trial.

When we returned to Washington, I had almost mentioned this desire to Alice. But then I saw her face as she hugged Carlisle and teased Edward and pounced on Emmett's back, and I knew I could never take her from this. Being in this family was like being in heaven for her, and I was in heaven wherever she was. Not a word was said, and I once again realized how special my wife was to me, how devoted I was to her.

Alice was my world. My reason for being. I could give her up as soon as I could give up blood. From the second I had seen her standing in that diner in Philadelphia, I knew she would change my life, and change it she had. My life had begun that day. It would surely end if ever I lost the wonderful, beautiful, bewitching woman that was my wife, my Alice. I would do anything and everything to keep her at my side, even if it meant constant sacrifice and torture. She was worth that. She was worth much more than that.

"Thinking about something important?"

I looked down at the heartbreaking golden orbs twinkling up at me and smiled.

"You might say that."

_**Fin**_


End file.
